First try at fan fiction

[halflifeguy]

This is my first try at writing a fan fiction story.
Any opinions would be greatly aprciated




The Independence War




Bruce looked down the sights of his MP5 and waited..........waited for anything to happen. He and his squad were taking cover against a stone wall in the middle of City 17 square. Bruce quickly rubbed his eyes quickly while still starring down the sights of his weapon. It had been a long day........... a very long day.
Ever since Gordon Freeman’s return, resistance uprisings had become a common thing. Left and right Combine patrols were getting ambushed, storage warehouses were getting raided, and headquarters for combine soldiers were getting bombed. Every day was the same thing; that is until Gordon Freeman destroyed the Citadel’s Dark Fusion Reactor. With out this they could not teleport re-enforcements from their home world. Every day after that the fighting that once seemed worthless, now had a meaning. Although almost half of the Citadel still stood and its still churning out soldiers, gunships, striders, and metro-cops, half the amount of these are coming out.
Resistance is not only taking place in City 17, but all around the world. Most of the Citadels around the world are destroyed like the one in City 17.Yes....... the human race has been enduring the Combine for 2 long years now, since the portal has been destroyed and now the fight seems to be coming to a dramatic close. The fight the resistance members are taking part in is to be called in the future........The Independence War.
Bruce blinked a few times and continued to stare at the City square ahead of him. He and his squad were waiting to ambush a convoy of Combine weapons and supplies making they’re way to a Combine outpost farther down the road. Seeing nor hearing the convoy, Bruce sits back down and checks his equipment for the battle that lies ahead. He checks the pouches on his tactical vest to see how many magazines of ammo he has left. 5, not including the ones for his sidearm. Remembering he has no rounds left in his Berreta, he takes it out of his holster, presses the mag release lets the empty one fall out and slides a fresh one in. He stops just as he finishes counting is grenades.
Faintly, he can hear the engines of 2 Combine APCs coming down the street. Bruce quickly picks up his MP5, pulls back on the cocking handle and waits for the convoy to drive closer.

 

[eatbugs]

I like it. Well written except for a few mistakes apart from that it's great!

remember..

 

[halflifeguy]

Another chapter is on it's way

 

[halflifeguy]

The new chapter is here


Chapter 2
“A little R and R”



“John, you fire first. Try and hits the turret on the top.” Bruce was talking to his younger brother, John. He and John had been through it all together. They lived in a scummy tenant building after their parents had been taken away to be used as slaves. They’re older brother, Terry, had been publically executed due to a miss-count in the building. Bruce and John mad it they’re personal goal to avenge they’re parents and brother by fighting in the resistance.
The convoy had entered the square and was now heading towards the resistance group. “Nobody fires until John does!”Bruce whispered. John raised his RPG and aimed the laser guide over the turret of the leading APC. He took a deep breath and fired. The rocket flew out of the launcher, leaving a trail of dust in it’s wake. It careened into the turret and destroyed it with a fiery explosion. Gunfire erupted all around Bruce. The Combine soldiers patrolling next to the APC fell as bullets hit their chest and face. The soldiers inside the APC returned fire. Several of Bruce’s friends were hit. 2 were saved, because of the kevlar body armor they were wearing, but the other one was shot through the heart and fell to the ground with blood gushing out of the wound and mouth. The second APC was struck on the side by another rocket but did not damage it. It’s turret opened fire on the group. Bruce unclipped a grenade from his vest and ran out into open fire. With John covering him, he runs towards the APC firing upon the fighters. Dodging gunfire left and right he makes his way up to the APC, pulls the pin from the grenade and chucks it through a porthole. Struggle from inside the vehicle could be heard to get the grenade out before it detonated. The attempt failed and an explosion sounded out from within the APC.
There was an erie silence as the gunfire ceased. Bruce stood up from his ducking posistion and looked around. Combine soldiers were strewn all over the road and a few resistance fighters lay dead next to the stone wall. “Hey Bruce! I think we hit an officer. Should I check him documents?”
“Sure John! All the rest of you unload the shipments of weapons from the back of the APCs.” Bruce walked over to the back of the leading APC and opened up the doors. “The captain is going to happy with this shipment John! We got 2 crates of MP7s, 20 boxes of ammo, 3 RPGs, a cache of grenades, and a shipment of head-set radios”. Bruce handed the weapons to his squad to be taken back to HQ.
Just then the engine started up. “Bruce!” John yelled, “They still work! Lets take them back to headquarters”
“Good call John. Alright you guys, lets put the weapons back in.”As soon as all the supplies were back in the APC, Bruce hopped in the back and enjoyed the long ride back to HQ.




Bruce walked out of the elevator and into the resistance HQ storage sub-basement. Every single type of weapon was down there. Everything was taken from dead Combine soldiers or abandoned outposts. You name, we got it. Barney Calhoun was down there also, probably checking up on food supplies, water, ammo etc. Barney was part of the Black Mesa Incident or otherwise known as “The Dark Beginning”. A resonance cascade was created opening a portal between Earth and a alien world, Xen, which was under the control of the Combine at the time. The Combine came through the portal and never stopped coming. By the time the portal at Black Mesa was destroyed, the Combine had already taken over earth and had built Citadels to act as their portals. Barney was also very good friends with Gordon Freeman, the hero of the resistance. Having Barney lead the resistance gave everybody a good feeling inside.
“Hey Barney! I got some more weapons for ya!” Bruce yelled. “ Alright, thanks. Just set the down over there. I’ll get to them in a minute.”
Bruce walked over to a crate of Pulse rifles and set down the captured weapons next to it. “Jeez, Bruce you look horrible. Looks like you could use a vacation; a little R an R, ya know what I mean?”
“Yeah Barney,” Bruce replied “Its just been a really long day for me. I think I’m gonna go catch up on some sleep.”
“Alright buddy.” Barney laughed “Hey, catch me later! I’ll buy ya a beer!”
“Will do”Bruce waled into the elevator and pushed the button for the dormitories. Boy........was that dormitory a sight for sore eyes. He briskly walked over to his old, dirty cot and just fell into it’s sour sheets like a dead tree in a hurricane. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.


Bruce and John were living with they’re family again in that crummy apartment that could barely hold 3 people, let alone 5. Bruce hated everything about the place. The roaches, the rats, the lack of food, that damn tv in the den that spurted out disgusting Combine propaganda. There were apartment raids at least once a week. They havent raided their apartment yet but they seem to be getting closer and closer. Ever since the Combine invaded Earth, life has been a living hell. That stupid idiot that calls himself “Dr.Breen” keeps telling us that “This is a change for the better,” and “Our benefactors are on peaceful matters.” Everything he says is complete and utter bullshit. Bruce hated that man since the day he saw him. They can unplug the tv either, for if they do the metro-cops will raid your apartment and send you all to Nova Prospekt for re-education.
Then came the day Bruce’s, John’s and Terry’s parents were taken away. A law was passed that stated “ The minimum amount of people in an apartment can not exceed 3 or any people over that amount will be taken and used as slaves for manual labor.” When the metro cops came to count the amount of people they hauled off they’re mother and father. 3 months later another apartment population law was passed, this time limiting it to 2. Again the metro-cops came and raided the apartment, but this time everybody in the tenant building was gathered out into the street. Terry, along with 3 others from the crowd were taken and lied down in the middle of the street. A Combine officer un holstered his pistol and fired the first round into Terry’s head. He did the same to the other 3. The dead bodies were picked up and thrown into the back of an APC. Where they lay was a lake of brains and blood. The Combine officer re-holstered his sidearm and shouted “Maybe the deaths of these 4 citizens will convince you to obey the rules of the mighty Combine! You will get more of the same if you continue to ignore the laws!”
After Bruce and John returned to their apartment, they couldn’t stop crying. The only family they’ve ever known was now gone. Those alien bastards took their loved ones away from them for no apparent reason. John had overheard 2 citizens talking about joining the resistance against the Combine. Bruce and John wanted nothing more than to than to get revenge against the Combine. So, not caring that they would be considered traitors against the Combine and would be put to death if caught, left that crummy apartment behind a joined the resistance.

 

[halflifeguy]

Nice and long chapter filled with suspense should be coming in a day or 2

 

[sniper wolf]

pretty good other then a few spelling errors and you should change the way you use some of the verbs such as where you wrote "he runs toward the APC firing upon the fighters". It would sound much better if you used ran instead of runs. There were a few other places where it is like that, but overall it is still pretty good. :thumbs: