i know..another helplife2.net thread sorry..

AKIRA

AKIRA

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ok...so i think i have anxiety disorder.

Cause: obviously a girl.

Story (if you're bored and would like to read):

I've known this girl for about 4 years...we were really good friends for the first 2 1/2-3...so last year around december, we finally hooked up...and kept on seeing eachother till the present. But, since december..she's been with this other guy (who i knew about, but he didn't know about me)...so for the past 8 months we've been either really good together or really bad (she kept on saying i was the one for her but couldnt bring herself to break up with her boyfriend which caused us to fight)...

Around the end of june..i was sitting with her and her mom watching tv, when he randomly showed up at her house...so she obviously freaked out, closed all the lights and made me hide in the kitchen..at that point i think i subconsciously gave up. We got into a huge fight but then we made up and she FINALLY broke up with her boyfriend.

So things were fine for about a month, and near the end of july, for some reason...i started feeling stressed and anxious...I'm pretty the cause is her. I felt really scared and trapped. I don't have panic attacks or anything but my mind constantly races and I start doubting my feelings for her and start thinking of things like what if this doesnt work and all that stuff. This has been going since july until now and it doesn't seem like it's letting up or going away.

I went to the doctors yesterday and explained him the story...he just said I had to work it out on my own and it didn't seem like anything serious.

I know some of you are thinking..how do you not know how you feel for her? I just don't. It's the most uncomfortable uneasy feeling ever. I don't know if I have commitment issues or she's just not the one for me, or I'm just thinking all of that because I'm jsut freaking out.

I really don't know what to do. We've talked about my feelings and there were several times where we both broke down and all that stuff.

**Lame-ness alert**

I love her but what I don't know is if i'm in love with her, or if I'm falling out of love. The thing that bothers me is that sometimes I feel like it's always been with her and other times it feels like everything is different. This constant flip flopping of feelings is causing the anxiety (i'm pretty sure) and I really don't know what to do.

We've talked about taking a break but i feel as though whether we take a break or not i'm still going to have this anxiety for a few reasons:

1. I feel incredibly, incredibly guilty for what i'm putting her through
2. I'm going to constantly be worried about how she's doing (she's extremely fragile and her heart can be broken very easily and she's not a very emotionally strong person...)
3. I'm really worried that I'm making a mistake if we end up breaking up..


I seriously don't know what route to take. I don't know what I should do. I've talked to several people..talking about it really helps and eliminates the anxiety..but only for it to come back the next day and the cycle repeats itself.

It's like I can't live with her and I can't live without her. It's a horrible feeling and I'd just like some advice or some sort of direction because I'm all over the place with my emotions right now and it's taking it's toll..on both of us.

Thanks in advance, sorry if it was TL DR.
 
*clicks back*..."god damnit" *clicks forward

Try a change of pace...go out with her somewhere nice (scenic?) and that may help clear your head up. I think just being away from the ordinary can help, I'm a sucker for good sight seeing so I don't know maybe you shouldn't listen to me.
 
Girl is obvious trouble. You should have dumped that when she had a ****ing boyfriend!
Made you hide? Seriously. And her mom was there? Sound ****ed up.
 
you shouldnt have hide and saiy to his boyfriend "now she is mine bitch!" and lick her titties in front of him
 
Dude wtf lol... If you know a girl is capable of cheating AT ALL, on you or with you, you should dump her ass. Especially in this situation, like wtf man.
 
She sounds untrustworthy.

If you do decide to be in a relationship with her, who's not to say she might be hiding someone behind your back?
Yeah, it's a bit of a generalization because I don't know how close you two are, but, ya know, always remember that.
 
If it were me, I would have told the bitch to **** off if she wanted to to hide, walk outside, looked the guy in the face, and said "She's all yours. I will warn you though, she may want you to hide." and leave him with that, wondering wtf.

Then when she does it to him, he'll know.

But that's just me.

Yeah, dude. Get rid of that shit. I don't know how old you are, but yo can't be that old, so you've got a lot to live, and more people to meet. I've been where you're at. it's like running through a maze with a blindfold on. She's the blindfold. time to take the blindfold off. It'll help you get out alive.
 
she was dating this guy before me and her hooked up. She cheated on him with me..yes, I know i'm an idiot and an asshole because it was a slimey thing to do and i know that..

but the thing is i've liked her on and off for 4 years and we've been really good friends...she's been complaining about him ever since they got together how he wasn't what she wanted but she couldn't bring herself to break up with him...so one night we just hooked up..it sort of just happened.

anyways she broke up with him and we got over that whole love triangle fiasco..but a month later it's ME who's feelings are all messed up. This has nothing to do with her cheating again or me cheating on her.

It's got to do with my anxiety and my uncertainty if she's the one or not..but what i'm confused is about why am i getting these weird anxiety feelings now all of the sudden? Is it because that one night really messed me up and i finally subconsciously gave up on us? Because for a month and a little bit after that night and after she finally ended it wtih him things were really good and i felt grounded with her and she was the one i wanted to be with...now sometimes i feel that and sometimes i dont.

I feel all weird and trapped and i dunno if i may have commitment issues or not?

I don't know i'm emotionally all over the place
 
Well... No one here can, or should tell you how to feel.
 
Rizzo said:
Well... No one here can, or should tell you how to feel.
Click to expand...

Yea I guess so..I'm just trying everything possible to try and figure this stuff out. It's really stressing me out.
 
I think starting a relationship like that is bad, bad, bad. Not because of you (Okay, being the other guy is a bit lame, but you were the third party. It was up to her to come clean to her boyfriend), but just because it's a precedent. She cheated on her last boyfriend with you, and so you know that she's entirely capable of doing something like that. I think that thought could just sit at the back of your mind. You might not be thinking she'll do the same to you, but as I say, it's not a positive way to start things off.

Perhaps you're feeling uncomfortable with it, but because you (Presumably) put so much effort into getting it to work, that you now feel like you're supposed to stick with her. Especially after she broke up with her past boyfriend for you. If that is the case, then... don't feel that way. You don't owe it to her to be in the relationship. It's supposed to be mutually beneficial.

All I know about this girl is that she cheated on her boyfriend. I don't think that alone makes someone unlovable, but you know, she'd better be good at something! You're taking a lot of this burden onto yourself.

edit edit edit

You mention her being emotionally fragile. But she managed to juggle two men (apparently successfully). I think she is capable of handling herself.
 
Farrowlesparrow said:
I think starting a relationship like that is bad, bad, bad. Not because of you (Okay, being the other guy is a bit lame, but you were the third party. It was up to her to come clean to her boyfriend), but just because it's a precedent. She cheated on her last boyfriend with you, and so you know that she's entirely capable of doing something like that. I think that thought could just sit at the back of your mind. You might not be thinking she'll do the same to you, but as I say, it's not a positive way to start things off.

Perhaps you're feeling uncomfortable with it, but because you (Presumably) put so much effort into getting it to work, that you now feel like you're supposed to stick with her. Especially after she broke up with her past boyfriend for you. If that is the case, then... don't feel that way. You don't owe it to her to be in the relationship. It's supposed to be mutually beneficial.

All I know about this girl is that she cheated on her boyfriend. I don't think that alone makes someone unlovable, but you know, she'd better be good at something! You're taking a lot of this burden onto yourself.
Click to expand...

I'm almost 100% sure the thing that's bothering me isn't because i'd think she'd go out and cheat on me.

The thing you said about me putting a lot of effort in it so i should stick it out is somewhat true. I know that I love her..we've had amazing times together, we've had a great connection that i've never had with anyone else but lately for the past month it feels like the connection isn't there, but maybe that's caused because i'm so enveloped in this anxiety feeling...is this because i may have a commitment issue or maybe i'm just actually falling out of love with her?

I don't expect you guys to have the answer i'd just like your opinions.

Thanks for the posts so far though.
 
Maybe this is just me...but...

Well how the **** can you trust someone like that? Seriously. As everyone has said before, she's done it before and as we all know she can do it again.

Remember, women do not think logically. Even if you think what you have is special, always keep in mind she cheated and dumped another guy for you. I think if you don't break it off you'll be the one shouldering all the hurt when it comes time later on.
 
Break up with her. I've felt this way before, and every time I'd end up breaking up and feeling a lot better off because of it.
 
Really similar things happened to me, Akira.

I could type out paragraph after paragraph about it, but I'll just cut to the chase.

get the **** out of there.
 
I really want to give good advice to you in this thread, but what you did was pretty well the worst thing you could possibly do to/in a relationship. Like honestly I'd respect you more if you gave the guy AIDS instead.
 
The 'connection' you say you had with her is not some supernatural, mystical force. It was a result of actions you took together and the way you both behaved with eachother. I imagine you felt this loving 'connection' because you were able to hang out with her with very little pretence or posturing, that you were able to talk openly about deep issues...? That you felt you both understood eachother...?

If that is what your connection was built on, and you feel like it's not there any more, it's possibly because you're not doing the stuff that created it in the first place: talking (capital T), trusting eachother, savouring eachother's company... You're the only one who can say why that has happened. Maybe it's because you've realised that she's not really a person you're able to do any of that stuff with, or maybe the memory of this hiding farce has damaged your trust in her.

If it's the latter, I think you should probably talk to her about it. Explain how that incident is causing you to have doubts about everything, but if at all possible you'd like stuff to go back to how it was before all this peripheral shit muddied the waters. If you really have that kind of connection any more, you might both feel that it takes a load off to talk honestly about what stinks between you two atm.

If it's the former, then you shouldn't be mucking her around any longer and you're going to need to work out this 'break' that you've both been talking about - the fact that you've already both been discussing a break is quite a big deal, btw. It means she's already been made to chew over the idea of leaving you, and she may not need to be in this relationship as much as you think.
 
I would say the break option is a good method. Take about a month apart from each other, cease all contact until you get your head on straight. If you are still having the feelings of doubt afterwards then I would say it wasn't meant to be and you should break up and move on. However if its not the case, a month a part should have you desperate to get back together with her.

And yes anxiety can really **** with your head but it doesn't have to a catalyst, it can just appear for no reason at all, its a chemical imbalance in your brain. It could be the anxiety all along, it makes you feel detached from everything emotionally.
 
ive had a similar experience and know what your talking about, its an odd feeling to describe.

all the way back in school id liked this girl, and we'd got on fantastically (of course she already had a BF) and years went past, we started at college and the situation hadnt changed as i was still pining for her and she still had her BF. anyway, i passed my driving test, got a car and started to spend loads of time with her and we just clicked finally and she decided she wanted to be with me (the best couple of months of my life, hands down)

....it didnt last long for some pretty major reasons im not prepared to go into, but fast forward a year and we make contact again (she had got back with her old BF) and things start up again and we get together again, and sure enough it doesnt last much longer than a month or two. As ridiculous as it seems, after not seeing her for another year (during which time she gets back with the same guy again lol) we start talking again - and we decide we are going to get it ****ing right this time, but after a few weeks i had the same feelings your having now, i just didnt feel like i wanted her enough and it didnt feel fair to be with her if i couldnt love her 'properly' for lack of a better word, i doubted my love for her, was it even love, did i just idolise her?

i think what you and i may have in common is that we spent so long liking/loving her but not being able to express it (having not been together all that time) that its hard to just relax and have the relationship as your always subconsciously holding back like you did all the time you were just friends. make sense? hope so.

anyway, i miss her like crazy and i reckon you would too so dont **** it up! :)
 
What really bums me is the fact that so many people on here complain about relationships, and I went through school and college and didn't see or meet a single girl I liked, all the bloody women I fancy I see on bloody television lol. Bloody annoying.
 
AKIRA said:
ok...so i think i have anxiety disorder.

Cause: obviously a girl.
Click to expand...
lounging.jpg


I went and made a macro for these goddamn threads.

Akira, you are a gigantic tool. "I don't know if I love her, I feel guilty, I don't know if breaking up would be a mistake;" crotch-sniffing fuckhorse, why don't you just beat yourself in the dick with a broom handle?

Getting anxiety and panic attacks over a goddamn girl...sweet buttered cuntcakes what is wrong with you? Y'all be stupid as fuck. Listen, you're probably just getting over the infatuation you had with her. You aren't "falling out of love" with her--you were never IN love with her. You probably just wanted to slather your mayonnaise in her roast beef and now that dear old ex-boyfriend is out of the picture the fire's flown the coop. And now you're like, "Well, that was good while it lasted," but you don't want to hurt her FRAGILE FEELINGS. The fragile feelings of a girl who was getting stuffed by your dong on the down low while you hid in her kitchen. Liking someone on-and-off for four years ain't love, son. It's infatuation. It's a crush; it's puppy love. You ain't in love with this girl and you never were. You just THINK you were. And even assuming you were--which you weren't--not even love is a good reason to give up your own mental and emotional health.

Just get the hell out of there, don't worry about her, don't feel "guilty" about breaking up with her. I can assure you, anyone who's getting double-pumped doesn't have fragile emotions.
 
Darkside...You are the man. Just, the man.
 
I think the whole forum just fell in love with Darkside.

Again.
 
until you guys get into a very serious relationship then you'll know.

Trust me darkside, i used to have your exact mindset, i used to think how the hell can any self respecting man get so worked up over a girl to a point where it causes anxiety..but until you get seriously associated with a girl for more than a few years then you'll know.

When you guys were really close friends, pretty much almost dating on/off for 3 years then finally start doing shit and all this crap happens it takes it's toll. Once you get into a serious relationship with a girl and it ends or goes to shit come back and tell us how you truly feel
 
Man if she is cheating on you, or is near the point of doing so, dump her.

But probably get in some sex before that.
 
I bet if you told her you wanted to break up she'd say: "What, we're just friends! I didn't know we were going out?!?".
 
I don't think there's anything we here can say to help you, akira, just do what you feel to be right.
 
Darkside55 said:
Just get the hell out of there, don't worry about her, don't feel "guilty" about breaking up with her. I can assure you, anyone who's getting double-pumped doesn't have fragile emotions.
Click to expand...
Good Gods, I actually agree with part of Darkside's relationship advice.

She's a two-timing backstabber, let it end.
 
what it boils down to is that you dont want to be with her but you dont want anyone else to be with her. if you dont want to be with her, you dont want to be with her. there's no back and forth ..unless you really do want to be with her. anyways, are you sure some of the feelings stem from the fact that she was a challenge? that you had to chase her and now that the chase is over, you're over it? anyways, how old are you? if you're under 30 who cares? you're not really in love with her and will realise this when you really are in love with someone
 
AKIRA said:
until you guys get into a very serious relationship then you'll know

Trust me darkside, i used to have your exact mindset...but until you get seriously associated with a girl for more than a few years then you'll know

Once you get into a serious relationship with a girl
Click to expand...
Thinking you know what a serious relationship is
Click to expand...
Assuming no one else has ever had a 'serious' relationship
Click to expand...
Assuming no one else has 'seriously associated with a girl for more than a few years'
Click to expand...
you've only been off-and-on for four years; thinking four years is a SERIOUSLY long time
Click to expand...
Thinking that no one giving you advice is speaking from the standpoint of experience
Click to expand...
Ok bud, enjoy your mental anxiety. I hope it's worth it for your SERIUZ relationship. Lemme know how the panic attack works out.
 
It's physically impossible for AKIRA to think rationally at this point. Objective reasoning will show you exactly what needs to be done, man, but unfortunately you are going to reject what is obvious again and again until the situation changes to where there is an escape point wherein you get what your mind is telling you you want. I have sympathy for you, but at the same time, it's not tragic, because I know that one way or another equilibrium will be attained in your situation, or whoever is involved will end up doing something stupid. These are the only end results, so, while I've already explained how you are biologically compelled to read this, completely blank over it, and continue doing exactly what you are doing, maybe once your willpower overcomes the shortcomings of your limited meatsack instinctual drives, if it does, you might come back and read this and tell me I was right.

Balls.
 
bodhi said:
ive had a similar experience and know what your talking about, its an odd feeling to describe.

all the way back in school id liked this girl, and we'd got on fantastically (of course she already had a BF) and years went past, we started at college and the situation hadnt changed as i was still pining for her and she still had her BF. anyway, i passed my driving test, got a car and started to spend loads of time with her and we just clicked finally and she decided she wanted to be with me (the best couple of months of my life, hands down)

....it didnt last long for some pretty major reasons im not prepared to go into, but fast forward a year and we make contact again (she had got back with her old BF) and things start up again and we get together again, and sure enough it doesnt last much longer than a month or two. As ridiculous as it seems, after not seeing her for another year (during which time she gets back with the same guy again lol) we start talking again - and we decide we are going to get it ****ing right this time, but after a few weeks i had the same feelings your having now, i just didnt feel like i wanted her enough and it didnt feel fair to be with her if i couldnt love her 'properly' for lack of a better word, i doubted my love for her, was it even love, did i just idolise her?

i think what you and i may have in common is that we spent so long liking/loving her but not being able to express it (having not been together all that time) that its hard to just relax and have the relationship as your always subconsciously holding back like you did all the time you were just friends. make sense? hope so.

anyway, i miss her like crazy and i reckon you would too so dont **** it up! :)
Click to expand...

wow, thank you. finally someone understands.

I am a huge believer in "if it's meant to be, it'll happen one way or another". Whenever we talk about it, she always cry how she'll lose me or i'll end up with another girl, but at the same time what's better, us being together and me going constantly up and down stressing the both of us or us just taking a break and going from there..seeing where life takes us...i'm supposed to see her tonight...i am hoping it wont turn into a yelling war/cryfest but it probably will but this is what my gut feeling is telling me to do. We'll see what happens.
 
"if it's meant to be, it'll happen one way or another"

I would like some proof as to this statement.
 
Micheal J. Fox is the power of love! *backhand*
 
AKIRA said:
wow, thank you. finally someone understands.

I am a huge believer in "if it's meant to be, it'll happen one way or another". Whenever we talk about it, she always cry how she'll lose me or i'll end up with another girl, but at the same time what's better, us being together and me going constantly up and down stressing the both of us or us just taking a break and going from there..seeing where life takes us...i'm supposed to see her tonight...i am hoping it wont turn into a yelling war/cryfest but it probably will but this is what my gut feeling is telling me to do. We'll see what happens.
Click to expand...

well hopefully it works out and your happy either way. for me, i dont really know how its turned out, i dont really think about her often, but then i dont let myself dwell on it - i suppose the fact that i have to try and not think about her says it all really.

i had written another paragraph or so about this girl but ive just deleted it cos i really dont want to get started haha

anyway, good luck!
 
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