Good ways to get away with murder?

[Beerdude26]

Right guys, I've got a corpse lying in the hall below, he followed me from a party (I live like 100 metres from it) and we had an argument about me "eying up his girlfriend". He was drunk and pulled a knife. We struggled, and he hit me in the arm. I took it out and did a random stab, it got him straight in the chest. He wasn't moving anymore and no one knows this happened (my parents are away to Spain for this weekend). Seeing as I can't really trust anyone else, I need your help. Get me out of this situation and I'll be forever in your debt and do anything you ask (sexual favours not included).

How awful. I'm sitting here joking about sexual innuendos while I just killed someone. But I'm not going to go to jail, I've got my whole life ahead of me. Get me some techniques to clean this mess up, asap. By the way, I'm just kidding. I got the idea from this post.

 

[Remus]

By the way, I'm just kidding. I got the idea from this post.

No I believed you:upstare: Duh

 

[Gray Fox]

Ammonia is good at removing blood or atleast making it impossible to use for DNA tests.
Best thing would be to take the body in the bathroom, now if you have a lot of time you can buy acid and solve the body in the bathtub, then clean it with ammonia, otherwise you need to cut it in pieces, and take each part an dump it in trashcans across the city.

 

[15357]

Join the Army. (j/k, no offense to anyone )


Alright, assuming that you have enough time, close all the blinds and windows. Get duct tape. Wrap the body up in ductape, as thick as you possibly can. Now, for the blood: Use alchohol, drain cleaner, acetone, and any industrial strength acids and alkalis that you can find (ammonia is good). Then rip the carpet out and burn it.

Now the body remains. Your fully ductaped body should have been ductaped so that you could disguise it as a piece of furniture (like a newly delivered coat hanger). Get it in the car. Drive at least 70 kms away from the site (thats probably where teh jurisdiction of your local and sub-provincial police ends). Find a VERY isolated spot, get an axe and chop up the body into 2 dozen parts, making sure that you wear gloves and a mask. Now, get gasoline, burn the pieces for 3+ hours (bodies do burn that long), and bury it as deep as you can, seperately, over a 4km radius..

Now creat an alibi, and if you still feel unsure, get a passport and fly away to Holland.

 

[Beerdude26]

Now creat an alibi, and if you still feel unsure, get a passport and fly away to Holland.

I think I'll just walk to Holland. I live in Belgium.

 

[MiccyNarc]

How much blood? If there's not much blood you're off to a good start. Now, what related to his murder did you touch aside from the knife? Basically, find a way to get rid of anything with fingerprints on it. You said he stabbed you, right? Okay, whipe off the knife with flannel, I've heard that gets rid of finger prints. Wear gloves for all of this.
As soon as you read this, roll him over onto his stomach. That way the bruising that results from death won't be a dead giveaway if it's on his front instead of his back. Type up a suicide note, using whatever you know about the guy to your advantage. Stick it in one of his pockets. Take the body someplace you know the area where you live better than I, insert the knife into the wound, and roll him over onto it.
Then GTFO. Hopefully it will be a while before athorities figure out it's a homicide, not a suicide.

 

[Remus]

I'm afraid to ask but Numbers how exactly do you know all that?

(Childhood fantasy: become serial killer:rolling: )

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

I actaully thought your were serious for a moment. D:

 

[CrazyHarij]

Join the Army. (j/k, no offense to anyone )


Alright, assuming that you have enough time, close all the blinds and windows. Get duct tape. Wrap the body up in ductape, as thick as you possibly can. Now, for the blood: Use alchohol, drain cleaner, acetone, and any industrial strength acids and alkalis that you can find (ammonia is good). Then rip the carpet out and burn it.

Now the body remains. Your fully ductaped body should have been ductaped so that you could disguise it as a piece of furniture (like a newly delivered coat hanger). Get it in the car. Drive at least 70 kms away from the site (thats probably where teh jurisdiction of your local and sub-provincial police ends). Find a VERY isolated spot, get an axe and chop up the body into 2 dozen parts, making sure that you wear gloves and a mask. Now, get gasoline, burn the pieces for 3+ hours (bodies do burn that long), and bury it as deep as you can, seperately, over a 4km radius..

Now creat an alibi, and if you still feel unsure, get a passport and fly away to Holland.

the expert speaks.

 

[Remus]

I actaully thought your were serious for a moment. D:

Yeah but then Stern would have another moron of the day award to give.

 

[The Monkey]

Call the cops and say you killed a man in self-defence.

OR

Eat the body.

 

[Sir Phoenixx]

Good ways to get away with murder?
...
He was drunk and pulled a knife. We struggled, and he hit me in the arm. I took it out and did a random stab, it got him straight in the chest.

If this situation was real, you wouldn't have had to hide anything, just call the police and an ambulance. From what you described, that's not murder, that's called self defense.

 

[lePobz]

The best way to kill someone is a world away from the best way to get rid of a body.

The joy of killing someone properly is that you don't have to hide any bodies - everybody believes it was just an accident.

 

[Darkside55]

No matter what you do, you won't get away with murder. Goren will find you.

 

[CptStern]

pffft amateurs

"look honey I have something to show you in the basement ..watch your step, the lightbulb is burned out <shove> ...whoopsie, that was a bad fall .. here let me just wipe my boot tread from your ass"

 

[kirovman]

I would have got my gun out and waved it about screaming.

It's usually the best way to handle these kind of situations.

 

[lePobz]

I would have got my gun out and waved it about screaming.

It's usually the best way to handle these kind of situations.

It's the best way to handle any situation, really.

By Gun, I take it you mean Penis? Uh huh.

 

[CyberPitz]

Join the Army. (j/k, no offense to anyone )


Alright, assuming that you have enough time, close all the blinds and windows. Get duct tape. Wrap the body up in ductape, as thick as you possibly can. Now, for the blood: Use alchohol, drain cleaner, acetone, and any industrial strength acids and alkalis that you can find (ammonia is good). Then rip the carpet out and burn it.

Now the body remains. Your fully ductaped body should have been ductaped so that you could disguise it as a piece of furniture (like a newly delivered coat hanger). Get it in the car. Drive at least 70 kms away from the site (thats probably where teh jurisdiction of your local and sub-provincial police ends). Find a VERY isolated spot, get an axe and chop up the body into 2 dozen parts, making sure that you wear gloves and a mask. Now, get gasoline, burn the pieces for 3+ hours (bodies do burn that long), and bury it as deep as you can, seperately, over a 4km radius..

Now creat an alibi, and if you still feel unsure, get a passport and fly away to Holland.

That was a really good idea, actually.***ns along with my backup plan. But my original isn't that bad. What I'd do is kill the person...burn the body for a period of time...burn the flesh and everything into ashes, leaving the bones. Then grind the bones into a fine dust....Then just go into a large forest where nobody is around in the middle of the night and just lightly sprinkle the "dust" around the forest throughout the night.

 

[Evo]

I'd go with the eat the body idea, then Pitzy's bone theory

:naughty:

 

[JNightshade]

...I'm stoned, so I'm confused. Is this all a joke, or it true? If it is... D:

that said, if it is, you oughtta turn yourself in. Chances are, you'll be caught otherwise, and it's a lot better to turn yourself in and plead self-defense (which is the case here) then be caught hiding a body.

EDIT: oh man, am I ever baked

 

[Beerdude26]

...I'm stoned, so I'm confused. Is this all a joke, or it true? If it is... D:

that said, if it is, you oughtta turn yourself in. Chances are, you'll be caught otherwise, and it's a lot better to turn yourself in and plead self-defense (which is the case here) then be caught hiding a body.

EDIT: oh man, am I ever baked

This is an epic post.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Get yourself one of these. No more bodies! Or... walls...... or arms.............

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Chop up the bodies, feed 'em to the gators, chop the gators up, throw them in a trash bag, incinerate them, then feed the ashes to a gator and cut that mother ****er up and incinerate it, then feed the ashes to a cat, then incinerate the cat and eat the ashes, then go find a cliff and jump off of it.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED RETURN TO BASE

 

[Jintor]

What you do is you take the body, you take a kangaroo's body, throw it on a fire, pulverise it in a dolly pot, and scatter it to the winds.

Or even better, make it the focus of a pyramid scheme.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Step 1. Take body
Step 2. Take kangaroo's body
Step 3. Throw on fire
Step 4. Pulverise on dolly pot
Step 5. Scatter to winds
Step 6. ????
Step 7. No more body!

 

[15357]

I think I'll just walk to Holland. I live in Belgium.

rofl// haha

I'm afraid to ask but Numbers how exactly do you know all that?

(Childhood fantasy: become serial killer:rolling: )

I work part time as an assasin.

the expert speaks.

That was a really good idea, actually.***ns along with my backup plan. But my original isn't that bad. What I'd do is kill the person...burn the body for a period of time...burn the flesh and everything into ashes, leaving the bones. Then grind the bones into a fine dust....Then just go into a large forest where nobody is around in the middle of the night and just lightly sprinkle the "dust" around the forest throughout the night.

Yeah, yeah, the bones might not disintegrate.


And for the knife: wipe it with a tissue, burn the tissue, and place the knife in a restaurant.