Best man speech

[Sheepo]

Gots to write me a speech for one of my main homies who be gettin' dat sacred matrimony. Gimme some pointers bros.

 

[Viperidae]

Read some Kerouac bro.

I first met [homie's name] not long after my [relative] died... I had just gotten over [ho's name] who I won't bother to talk about except that it really had something to do with meeting [homie's name] and my awful feeling that I would never love a woman again.

I donno. Weedings suck.

 

[Rizzo]

Congratz bud for meeting that woman who sucks the cum out of your cock. She's a keeper. Cheers.

Just go with the footprints in the sand.

 

[Eejit]

Compare the bride and groom to types of pokemons or transformers.

 

[Kula Meenur]

"...and I can still remember that sunny day, when Frank told me he loved the cock."

 

[Shakermaker]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6GPicVYCvs

 

[giant384]

Congratz bud for meeting that woman who sucks the cum out of your cock. She's a keeper. Cheers.

Just go with the footprints in the sand.

He isnt the one getting married.....could still fit though

 

[Sheepo]

Compare the bride and groom to types of pokemons or transformers.

I don't even really like Transformers that much dude. Why you gotta hate?

 

[Danimal]

"Welcome to [chick's] vagina...

...it's safer here."

 

[lame-o]

"Welcome to [chick's] vagina...

...it's safer here."

Yes, because everyone who is hearing the speech is there.

I think just tell a funny story about how amazingly awesome, or not, your friend is and say some kind of truth. Then a nice and detailed good luck.

 

[<RJMC>]

you at the microphone: "I bet they dont last 3 years"

 

[Eejit]

I don't even really like Transformers that much dude. Why you gotta hate?

Compare them to Kerouac characters then.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Rubba-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.

Yay matrimony!

 

[MJ12]

Bro, your like my dude man. Like u always been my tight bro u kno. An like i kno ur gettin married n shit now an dats great man real happy 4 u man but dont 4get u an me gotta tag some hoes sometimes still you know. Like 4 real man ur really tight

 

[Sheepo]

Compare them to Kerouac characters then.

Oh man, I haven't heard you mock Kerouac before! This thread would be such a good oppurtunity for it.

 

[Rizzo]

Yo man im real happy for U and imma let U finish, but Brangelina had the best wedding of all time. OF ALL TIME!

Spoiler

I have no idea if Brad and Angelina ever even married

 

[Smoke]

Stumble on mic drunk, utter "not if I can help it" and fall over.

Video.

 

[Bob_Marley]

"I would like to take this fine opportunity to congratulate [the happy couple] on thier marriage and remind everyone that no charges were ever brought against [friend] reguarding that dead hooker that was found in the boot/trunk of his car."

 

[Eejit]

Oh man, I haven't heard you mock Kerouac before! This thread would be such a good oppurtunity for it.

I'm mocking you doofus

 

[MJ12]

Sing Miracles by ICP.


Edit: But wait, isn't this one of your main homies? So shouldn't ideas on what to write just come pouring out of your brain? Like, don't you have experiences, jokes, and memories and shit like that? I would understand if this is just some dude that is like whateva, but if he is a main homes you just gotta write shit down from ya heart bro.

 

[Stigmata]

Sing Miracles by ICP.

This is now the only legitimate course of action, Sheepo.

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

If you want a really good speech you need one rife with metaphors and symbology and smart shit. Here you go:

Once upon time, say, there was a detective, and this didn’t actually happen of course, but there was a detective in a city where the rain was pushed by the wind until it pointed sideways in the last direction God was seen running towards. The detective was given a particularly interesting case and failed to solve it. Failed, actually, to uncover evidence that anyone had done anything anywhere ever. Later, he would wonder how his life would have been different if he were a plumber and if a slamming door could ever be a term of endearment. The end.

 

[99.vikram]

Sing Miracles by ICP.

It's a little shameful that you know the name of an ICP song... what next, Jonas Brothers?

Regarding the speech, start with: "[friend], remember your promise. Your firstborn is mine."

 

[MuToiD_MaN]

My best man should read this thread for pointers on his upcoming speech ...

 

[MJ12]

It's a little shameful that you know the name of an ICP song... what next, Jonas Brothers?

Music is a lot like love, it’s all a feelin and it fills the room from the floor to the ceilin

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

Magic everywhere in this bitch. (say that in your speech too)

 

[Sheepo]

I'm mocking you doofus

Oh, um... zing?

Edit: But wait, isn't this one of your main homies? So shouldn't ideas on what to write just come pouring out of your brain? Like, don't you have experiences, jokes, and memories and shit like that? I would understand if this is just some dude that is like whateva, but if he is a main homes you just gotta write shit down from ya heart bro.

Yeah, you right n' all, but I fig'red I'd jus' drop dis shit wi' yall n' see if you had any tight ideas dat might get my creative juices flowin', ya feel?

Magic everywhere in this bitch. (say that in your speech too)

Oh shit, mayne, slow down, dis shi' is gold.

 

[knut]

It's a little shameful that you know the name of an ICP song... what next, Jonas Brothers?

Regarding the speech, start with: "[friend], remember your promise. Your firstborn is mine."

the new ICP song is the internets new favourite meme