halflife2.net local news report

[Mitoboy]

* Stop jingle, camera come to news reporter.

Hello, this is Mitoboy, and welcome to the HalfLife2.net local news.

Our first topic is some good news.

While the General Half-Life 2 forum is now beginning to fill with some intelligent questions that have not been asked five hundred times before, this shows a slight decrease in spammers and other idiots that are too lazy to use the search device located at the top of the page.


And now over to Gordon Freeman for the weather.

* Switch to Gordon Freeman standing in front of a blue screen with a map of the halflife2.net with little arrows and high and low pressure markings. *

* Gordon Freeman moves his mouth, but no sound is coming out.

* Switch back to Mitoboy *

Oh, dang it, it looks like we are having some technical difficulties. We'll try back later.

In other news some sad events have taken place.

Even with the recent decrease in idiots in the General Forum some have come to the Off-Topic Forum, recently proclaimed "the last place of refuge for the normal member" by the 'Prophecy'.
Also, some experts believe that the end is near unless something is done fast.

In the obvious news.

The whole Message Board has gone through a total change of design. President Munro says that it is only the default setting and that it is only temporary.

Also, recently, by orders of President Munro, the International Forums, Newbie Forum and others have been nuked and now are only a memory. Everyone was evacuated from the forums before they were destroyed.

And now over to Corporal Adrian Shephard on stocks

* Switch over to Shephard with large screens showing pictures of the stock market floor.

* No sound is coming from Shephard. *

"Is he speaking? I can't tell because of that mask he always has on... He is?"

*Switch back to Mitoboy.

Well, it is the first show. I guess nothing is working right. *fake laugh*

/me is handed something from off the screen.

What? You want me to do this? OK. I have just been told to report the weather and stocks.

The forecast shows that a high-pressure area is forming around the HL2 General Forum and the Off-Topic Forum. A dust storm has also formed in the General Gaming Forum and is now seemingly abandoned.

Now onto the stocks.

'VALVe' is down by one point and ending at $2,963.63 a share.

'Anti-Spam' is up again by 25 points ending at $3,045.12 a share.

'OWNED!!!' is up by 5 points ending at $134.86 a share.

'Instant Smilies' is up by 3 points ending at a $132.02 a share.

'Polls' is by 7 points ending at $234.54 a share.

'STFU' is also up by 9 points ending at $214.41 a share.

And that is the end of the weekly news report by Mitoboy.
Have a safe and productive day.

* Jingle starts, camera zooms out, screen fades to black, que the most annoying commercial you have ever seen.

 

[The DemonWithin]

Heh, that was pretty funny, good job.

 

[Mitoboy]

Comedy That Would Make Carrot Top Cringe

*Kazoos sing the jingle to the local news; zoom in on the reporter

Hello, and welcome to the halflife2.net news report. This is Mitoboy reporting.

In recent news.

It seems that the news station has been temporarily moved and do not have the necessary funds to operate to full capacity. Instead we have this little run down warehouse to film in. Watch this.

/me slams his fist on the desk.

* A second later a light falls from the ceiling landing on the far right side of the desk.

/me brushes glass and dust off his suit, G-Man style.

Now a report on the message board prophecy.

I have little or no clue on what this will do to the message board. But by judging from the notice sent out by President Munro that most, if not all, people will be re-joining the message board and will continue the little chaos that makes this place special.

Anyway, a little time trouble has also happened due to the crash.
I am now the bastardly headcrab again and around 20 posts below my before-the-crash count.

Also, some more sad news.

The two other news reports have been lost and the comedy is all gone.

Now the good news.

President Munro has also been appearing more often now. Maybe I can get an interview out of him.

I’ll have to get some cheaper goons also.

Also, the website is loading faster than ever! This is great. Beer time!

/me takes out a beer but is hit in the chest with a brick thrown from off-screen

Don’t even think about starting the L33T speak crap again or we will kill you!

All right! Damn, that hurt a lot.

This losing a host of half-life2.net comes as a surprise because Munro also announced that he would be giving a different look to the boards and would also be fixing up the main page on Sunday, the day when everything went wrong.
Now, nothing is to report except to do an extended report on the exact same thing.

/me looks around.

Man, this is boring as hell.

Now onto weather.

The whole message board has gone back in time and in a major heat wave that is starting to let up. With the soon rush of people due to the notice sent out by President Munro temperatures should go either way.


Now, stocks.

A major crash has happened now that we are back in time. It is now impossible to judge the current stocks. Unless someone got a picture of the last stock report.

Hey, everybody, it is a new record for the number of fragmented sentences in a news report. Beer!

/me takes out a beer and doges another brick which hits the back wall.

Creaking and rumble noises are heard from around the warehouse. Mitoboy gets up out of his seat slowly and looks around while finishing his report.

And that is all to this lacking news report…
*really loud noise is heard while a piece of roof comes crashing down nearby.
Haveasafeandproductiveday.

* The Camera zooms out, pieces of the warehouse start falling, Mitoboy and the crew run for their lives.

 

[Hazza]

Damn, all the hassle of going back in time, with none of the good things, like altering things which will change the future which is actually your present and laughing at the funny clothes people are wearing, although people seem to do that to me anyway (not the changing of the future thing, the clothes thing).
Anyway, after this tragic event, I have been compelled to join the news team and I am offering up my services as reporter and general new kid that gets all thw worst jobs.

 

[SpuD]

Aww the leet beer one is gone now!

 

[Draklyne]

If we've gone back in time...
That means I can make up for all the times I forgot to brush my teeth! Yay!

I too, offer myself up as a reporter. If you actually get some work out of me, congratulate yourself.

 

[Mitoboy]

I don't know if I can do the local news anymore. I have lost my step and it is hard to pick up where I left off.

But until then. Expect another local new report on Thursday, if not earlier.

"L33T B33R" seemed like it bombed. So I'm gonna try to avoid doing L33T Speak, but to tell you the truth it is fun for me to make news reports with L33T speak.

I have a lot of stuff on the reports I never released before.
Like these names for the reports.

Names of the reports, in order:

"Intro"

"Over Kill" (lost in the crash)

"L33T B33R" (lost in the crash)

"LR: Lacking Report"

"STFU" (Yet to be made)

/me says yaba yaba do do yeah!

 

[Mitoboy]

* End jingle, zoom in on news reporter.

Hello, and welcome to the fifth, or third depending on your view point, installment of the halflife2.net local news. We now have a good nice advanced studio. It even has it's own butlers!

* Mitoboy clicks his fingers and a butler comes on screen with a silver platter with an L33T B33R perfectly centered on it.

* Mitoboy takes the B33R and dodges the brick, which hits the butler anyway.

Man, it hurts don't it William? ... William?

* Mitoboy snaps his fingers while chugging down the B33R.

* Two more butlers come from off the sides and carry the other butler off the screen.

* A large black piece of cardboard that was blending in with the background falls and reveals the letters “C-N-N”

* Two crew people quickly hurry in and Duct Tape the cardboard back over the letters.

Extremely bad news.

Like if you have already not heard HL2 has been delayed to around the "Holidays". When Gabe Newell was asked in e-mails he responded with "First time I've heard about it."

Though it is still not confirmed with each passing second without any official notice says this is not true makes it more believable.

Though it could be a large mistake and could be looking for the person who did start this as hinted in Spiffae's ( www.beyondhalflife.com ) topic. Others have giving some ideas that they, VU, might not be looking for a man who started it.

As it turns out the message board went into chaos after a day, and the rumor of the delay only worsened it.

I have counted and they're SIX topics on the delay of HL2 after one has been unofficially made ‘The thread for the subject’. All of them were locked almost immediately. More were deleted. Also two more 'Steam' topics were locked. Good job Moderators and Admins for containing the topics like the Ebola virus.

In the obvious news.

Munro has updated the Forum skin. Everyone loves it, well everyone that expressed how the thought of it. Though, I kind of miss the /me command. Now I have to type color tags to get the same effect.

And now the weather.

We had a tropical storm in the General Forum. But it dissipated extremely quick.
The Off-Topic Forum is having nice weather with temperatures in the seventies.
Overall the Forums are having great weather and hopefully it will stay like this.

And now for the stocks.

‘VALVe’ is down so far that it is only $632.32 a share. OUCH!

‘Anti-Spam’ is up by 4 points, ending at $3,098.21 a share.

‘OWNED!!!’ is down by 2 points, ending at $103.12 a share.

‘Instant Smilies’ is up by 4 points, ending at $183.23 a share.

‘Polls’ is up by 1, ending at $249.43 a share.

‘STFU’ is up by 8 points, ending at $332.31 a share.

Also, I have to confess. Well, just read this playback of the missing interview that belonged in the ‘other’ fourth local news report.

* Fade to black, start video.

And now we have a very special interview for you people.
Let’s have a look at who are guest is.

* Camera pulls back to reveal the mystery guest.

Mitoboy: Thank you for accepting to doing this interview Mr… Umm, what’s your name?

Guest: You can just call me G-Man.

Mitoboy: … Right. Well anyway, what has become of Gordon Freeman? Also, what about Adrian Shephard? I heard that you hired one and left the other in a deep void.

G-Man: I am sorry, I am not allowed to discuss-s that.

Mitoboy: What is the Black Mesa Research Facility?

G-Man: *evil smirk*

Mitoboy: OK… Lets move on shall we?

G-Man: We shall.

Mitoboy: *shivers* Umm, OK, what did your employers say when they found out that some people escaped Black Mesa alive?

G-Man: I am looking into them as we speak.

Mitoboy: Could you possibly tell us a bit about the combine?

G-Man: No.

Mitoboy: Fair enough. Would you like some B33R?

G-Man: No, I know what you will try to do.

Mitoboy: *under his breath* Damn.


* Mitoboy and the crew are transported back to where they did their first reports.

So, Mitoboy, this is the last time we meet. Please don’t think I have been avoiding you. A great many matters require my attention in these *Deep Breath* busy times. I do hope you understand, and now I require a further indulgence on your part. I can’t close my report until every lose end has been tied up. You’re biggest embarrassment to the forums have been your last two news posts, but I think that it has taken care of itself. * halflife2.net loses its host * Quite so.

* Mitoboy and his crew are transported to the future General Forum. Dead bodies, destroyed tanks and other implements of destruction lay around as yells of fighters(allow time to load) echo though out the field*

But there is still the lingering matter of witnesses. I admit I have a fascination for those who try to bring order to places without any real power. Rather reminds me of myself. If for no other reason, I have argued to preserve you until the boards come back up.

* transport to news studio used in first report, but now plying though space. *

While I believe a good member like yourself understands the importance of… discretion. My employers are not quite as trusting, and rather than continually subject you and your crew to the irresistible human temptation of telling all, we have decided to convey you of some way where you could do no possible harm, and no harm can come to you. I am sure you can imagine they’re worse alternatives.

Mitoboy: Like being locked in a room with Carrot Top doing stand-up comedy.

G-Man: Yeh, sure… Like that.

* G-Man walks though a portal that has appeared in the mini fridge off to the side. He bends down and craws in muttering about “swearing revenge” on a guy named “Bob”.

Mitoboy: Why the heck didn’t anyone tell me to STFU?

* Screen fades to black, comes back to Mitoboy sitting in is chair with the cardboard swinging down un-covering the letters ‘C’ and part of ‘N’

So you see, it was the G-Man is responsible for it all!

Anyway. This news report is sponsored by STFU.
‘Been used on the idiots and by the idiots since anyone can remember’

 

[SpuD]

Haha, maybe you should rethink some of the colors though, red on blue is hard.

 

[Mitoboy]

Yeh, give me some time. I am going to test the colors with the new background.

EDIT: Is it any better?

 

[Hazza]

So, Mitoboy, will you take me up on my offer of employment.
I will even do the rubbishy work exerience type jobs.
Or, even worse, report from the general forum!
A reply either way would be good.

 

[Mitoboy]

Actully, I am quite good and not in the need of help. But thank you for the offer of lending your services. Also, Draklyne, the same goes for you.

I do not need any help at the moment, sorry.