Fortune Cookie Fortunes...

[Brian Damage]

I enjoy the odd fortune cookie, but the fortunes inside always seem to be lacking in inspiration...

A little while ago, though, I came upon an old copy of MAD magazine which had some rather droll fortunes one one page. Things like:

"Make a pass at the waiter!"

"It's cancer."

"It's not cancer."

"Your fly is undone."

"Help, I'm being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!"

"42"

"By reading this fortune, you agree that you are now the property of the Hong Foo Wing Fortune Cookie Company."

"Your bill totals $143.29. Have A Nice Day."

"You know those "Pig Balls" you just ate? That wasn't a humourously foreign misnomer..."


So how about it? Let's make up some funny fortunes. I've got the recipe for the darn cookies somewhere. I might make some sometime soon...

 

[Lil' Timmy]

"The Matrix has you."

"Leave the 'Package' in the third stall from the right."

"I have your family, the ball is in your court."

"This batch of cookies has been recalled due to the cyanide."

"Thank you for shopping at Walmart."

 

[Brian Damage]

That's the ticket.

Let's see...

"I know what you did last summer."

"100% recycled paper."

"The cookies are made of people!"

"Confucious say: He who take advice of little bit of paper need to get out in sun more."

 

[MAx]

"Luck is with you tonight. Buy some lottery tickets (sold at your nearest chineese resturant)"
"Thank you come again"

 

[SLH]

"buy another cookie"

 

[CptStern]

" you will die a horrible horrible death"



.....do you think that means something? I'm scared ;(

 

[Lil' Timmy]

"Don't turn around!!"

"Half-Life 2 was delayed again."

 

[Sulkdodds]

"There is a man under your table. When he emerges, play along."

 

[Ames]

"Yes."

:O The mystery!

 

[Maxi]

"What you take is what you give"

 

[Direwolf]

I got one the other day that said I'd make a good lawyer.

 

[Bullseye]

"7 days"

muawhahahaha

 

[Dalamari]

"I'll be waiting in the back seat"

"Your panties smell nice" (for women only of course)

"5..4..3..2..1" **other person's cookie** "Boom...."

"That creamy stuff in your soup wasn't egg...."

 

[Death.Trap]

I got a fortuen cookie today, it didn't have a fortune in it. =(

 

[AntiAnto]

"No, don't even think about it, you CAN'T run on your hands."

 

[Moto]

"Half-Life 2 has been delayed...again...permanently." :O

 

[ailevation]

:dozey:

*me cracks cookie*
... ... ... ...

*me eats cookie*

... ... ... ...

*me looks at fortune*



You just ate your mother, she's delicious eh?

 

[<RJMC>]

"if you read this paper you are gay"

 

[SpuD]

"That wasnt chicken"

But that ones popular, I didnt make it up.

 

[TinyKilbasa]

"A man and his money are soon parted"
or

"you will feel like take out tonight"
I actually found this one, hee hee!

 

[f|uke]

"Help, I'm being held hostage in a cookie factory!"
(not mine)

Remember, kids, the unwritten suffix to all fortune cookie fortunes is "-in bed."

 

[dream431ca]

"don't kick the baby"

"barney the dinosaur owns you!"

"kids...don't read this or your teletubby friends will make use of the butterknife on the table"

"satan is coming"

"is that a mirror in your pants or can I see myself in them"

"you know the desert you just ate was grounded up molding cow guts?"

"cheating on your wife is bad"

"Half-life 2 is in the barbie box beside the porn videos at walmart"

 

[Jack_Karverboy]

Mr. Chang isnt happy with you, Mr. Wong


sorry, best I could think of right now

 

[DreamThrall]

I had a good one in my wallet, but it fell out the other day and I can't remember what it said

 

[CyberSh33p]

"barney the dinosaur owns you!"

...friday night in bed

 

[Danimal]

"Anger is a state of mind, not a state of bulgaria"

"Help me! I am trapped in a fortune cookie oven!"

"Tip excessively for good luck"

"5, 11, 12 ,23 ,29, 33, 41,
Supplimentaries 2, 19"

"The snake must always lie down to drink - old chinese board game instructions"

"Don't pay the ferryman. Use the bridge"

"A wise man with no arms wears underwear that does not itch"

"Avoid encounters with crazed men with cut-throat razors chainsaws/meat cleavers they mean you no good"

"Tested on animals and failed"

"Exhibit A"

"Q. Why are they called fortune cookies?

A: You pay $3, we make a fortune"

"Laugh at yourself and join in with all around you"

"This page intentionally left blank"

"Beware the mysterious, curly-haired one called Kieth. For he is a complete dickhead"

"Other side please"

"The older you get, the more aged you become"

"When the hungry lion lies down with the lamb, only one will be getting up again."

"If you have read this, you must get to the hospital immedietly in the next 24 hours"

"No, you are not insane"

"No-one reads these anymore"

"You are on TV, play along"

"Life is better with Jesus around"

"This is an ATi voucher. Expiry date: 30/12/03"

"Trust CNN, trust CNN, trust CNN"

"Cookie confectionary

Ingredients: sugar, sugar, sugar, old chinese newspaper, food colouring (684,666,3:16,984,1222,443535,1,0.0005)"

 

[johnnypoopoopant]

for a second here i thought those were real fortune from a fortune cookie...im too dumb to think of any

 

[HunterSeeker]

"This cookie was baked in blood, sweat and tears."

"Your only chance is to find <Random name here>"

"If you sit in a car ever again you will die"

"They are coming."

 

[Bad^Hat]

"Exhibit A"

Haha, best one yet.

"Gman is actually Gordon from the future"

"Kill.... mee...."

"SPOILER: (highlight to read)"

 

[Bad^Hat]

:dozey:

*me cracks cookie*
... ... ... ...

*me eats cookie*

... ... ... ...

*me looks at fortune*



You just ate your mother, she's delicious eh?

Na-na-na-na-naaaaaa-nah, I made you eat your parents.

 

[we11er]

"I'm coming for you"

"I just ate your baby"

"Do you like cheese?"

"You will die in a freak yachting accident in three weeks time. Seriously, I'm not joking. No - really I'm not."

 

[we11er]

Na-na-na-na-naaaaaa-nah, I made you eat your parents.

Hehe - seen the relevent Southpark episode? One of the best ones ever made.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Hehe - seen the relevent Southpark episode? One of the best ones ever made.

Yeah, it was great

"Do you spit or swallow?"