"Do Not Be a Goddamned Liar", from Shit My Dad Says: The Book

[VirusType2]

Killer read: Do Not Be a Goddamned Liar.

(An excerpt from Shit My Dad Says: The Book)

http://shitmydadsays.com/

"Look, we're basically on earth to shit and ****. So unless your job's to help people shit or ****, it's not that important, so relax."

"No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."

"They're offended? ****, shit, asshole, shit****; they're just words...Fine. Shit**** isn't a word, but you get my point."

I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad.
He is awesome.
I just write down shit that he says.

Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching—and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny and addicting book.

Justin Halpern’s dad is up there with Aristotle and Winston F*cking Churchill. He's brilliant, and his son's book is absolutely hilarious.

 

[Darkside55]

This stuff is gold. And the book is less than $10 at Amazon right now.

 

[Ravioli]

"Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a ****ing parade every time i take a piss."

hahahha, great stuff.

 

[Lucid]

"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."

I'm definitely buying this book.

 

[Bad^Hat]

"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My dick's huge before you screw. Even if you're right you sound like an asshole."

Nice.

 

[VoXQuA]

“Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the ****ing back."

Amazing. Anyone who says pecker is alright by me.

 

[Dog--]

I seen this at the book store a few days ago and was going to buy it but had no money...

 

[Danimal]

Could you not afford it because of how lame you are?

 

[CyberPitz]

Just ordered.

 

[Dog--]

Could you not afford it because of how lame you are?

No, I bought World War Z and the Zombie Survival Guide instead.

 

[Emporius]

"“You seen my cell phone?...What’s it look like? Like two horses ****ing. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone.""

 

[YROC]

Gonna buy this soon.

 

[Danimal]

No, I bought World War Z and the Zombie Survival Guide instead.

Lame.

 

[FISHY CRACKERS]

The zombies will get you, nonbeliever.

But yeah, this looks good enough to get. Or at least to keep up with this thread so you can all keep quoting.

 

[Jintor]

If I see this in a bookstore, I will buy it

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Lame.

Hey now, Max Brooks is not just a hip contemporary fiction writer, he's actually kinda good!

 

[Sheepo]

Purchased on Kindle last night and I've read over half of it. That is an indication of quality, not length.