F My Life

[Hectic Glenn]

I can't stop reading this site daily, we spent hours in the HL2.net chat room yesterday pasting random entries from this site. I love it: http://www.fmylife.com/

Basically, people post short anecdotes which have happened to them causing them to hate their life...or FML. I've spent hours on there

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I feel in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

One of my favs:

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

Post your favourites!

 

[Darkside55]

One tab: FML
Another tab: Not Always Right

this is not good. I'm going to be stuck here forever.

FML.

 

[FireStarter]

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

That's just sad in general. D:

EDIT: Shit, Darksayd is right.

 

[Barnz]

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I feel in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

D:

char

 

[Darkside55]

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

ADORABLE.

d'awwwwwcaps

 

[FireStarter]

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I am positive I will be bawling by the time I reach the end of these damn thigns.

 

[Darkside55]

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

Oh this is just angering.

 

[kineaesth]

I can't stop reading this site daily, I spend hours in the HL2.net chat room pasting random entries from this site.

I fixed it for you, OP.

 

[Darkside55]

F Glenn's Life.

 

[Remus]

Reading through these I was like: *cringe*, D: ,*cringe* D: etc.

 

[FireStarter]

Today, was the first time I saw a man's sex organs in real life. I was in anatomy dissection class and had to pull the cadaver's testicles out of his scrotum. FML

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

I feel sorry for that poor dead person.

EDIT:

Today, I hung out with a friend who has been too busy to hang out with me in a few months. I decided to make the day super special with fun plans and spent a lot of money doing so. When I got home, her facebook status said "Pointless day, gone to bed". FML

Oh yeah, definitely bawling.

 

[Dog--]

Today I went on this FML site and realized most people here have gotten more action than I ever have. FML

 

[FireStarter]

Today I went on this FML site and realized most people here have gotten more action than I ever have. FML

Today, I decided that work was too boring, so I came onto this FML website. My boss saw me posting that work was killing me and fired me on the spot. FML

D:

/5char

 

[Viperidae]

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

/stitches

 

[FireStarter]

/stitches

Stitches is a bear.

I think.

he's a bear in Ruby Quest, but I never saw him in Animal Crossing.

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

WAAAAAAAAAAAH- sob sob sob

;_;

 

[Reginald]

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML

Today, my co-worker came out to me that he's an active "Furry". Meaning, he likes to wear a Bobcat costume and bang other men who are wearing Husky costumes. I am never bringing my dog into work again. FML

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much turkey at a family reunion. When I looked around the room over 20 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

HAH!


Too short? How much more do you want me to laugh?

 

[Reginald]

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

Very apt.

 

[FireStarter]

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she proceeded to do nothing, and went back to bed. FML

Ow, my heartstrings. I think they just snapped in two.

 

[staticprimer]

Today, the girl I love and I went to visit my parents out of state for the first time. My father grinned and acknowledged that she was a "keeper", at which she laughed and said we were "just friends". I was going to propose to her next week. FML

I cried.

 

[Krynn72]

Lets do our own in this thread!

Yesterday we ran out of toilet paper so I waited until my roomate noticed so he would go buy some for the first time in 3 months. So when I came home from work today he was taking a shit. There is still no toilet paper in the bathroom. FMR

 

[FireStarter]

I agree with Krynn!

Today, I realized that after all my troubles and depression in life I've wanted nothing more than to die without actually kill myself. I now see that this is not going to happen for around 60 years if I'm lucky, and there's only one alternative to dying naturally.

I'd put FML, but it's kind of redundant at this point.

 

[Krynn72]

Today I read some of FireStarter's posts. FML

 

[FireStarter]

Today I decided to apologize to the forum for making the members depressed because my life is terrible. Yeah, didn't go over so well. I ended up being laughed at because of my Tragedies as well as others', and all in all it made me feel worse.

FML and such.

 

[Darkside55]

I never laughed at your tragedies. F your--no. No, c'mere.

*hug*

 

[Reginald]

Today... or maybe a couple of weeks ago, I applied for 12 jobs and didn't hear back from one of them. But now I spend most of my time round my gf's house mooching off her food and hospitality and money doesn't seem that important any more. FTW

 

[FireStarter]

*has no idea what just happened*

Did... Did Darkside just hug me? I don't know whether to 'yay' or go take a shower.

/me looks at my hands with a confused look

 

[Dog--]

*puts his dick in firestarters hands*

Now who's confused, bitch.

 

[Darkside55]

Don't fight it. Just accept my hug. It's completely manly.

That's only my hand on your ass, don't worry about it.

 

[FireStarter]

D:

D:

/ohgodwhychar

I accept the hug. I'm too much of a woobie to fight back anyway.

 

[Laivasse]

Before Christmas, my American girlfriend of 1.5 years begged me to book another trip out to see her because she couldn't bear to be without me any longer. I fly out this Friday, getting there neatly for Valentine's day. I'll be carrying a bunch of little gifts for her from me and my family. The day before yesterday she told me she thinks it's over, because I don't want kids. FML

 

[Jintor]

For four months now the internet and its effect on my relationships has confused the **** out of me. FML.

 

[kineaesth]

Before Christmas, my American girlfriend of 1.5 years begged me to book another trip out to see her because she couldn't bear to be without me any longer. I fly out this Friday, getting there neatly for Valentine's day. I'll be carrying a bunch of little gifts for her from me and my family. The day before yesterday she told me she thinks it's over, because I don't want kids. FML

Yikes, I feel sorry for whoever that is.

 

[Laivasse]

Aye, poor suckah.

 

[Sulkdodds]

I think what this really seems to reveal is how many people hang around with other people who are completely horrible.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

Excellent.

 

[Steel.Inferno]

I think what this really seems to reveal is how many people hang around with other people who are completely horrible.

/agree... And it also shows the benefit of stopping to think for a second before one speaks.

 

[Eejit]

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "**** you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

Hahaha, awesome.

 

[Sparta]

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs to the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

****ing ouch.

 

[Eejit]

Seems a whole lot of people are cheating ho-bags.

 

[Bad^Hat]

I think what this really seems to reveal is how many people hang around with other people who are completely horrible.

Also, the more I read, that people are really mean to overweight people in a completely oblivious way. I mean yeah, joke about it maybe, but have some ****ing tact.

Although, some of them seem to feel the same way -

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

Edit: There needs to be a "stop your ****ing whining" button -

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML