Half Life Complaints

[Lord Vipes]

Found these on the web, and most of it is on the spot. Think of it as an "in game" complaint. The guy who wrote thoes letters, I'd hate to see what Dr. Breen and the Combine would do to him, once they read these letters!


A Letter about Dr. Breen

Spoiler

The only thing worse than being ignorant is not knowing how ignorant you are. That's Dr. Breen's problem. To get immediately to the point, Dr. Breen once tried to convince a bunch of us that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. Fortunately, calmer heads prevailed and a number of people informed the rest of the gang that Dr. Breen's secret passion is to vilify our history, character, values, and traditions. For shame!

Dr. Breen spews lies as easily as a cuttlefish squirts out ink. Regular readers of my letters probably take that for granted, but if I am to take stock of what we know, identify areas for further research, and provide a useful starting point for debate on Dr. Breen's warped objectives, I must explain to the population at large that I unmistakably dislike Dr. Breen. Likes or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that my long-term goal is to resolve our disputes without violence. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, even Dr. Breen's operatives are afraid that Dr. Breen will cultivate an unhealthy sense of victimhood any day now. I have seen their fear manifested over and over again and it is further evidence that Dr. Breen has inherited the whole of his little stock of phrases and notions, which he is pleased to call "ideas", from the worst kinds of belligerent conspiracy theorists I've ever seen. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I phrased that last statement but I assure you that I am not exaggerating the situation.

Dr. Breen says he's not mad but he's truly morally crippled and that's essentially the same thing. When people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And Dr. Breen is to blame. Do you really think he will ever learn from his mistakes? Call me old-fashioned, but those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Of course, if Dr. Breen had learned anything from history, he'd know that his claims are some of the most conscienceless, improvident, and unprincipled I've ever encountered. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true.

The long and short of it is that people who draw attention to Dr. Breen's indelicate bruta fulmina are systematically labeled by Dr. Breen's flunkies as "irrational traitors" or terms synonymous therewith. Now that's a rather crude and simplistic statement and, in many cases, it may not even be literally true. But there is a sense in which it is generally true, a sense in which it unequivocally expresses how Dr. Breen's bons mots are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I reach the broadest possible audience with the message that the potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist if we don't enable adversaries to meet each other and establish direct personal bonds that contradict the stereotypes they rely upon to power their dim-witted crusades, his invariant response is to burn books. Socrates was condemned to death by the city of Athens for his views. I hope I don't receive the same treatment for saying that some day, Dr. Breen's snappish, insipid idolators may ask you why you think it's a good idea to make Dr. Breen's satanic teachings understood, resisted, and made the object of deserved contempt by young and old alike. If you're too stunned to answer immediately they'll answer for you, probably stating that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy. You should therefore be prepared to tell these foul-mouthed schnorrers that Dr. Breen's convictions reek of communism. I use the word "reek" because all of the bad things that are currently going on are a symptom of Dr. Breen's negligent canards. They are not a cause; they are an effect.
Dr. Breen keeps insisting that illogical pernicious-types aren't ever amoral. To me, there is something fundamentally wrong with that story. Maybe it's that Dr. Breen has repeatedly threatened to represent a threat to all the people in the area, indeed, possibly the world. Maybe that's just for maximum scaremongering effect. Or maybe it's because Dr. Breen likes sermons that advocate unimaginative tractates. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that his editorials are designed to infantilize and corrupt the general public. And they're working; they're having the desired effect.

In the course of my work, I regularly come in contact with two-faced sybarites, and most of them also feel that Dr. Breen keeps trying to manipulate the public like a puppet dangling from strings. And if we don't remain eternally vigilant, he will clearly succeed. No one that I speak with or correspond with is happy about this situation. Of course, I don't speak or correspond with duplicitous champions of deceit, lies, theft, plunder, and rapine, Dr. Breen's foot soldiers, or anyone else who fails to realize that the odds are more than ten to one that Dr. Breen is trying to deflect attention from his blockish opuscula. (Actually, cowardice, irresponsibility, and irrationalism are inextricably wedded in Dr. Breen's epigrams, but that's not important now.)

If a cogent, logical argument entered Dr. Breen's brain, no doubt a concussion would result. Still, whenever there's an argument about Dr. Breen's devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that I wish mindless pantywaists like Dr. Breen's functionaries would quit whining and try doing some honest work for a change. That should settle the argument pretty quickly. Easy as it may seem to spread the word about Dr. Breen's featherbrained, dishonest rantings to our friends, our neighbors, our relatives, our co-workers -- even to strangers -- it is far more difficult to face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them.

Once people obtain the critical skills that enable them to think and reflect and speculate independently, they'll realize that we wouldn't have a problem with allotheism if it weren't for Dr. Breen. Although he created the problem, aggravated the problem, and escalated the problem, Dr. Breen insists that he can solve the problem if we just grant him more power. How na?ve does he think we are? Truly, if you look back over some of my older letters, you'll see that I predicted that Dr. Breen would impugn the patriotism of his opponents. And, as I predicted, he did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about Dr. Breen could have made the same prediction.

After all, if I were elected Ruler of the World, my first act of business would be to introduce an important but underrepresented angle on Dr. Breen's wretched refrains. I would further use my position to inform certain segments of the Earth's population that Dr. Breen advertises his strict morality solely to shift attention away from his many vices. Whatever weight we accord to that fact, we may be confident that anyone who hasn't been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that I consider Dr. Breen's tirades antithetical to my principles as a person concerned for the good of all. If you doubt this, just ask around. I once told Dr. Breen that his mind is so twisted, it's doubtful whether anyone can straighten him out. How did he respond to that? He proceeded to curse me off using a number of colorful expletives not befitting this letter, which serves only to show that Dr. Breen will defend Marxism, hooliganism, and notions of racial superiority one day. When that event happens, a darkness and evil exceeding anything seen in history will descend over the world. I can hope only that before it does, people will begin the debate about Dr. Breen's contrivances. Only then can we test the assumptions that underlie Dr. Breen's epithets.

Anyone who takes even a cursory glance at this letter will quickly discover that given the very real threat of Dr. Breen preventing me from sleeping soundly at night it is essential that we outline his troubling pattern of lying, incompetence, and carelessness. That's the sort of statement that some people maintain is backwards but which I believe is merely a statement of fact. And it's a statement that needs to be made because he wants to ensure that all of the news we receive is filtered through a narrow ideological prism. Such intolerance is felt by all people, from every background. He doesn't care about freedom, as he can neither eat it nor put it in the bank. It's just a word to him. In a nutshell, the best way to build a sane and healthy society free of Dr. Breen's destructive influences is to expose the connections between the pugnacious, naive problems that face us and the key issues of quislingism and classism.

 

[Lord Vipes]

A Letter about the Combine

Spoiler

I have been meaning to write this letter for some time now and, in light of recent developments, I believe it is appropriate. But first, let me pose you a question: Is Combine actually concerned about any of us or does it just want to ransack people's homes? After reading this letter, you'll really find it's the latter. It is grossly misleading merely to claim that Combine's coadjutors actually believe the bunkum they're always mouthing. That's because these kinds of tactless nudniks are idealistic, have no sense of history or human nature, and they think that what they're doing will improve the world any day now. In reality, of course, it's easy to tell if Combine's lying. If its lips are moving, it's lying.

If one could get a Ph.D. in Ageism, Combine would be the first in line to have one. Combine doesn't want us to know about its plans to goad nativism-oriented scapegraces into hurling epithets at its enemies. Otherwise, we might do something about that. Combine has announced its intentions to pit the haves against the have-nots. While doing so may earn Combine a gold star from the mush-for-brains Jacobinism crowd, I once managed to get it to agree that it is missing not only the point, but also the whole paradigm shift and huge sociological implications. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, it did a volte-face and denied that it had ever said that.

With an enormous expenditure of words, unclear in content and incomprehensible as to meaning, Combine frequently stammers an endless hodgepodge of phrases purportedly as witty as in reality they are self-satisfied. Only unruly, abusive devil-worshippers can feel at home in this maze of reasoning and cull an "inner experience" from this dung heap of disagreeable, ornery totalitarianism. Combine wants nothing less than to make a big deal out of nothing. Its collaborators then wonder, "What's wrong with that?" Well, there's not much to be done with addlepated dissemblers who can't figure out what's wrong with that, but the rest of us can plainly see that Combine claims to be supportive of my plan to promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad. Don't trust it, though; it's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Before you know it, it'll raise extortionate demands. Not only that, but it would be wrong to imply that Combine is involved in some kind of conspiracy to extend its fifteen minutes of fame to fifteen months. It would be wrong because its epithets are far beyond the conspiracy stage. Not only that, but illiberal misanthropes are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that if we don't remove the Combine threat now, it will bite us in our backside faster than you can say "dendrochronological".

Everybody loves a good game of hide-and-seek: find the person, find the hidden item, or, in Combine's case, find the hidden agenda. Although I agree with those who insist that my job now and for the immediate future -- our job -- is to allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by Combine, nevertheless, I cannot agree with the subject matter and attitude that is woven into every one of Combine's crude programs of Gleichschaltung. Mankind needs to do more to find the common ground that enables others to get Combine off our backs. Understand, I am not condemning mankind for not doing enough; I am merely stating that the picture I am presenting need not be confined to Combine's treatises. It applies to everything it says and does. Combine's patter is smooth and quite practiced. It can fast-talk you into believing you'd be better off if you participated in its effort to steal our birthrights. However, its scribblings fall apart upon reflection.

Combine's bons mots have paid off: Already, Combine has had some success in its efforts to promote a form of government in which religious freedom, racial equality, and individual liberty are severely at risk. Combine says that it is a master of precognition, psychokinesis, remote viewing, and other undeveloped human capabilities. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that it can achieve its goals by friendly and moral conduct. Combine's hatchet men argue that society is supposed to be lenient towards bleeding-heart, contentious slubberdegullions. These are the same vile blusterers who delude and often rob those rendered vulnerable and susceptible to its snares because of poverty, illness, or ignorance. This is no coincidence; I correctly predicted that Combine would produce culturally degenerate films and tapes. Alas, I didn't think it'd do that so effectively -- or so soon.

You don't need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this letter. But just in case it's too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: While Combine and other loquacious chiselers sometimes differ on the details and scale of their upcoming campaigns of terror they never fail to agree on the basic principle and substance. Hence, it is imperative that you understand that one of its most loyal companions is known to have remarked, "Advertising is the most veridical form of human communication." And there you have it: a direct quote from a primary source. The significance of that quote is that I have a misty, inchoate suspicion that Combine will excoriate attempts to bring questions of solipsism into the (essentially apolitical) realm of pedagogy in language and writing in a lustrum or two. Please re-read and memorize that sentence if you still believe that Combine is entitled to break the mind and spirit, castrate the character, and kill the career of anyone whose ideas it deems to be pernicious.

I'm not writing this letter for your entertainment. I'm not even writing it for your education. I'm writing it for our very survival. I once told Combine that a critical reevaluation of some of its notions would be beneficial. How did it respond to that? It proceeded to curse me off using a number of colorful expletives not befitting this letter, which serves only to show that while we do nothing, those who force us to experience the full spectrum of the Combine Rainbow of Interdenominationalism are gloating and smirking. And they will keep on gloating and smirking until we search for solutions that are more creative and constructive than the typically stingy ones championed by pea-brained schizophrenics.

I, hardheaded cynic that I am, warrant that Combine will honestly inspire a recrudescence of brown-nosing fatuity as soon as our backs are turned. I base this confident prediction on, among other things, the fact that its statements do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress.

Technically, the radicalism "debate" is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly publicized, pestiferous attack on progressive ideas. Having studied Combine's charges and finding them groundless, I must now tell the world that I should note that if you read its writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that its bromides epitomize wholesome family entertainment. But if you read Combine's writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that it intends to create a new social class. Wayward bottom-feeders, mendacious killjoys, and officious exploitative-types will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their spin doctors.

Combine's publicity stunts were never about tolerance and equality. That was just window dressing for the "innocents". Rather, we must rage, rage against the dying of the light. If we fail then all of our sacrifices and all of the dreams and sacrifices of our ancestors will have been in vain. The key is to realize that Combine's thesis is that it would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform an unsympathetic act. That's completely uninformed, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that Combine claims that it is a martyr for freedom and a victim of credentialism. I would say that that claim is 70% folderol, 20% twaddle, and 10% another sophomoric attempt to cashier anyone who tries to put the kibosh on its smear tactics. Our goal must now be to purge the darkness from Combine's heart. If you believe that that's a worthwhile goal, then I can indeed use your help. Let me hear from you.

 

[Emporius]

Dear Dr. Breen,

What's new? I thought I'd let you know I made it to Ravenholm! (I know you've been worried.)

In case you didn't know, Ravenholm is a quiet little town completely hidden from the combine! I know it sounds weird, vut it's actually pretty nice here!

After a few misunderstandings with the locals, I'm finally starting to fit in. I've even started dressing like them!

My landlord is a bit weird, but he's letting me do office work in exchange for living rent-free.


"You ordered HOW MANY giant circular saw blades?"

"Relax. Someone'll use 'em."


Anywhoo, just wanted to let you know how great things are going! I'm very happy and can't imagine anything ever changing that, ever.

Signed, A completely UNconcerned citizen

...


"Bomb the shit out of them."

"Done and done!"

 

[Lord Vipes]

Gordon Froman...

But... eh... what cant I say? I'm a newbie.

 

[yakuruto]

to me, those look like templates for ranting in a very versed way. Something like "who do you want rant about?" and voila, you have your letter

 

[Herr Mike]

I realize I myself am here posting on a game forum, but that letter is sad.

 

[Koozdude]

Dear Dr. Breen,

What's new? I thought I'd let you know I made it to Ravenholm! (I know you've been worried.)

In case you didn't know, Ravenholm is a quiet little town completely hidden from the combine! I know it sounds weird, vut it's actually pretty nice here!

After a few misunderstandings with the locals, I'm finally starting to fit in. I've even started dressing like them!

My landlord is a bit weird, but he's letting me do office work in exchange for living rent-free.


"You ordered HOW MANY giant circular saw blades?"

"Relax. Someone'll use 'em."


Anywhoo, just wanted to let you know how great things are going! I'm very happy and can't imagine anything ever changing that, ever.

Signed, A completely UNconcerned citizen

...


"Bomb the shit out of them."

"Done and done!"

You got that from http://hlcomic.com/index.php?date=2005-12-14 probably, lol GORDAN FROHMAN!!!!!!

 

[Druckles]

You got that from http://hlcomic.com/index.php?date=2005-12-14 probably, lol GORDAN FROHMAN!!!!!!

Yes. He did. Congratulations and lolications to you.

...

 

[AciD]

I got whole comics rared on some host

 

[Absinthe]

I'm pretty sure that's just a rant generator. Insert name and presto! Instant rant.