Heaven

[The Monkey]

Thank thee, Ronald L. Grossi, for you have saved me from Satan and let me into the path of Jesus. Is it cool if I keep praying to Thor, BTW?

 

[Barnz]

Become a Muslim and Allah gives you 42 virgins, for the price of 40!

Don't miss our incredible sale on now! FREE SHOE HORNS FOR THE FIRST 50 TO THE AFTERLIFE!

No, thanks! I'm glad to be an atheist.

Note: Is this cat smiley new?

 

[Deleted member 56031]

Are you allowed to have sex or swear or play violent videogames in Heaven? Because if not then I don't want any part of it.

I second that statement.

 

[French Ninja]

Thank thee, Ronald L. Grossi, for you have saved me from Satan and let me into the path of Jesus. Is it cool if I keep praying to Thor, BTW?

Christian:
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yo4-gVclQs[/YOUTUBE]

Norse:

Goddamnit Norse gods are asskickers. D:

 

[The Monkey]

Yeah, the Norse heaven beats the Christian heaven any day of the week:

he main gate is called Valgrind, which is described in Gr?mnism?l as a "sacred gate", behind which are the "holy doors" and "there are few who can tell the manner by which it is locked". The hall itself has 540 doors, so wide that 800 warriors could walk through side-by-side. It is said that there is room enough for all those chosen. Here, every day, the slain warriors who will assist Odin in Ragnar?k, the gods' final conflict with the giants, arm themselves for battle and ride forth by the thousands to engage in mock combat on the plains of Asgard. Those who die in the combat will be brought back to life. At night, they return to Valhalla to feast on roasted boar (S?hr?mnir) and drink intoxicating drink.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valhalla

 

[Acepilotf14]

I'm already a Christian. Now stop spamming and go preach at a church! Rawr.


:3 In before lock.

 

[evil^milk]

Has anyone cared enough to share the truth about Heaven with you?

The Holy Bible describes Heaven as a beautiful place where people live forever with no death, sorrow, sickness and pain. {Revelation 21:4}

Hell is described as a place of suffering forever for all those who are not saved. {Matthew 13:50}

The good news is that about 2000 years ago Jesus Christ(God the Son) paid for everyone's sins or wrong doing by dying on the cross and rising from the dead after three days. {Mark 10:34}

God the Son came as a sinless man. {Philippians 2:5-8}

Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no one cometh unto God(The Father), but by me." {John 14:6} He is our ONLY way to God(The Father) in Heaven.

The Holy Bible says, "That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God(The Father) raised Jesus Christ from the dead, you will be saved." {Romans 10:9}

You should not wait until later to get saved because you may die before you get another chance and you will miss Heaven.

If you want to be sure you will go to Heaven after this life is over just pray a meaningful prayer like the one below with your mouth and from your heart right now to God and you will be saved.

Dear God I want to be saved. Dear Jesus Christ Son of God I want to make you my personal Lord and Savior. Please forgive me of my sins or things I have done wrong in my life. Thanks Jesus Christ for taking my punishment for my sins by shedding your sinless blood on the cross and dying for my sins. Jesus Christ I now confess you as my Lord and believe in my heart that God(The Father) raised you from the dead. Amen.

If you just allowed God to save you then welcome to the family of God because you are now a Christian on your way to Heaven.

Now that you are saved, you should strive to live a godly life and you also need to be reading the Bible for yourself. The Bible is essentially God's instruction manual for how to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to God. A good place to start reading the Bible is the first chapter of Romans. You should also find a Christian Church to attend in your area.


Have a good day,
Ronald L. Grossi
http://heaventruth.googlepages.com

Please share this with all your friends and family so they can learn the truth about Heaven before it's too late.

Some of them may not like the message, but at least you cared enough to share it with them.

Yeah, I've done that, too. You know what I'm talking about! Yeah, you're at the local pub, seeking out ladies and you find just who you're looking for.

Approach the girl with enormously cute glimmering eyes as she stares in delight at that fashionable black leather trench coat you've donned over your naked body. You smile at her, a reassuring and inviting, warm smile.

Then, just as you're about to start an engaging conversation with the apparently charmed damsel, whip out your COLOSSAL, ENGORGED THROBBING COCK AND *RAM* IT FURIOUSLY INTO HER EYE AND LAUGH MADLY, A LAUGH WITH HEARTY AND CONTENT NATURE, AS YOU CLAIM YET ANOTHER VICTIM.

She'll never see it coming, I swear.

/end Pulse's religion fanatic divine intervention

 

[MJ12]

If God is real he thinks you suck for not using your brain and following everything like a fundamentalist f*ck, now leave

 

[jverne]

Answer me this!


if you are a Christian and you're gay, but never "practice it", being just a desire. So when you get to heaven can you **** men, or god himself if that is your fetish?

 

[mindless_moder]

report his googlepage and yahoo email as spam accounts , thats about the only productive thing you can do atm.
also whats this about christians being religously obligated to kill members of other religous groups :S ?

 

[co05]

Jesus? **** that asshole! I gave him $50 bucks for an eighth and he only gave me half of it!

 

[Que-Ever]

I'm gay for Ronald Grossey!

 

[co05]

I'm Grossey for Gay Ronald.

 

[Dan]

If heaven actually did exist as described, it would be the most godawful boring place in the world. Atleast hell would have some interesting people in it and maybe a bit of variety. If I actually lived in an infinte world of endless happiness and bliss I would probably try to blow my brains out.

 

[hool10]

Rofl at this thread. A seemingly harmless scanner comes in here preaching about heaven and such. First response is "in b4 lock" and the rest are "OMG LOOK AT MY ENOURMOUS DICK KK?" We need to make this into a picture. Like the picture with a black frame around it. Then a statement with a witty comment. *Btw the Norse heaven sounds kick ass. Like LOTR only that you get to fight another day.

 

[co05]

If I actually lived in an infinte world of endless happiness and bliss I would probably try to blow my brains out.

What if it meant getting constantly laid?

 

[hool10]

What if it meant getting constantly laid?

Yeah well I think you would get really annoyed after a while. Imagine girls just saying "wanna ****" all the time? Also there is nothing in the Quran about 40 virgins or whatever. Their god is similar to our Christianity god believe it or not. Also: [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16YGYVEuWRs[/YOUTUBE] ^^Inserts my "racist" thread here.

 

[CyberPitz]

wtf is this thread STILL doing open?

 

[McGooTheWise]

I think if in heaven, the minute you stepped in, the chick that satisfies every fetish you've ever remembered steps up, and goes "I wanna **** you like an animal!" You'd be pretty peckercited! OOPS! Did i just say that out loud?

In b4 lock

 

[jverne]

Yeah well I think you would get really annoyed after a while. Imagine girls just saying "wanna ****" all the time? Also there is nothing in the Quran about 40 virgins or whatever. Their god is similar to our Christianity god believe it or not. Also: [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16YGYVEuWRs[/YOUTUBE] ^^Inserts my "racist" thread here.

 

[Que-Ever]

Rofl at this thread. A seemingly harmless scanner comes in here preaching about heaven and such. First response is "in b4 lock" and the rest are "OMG LOOK AT MY ENOURMOUS DICK KK?" We need to make this into a picture. Like the picture with a black frame around it. Then a statement with a witty comment. *Btw the Norse heaven sounds kick ass. Like LOTR only that you get to fight another day.

You act like we care what our postcount is.

 

[The Monkey]

wtf is this thread STILL doing open?

'Coz religioes propaganda isn't against the rules.

 

[hool10]

You act like we care what our postcount is.

It does. Look at how many scanners and manhacks are on the HL2 section and rumour section. It's great that they finally picked up the games and are now in our community. They just can't get past a certain part without googling it though. Noobs. Nuff said. *They keep to themselves there too. When is the last time you saw a "noob" visitng the lounge? They only stay in the HL2 section.

 

[Que-Ever]

So if I got my postcount reset now, I would be forced to live in the HL2section D:

 

[TechnoHippyChic]

At the risk of being on-topic, the idea of "heaven" sounds absurd and freightening to me. Don't you think you'd get mind-numbingly bored after a few thousand years? And if you were just all happy all the time, you wouldn't really be you, would you?

 

[CptStern]

those sound like frowny thoughts, which of course is a sign you might be better off in bed with Satan

 

[theotherguy]

At the risk of being on-topic, the idea of "heaven" sounds absurd and freightening to me. Don't you think you'd get mind-numbingly bored after a few thousand years? And if you were just all happy all the time, you wouldn't really be you, would you?

Yep. I wouldn't mind living on earth for thousands of years without aging though. That'd be awesome.

A vauge place where we're all ethereally happy and zombielike, worshiping some sadistic god sounds pretty lame to me.

 

[Absinthe]

I like this topic.

Please don't close it.

 

[99.vikram]

What topic? Heaven?

Entry to heaven is the worst incentive ever. If everyone was uberhappy, who would we make fun of?? F*ck that, I'd rather code myself as a chatbot on the internets before I die. That's heaven.

 

[Krynn72]

Hell is where the bad ass mother****ers go.

 

[Deleted member 56031]

*wakes up*
*turns on computer*
*signs into hl2.net*
*notices this thread is still open*

What? I was expecting some Samon bannage by now

 

[Danimal]

LOL

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Oh btw.

LOL