Got a little problem with girlfriend

Mr.Reak

Mr.Reak

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Well, last night began like always. My roommate went to his parents, with winter brake and everything. So, our apartment is for my use. What normal, straight male would do? Call his girlfriend. So I did just that, she came over. Now, I know her for three years, and we do.. Well, we like to watch movies together. She went ahead and rented Fight Club on her way to my empty apartment. I love Fight Club.

So, we are watching it, I can see her going off from naked Brad Pitt’s body. Well, I just get off from bunch of half naked men kicking crap out of each other. So, we finished that. What’s next? Yeah, PS2 gayness. Why did my roommate got PS2 and FFX-2? I have no idea, but it’s there. So we played for awhile, a game where you get powers by switching your dresses. Can’t get any stupider than that.

So, finished with all entertainment crap. Finally, time for sex! Yay, we are going to my room. Well, we ****ed for three years now, nothing will be different this time. But no, she wants to try something new. We both get naked. So she handcuffed me to the bed, I am like “yay, let’s play master and slave”. Then she goes to the kitchen, while I am lying there, naked. She comes back with BIG ass knife and cuts of my penis! WTF? I am screaming, she is laughing. I got my legs around her head and turned it so ****ing fast, that her neck cracked. She just dropped there, dead. The rest of the night I spend trying to get out off these damn handcuffs, while my penis is bleeding to death and my girlfriend lying there, dead. I got lucky and by morning was free, without penis and girlfriend.

Moral of the story? Games don’t kill people, crazy girlfriends with knives do!

P.S. What should I do with dead body, it starts to stink?
 
"my penis is bleeding to death"

lol! God wtf is this thread supposed to be about?
 
I think we all know that that story isn't true, I mean him with a girlfriend?
 
You get a very big black plastic bag for the body, allthough putting a whole one in is abit hard, so cut the limbs off (make sure you put some plaste down on the floor, you dont want messy floor!) Then wrap the limbs up with newspapers (make sure there out of date newspapers, so you allready read them!) and put them all in the bin bag, take it someplace out in the woods or something and bring a big container of acid, bury the body and cover it up, then pour the acid on, that should sink down past the soil and burn up the body and bag, leaveing no trace (or little trace) of the body, if they ever find her, they will have no idea who she is. And anyways by that time you would of left the contry.

Er, about ya penis, I would say put a bandage on it.

I hope that helps! :D

edit: Im the only person who helped him! For shame :p
 
you know, the funny part is, the exact same thing happened to me last week. See, watcha gotta do is start playing GTA and blame on the games excessive violence.
 
You lost your credibility from the thread title. I mean come on... a guy who has time to post on a HL2 forum, with 1.281 posts backing him up....(sounds like most of us here, but i'm working my way out of it)

Nice try on making up a joke. Not my type of jokes though. But you still laugth at the initiative.
 
BWMASTER said:
You lost your credibility from the thread title. I mean come on... a guy who has time to post on a HL2 forum, with 1.281 posts backing him up....(sounds like most of us here, but i'm working my way out of it)

Nice try on making up a joke. Not my type of jokes though. But you still laugth at the initiative.
Click to expand...

Holy crap, it's BWMASTER!
 
..you ARE kidding right? you should have seen the look on my face when I read "BIG ass knife and cuts of my penis! WTF?"
 
CyberSh33p said:
..you ARE kidding right? you should have seen the look on my face when I read "BIG ass knife and cuts of my penis! WTF?"
Click to expand...

Of course he's kidding, yeah, he just killed his girlfriend and has no penis, whats the first thing you do?

POST ABOUT IT!!!111
 
If I got my penis cut off I would make the thread a poll of some sort at least ...
 
LoneDeranger said:
If I got my penis cut off I would make the thread a poll of some sort at least ...
Click to expand...

Even I would go to the hospital and try to get it re-attached first thing :\
 
Point of this? Well, here it is:

Mr.Reak said:
Moral of the story? Games don’t kill people, crazy girlfriends with knives do!
Click to expand...
 
and here I was excpecting to read a boring thread about girl troubles, nice job :)
 
ph34r t3h cute said:
You get a very big black plastic bag for the body, allthough putting a whole one in is abit hard, so cut the limbs off (make sure you put some plaste down on the floor, you dont want messy floor!) Then wrap the limbs up with newspapers (make sure there out of date newspapers, so you allready read them!) and put them all in the bin bag, take it someplace out in the woods or something and bring a big container of acid, bury the body and cover it up, then pour the acid on, that should sink down past the soil and burn up the body and bag, leaveing no trace (or little trace) of the body, if they ever find her, they will have no idea who she is. And anyways by that time you would of left the contry.

Er, about ya penis, I would say put a bandage on it.

I hope that helps! :D

edit: Im the only person who helped him! For shame :p
Click to expand...

Jesus man, you are professional. Thanks for the idea with a body, it worked very well! It got a little bloody, you know… but hell, I will call cleaning company.

As for my penis, well… it’s a different story, for another time.
 
this thread almost killed me with side splitting laughter, and I took the whole "help with girlfriend" ploy completely seriously that was GREAT ROTFLMFAO!!!!!111

:p :p
 
you know what is funnier than the original post, the people that reply to it saying "he is joking right" or "i think its supposed to be a joke". Well Captain Obvious, you have just been promoted to General
 
I'm a professional too!

"First off you get some plastic garbage bags. Take her to the tub along with the bags, chop off her limbs in the tub and place her bits and pieces into the trash bags. Clean the tub. Take bag to trunk of car. Call up a friend and get him to let you come over. Play some X-Box or watch a movie with him, then tell him you feel sick and are going back to your place. Leave, and drive to a river or off the side of the road. Drop the body in a river or prceed about an hour into the forest and bury the body, or dump it in the river. Of course make sure no one's looking. Then get back to the house and act normal. When the cops come (if they do) tell them you were at a friends house and she never got there. Your friend will automatically back you up without knowing it. Then you should be on guard and act concerned.
 
I'm a professional too!

First pick up the bloody penis and get a band-aid brand adhesive strip on it so it'll heal. Then pick up the corpse and take it out to your car and put it in the passanger side seat (don't forget to buckle it up for its safety and yours). Drive straight to the police station get out and unbuckle the corpse. Bring the corpse into the station and drop it on the floor infront of the front desk and say, "Hey! I found this out front. I thought I'd let you know." Then walk out calmly and drive home. Play some XBox and what not all night. No one will ever suspect you.
 
ph34r t3h cute said:
You get a very big black plastic bag for the body, allthough putting a whole one in is abit hard, so cut the limbs off (make sure you put some plaste down on the floor, you dont want messy floor!)
Click to expand...

yeah.. listen to the expert.. :p

btw advice to all HL2.net members: steer clear of ph34r teh cute :LOL:
 
ok i gotta a goooood one

first get a giant blender and blend that biatch up

then get a giant cannon "maybe you could steal a circus cannon"

shove body bits in cannon

possition cannon in front of local police station

then the police officers will be like ahhhhh what is that giant circus cannon doing out in front of our donuty local police station

then you shoot the bitch bits at them and everyone dies

the end
 
Mr.Reak said:
Well, last night began like always. My roommate went to his parents, with winter brake and everything. So, our apartment is for my use. What normal, straight male would do? Call his girlfriend. So I did just that, she came over. Now, I know her for three years, and we do.. Well, we like to watch movies together. She went ahead and rented Fight Club on her way to my empty apartment. I love Fight Club.

So, we are watching it, I can see her going off from naked Brad Pitt’s body. Well, I just get off from bunch of half naked men kicking crap out of each other. So, we finished that. What’s next? Yeah, PS2 gayness. Why did my roommate got PS2 and FFX-2? I have no idea, but it’s there. So we played for awhile, a game where you get powers by switching your dresses. Can’t get any stupider than that.

So, finished with all entertainment crap. Finally, time for sex! Yay, we are going to my room. Well, we ****ed for three years now, nothing will be different this time. But no, she wants to try something new. We both get naked. So she handcuffed me to the bed, I am like “yay, let’s play master and slave”. Then she goes to the kitchen, while I am lying there, naked. She comes back with BIG ass knife and cuts of my penis! WTF? I am screaming, she is laughing. I got my legs around her head and turned it so ****ing fast, that her neck cracked. She just dropped there, dead. The rest of the night I spend trying to get out off these damn handcuffs, while my penis is bleeding to death and my girlfriend lying there, dead. I got lucky and by morning was free, without penis and girlfriend.

Moral of the story? Games don’t kill people, crazy girlfriends with knives do!

P.S. What should I do with dead body, it starts to stink?
Click to expand...


Go rent Hedwig And the Angry Inch..............then become an east german rock star................everything will be ok............
 
LMAO! :LOL: Finally something original for a change. And some of you seriously need to get some sense of humour. Great Post, Mr. Reak. :thumbs:
 
Well, use your penis efficiently and eat it like that german cannibal. Or are you Jewish? Than it's no good, the foreskin is the most delicious part, the rest tastes like rubber.
 
LoneDeranger said:
LOL

I think this is a parody of all other penis injury threads :LOL:
Click to expand...

I don't feel like reading through 3 pages of posts so therefore I don't know if anyone has posted what I'm about to post.
In Fight Club Tyler Durden mentions that what's worse than having your appartment blown to pieces is to have some girl cutting your penis off and thrown out the window of a moving car.
I think that's what our dear friend is refering to.
 
I knew it was a bullshit story just from reading the title of the thread, girlfriend...yeah sure, buddy!
 
well done mr reak, here have a cookie for your troubles.
 
See people, something good comes out of this thread, I get bunch of tips on what to do with dead human body, plus I also get a cookie for all my troubles. Thank you guys, you are the best!
 
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