LittleB
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Basic Gasstation Etiquette
by LittleB
I wrote this at work today. I work at a gasstation, if you haven't guessed..
1. Always check your pump number before you come inside. If you come in and ask the attendant for gas "on that car over there", and he doesn't know which car you're talking about, it's not because he's stupid. It's because you're a jackass for not checking you're pump number, and he wants to teach you a lesson. So get your lazy ass outside and find out.
2. When your transaction is done, please leave. If the attendant says "Thank you," it doesn't mean "Thank you for your business," it means "Get the f*ck out of here so I can go on reading my book."
3. No multiple transactions, please. Don't come in and get gas, and then magically reappear 10 seconds later holding gum. Come in, get your shit, pay for it along with your gas, get the f*ck out, and don't come back.
4. If you have a question concerning merchandise, please walk up to the attendant, and ask him face-to-face. Don't yell your question into the cooler on the other side of the store. There's no one in there.
5. If you piss on the floor in the bathroom, you'll be shot. If you piss on the walls in the bathroom, you'll be shot. If you piss in the toilet, you'll get a cupcake. Then you'll be shot.
6. If you try and get 5 dollars gas with a 20 dollar bill, and the attendant doesn't have change, it's karma for all those other times you got 5 dollars worth of gas with a 20 dollar bill.
7. If you're not satisfied with your carwash, don't tell the attendant. He doesn't care. Everyone knows that gasstation carwashes suck, and you should be washing your car by hand anyway. You lazy bum.
8. Don't get mad if an attendant checks your 100 dollar bill to see if it's real. They do that to every 100 dollar bill. They're not discriminating against your race or culture. You stupid Mexican.
9. Don't top off. It's dangerous and causes gas spills. You think it's going in your tank, it's actually going out the overflow hole. If you slip in the gas you spill, don't expect the attendant to come out and help you up. Expect him to point and laugh at you.
10. If a bum comes up to you and asks for change, please give him as much as you can. He's a paying customer too, you know.
11. Don't double-park in front of the convenience store. You'll be cursed with seven years bad luck, and that muffin you buy will be unusually stale.
12. No crumpled money, please. What are you, 7? Buy a wallet, jackass.
13. If doing a credit card transaction, please follow the instructions on the little screen. No, they are not written on the Twinkies to your left.
14. If you send your 7 year old in to pay for the gas, don't expect him to get it right. He is your son, after all, and we all know what that means.
15. When you're done getting gas, please take the nozzle out of your car, and put it back in the pump. If you drive off with the nozzle still in your car, wether you like it or not things are going to break.
16. If you threaten to complain to the manager, please, follow through, because the attendant can't wait to hear the manager tell you just how wrong you really are.
17. Don't shoplift. People at other places call the police. Gasstation attendants chase you with a crowbar.
18. Finally, and most importantly: If the station is busy, be quick with your transaction. The attendant hates it when it's busy. In fact, don't come in at all. Don't even slow down to consider pulling into the gasstation.
Believe it or not, #15 actually happens about once a week. Stupid customers :angry:
by LittleB
I wrote this at work today. I work at a gasstation, if you haven't guessed..
1. Always check your pump number before you come inside. If you come in and ask the attendant for gas "on that car over there", and he doesn't know which car you're talking about, it's not because he's stupid. It's because you're a jackass for not checking you're pump number, and he wants to teach you a lesson. So get your lazy ass outside and find out.
2. When your transaction is done, please leave. If the attendant says "Thank you," it doesn't mean "Thank you for your business," it means "Get the f*ck out of here so I can go on reading my book."
3. No multiple transactions, please. Don't come in and get gas, and then magically reappear 10 seconds later holding gum. Come in, get your shit, pay for it along with your gas, get the f*ck out, and don't come back.
4. If you have a question concerning merchandise, please walk up to the attendant, and ask him face-to-face. Don't yell your question into the cooler on the other side of the store. There's no one in there.
5. If you piss on the floor in the bathroom, you'll be shot. If you piss on the walls in the bathroom, you'll be shot. If you piss in the toilet, you'll get a cupcake. Then you'll be shot.
6. If you try and get 5 dollars gas with a 20 dollar bill, and the attendant doesn't have change, it's karma for all those other times you got 5 dollars worth of gas with a 20 dollar bill.
7. If you're not satisfied with your carwash, don't tell the attendant. He doesn't care. Everyone knows that gasstation carwashes suck, and you should be washing your car by hand anyway. You lazy bum.
8. Don't get mad if an attendant checks your 100 dollar bill to see if it's real. They do that to every 100 dollar bill. They're not discriminating against your race or culture. You stupid Mexican.
9. Don't top off. It's dangerous and causes gas spills. You think it's going in your tank, it's actually going out the overflow hole. If you slip in the gas you spill, don't expect the attendant to come out and help you up. Expect him to point and laugh at you.
10. If a bum comes up to you and asks for change, please give him as much as you can. He's a paying customer too, you know.
11. Don't double-park in front of the convenience store. You'll be cursed with seven years bad luck, and that muffin you buy will be unusually stale.
12. No crumpled money, please. What are you, 7? Buy a wallet, jackass.
13. If doing a credit card transaction, please follow the instructions on the little screen. No, they are not written on the Twinkies to your left.
14. If you send your 7 year old in to pay for the gas, don't expect him to get it right. He is your son, after all, and we all know what that means.
15. When you're done getting gas, please take the nozzle out of your car, and put it back in the pump. If you drive off with the nozzle still in your car, wether you like it or not things are going to break.
16. If you threaten to complain to the manager, please, follow through, because the attendant can't wait to hear the manager tell you just how wrong you really are.
17. Don't shoplift. People at other places call the police. Gasstation attendants chase you with a crowbar.
18. Finally, and most importantly: If the station is busy, be quick with your transaction. The attendant hates it when it's busy. In fact, don't come in at all. Don't even slow down to consider pulling into the gasstation.
Believe it or not, #15 actually happens about once a week. Stupid customers :angry:
