How do you deal with Nosey Parkers?

Brian Damage

Brian Damage

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That is, people like marketing people who ring you to get your participation in surveys, or people (and I use the term loosely), like Jehova's Witnesses and Mormons, who come right up to your door?

Personally, I find the telephone marketing jerks a prime opportunity for amusement. I have, at various times, pretended to be:

A drooling psycho

An old, deaf man

A guy working at an office

A man with a stutter

A clown

A little kid


With the Door-Knockers, I often pretend to advertise Satanism. Or perform a visual act of any of the above.:E
 
There was a vacuum cleaner salesman at my house a couple weeks ago. Thats the first time I've ever seen a vacuum door to door salesman. Maybe its just because I live out in the country :dozey:


As for telemarketers, I usually just tell them angrily "Take me off your list! " Followed by violent Chewbacca noises.
 
Aroof! Roof! Rawf! Eeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrf!

Heh heh.

We've never had a vac salesman. Meeting one would be one of the most depressing things I can think of.
 
Originally posted by FortisVir
Maybe its just because I live out in the country :dozey:
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LOL!

How hard is he trying to sell vacuums?
 
Oh, yeah, with the door-knockers: Another thing to do is to mime at them.
 
i never dealed with one, but i should never let my mother open the door, she buys almost everything being advertised at the door ;)
 
Well if you really want to get rid of them put a sighn on your door saying "no sales men, trick or treaters, or born again christians" and get a dog... whith big teeth.

Or you could put over the top christams decorations on your house and in your front garden, then leave them there all year round. Trust me that works, there's a house like that near my collage, nobody dares walk on the same side of the street it's on.
 
One time the paint started peeling off on our door, so we decided to scrape it off. Didn't work, the door just ended up looking are rusted and shit and we never bothered to repaint it.

But nobody stopped by since then. :)
 
Originally posted by mrchimp
or to answer the door naked.
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AHA! It was you who put those horrible images in my head when I was selling cookies for my football team!
I still have trouble sleeping at night :'(
;)
 
Well, I didn't say WHY I had problems sleeping now did I? ;)

EDIT: Shite, I actually did...Ah well
 
i had triple dreams last night, wierd seeing as i never normally dream at all.
 
if they come to my door, i just go thgough my usual routine with them. unfortunately, i'm starting to run out of room in my backyard.
 
Originally posted by Lil' Timmy
if they come to my door, i just go thgough my usual routine with them. unfortunately, i'm starting to run out of room in my backyard.
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lol, tha's funny
 
I've never had salesmen at the door, I think they're extinct in Brighton. Hardly surprising-anybody who looked as if they wanted to sell you a vacuum would be lynched in the street and set fire to. Last time the Jehova's witnesses came round I opned the door and....

Jehova's witness: Hello, we're the Jehova's witnesses!

Me: Err...hold on a sec (runs off)

Me: (comes back with a towel wrapped round head, feighing middle-eastern accent) I am sorry I am Muslim goodbye! (slams door).
 
Originally posted by Sulkdodds
I've never had salesmen at the door, I think they're extinct in Brighton. Hardly surprising-anybody who looked as if they wanted to sell you a vacuum would be lynched in the street and set fire to. Last time the Jehova's witnesses came round I opned the door and....

Jehova's witness: Hello, we're the Jehova's witnesses!

Me: Err...hold on a sec (runs off)

Me: (comes back with a towel wrapped round head, feighing middle-eastern accent) I am sorry I am Muslim goodbye! (slams door).
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lol, they really seem to love my house those jehova's witnesses.

I always answer by hiding under my couch and waiting them out *shifty eyes*
 
just tell them they are wrong really loudly and pretend to be really ignorant just to piss them off, or camly explain why they are obviously wrong.
 
When they come to the door, answer it and say hello but pretend you are talking to someone stood next to the salesman an see what they do.

Or (if you are dressed for it) just walk out as if they arent there and either pretend you are going to a shop or something, or pretend that you thought someone was playing knock a door run. Alternatively...invite them in and try to sell them your vaccum cleaner.
 
What happens when a salesman comes to a salesman's house?

or what happens when a telemarketer calls a telemarketer?
 
try to sell them your house potplant, works for my friend :D




"look, its got lovly fresh green leaves!"
"well, ummm"
"for you kind sir, just £5.00!"
 
And il even throw in this amazing new formula...Water! It does wonders for your plants.
 
I dont get door to door mofos but when i get telemarketers i just tell them i cant speak english IN english...one time shes like "Well your doing a pretty good job" so im like "yeah its the only words i know", then shes like "Well what about the words you just said" them im like "what words?" and she hung up.
 
Salesman: Hello, can I interest you in a vacuum cleaner?"
Me: Why of course, come on, come in. It's in perfect condition, look at that, a beautiful shine on it (grabs the hoover out of salesman's hands).
Salesman: Erm....no, I'd like to sell you...
Me: And just feel that breeze! Mmm-hmm! And I'll through in a full dustbag as well!
Salesperson: Well it does seem like a good deal...waitasec!
Me: But wait, there's more! If you buy today, you'll get a beautiful pot plant ABSOLUTELY FREE! And all for the bargain price of only £59.99!
Salesman: Really! Allright, I'll take it!
Me: Excellent choice, sir! You won't regret this! (shows salesman out the door)
Salesman: What a swell guy. That was a really good de-HEY! Wait a minute!
Me: Heh heh heh.

Or alternatively.....

Salesman: Hello, kind sir!
Me: Greetings, friendly!
Salesman: How would you like to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity?!?
Me: I speake good eengleesh! I learn eet froma boook!
Salesman: Er, I'm happy to know that. Now....
Me: Que?
Salesman: How would you like to....
Me: Happy to be purchasing out of you, friendly!
Salesman: Erm...
Me: I speeke good eengleesh?
Salesman: Er....goodbye.
Me: Que?
 
A great one when I don’t have the time to screw with them is I pretend to be interested, then say “could you hold on for a couple minutes. I really had to go to the bathroom before you called/knocked.” I then leave the phone laying there or just go to my room & start playing a computer game.


When I am really bored…….


When jehova witnesses come to my door, I talk them to death… talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk & talk &…………………….. And I’m really good at getting them pissed off. Like they love to talk about how the world is nearing an end. And I throw logic at them like “bases on the assumption that the world will end we are always getting closer to the end”...so they proceed to say it’s coming soon & the world is getting worse & worse. Then I say “actually less people are starving in the world, wars are relatively restricted, etc….” I can talk them to death. It’s rather entertaining cuzz I know more than they do, and I contradict everything they say. It’s rather interesting to see them stammer along as I lead the conversation to fun places ;) I think I may have gotten a couple of them saved ;)


Sales people? The great thing about them is they aren’t allowed to leave (usually). So, I pretend to be interested for a REALLLYYY long time & engage them in irrelevant conversation. I also pretend I’m some rich kid with too much money, & I spend it on random crap all the time. I lead them on & on & on….. I love wasting their time like they waste mine. I figure as long as I occupy them, they aint bugging other people + I get the entertainment.
 
something I'v always wanted to try is speaking like a pirate.
 
Something I forgot to mention:

THEY'RE BUILDING A MORMON CHURCH NOT 800M FROM MY HOUSE!

I fully expect the N.P. visitation rate to go like this:

^
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... when it's finished.

Frightening.
 
"We're doing a community outreach, and we'd love you to come to our church. Our service starts at 5:30am sunday morning and lasts untill 2:00pm. Oh, while we're at it, why don't we give you a brochure or 5."

Be ready for that.
 
Originally posted by Brian Damage
Something I forgot to mention:

THEY'RE BUILDING A MORMON CHURCH NOT 800M FROM MY HOUSE!

I fully expect the N.P. visitation rate to go like this:

^
|....................................................................................................
|...........................................=========================
|........................................//..........................................................
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|=============//.....................................................................
0------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

... when it's finished.

Frightening.
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LOL
 
Brian Damage, LoL.

Call 080094458828. for help. Trust me on this.
 
"Yeah I'll just put you onto Al."

*hangs up*
 
Originally posted by Brian Damage
Something I forgot to mention:

THEY'RE BUILDING A MORMON CHURCH NOT 800M FROM MY HOUSE!

I fully expect the N.P. visitation rate to go like this:

^
|....................................................................................................
|...........................................=========================
|........................................//..........................................................
|.......................................//...........................................................
|......................................//............................................................
|.....................................//.............................................................
|....................................//..............................................................
|...................................//...............................................................
|..................................//................................................................
|.................................//.................................................................
|................................//..................................................................
|...............................//...................................................................
|=============//.....................................................................
0------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

... when it's finished.

Frightening.
Click to expand...

burn it.
 
Originally posted by Sulkdodds
Or alternatively.....

Salesman: Hello, kind sir!
Me: Greetings, friendly!
Salesman: How would you like to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity?!?
Me: I speake good eengleesh! I learn eet froma boook!
Salesman: Er, I'm happy to know that. Now....
Me: Que?
Salesman: How would you like to....
Me: Happy to be purchasing out of you, friendly!
Salesman: Erm...
Me: I speeke good eengleesh?
Salesman: Er....goodbye.
Me: Que?
Click to expand...

hehe sounds like something supertrooper might be a master at :LOL:

can u imagine supertrooper answering the door to a salesman? lol
 
Oh my God...fear. Salesmen beware, Supertrooper, he owns you!
 
:) :) I hope more Friendlies :) :) :)


(pulls out yellow magic marker and starts drawing smileyfaces on the salesman).
 
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