[Humour] New Half Life 2 Announcement from Valve!

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mpratt

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New Half Life 2 Announcement from Valve!

In breaking news today, Valve software has announced the reason behind it's latest announcement.

Doug Lombardi from Valve software has quietly confirmed on September 21st of 2003 that Half Life 2 quietly went gold. The game was actually in production when Gabe Newell decided that the game needed a "classic" makeover and the game was pulled from production. In this spirit the game is now being converted into a full scale "prequel" to half life.

Valve software has failed to return our calls but another visit by Spitcodfry verified that Valve is indeed revamping the game in “retro format”. Spitcodfry posted that he witnessed Valve programmers removing all the 3d models from the game and replacing them with 2d sprite textures. “We don’t need 3dsMax or XSI anymore, its wonderful gleamed one of the developers.” Another developer mused that benchmarks using the ATI pro 9800 on the converted game had increased the frame rates from 32.1 fps with all options on in one scene to over 80,290.2 fps. An increase which he attributed to the fact the scene only had two polygons. Lombardi walked in at this point and observed that less is indeed more, and that the new game wouldn’t even need a graphics card to run at all.

As Spitcodfry was escorted out of the office by force he reported glancing back over his shoulder and seeing Gabe screaming at developers to further reduce polygons, with sweat pouring out of his forehead. On the developers screen Spit could barely make out a single box like primitive object.

System specs have been reduced for the game from a 700 mhz CPU with a direct X 6.0 graphics card to an apple II with a floppy.
 
I heard they were re-vamping it into a text based adventure game...

GO NORTH
 
DAMMIT. The first sentence got me all happy as if it would be delayed just a few days. It went to shit after reading the second. Dumb

PS: Please don't post retarded things like this anymore.
 
Originally posted by RakuraiTenjin
DAMMIT. The first sentence got me all happy as if it would be delayed just a few days. It went to shit after reading the second. Dumb

PS: Please don't post retarded things like this anymore.

lol i felt the same way
 
rofl

note: this is obiously a joke - a well done joke

I say let everyone see it :)
 
so fkn stupid...

just put (humor) in your thread title to avoid being banned

the "apple II with a floppy" bit was good though
 
do NOT i mean, do NOT post shit like that without a warning/disclaimer i nthe title
 
Mods: Please keep this one but change the title, It's actually rather well written! :)
 
I heard they were re-vamping it into a text based adventure game...

> Go North

You see a city. This city is unlike any other city you have ever seen before. You see eleven tall soldiers looking menacingly at you. There are three buildings in the background. What do you do?

> Equip Mp7

A COMBINE SOLDIER hits YOU for 45 points of damage! Your HEV suit now reads 55.

A COMBINE SOLDIER hits YOU for 15 points of damage! Your HEV suit now reads 40.

A COMBINE SOLDIER hits YOU for 30 points of damage! Your HEV suit now reads 10.

A COMBINE SOLDIER attacks and MISSES!

A COMBINE SOLDIER hits YOU for 45 points of damage! Your HEV suit now reads -35.

You are dead.

Do you wish to continue?

> Exit game
 
You might be onto something there Joneleth. If we worked hard enough we could probably have "Halflife-2: The Text Adventure Diaries of Gordon Freeman" written and released before HL2 hits the stores.

GO EAST

:D
 
What was through that link? Be gentle with me...
 
i thought it was funny. i thought it was real for the first part, but nice touch with apple and a floppy haha
 
OMG!, look at Joneleth's post! he has the leaked beta :eek:
 
Ha, this is pretty funny, but I do agree you should put something to the effect of "*humor*" in the title, or somehing, otherwise people get a bad impression. We should make a HL2 text-adventure game. That would be hilarious.
 
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU.

you had me believing you untill the end!! ARRRGH!!

that was so funny! i needed that! LOL thanks! lol
 
if you lot want to play a GOOD trick on your friends

tell them to go to...

" you don't know who i am . org "

above do that without the spacebars. i didn't make it a link because i know some people will click on it by mistake.

this link will take you to the "you are an idiot" song, BUT when u click close, another 10 will pop up and all sing it... then if you close them YET another 10 will pop up untill...it finally ends (it will end but i think you have to click close on about 300. LOL ) or u have to restart comp.
 
Re: New Half Life 2 Announcement from Valve!

Originally posted by mpratt
Spitcodfry posted that he witnessed Valve programmers removing all the 3d models from the game and replacing them with 2d sprite textures. “We don’t need 3dsMax or XSI anymore, its wonderful gleamed one of the developers.” Another developer mused that benchmarks using the ATI pro 9800 on the converted game had increased the frame rates from 32.1 fps with all options on in one scene to over 80,290.2 fps. An increase which he attributed to the fact the scene only had two polygons. Lombardi walked in at this point and observed that less is indeed more, and that the new game wouldn’t even need a graphics card to run at all.

System specs have been reduced for the game from a 700 mhz CPU with a direct X 6.0 graphics card to an apple II with a floppy.

ROFL :LOL:
 
It's funny but there's a problem. If you leave this up then the less intelligent, humor lacking, guillable, or reading impaired people will take it for truth and spam crap about it.
 
I would call it a Masterpiece but it had its flaws here and there.
I lost interest in the middle, jumped some posts, returned, and finally i LOLed
 
Originally posted by commando
if you lot want to play a GOOD trick on your friends

tell them to go to...

" you don't know who i am . org "

above do that without the spacebars. i didn't make it a link because i know some people will click on it by mistake.

this link will take you to the "you are an idiot" song, BUT when u click close, another 10 will pop up and all sing it... then if you close them YET another 10 will pop up untill...it finally ends (it will end but i think you have to click close on about 300. LOL ) or u have to restart comp.

...

Thats a virus, I've had it before, I think it's called JSCRIPT_SPAWN.A or something.
 
This is cool, but how comes that HL2 got two poly per scen.
 
Thats a virus, I've had it before, I think it's called JSCRIPT_SPAWN.A or something.

Yea, in otherwords its a java script on close spawn event. its not a virus, just some abused code.
 
IF it were to be a prequal, that would make all the information now invalid. I mean, they can't just start over. Perhaps I read wrong and if so forgive me. ^_^
 
omg hl2 has gone 2d. omg omg omg can someone confirm this.
 
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