Best jokes you heard

[Sulkdodds]

With flashbacks. :x

 

[Llama]

and dont forget the narrators annoying deep voice! :E

 

[Viperidae]

And powerups.

 

[evil^milk]

Lawlz

Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender says : "Hey, want a beer?"
Descartes says, "I think not" and dissappears.

is that one supposed to be random? i don't get it

 

[Beerdude26]

Never learnt Descartes eh

 

[MuToiD_MaN]

...edited for length...
"BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!" and ran over the snake.

Thanks to Shens for that one a while ago.

 

[Beerdude26]

Thanks to Shens for that one a while ago.

Never read that joke. My head started to hurt after the 50st sentence

 

[PunisherUSA]

Never learnt Descartes eh

COGITO SUM

For people with 0 latin...

Spoiler

"I think therefore I am"

 

[Qonfused]

what do you tell a women with two black eyes?

Spoiler

nothin, you already told her twice

how many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

Spoiler

none it should be open when she brings it to you

Those were the best.

 

[gh0st]

this gem from ebaums world

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

 

[MiccyNarc]

this gem from ebaums world

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

Hey! No dead baby jokes!

(PS. ROFL!)

 

[Que-Ever]

gyeaad, I don't even see the point of these threads if there's no dead baby jokes

anyway, all the jokes I know that aren't dead baby or really dirty I've gotten off ebaum's world and the like, so no worth posting them again...

a baby seal walked into a club...

^ok, so I lied.

 

[Jintor]

A Jew is living in his attic with his wife in Berlin during WW2, hiding from the Nazi's. But one day they desperately need food, so the man goes through the streets looking for a place to buy food, when he comes face to face with Adolf Hitler. Hitler immediantly pulls out his gun and points it at the jew, motioning at some horse shit on the ground, and tells the Jew to eat it. When he does, Hitler laughts so hard he drops the gun, and the Jew immediantly grabs it and points it at him, saying 'Now YOU eat the horse shit'. As the Nazi leader gets down on his hands and knees, trembling, to eat the horse shit, the Jew runs home, bursting into his attic and saying:

Spoiler

'Maria, Maria! You'll never guess who i had lunch with today!'