Blood and Courage: The Final Resistance

[Tollbooth Willie]

Ok so heres my shot at a war story based on HL2, but this depicts my thoughts on the final battle.

Introduction-
....."Tonight on CN News hour, we interview an ex soldier of the City 17 Resistance, who also led the last line of assault on the Combine Outpost, ending the Liberative War." says a reporter, dressed in a black suit and tie.

"Here is tonight's guest of honor, Jiam Satler with his story of Courage, Survival, and Victory."...Crew: " Alright cameras rolling.... and we are on."

Jiam: Thank you. I appreciate you for having me.
Reporter: And its great to have you sir. So, whats your story?
Jiam: There is so much.... I don't know if.....(Reporter interrupts)
Reporter: Oh we have all the time you need! Go on.

Jiam: It was 2008.....(its a STORY so don't freak out.Noone knows when Combine took over)........ me and my Brothers of War had been deployed into City 12, which was where a Combine front had moved in on the Rebel Base 3....

 

[Jintor]

Just a point: In general... this reads like a script. Editor's notes should be more... pronounced.

Also: This reads like a script, trying to be a story (uh, written like a story, that is). It's either one or the other. If you're going for script (I have to say that i think you are, judging by what you've got) then remember the basics: Consistancy, spacing, spelling...

I think it's a good idea, though. Spend more time on it

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Just a point: In general... this reads like a script. Editor's notes should be more... pronounced.

Also: This reads like a script, trying to be a story (uh, written like a story, that is). It's either one or the other. If you're going for script (I have to say that i think you are, judging by what you've got) then remember the basics: Consistancy, spacing, spelling...

I think it's a good idea, though. Spend more time on it

I don't know if this will make sense, but the story fades to script "present day" to explain who is saying what and fades to "past days" to depict whats happening..... I have some HORRIBLE social skills!:cheers:

And thanks for the feedback, I'm already working on Chapter 1.:cheers: