i think im going insane?

[AKIRA]

I think im going through some sort of depersonalization thing or something. Everything around me is off somehow and doesn't seem like it used to be. I really find no joy in anything that used to make me excited/happy etc.

Hanging out with friends and stuff used to ALWAYS bring me some sort of happiness even when i was really down but now it's like this flat feeling neither really low or really high it's actually pretty scary.

My mind is CONSTANTLY analyzing my thoughts and emotions trying to find out what the cause is. This is has been going on for about a month now and I literally can't imagine myself pulling through this it just seems like it's here to stay.

Normally when people feel down or something, tehy think about things that make them happy and it makes them feel better, like tehy feel the emotion that goes with the happy memory..not me. Doesn't work for me anymore, not even great songs that I used to enjoy have an effect on me.

This has never happened to me and I'm starting to really get worried. Has anyone ever come across this?

I eat healthy I'd say and I get a decent amount of sleep..

 

[Raziaar]

Try not to think of it as a permanent state... think of it as temporary and maybe it'll improve.

Or, change up some of the things in your life.

 

[<RJMC>]

masturbate

 

[Remus]

I eat healthy I'd say and I get a decent amount of sleep..

The only time I really feel like I don't like anything, and everything sucks, is when I don't get enough sleep. However since you say you do get enough sleep, the only thing I can think of is either depression, or perhaps a chemical imbalance in your brain.

Also **** eating healthy, chomp down on some chocolate ASAP.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Just gotta slug through it, to be honest. If you can afford it and have the means see a mental health care professional of some kind. Honestly, it just sounds like some depression and anxiety - you're not going "insane".

 

[VirusType2]

You might look into these things.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asociality
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avolition
...and others

All of which are possible symptoms of schizophrenia. Severity can vary, of course.

Never the less, it sounds like (from what I gather from this and similar posts by you) you have some sort of dopamine problem which is common in any mental disorder. Certain medications can increase or decrease dopamine reception.

,DrLife2

 

[Warped]

change it up, its all I can think. You need a new routine, and some new perimeters in your life. also this is winter time here and its always boring and weird this time of year. trust me your not going insane, you wouldn't know it yet if you were. this song reminds me of your situation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29hV8Axc1Og

 

[Krynn72]

Quit promoting self-diagnosis Virus. Akira, ignore his post entirely. Don't be stupid and look at that shit and convince yourself you have some physical problem. If you think there might be, go see a doctor, not wikipedia.

My only advice is to change the way you think. Thinking that you can't feel happiness anymore is only going to keep you from feeling happy. I say, go out and find something to do thats different, and allow yourself to get excited by it. If you see things, or do things and go "man, I bet this wont even make me a little happy" you're setting yourself up for a lame experience. Actively watch your thoughts for such notions, and banish them from your head.

 

[Yorick]

Quit promoting self-diagnosis Virus. Akira, ignore his post entirely. Don't be stupid and look at that shit and convince yourself you have some physical problem. If you think there might be, go see a doctor, not wikipedia.

Krynn's right. If you do have some kind of anxiety problem, reading stuff like that is only going to make it worse.

 

[AKIRA]

You might look into these things.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asociality
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avolition
...and others

All of which are possible symptoms of schizophrenia. Severity can vary, of course.

Never the less, it sounds like (from what I gather from this and similar posts by you) you have some sort of dopamine problem which is common in any mental disorder. Certain medications can increase or decrease dopamine reception.

,DrLife2

I don't think it's schizophrenia...I mean I literally felt normal a month ago I dont know how it can suddenly spring up out of nowhere. And also at the fact that I'm aware of what is happening and actively trying to change it doesn't sound like schizo to me.

 

[VirusType2]

Well, I wasn't suggesting you diagnose yourself at all. All I was doing was trying to make you aware of certain symptoms characteristic of a mental disorder so you can look into it further. Of course seek a professional if it interferes with your life. Only they can diagnose you properly and prescribe medication for such things, obviously.

You most certainly have a problem since you've made like 4 different depression threads.

And also at the fact that I'm aware of what is happening and actively trying to change it doesn't sound like schizo to me.

You don't know what it is. Of course you can be aware of your own symptoms. And just so you know, that's irrelevant. There's mild disorders and there is "poop painting" crazy and everything in between. That's why I said severity varies.

Just so you know, I've researched this stuff for about 20 years.

 

[Shem]

You've got to think where your life is heading, and ask yourself where you want it to go. You have a bunch of choices in front of you, as far as I'm aware. I would suggest going to someone who knows more about this stuff than I do.

 

[Warped]

I don't think it's schizophrenia...I mean I literally felt normal a month ago I dont know how it can suddenly spring up out of nowhere. And also at the fact that I'm aware of what is happening and actively trying to change it doesn't sound like schizo to me.

You'll pull through. I used to be down in the dumps for a long time, and was depressed with everything I did for a long time. For some reason though, this past year I found purpose and I game less which was a long time passion, but there is stuff greater out there you just have to find it. Ever since I wrote that cheesy novel I realized I can do more than simple things with my life and its not that difficult. Sometimes you just have to take a risk or a try something you'd never think you could do.

 

[AKIRA]

Well, I wasn't suggesting you diagnose yourself at all. All I was doing was trying to make you aware of certain symptoms characteristic of a mental disorder so you can look into it further. Of course seek a professional if it interferes with your life. Only they can diagnose you properly and prescribe medication for such things, obviously.

You most certainly have a problem since you've made like 4 different depression threads.

You're right, I think it has to do with my terrible co-op experience from september - december. I literally was in my own head all the time. I analyzed every single part of my life because I literally was given no work at all for most of my time there.

My mind just won't stop analyzing things now and it's getting extremely annoying/scary. How does one even control thoughts anyway?

I fear meds will make things worse and that I'll become dependant on them.

 

[Naudian]

Lot's of random advice in this thread...add mine to the list!

To me it sounds like you're just slipping over your own awareness of things + maybe some chemical wonkiness. I go through phases of awareness, from days to weeks to months long, where everything is just really awkward or even surreal, like life is just a weird movie. It does go away eventually, but never completely. It's always there in some way, subtle or overwhelming. I would think most people can relate to that feeling in some way? Obviously it's different from person to person, but you know, just being aware of things can make them...weird somehow.

As for not feeling happiness, I'm not sure if I can relate to that. For me, happiness has changed it's shape, it's different than it used to be, but I still feel it at least.

I agree with the "change it up" advice, but don't just change your routine, change what you know, and learn shit that you actually want to learn?

*shrug* what have you tried so far? Meditation? Powerful psychedelics? :naughty:

 

[VirusType2]

How does one even control thoughts anyway?

Well it's like this: you will always feel "some way". It's all just a device to continue your survival.

It doesn't matter how you feel except because it changes how you behave. Just worry about the behaviors, and the mood will fix itself. You should feel better when you accomplish things that are important to you. If you aren't feeling like hanging out with friends, then don't.

How does your mood help you accomplish your goals? Is it interfering with what you want? Or do you not really care about "hanging out"? Maybe you would rather focus on your career, but don't know what to do?

When you feel bad, tell yourself (for example) "well, right now, I'm trying to get to sleep, so if I was feeling really really good, it would be even harder to get to sleep". That's just one way I've tried dealing with depression - **** how I feel, it doesn't matter... strangely, the thought actually makes me feel better.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

You might look into these things.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asociality
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avolition
...and others

All of which are possible symptoms of schizophrenia. Severity can vary, of course.

Never the less, it sounds like (from what I gather from this and similar posts by you) you have some sort of dopamine problem which is common in any mental disorder. Certain medications can increase or decrease dopamine reception.

,DrLife2

Hahhaha that's all so ****ing overboard Mr. Web MD. Come on. From his description he's not experiencing any delusions and, quite the opposite of asocial or schizoid behavior - he's being self-analytical, a sign of heightened self-awareness. You're just needlessly increasing his anxiety.

What you really need is to care a little bit more about yourself, realize that you're not alone - and that what you're experiencing is completely normal and maybe get outside a little more and get some exercise. Talk it through with friends and get some advice from family, etc. I've experienced a ton of this stuff myself, taken the pills for it, etc - also my parents both work in the mental health field (dad is a Psychiatrist, Psychoanalyst for adults and adolescents/children and mom is a Psychologist/Councilor) I've seen a lot of this kind of thing.

 

[StardogChampion]

This will make you happy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xytT1oWhTu8

 

[Shem]

Maybe you could revisit one of those 'You Laugh You Lose' threads in the Image Dump to loosen up a bit. There's no point in analyzing those pictures because they're just plain stupid. And don't worry, we won't laugh at you if you lose.

 

[CptStern]

this made my day

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5179/5390932332_2a06652392_o.jpg

 

[Krynn72]

Just so you know, I've researched this stuff for about 20 years.

lol, another thing Virus is an expert on.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Maybe you could revisit one of those 'You Laugh You Lose' threads in the Image Dump to loosen up a bit. There's no point in analyzing those pictures because they're just plain stupid. And don't worry, we won't laugh at you if you lose.

seconded

 

[VirusType2]

I'm not an expert, but I know a hell of a lot. I have Bipolar disorder, ADHD, schizophrenia, OCD, depression, mania, sleep disorders. They are all interrelated.

All that, and you might not know there was anything wrong with me. I didn't. I just had some problems in life - behavior problems. School, work, interpersonal/relationship issues... I had 56 traffic tickets...

See a psychologist, tell them your problems, and see what they think, obviously. But anyway, I was just trying to help by making you aware that there is something obviously wrong when you make 4-6 threads on being too depressed and can't cope.

That's the biggest obstacle, understanding that there is something wrong. No, perhaps it's not normal to be super depressed. But I wouldn't know what normal should feel like.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Yes but you do also realize that having the majority of those conditions are rare and that his symptoms hardly indicate Schizophrenia or anything of the sort?

 

[VirusType2]

Everything is rare. Chances are, I shouldn't exist.

For the record:

The first things I listed (speaking about schizophrenia) were just information related to symptoms he described... to eliminate them as problems. Troubleshooting (if it's not this). No, I don't believe he has schizophrenia. I believe he could have bipolar disorder (manic depressive disorder) or some other mood disorder with (possibly) occasional symptoms of schizophrenia.

My actual conclusion was that there is a definite mental disorder related to dopamine and that's all I can tell. You don't think there is a dopamine problem?

I don't know if anyone else pays attention, but this is at least the 4th thread where he is having trouble coping. That's ****ing serious. I don't think I have made one "depressed thread" and I AM ****ING STRUGGLING with quite a few different conditions that increase my suicide risk. ON TOP OF THE FACT THAT I AM A TOTAL FAILURE socially and financially.

 

[AKIRA]

Yes but you do also realize that having the majority of those conditions are rare and that his symptoms hardly indicate Schizophrenia or anything of the sort?

I just don't cope well with change especially since I've been in my comfort zone for a while. I think my time being alone and having nothing to do for 4 months really messed with my head. It was the worst 4 months ever and all I did was just think. Think about how things used be so good before I thought too much and all that. The past was what I constantly thought about all the time.

The thing that botheres me is that I learned to get over that. I learned to not think about the past and dwell on it and that I could infact create new good times and that co-op was just a bad experience and that was it. And it worked for about a month.

But lately things with my GF have been going downhill and that has put me in a really crappy mood which then manifested itself into what I'm experiencing now. I'm just way too aware of things and now that I'm at this point I just don't think I can suddenly not become aware of stuff especially since this has been going on for a month now.

I mean I've always analyzsed things but then when things go good, my mind calms down and I just "exist" normally. I don't scrutinize everything and analyze everything I simply just go with the flow like a normal person would.

This time seems to linger and be more intense and i don't know how to change it.

 

[Shem]

I don't know if anyone else pays attention, but this is at least the 4th thread where he is having trouble coping. That's ****ing serious. I don't think I have made one "depressed thread" and I AM ****ING STRUGGLING with 4 different conditions that increase my suicide risk. ON TOP OF THE FACT THAT I AM A TOTAL FAILURE: socially and financially.

Don't put yourself down like that, man. I mean, just getting through those conditions everyday is admirable from my perspective.

 

[VirusType2]

Don't put yourself down like that, man. I mean, just getting through those conditions everyday is admirable from my perspective.

We are still trying to figure out just exactly what is my deal. But I spend most of my life in a manic state (the opposite of depressed). 90% of the time, I'm feeling either really, really good or really, really furious. A maniac. Highly competitive, highly creative.

I guess that means I am getting too much dopamine for no reason at all. Dopamine (the brains reward system) is stuck engaged, which kills my motivation (I am already being rewarded all the time, I don't need success). However, failure still brings me way down. So it seems I am encouraged to never try; for if I don't try, then I can't fail. This has caused huge, catastrophic problems in my education and career. BUT I FEEL ****ING FANTASTIC.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Everything is rare. Chances are, I shouldn't exist.

For the record:

The first things I listed (speaking about schizophrenia) were just information related to symptoms he described... to eliminate them as problems. Troubleshooting (if it's not this). No, I don't believe he has schizophrenia. I believe he could have bipolar disorder (manic depressive disorder) or some other mood disorder with (possibly) occasional symptoms of schizophrenia.

My actual conclusion was that there is a definite mental disorder related to dopamine and that's all I can tell. You don't think there is a dopamine problem?

I don't know if anyone else pays attention, but this is at least the 4th thread where he is having trouble coping. That's ****ing serious. I don't think I have made one "depressed thread" and I AM ****ING STRUGGLING with 4 different conditions that increase my suicide risk. ON TOP OF THE FACT THAT I AM A TOTAL FAILURE: socially and financially.

I'm sorry you have those four conditions. If it's any consolation, I'm bipolar and have a number of depressive and panic/anxiety/sleep disorders. There's always hope for treatment and recovery and coping. Every day there's room for things to improve. You're a smart guy, so is the OP, still plenty of time for bright futures.

My dopamine is awful from a combination of being prescribed the wrong meds since I was young and self-medicating/abusing drugs and having a pre-disposition and the genetics to have numerous Psychological conditions. I don't get enough dopamine or serotonin and it eventually lead to an addictions and reclusive behaviors and worsening of my pre-existing conditions. I know it's no fun - suffering sucks.

 

[ríomhaire]

Try taking vitamin (especially D) and fish oil supplement. Yes that is a serious suggestion.

 

[AKIRA]

Try taking vitamin (especially D) and fish oil supplement. Yes that is a serious suggestion.

When I created my first anxiety/depression thread back in like october or november or something I started taking multivitamins with vitamin b complex which honestly helped me. I started taking them again and they're not doing much. I know what's the matter with me it's just that I can't control my thoughts. Thoughts control feelings/emotion. I'm constantly thinking "this isn't the same as it was before" and things like that it's really annoying and very hard to stop.

 

[VirusType2]

Supposedly, a B12 deficiency can bring on depressive symptoms. I personally felt fish oil (really, Omega-3) helps me, but it's not like I have a way of really comparing. Vitamin D is generally good, but too much is bad. Just take the recommended doses of things.

Vitamin B12 deficiency can also cause symptoms of mania and psychosis, fatigue, memory impairment, irritability, depression and personality changes.[3][4][3][5][4][6]

In general psychiatric symptoms referable to deficiency of B12 are thought to be reversible when vitamin B12 has been repleted. However, mental symptoms which do not reverse may be attributed to other causes, and are difficult to prove were as a direct result of vitamin deficiency

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitamin_B12_deficiency

I really get the feeling "this isn't the same as it was before" also, but I don't know if it's abnormal. Losing interest in things you used to enjoy can be a symptom of a mood disorder, or you can just grow out of something. I sort of grew out of a lot of things I once enjoyed. But I still have some interests that I never lost. Maybe you discovered something recently that you enjoy more [than hanging with friends], so perhaps things truly aren't the same.

For me, lack of sleep or something as simple as caffeine can trigger symptoms of mania, so I think the opposite - too much sleep could make one depressed.

I don't really have an ability to sleep "more" at least not significantly so, but I do have the ability to stay up really ****ing late, until I get insomnia, then it's full blown mania (pretty much all the time).

 

[No Limit]

As a disclaimer: I have absolutely no idea as to what I'm talking about, no matter how much wikipedia I skim over. With that said:

Is there really nothing you are depressed about? I get depressed from time to time, but everytime there is some reason for it. Usually some shitty thing that takes place in my life. There is turly nothing in your life that is making you depressed?

 

[AKIRA]

As a disclaimer: I have absolutely no idea as to what I'm talking about, no matter how much wikipedia I skim over. With that said:

Is there really nothing you are depressed about? I get depressed from time to time, but everytime there is some reason for it. Usually some shitty thing that takes place in my life. There is turly nothing in your life that is making you depressed?

What's funny about this whole situation is that a few weeks ago I knew EXACTLY what made me depressed but then I did something that manifested itself into what I'm experiencing now.

I know it's extremely vague but I'll explain the entire situation when I get home (doing an assignment at school now).

It'll sound really stupid but hopefully it'll give you insight on exactly what's going on.

Thanks for the replies by the way!!

 

[DEATHMASTER]

This is probably a dumb suggestion especially since I have zero experience. But have you tried weed?

 

[Stigmata]

What's funny about this whole situation is that a few weeks ago I knew EXACTLY what made me depressed but then I did something that manifested itself into what I'm experiencing now.

I know it's extremely vague but I'll explain the entire situation when I get home (doing an assignment at school now).

It'll sound really stupid but hopefully it'll give you insight on exactly what's going on.

Thanks for the replies by the way!!

I bet it's a girl thing. I'd probably make the same mistake.

This is probably a dumb suggestion especially since I have zero experience. But have you tried weed?

I second this suggestion, but *only as a temporary tool*. It's habit-forming just like any other wonderful thing you can experience, and that habit can quickly turn into a vice or even a crutch, especially if you're depressed.

 

[Nihilanth]

I don't post here that often... I mostly just lurk... but I couldn't ignore this topic. You sound exactly like me. I've been experiencing these exact same symptoms since about August of last year. I know exactly how you feel, and I, too, felt at one point that I was gradually losing my sanity. The world just felt different to me suddenly... Happy thoughts wouldn't come from listening to music, or being certain places, or doing certain things. It felt like I was a different person... and I was absolutely terrified I would never be the same again. And even if I was feeling better, I'd constantly analyze myself and I'd just fall into the same feeling again... asking "is this how I'd feel/what I'd do before these symptoms came on?" No matter what, I'd constantly think, "This isn't the same as it felt before." I felt cognitively deficient... and I stopped doing things I enjoyed because I felt I couldn't do them as well anymore.

I went through a bout of depression because of this, but I eventually got over it. I tried taking Vitamin B supplements... they didn't seem to work. I tried every supplement I could find and self-diagnosed myself with anything I could find somewhat related to what I was feeling. More recently, I went to get an MRI to see if anything was wrong... I haven't gotten the results yet. Realistically, I know it's probably just a symptom of anxiety... and it will eventually go away. I'm not as afraid of it as I was in the beginning, however, the feeling still isn't completely gone. I know what you're going through and I hope you know that you aren't the only one feeling this. It really, really, really sucks and it just sucks the enjoyment out of life.

What helped me was realizing that the world wasn't what changed... just my perception of it, and that I, as a person, was still the same as I ever was. I know one day this feeling will go away, and my perception of the world will return to normal. Just remember yours will too.

 

[AKIRA]

I don't post here that often... I mostly just lurk... but I couldn't ignore this topic. You sound exactly like me. I've been experiencing these exact same symptoms since about August of last year. I know exactly how you feel, and I, too, felt at one point that I was gradually losing my sanity. The world just felt different to me suddenly... Happy thoughts wouldn't come from listening to music, or being certain places, or doing certain things. It felt like I was a different person... and I was absolutely terrified I would never be the same again. And even if I was feeling better, I'd constantly analyze myself and I'd just fall into the same feeling again... asking "is this how I'd feel/what I'd do before these symptoms came on?" No matter what, I'd constantly think, "This isn't the same as it felt before." I felt cognitively deficient... and I stopped doing things I enjoyed because I felt I couldn't do them as well anymore.

I went through a bout of depression because of this, but I eventually got over it. I tried taking Vitamin B supplements... they didn't seem to work. I tried every supplement I could find and self-diagnosed myself with anything I could find somewhat related to what I was feeling. More recently, I went to get an MRI to see if anything was wrong... I haven't gotten the results yet. Realistically, I know it's probably just a symptom of anxiety... and it will eventually go away. I'm not as afraid of it as I was in the beginning, however, the feeling still isn't completely gone. I know what you're going through and I hope you know that you aren't the only one feeling this. It really, really, really sucks and it just sucks the enjoyment out of life.

What helped me was realizing that the world wasn't what changed... just my perception of it, and that I, as a person, was still the same as I ever was. I know one day this feeling will go away, and my perception of the world will return to normal. Just remember yours will too.

This is what's scaring me. I just don't get any real sort of emotion anymore. I feel sort of flat that's why I'm not sure if this is depression. Like sometimes i'd feel down but I've definitely felt a lot more depressed then the low I've been getting for the last 2 weeks.

When I was in co-op I had some pretty intense anxiety followed by depression but I always had a sense of hope and happiness. When I listened to music, hung out with my gf, friends etc it was still there but I was able to enjoy my time with them. The anxiety/depression was caused by me hating my job and hating where I lived.

I KNEW that was the cause so it made me feel better, I knew I wasn't going to stay in that place forever or work in that position forever so when I got out of co-op I felt like myself again.

This is a completely different feeling though. Usually when people remember something that made them happy, they remember the feeling itself along with the memory..now whenever I remember good times I feel either flat or just sort of defeated because it feels like i'll never be able to feel that way again without analyzing the feeling and in turn killing the buzz.

Back in november/december when I was getting out of my anxious/depression stage I felt like my old self again. Then I got into 3-4 huge fights with my gf each time bringing me down but I still felt like myself...just down sort of because of the fights.

Then one random day, I think it was on the 3rd of January (oh god i feel so stupid for writing this but hey this is exactly what happened), I was starting to get over the last fight I had with my gf and was on my way over to her house. I get there and we're just takling/whatever and I go up to her room where I found that she had completely re-arranged her room and her bed was opposite to where it used to be...this for some absolutely RETARDED reason that's beyond me just made me feel really, really weird. Like nothing was right, I just got a weird vibe from it. I told her I didn't like it and neither did she so she moved it back to where it originally was when we got back together a while ago(oct 2009). It still didn't feel the same though(i guess I was still rattled by the earlier bed position?).

So, there you have it. That's when things started going downhill for me. From the absolute dumbest reason my entire perspective on life is changed and it's messing me up. I have NO clue why her changing her room caused me to feel like this but it did and now i'm where I am now.

 

[CptStern]

instead of constantly dwelling on this why not seek professional help?

 

[AKIRA]

After her room changing, I got this weird feeling all surrounding her and it felt eerily similar to the feeling I got when I first broke up with her(back in sept 09). So then that sent me in a panic. Why was I feeling this way over a simple stupid room change? Do I not love her anymore? Am I doomed to repeat the past all the time? This feeling when on for weeks and each day I started to feel more and more uncomfortable around my gf which put me down because WHY? I then felt like I had an epiphany..I had to break up with her. Then I analyzed that thought and started to dissect why I had to break up with her? We've been through SO much worse before and got through it so why can't I get through this now?

About 2 weeks (24th jan..it's weird how i remember specific dates, i've always been that way) is when the thought entered my head that maybe it wasn't her i was unhappy with but everything in my life. I sort of dismissed it but as the day went on, it started to linger in my head and i kept on thinking and thinking about it until it came true?

So here I am, not being able to feel a real emotion because i'm constantly analyzing my own manerisms, thoughts, actions etc and nothing feels as it should be.

Sorry for the double long-winded post but I felt like I should get EVERYTHING out there lol.

Anyway, thanks for all who have replied so far, helplife2 rules and sorry if i've ever been a dick to any one of you at any point, you guys are awesome.