I Feel Dirty...

[el Chi]

I am sat here, staring at this screen with a grand total of 3,361 posts, an average of 6.85 a day and it suddenly occurs to me that I feel quite dirty and displeased with myself.

I have just watched a 6 minute-long fan-made trailer comprisied of footage I have seen God knows how many times and, despite its impressiveness, I really do wonder what the hell I was doing? Why am I acting like I care so much? Why have I invested so much time and effort in learning about this game and hanging onto so many details? Why oh why do I care?

And before you say "But el Chi! It'll be the best game ever!" I don't doubt that, but it can't help nag at the back of my mind that I've spent far too much energy in caring about this. I've never followed the making of any game, album, book or film this much. I don't care how special an experience it will be - and games are becoming experiences in the same way people never forget their favourite film or book or play - I can't shake this feeling that I've hit a low. I mean to say, I've spent all this time on these forums - and don't get me wrong, many of you are extremely good people - and whilst some of the discussion in Off-Topic has been interesting, the discussion I've put into discussing the game itself seems pathetic.

And now, as we approach the release date, I find myself thinking that these next few days are going to be long. I maybe felt that way to an extent about the last couple of albums I bought, but somehow not quite as much. I have uni work to attend to and I know it's going to be tough to tear myself away from this game to get it done, and I'm not the most willful person at the best of times.

At the moment I'm "seeing" this girl, but she's away for the weekend so I can't see her right now. I won't see her on Monday because I'm going home from uni for the night to give in CVs to get a job over Christmas. But I'm back on Tuesday evening. Will I see her then? Or will I fob her off saying I'm shattered and play HL2 instead? However sh*tty that sounds, I know I'll be tempted. Like I said, hitting a low...
The other day, as part of the playful verbal abuse we exchange she called me a "geek trapped in a cool person's body" and she's right, actually. And she doesn't even know how much time I've spent here, or playing computer games or the money I've invested in upgrading my PC.

This has just crept up on me the last few days I suppose, but mostly right now. I think I'm going to have to face facts that, pretty soon, I'm going to have to leave the forums and calm down a bit. There's only so much one can talk about this game. Maybe I'd just stay in Off-Topic and debate, but then they never go anywhere and, whilst it's interesting to hear other people's views, it's also infuriating.

I know it's been a long post, and if you've gotten this far then I thank you for bearing with me. I just felt I had to let all this crap loose and obviously you folks are the people it's most relevant to.

Does anyone else feel similarly at all?

 

[Icarus]

All I can say is, stick around, you won't want to miss it

 

[Harryz]

Shit man. Now you've made me feel all depressed. Lol.

 

[Neutrino]

Does anyone else feel similarly at all?

Ya, I know what you mean. I really spend most of my time here in off topic, but I don't know how much longer I'll stick around.

Sometimes we could always use a little reality check. Can be a good thing.

 

[el Chi]

Sorry I didn't mean to bring anyone else down.
And Icarus - you intrigue me... Care to divulge any more?

 

[Harryz]

Sorry I didn't mean to bring anyone else down.

No point apologising, the damage is already done.

 

[<RJMC>]

Shit man. Now you've made me feel all depressed. Lol.

me too

 

[ailevation]

:thumbs: Take a break and breathe .

 

[CTTcrew_MrBlue]

I am sat here, staring at this screen with a grand total of 3,361 posts, an average of 6.85 a day and it suddenly occurs to me that I feel quite dirty and displeased with myself.

I have just watched a 6 minute-long fan-made trailer comprisied of footage I have seen God knows how many times and, despite its impressiveness, I really do wonder what the hell I was doing? Why am I acting like I care so much? Why have I invested so much time and effort in learning about this game and hanging onto so many details? Why oh why do I care?

And before you say "But el Chi! It'll be the best game ever!" I don't doubt that, but it can't help nag at the back of my mind that I've spent far too much energy in caring about this. I've never followed the making of any game, album, book or film this much. I don't care how special an experience it will be - and games are becoming experiences in the same way people never forget their favourite film or book or play - I can't shake this feeling that I've hit a low. I mean to say, I've spent all this time on these forums - and don't get me wrong, many of you are extremely good people - and whilst some of the discussion in Off-Topic has been interesting, the discussion I've put into discussing the game itself seems pathetic.

And now, as we approach the release date, I find myself thinking that these next few days are going to be long. I maybe felt that way to an extent about the last couple of albums I bought, but somehow not quite as much. I have uni work to attend to and I know it's going to be tough to tear myself away from this game to get it done, and I'm not the most willful person at the best of times.

At the moment I'm "seeing" this girl, but she's away for the weekend so I can't see her right now. I won't see her on Monday because I'm going home from uni for the night to give in CVs to get a job over Christmas. But I'm back on Tuesday evening. Will I see her then? Or will I fob her off saying I'm shattered and play HL2 instead? However sh*tty that sounds, I know I'll be tempted. Like I said, hitting a low...
The other day, as part of the playful verbal abuse we exchange she called me a "geek trapped in a cool person's body" and she's right, actually. And she doesn't even know how much time I've spent here, or playing computer games or the money I've invested in upgrading my PC.

This has just crept up on me the last few days I suppose, but mostly right now. I think I'm going to have to face facts that, pretty soon, I'm going to have to leave the forums and calm down a bit. There's only so much one can talk about this game. Maybe I'd just stay in Off-Topic and debate, but then they never go anywhere and, whilst it's interesting to hear other people's views, it's also infuriating.

I know it's been a long post, and if you've gotten this far then I thank you for bearing with me. I just felt I had to let all this crap loose and obviously you folks are the people it's most relevant to.

Does anyone else feel similarly at all?

I know Exactly how you feel ;(

 

[oldagerocker]

i know how you feel too... i've never stuck around on a forum like this before for anything, often it's just something to do to wittle away the time when im not doing uni work and i dont game often. Your lady friend seems to know you well.. stick with her.
You dont have to leave the forums, unless you could be spending the time on more important things, like going to the gym, being with your girlfriend, drinking, or doing work.
And Icarus, spill the beans

 

[Death.Trap]

Shit man. Now you've made me feel all depressed. Lol.

Heh...I feel the same way =/

 

[KagePrototype]

Heh, you've got it easy. I go to a computer game course at Uni, and the subject of choice for pretty much the last month has been Half-Life 2 (and, to a lesser extent, Halo 2). I couldn't avoid it if I tried.

 

[Fat Tony!]

Yeah, well what you going to do about it? Sit here and think about it or start changing things. You know your not happy with it so its time to do something about it I suppose.

 

[Sulkdodds]

My advice is wait till the weekend till buying HL2. I've got all sorts of shit to do, so I know I probably will. Strong moral fibre, that's the thing! Seriously though, it's not that hard to not play PC games...is it?

Besides, I'm not here because of HL2. I'm here for the community. Although HL2 will be good as well.

 

[Fat Tony!]

Im not getting hl2 until christmas

 

[Dedalus]

well, it's glaringly obvious you're unhappy with the individual you're developing into. if you're not happy doing something, then don't.

easier said than done, naturally. which is when you have to look at what's on 'the other side'. the other side being, women, friends, drink, socialising etc. which is more valuable to you right now, and which will you regret not doing?

personally, if my significant other asked me to go out on tuesday/wednesday, i'd do so in the drop of a hat. simply because, i won't get that chance again. forums and HL2 will still be there when i get back.....it's an elementary idea, one that we're all taught from childhood, but it's amazing how we forget it so often.

are you worried about what other people might be saying/thinking about you? "ohh look at 'im, dirty little bugger..always on 'is computer thingy, lord 'elp us". /cockney redneck

it seems that way to be honest. personally, i couldn't give a toss what someone would think of my postcount, or the obscene amount of time i spend in front of my computer, or the insane amount i've spent upgrading etc. similar to you, yes. but i don't find it quite a putrid as you seem to. maybe that's not the image you give off, maybe you're thinking about it too much.

i'm a trekky (stop laughing at the back there), and one thing that sticks with me, is a quote from star trek five or six or one of those...
McCoy: "where in the hell did Sulu find the time to raise a daughter?!"
Scotty: "well it's like the captain always says, you've got to make the time."

i know that's a bit clumsy, but i hope you get the concept behind it.


you can either embrace what you are, or wallow in self pity. it might be that you're having withdrawal symptoms. i know i am. ever since i joined this site, i've been teetering on the edge. the game is almost released, but not quite. valve are always drip-feeding content to us. it's that perpetual state of anticipation. John Keats' poetry is based on the idea that the anticipation and build up to the event, is more emotional and rewarding than the actual event. maybe some of that is showing here.

12 months worth of furious posting and heart wrenching anticipation will leave you feeling empty once you finally reach the climax of your journey. once HL2 is released, i guess it's the end of our journey together. some might argue it's only the beginning, but maybe you're stressing over the state of your hl2.net behaviour. come the 16th, it's gonna change drastically. i know it will for me.

anyway i hope you took something from that. i'm now off to eat a big tub of icecream to make me feel better.

 

[LAYP]

Well I don't feel like this at all. This is because I am ultimately awesome in every aspect to ever exist and never have any depressive moments because my confidence peaks higher than the gods.

And half life 2 rules and is going to be an amazing experience.

 

[CyberSh33p]

I'm just worried about the additional Fs I'll have grade-wise

I don't regret staying here so long that much, as I don't venture outside of off topic much anyway this was a great forum with great folks, so I decided to stay here for that reason. If not for HL2, I'd probably be on some other one, except perhaps less entertained.

the forum here seems to be getting a little better now too

 

[Fender357]

Didn't read all of your post, I just gotta say. You need to find a balance in it all. Thats the best way to go.

Especialy when you have a GF. Hopefully she would be enough to pull you away from all this from time to time.

 

[Bad^Hat]

I know how you feel, about spending way too much time here, about caring way too much. But it doesn't get me down. My life is such that these forums, and this game, are a high point

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

Know exactly how you feel....


Its irritating......

 

[ComradeBadger]

I'm just not sure anymore. For me these forums are a nice refuge from the outside world.

I love it here.

 

[Sui]

i postponed buying Halo2 and World of warcraft for my mock GCSEs, but i couldnt resist HL2 so i oprdered it today. skrew revision.

but seriously, if i could count up how many hours i have spent sitting here posting on HL2.net i would probally cry. and if i added the amount of times i have played games i would probally commit suicide. then if i jumbled in the time spent doing all the other shit i do at this PC i would roll over in my new grave. then if i added the time ive spent on consoles (including the 600-700 hours ive spent on final fantasy games.. and no, im not joking. seriously. ive completed the last five 2 or 3 times) i would dig my way to hell. then if i added all the hours ive spent not doing anything useful, like homework or "going out", my depression would cause the universe to implode.

but luckily im not going to add anything up because ive allready done my maths homework.

(P.S... i estimate 20,000 - 25,000 hours. that it multipying the average time spent on the PC each day by how many days i have played games, which is about 7 years. yay.)

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

i postponed buying Halo2 and World of warcraft for my mock GCSEs, but i couldnt resist HL2 so i oprdered it today. skrew revision.

but seriously, if i could count up how many hours i have spent sitting here posting on HL2.net i would probally cry. and if i added the amount of times i have played games i would probally commit suicide. then if i jumbled in the time spent doing all the other shit i do at this PC i would roll over in my new grave. then if i added the time ive spent on consoles (including the 600-700 hours ive spent on final fantasy games.. and no, im not joking. seriously. ive completed the last five 2 or 3 times) i would dig my way to hell. then if i added all the hours ive spent not doing anything useful, like homework or "going out", my depression would cause the universe to implode.

but luckily im not going to add anything up because ive allready done my maths homework.

(P.S... i estimate 20,000 - 25,000 hours. that it multipying the average time spent on the PC each day by how many days i have played games, which is about 7 years. yay.)

Hahaha :thumbs: - great post!

 

[Tr0n]

You're a dirty dirty whore Chi....but I love ya.

 

[Alec_85]

Wow. In all honesty, the day you start feeling like that, you don't deserve to be a gamer anymore. Leave & don't let the door hit you on the way out

I hate those who think someone is lame & geeky for being excited about a game. It's the freaking (in lack of a better word) same thing as a movie or a book as you mentioned. And I also hate those who play games to be cool. Also known as casual gamers. ESPECIALLY those casual gamers who simply adore sports titles only & despise true gamers who happen to like all kinds of games. This fashion have to end right here!

A little sidenote Last time I did something like this when was I first heard of the movie production of LOTR. And I don't regret what I did for a second. It adds A LOT to the overall experience to me. I'll continue to do this for as long as I can. JUST BECAUSE some people think it's stupid & sad. My way of fighting them. And I'm slowly winning :thumbs:

Edit: Oh & I do not have a girlfriend, a job or a future so **** off

Edit2: Sounds like a lot you actually regret playing games at all. Then why the **** do you do it? Go off to the pub & get drunk if that is so wonderful & meaningful. I don't understand the Humanity of this day and age ;(

 

[CyberSh33p]

he has a point, people get equally excited about movies, or music, or other trivial things.

 

[Sui]

Wow. In all honesty, the day you start feeling like that, you don't deserve to be a gamer anymore. Leave & don't let the door hit you on the way out

I hate those who think someone is lame & geeky for being excited about a game. It's the freaking (in lack of a better word) same thing as a movie or a book as you mentioned. And I also hate those who play games to be cool. Also known as casual gamers. ESPECIALLY those casual gamers who simply adore sports titles only & despise true gamers who happen to like all kinds of games. This fashion have to end right here!

A little sidenote Last time I did something like this when was I first heard of the movie production of LOTR. And I don't regret what I did for a second. It adds A LOT to the overall experience to me. I'll continue to do this for as long as I can. JUST BECAUSE some people think it's stupid & sad. My way of fighting them. And I'm slowly winning :thumbs:

Edit: Oh & I do not have a girlfriend, a job or a future so **** off

i believe what you said is in the centre of many gamers' minds... true gamers, at least. personally i despise the casual gamers and are severely critical of those who dismiss the decent games in favour for something sub - par yet "fun".

this is really a double edged sword- for its hard to see where the "casual" gamer ends and the "l337" gamer begins. while i myself have great amusement with GTA:SA, i also despise those who do the same thing, but wear the tag of a "casual" gamer. when someone from my school commented on halo2 being crap and GTA:SA being a great game, i dismissed his opinion as invalid as he fell into the classification of being "casual". yet i have heard many of my fellow forumites say the same thing, and i have greeted them with a formal and supported answer, fully appreciating what they say. Both of them i do not know, but yet i feel that one has a more valid opinion that the other because one spends his time on a PC and the other at a Ps2.

strange.

*edit* dont worry i'll stop talking like an intelectual soon enough ( lol, check out this peice of random bullshit ) its just a phase im goign through. strange how the glooming aura of the night affects me on less than a subconsious level, though completely disdinguishes my dialouge, language and thoughts on a completely random level. What the F*CK did i just say? i believe i said that night makes me change the way i behave randomly... hmm.... im f*cked up.

 

[Alec_85]

i believe what you said is in the centre of many gamers' minds... true gamers, at least. personally i despise the casual gamers and are severely critical of those who dismiss the decent games in favour for something sub - par yet "fun".

this is really a double edged sword- for its hard to see where the "casual" gamer ends and the "l337" gamer begins. while i myself have great amusement with GTA:SA, i also despise those who do the same thing, but wear the tag of a "casual" gamer. when someone from my school commented on halo2 being crap and GTA:SA being a great game, i dismissed his opinion as invalid as he fell into the classification of being "casual". yet i have heard many of my fellow forumites say the same thing, and i have greeted them with a formal and supported answer, fully appreciating what they say. Both of them i do not know, but yet i feel that one has a more valid opinion that the other because one spends his time on a PC and the other at a Ps2.

strange.

Well it seems that "1337" gamers can see who a casual is. It's usually quite easy. And "casuals" generally do not post on game forums. So there you go. And Halo 2 IS crappy to a certain degree. And that's not bashing. It's true. Some casuals who are on the brink on becoming 1337s could probably spot this just as easily. Though Fanboyism can get you blind (God what a mainstream word nowadays).

I may have gotten a few bloody teeth from my childhood about casuals & certain grown-ups (that's even worse imho). That might explain a lot of feelings that gamers have. Frozen out of most social circuits.

 

[Sui]

Well it seems that "1337" gamers can see who a casual is. It's usually quite easy. And "casuals" generally do not post on game forums. So there you go. And Halo 2 IS crappy to a certain degree. And that's not bashing. It's true. Some casuals who are on the brink on becoming 1337s could probably spot this just as easily. Though Fanboyism can get you blind (God what a mainstream word nowadays).

I may have gotten a few bloody teeth from my childhood about casuals & certain grown-ups (that's even worse imho). That might explain a lot of feelings that gamers have. Frozen out of most social circuits.

but yet i judge opinions by whether they are "casual" or not... though a casual gamer could be a potential "1337" gamer, just without the capability of gaining acess to a PC. so whats to say that they're opinion is less valid just because they can only afford a PS2? yet i dont know that, so therefore i am the ignorant one. or is it the other way round? *looks confused*

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

I've been tihnking along similar lines...


I bought this computer over a year ago now, and I wonder what kind of investment did I really make? I have no doubt that in entertainment value, it has been good. But thats not really an investment, its just the same as buying a drink or some food for the pure enjoyment of it. An investment would have been using it more for work (which I had done) and making it produce money.

Anyway, having an avid interest in something such as hl2 isn't so bad. Not because its hl2 :O but what else is there to "love" (Not love like between a man and a woman) other than the imagination or a creative mind, and the realisation of that in a tangible product. As for hanging about in the forums...I suppose I know what you're talking about. Even now I'm wondering why instead of sleeping, I'm replying to the rantings of a strange Londoner

I've been tempted to stay in and paly games when I coudl go out with friends. Its not necessarily about being anti-social (Though that is certainly what it leads to and is often at the core) but its about sticking with your comfort zone. Literraly and metaphorically. 'I'm warm and cozy inside, so why should I bother going out into the cold?' Then there is 'Well, I can see my friends tommorow, and it means 30 minutes walk. I'm sat at my computer now, I could just play a game'
I used to be like that more than I would care to think about, but after talking with my parents (about unrelated stuff, but about being locked in your comfort zone) I realised just what I was doing, and I forced myself to make an effort. Even if I thought it would actually be really crap going out, I still did it because you never know what might happen, and leaving your comfort zone is always the best option, because ultimately it makes life easier in whatever you do, since you're more willing to take that chance that could land you with your dream.


Anyway, I jsut got back from worka while ago, so my brain isn't really geared up for typing or anything intelectual beyond

"Yes, I do know where the beans are. They are right behind you"
or one of my facourites (Yeah its boring working in a supermarket )
Customer - "Where do you keep your Ketchup?"
Me - "At...home? Usually inside a cupboard."

Edit:

he has a point, people get equally excited about movies, or music, or other trivial things.

We judge ourselves by the failings, or at the least, the actions of others all too often. Really its up to us to decide what we feel is right for us. We cannot justify ourselves by judgeing others if we are to truly get ahead in life.

Negativity seems to be the focus of many people in the world.

A good example would be.

You see a man by the road, shouting at his car -saying things like "I hate you! Why won't you work. You stupid piece of crap sorry excuse for a car"- occasionally hitting it. You go over, and say
"Hey whats wrong?"
he says " My car broke down, its the second time this year!"
You reply "Oh yeah, tell me about it. Ain't it the worst"

That seems perfectly normal, if not a little blunt in my delivery.
Now, another situation.

You see a man stood by the road, speaking softly to his car, occasionally patting it. You don't go over and instead you just stand at a safe distance trying to listen to what he is saying.
You hear him say
"You're a great car, I really like the way you run so smoothly. I'm glad aI bought you"
"
At this point you walk swiftly away thinking about how nutty that guy was.


Now in many respects while those situations are very different, they are also very similar. Yet the latter is about a crazy man and the former is about your averge Joe.


:O


Anyway, I'm not trying to make much of a point. Like I said, my brain isn't running properly yet.


(Long post :x)

 

[Sui]

i completely understand farrow... and your brains working fine

just for that, you get to dual weild keyboards in the hl2 .net comic trailer!!!

download it! you know you want to!

 

[Alec_85]

but yet i judge opinions by whether they are "casual" or not... though a casual gamer could be a potential "1337" gamer, just without the capability of gaining acess to a PC. so whats to say that they're opinion is less valid just because they can only afford a PS2? yet i dont know that, so therefore i am the ignorant one. or is it the other way round? *looks confused*

Getting near a PC just to post on a games forum would probably be too geeky. So they stick with their cool PS2. Those who buy a PS2 instead of a new PC because of budget issues are not who I would call "casual". I would do the same thing. This whole agenda that PC-folks have against console-gamers & the other way around is just stupid. That may sound stupid too if you add the things I said about other people above but they do not count in on this yet

Edit: Oh & Sparrow: I would be glad for the second guy if I heard that. Probably not at first sight of course but if I thought about it for a while. Which I probably wouldn't but that's vesides the point. It's like that teacher who gets his new car destroyed 3-4 times by Onizuka in the Anime show "Great Teacher Onizuka".

 

[Esquire]

I am sat here, ............
...........playful verbal abuse we exchange she called me a "geek trapped in a cool person's body" and she's right, actually............
.............................

Does anyone else feel similarly at all?

I have felt that way in the past. Sounds to me like you've come to a revelation point in your life or something and are trying to define your identity.

So, i'll say this.
...Being a "geek trapped in a cool person's body" is one of the greatest things to be. Just think about it's potential... You have the ability to lead a DOUBLE LIFE. Yes, a double life. You appeal to many people, 'geeks' AND 'cool looking' people. Once you merge the two identities into one, you can become more rounded and it truly will become a magnificent identity. You'll get invited to geek parties, and cool looking people's parties.

I remember when i was settling down into college, i didnt fit into any stereotype group at all. When i say stereotype, i mean a group that you can look at and instantly tell what music they're into and what they're like.

Anyway, for me it was like i didnt fit in because i wasnt from a stereotypical group, but i knew alot of people around the place, so I'd just end up chilling with different people i knew everyday and in different lessons.

After a while, I just began doing my own things, speaking my own way and living like i wanted because I never felt pressured by friends to be any certain way.

Anyway, the point am trying to make is that if you are a 'geek' inside a 'cool looking' body, then you have more options in your life than anyone else who is a straight up geek or is straight up cool looking.

At anyrate, what makes posting 7posts a day so bad? It's not as if it takes up a lot of time. And what makes investigating HL2 such a bad hobby anyway? There's nothing wrong with it. Many people obsess over many things, and then they get over it. That's just the way things are man dont get hung up over it. It's your decision, and as long as it doesnt adversely affect others then there's nothing wrong with it. So if you're commited to this girl you're "seeing", then be commited and make sacrifices for her, like she should you. You must have enjoyed or have been entertained making those 7posts a day, so why the upset? It's what you like doing. Dont feel bullied into not doing it because others dislike it or cant understand why you do it.

That's just my 8cents.

 

[el Chi]

Being a "geek trapped in a cool person's body" is one of the greatest things to be. Just think about it's potential... You have the ability to lead a DOUBLE LIFE. Yes, a double life. You appeal to many people, 'geeks' AND 'cool looking' people. Once you merge the two identities into one, you can become more rounded and it truly will become a magnificent identity.

Yeah, this is true and, it's not so much what I aim for (the double life part that is) but it's certainly what I end hitting. And that's not such a bad thing, not by any means. Just so long as I don't betray my secret identities and let the two be seen at the same place at the same time

I've only quoted yours because I'm lazy - many other people made many othr good points. And the response has interested me. It's nice to know that there are other who have an inkling of what I'm blathering on about.
And thank you the self-help "decide how to define your life" gurus - I'm not quite at personality crisis stage just yet, but honestly and truly thank you.

To clarify. I do like it here. I have a habit of occasionally latching onto a forum community, hanging there for ages, then droping off and leave forever after a certain point; my last main one was the PCGamer UK forums.

12 months worth of furious posting and heart wrenching anticipation will leave you feeling empty once you finally reach the climax of your journey. once HL2 is released, i guess it's the end of our journey together. some might argue it's only the beginning, but maybe you're stressing over the state of your hl2.net behaviour. come the 16th, it's gonna change drastically. i know it will for me.

Which is exactly what I've been thinking - perhaps I won't leave permanantly, but I feel sure I won't be here for a week or two after the release because I don't want it all spoiled for me past what I've already spoiled myself by soaking up whatever minimal droplets of information I can find like some desperate crack-whore.

ever since i joined this site, i've been teetering on the edge. the game is almost released, but not quite. valve are always drip-feeding content to us. it's that perpetual state of anticipation. John Keats' poetry is based on the idea that the anticipation and build up to the event, is more emotional and rewarding than the actual event. maybe some of that is showing here..

Perhaps, perhaps. It certainly is one of the reasons I started to become so frequent - first to find out a bit more information, then to see the trailers, then to defend the September 30th date (nice going there el Chi...), then to see if there was any information about the release and then by that time, here I was, a regular visitor. Strange in a way. Strange that a community - a community I consider myself to be very much a part of - can crystallise around something like this. Stranger stll, and morethan a tad ironic, that after all this wait and checking back repeatedly for a release date we finally have one, it's days away and it doesn't feel in the slightest like it's going to be released.

I just feel occasionally that the discussion and the anticipation I personally have invested - and I should stress that at no point are any of my comments a criticism of any of you up-standing people - of this singular game is a bit disproportianate to reality. Hnnngh, that's not put exactly right - I'm finding it hard to find the words.
I may have made it sound as if I'm not happy with who I am, but that's not entirely accurate. I may have made it sound like I'm deathly scared of what other people will think of me, and I'm not really.

Y'see the problem is that this feeling is a discontent that's not so strong that I feel I need to revise who I am, but just a wondering and a slight disappointment with the way I've spent my time. If I think about it in more straight and understandable, coherent terms then I'll post it again.
But cheers for everyone's responses, they've been interesting.

 

[Tab]

Oh please, getting depressed over a game? Dude you need to get some Sun Light or something. Go spend some time with you Gf. One day you'll look back at this post and realize how sad this sounds.

ITS-A-GAME not to be confused with a way of life.


Im not trying to insult you. . .but really now. Something thats always made me feel better when Im not feeling happy (about other things. . .like a gf leaving you. . .NOT A GAME) I take a road trip with a bunch of friends.

 

[el Chi]

You misunderstand. I'm not depressed over a game, more the time and effort I've invested in finding out about it, discussing it etc. You see the difference?

 

[CyberSh33p]

5 bucks says he didn't read a word of it

 

[Maxi]

I'm just not sure anymore. For me these forums are a nice refuge from the outside world.

I love it here.

Me too, It's a different place where I can go to when i'm stressed out about stuff in real life. I can post stuff that would normally be considered wierd or just spam or something.

 

[Tab]

You misunderstand. I'm not depressed over a game, more the time and effort I've invested in finding out about it, discussing it etc. You see the difference?

Depressed or not, you need to get out. Many wont agree with me because many are in the same situation you are. Thinking about playing HL2 over being with your gf. Thats sad.