Got any Jokes?

[Chris D]

Then you're lying!

A guy calls the local hospital and shouts at the nurse: "you've gotta send help! My wife's in labour!".

The nurse says, "calm down. Is this her first child?".

He replies, "no! This is her husband!"

My favourite joke is from the Hollow Man film:

So Superman's flying around Metropolis, and he's horny as hell. He's flying around looking down at the roof tops when he looks down and sees Wonder Woman, completely nude, sunning herself up on the roof of the Justice League. I mean she is lying there buck naked and spread eagle, almost like she wants to be ****ed, right? So Superman starts thinking, "man... this is too easy. I could go down there, do a little fast pumping and be gone before she even sees me." After all he is faster than a speeding bullet, right? Anyway, he swoops down, takes care of business so quick, you can't even see him and he flies off. Then Wonder Woman sits up, not knowing what the heck was going on and says "What the **** was that?!" And the Invisible Man sits up and replies" I dunno know, but my ass hole is killing me."

 

[The Dark Elf]

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:


"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go.."


But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,

whispering:......



































Dave............



















































..............you're a vet".