I'm Desperate

[creationist]

Hi. Um, I don't know how to start, but, let's just say that I'm an average HL fan, with a not so average home life. Things have been crappy to say the least. I was just hoping to get some feedback from the community about a letter I just wrote to my dad, but am afraid to give to him. Should I hand it to him and walk off, or stand while he reads it? I know this is pathetic, turning to the HL community for support, but I have no one right now.

Anyway, here is the letter.


Dad,
I’m writing this because I suppose that sometimes I’m not so good at talking. First and foremost I want you to know that I love you as my father, and I always will. No matter what happens to this family I love you, and I know you have done what you can to be a good father, and you have been a great father, evidence is in me. I love mom the same, yet I really do think something is wrong with her, whether it be depression or something else. Still, you two have done an amazing job raising me. But things have turned for the worse, obviously. I really hate what has happened to our family, and I have no idea how to fix it. I know it’s wrong to say it’s your place to fix it, but I know that I can’t. It may be true that you can’t either. I also don’t mean to disrespect you, and I know I have on several occasions, which were my mistakes, and I apologize for that. But you tell me you can forgive and forget and so I ask you to. Every time I threw a curse word at you it was because I was mad and fed up with it all. When I called you a “wuss” it was because I was mad and fed up -- it was just a low blow that was meant to hurt you, and I know it did, yet I am sorry. I shouldn’t lose my control so quickly and resort to weak words -- but I do have some of mom in me, after all, she is my mother, so I guess I blow up sometimes too, just like she does, but not to such an extreme degree. I know you think little of me. I know that as a son, I have so far disappointed you for acting the way I have. I should be stronger than this. But I swear it is just the situation that I’m in. Being a teenager is not easy, as I’m sure you know. I’m dealing with a lot of things other than this broken family. This situation has compounded and brought out the worst in me, and I’m sorry for that. I really am not prepared to deal with the stress, hate, and depression that I am surrounded with every day of my life for the past year or so. If I have made this problem worse with mom and you and the family, I’m very sorry, believe me when I say I did not and do not mean to. I just want to be happy. I want you and mom to be happy and proud of me. I want to have a good life -- but it’s hard to see light at the end of a tunnel as long and dark as this one. Again, I don’t know what can be done to fix all of this, and I’m sorry if some of it is my fault. I just know that something has to be changed. It isn’t good for any of us to go on like this. This will never be fixed if we all pretend nothing is wrong. I don’t want to live like this. Either the family needs to come together or split apart. It seems we are already split apart and I want nothing more than for things to return to the way that they were. I can’t understand why you want to keep me from Anita. Don’t you see that she is the only person I have to turn to right now? When I need a shoulder to cry on, she is there, and Jamie too. I love all of them as much as I love you and mom, so please, punish me any way you see fit other than restricting me from them. You think it is wrong to be banned from her house, yet you are willing to ban me from their house? I don’t see the difference between the two; not being able to visit because you showed up intoxicated with mom to say happy birthday, or me not being able to visit because I called you a “wuss” or cursed at you. Neither punishments fit the crime. Anita and Jamie are my only support in all of this mess. I feel I can’t cry on your shoulder because we have so many differentiating opinions. Anita is not interested in causing more problems, although you and mom seem to think she is. She simply wants to help me get through this. When I go over there, it is to be happy as much as I can before I must come home. We laugh and smile, something I never do when I am home, although I remember a time when we did. Don’t you see, I am a great deal away from being happy when I am here. I don’t even know the purpose of this letter, things are just a giant fiasco. I am actually scared to print this and hand it to you, for fear that it may just cause more problems, more pain. I just want all of us to be happy, nothing more, nothing less.

Love,
Jimmy Ray

Plz, tell me what to do, if any of you have good advice about life, now is the time to tell it. ;(

 

[thehunter1320]

Originally posted by creationist
I'm Desperate

Hi, I'm Bob!

ok, on a serious note, how old are u exactly? and what exactly has been "happening" to cause u to write the note?

 

[LoneDeranger]

Woah OK, I think you need to give more info before we can give you any advice ..

1. You plan to run away from home, right?
2. Who is Anita and Jamie?
3. How old are you?

 

[Prince of China]

In my personal opinion, this is really a personal matter, if you do go to school, you could go talk to a school(High-School I hope) counseller.

 

[nw909]

lol, I stopped a quarter way through.

somebody doesn't know what paragraphs are.

 

[Shuzer]

Originally posted by nw909
lol, I stopped a quarter way through.

somebody doesn't know what paragraphs are.

GJ, Mr. Sensitivity! =/
Seriously, if he's really looking for help in the matter, and all you do is flame him, is it gonna help? No.

 

[The Dark Elf]

*insert big long hmmmmm noise*

sounds like typical teenage over-reaction to events to me. Blow your nose, dry your eyes and get over it, sounds by that letter like you all had an argument and you swore at your dad, telling you now it wont be the last, thats what kids and parents do .. Honestly its not as bad as you've blown it up in your mind, you've obviously spent a long time pouring over that letter and thinking the worst of the situation. I bet its not even half as bad as you think it is and in a couple of days it will have all been forgotton. If not then yeah do what Tredoslop suggests and speak to someone like a counseller.

Atleast you didn't start going on about suicide like many teenagers do when their having a bad day. So your more mature than most

Go to bed, listen to some calming music, none of that rap crap. fall asleep ans in the morning you'll feel much better and see things much clearer.

 

[creationist]

Anita is my older sister, Jamie is my brother in law. I am 16 years of age. I am a good kid believe it or not. Im ranked 2nd in the 11th grade. I run cross country and have lots of friends. None of them know of my home life - which is absolutely purity crap. I'm thinking I should give this letter to my dad and say to hell with it. Things can't get much worse than they are right now.

Edit: Btw, this isn't just a bad day. I'm on Paxil, a medication for depression. It is helping me greatly, but to make things even worse, my parents want to take me off of it. Why? Hell if I know, maybe they want me to be a failure.

 

[Prince of China]

You have a good life and what not--go send that letter to your father.
That's what I would've done.
*Sigh...
Well, I guess you have my support.

 

[nw909]

Sorry, I have been desensitized by all the "artists" over at deviantart taking over 3 days to draw a picture of themselfs dieing and writing stupid cryptic messages in the description only to have other people with cute little bunnies in their avatars run to their rescue by spouting out garbage trying to be a 10 year old guidance counsellor.

That, is my mini-rant.

and I'll read your letter now.

 

[LoneDeranger]

Home life is not the most important thing. You got lots of friends, which is good. And don't blame yourself for your parent's problems (this is a common thing to do). It's not your fault. Let them figure it out on their own.

P.S. I'm not just some "10 year old guidance counsellor", I took psychology in college.

 

[nw909]

Wtf, I never said you were, I'm talking about the people on deviantart.

 

[Hallucinogen]

creationist thats some deep stuff you got there, I dont think you should of posted this here, you should talk to a counsler.

 

[The Dark Elf]

I think this thread should be closed before the d*ckheads turn up and start on him. Nobody here is qualified to help him and pandering to his depression in't going to help him atall. Safer if its closed

 

[Hallucinogen]

Originally posted by Fenric1138
I think this thread should be closed before the d*ckheads turn up and start on him. Safer if its closed

Amen

 

[thehunter1320]

re-read that note, sum heavy stuff man.... i can't really help u, never been, or have known anyone, in this situation. i suggest u tell ur dad face to face (even read the letter to him) and then talk to him... unless he's a drunk... like mine... then don't bother and just walk away... u never win an argument w/ a drunk.... i kno.....

 

[Rico]

Face your problems instead of running away from them, i had a similar thing happen to me except it was worse... i won't go into any details but it was bad. What you need to do is talk to your parents and talk about your problems and theirs, you are doing nothing by hiding with your sister or brother-in-law. Talk to your parents and work it out.

 

[dfc05]

Hello,
I'm not really experienced in this kind of stuff, and I'm not sure how good any "advice" I give would be (so people, feel free to dispute/disagree with anything I say), but here goes...
I think, if you've never really talked to school counselors, approaching them could be kind of awkward. (The counselors at my school are totally distant from the students and don't help us out with anything, so I know I would feel pretty uncomfortable talking to them about something like this.) However, if you think it would help to talk it out with them, that's probably be a good way to get your feelings out and get things straight. You might also try confiding in a friend or someone whom you trust and are close to.
If you feel uncomfortable about directly confronting your dad (talking to him face to face), which is totally understandable--I don't tell my parents much and would have problems talking to them--then writing a letter is probably a good way to say things; sometimes it's a lot easier to just write it out instead of having to say it. I'm not sure about standing there while he reads it; I guess if it's uncomfortable just waiting for him to finish, then it would probably be ok to go to another room and then let him get to you.
But, besides all that, I've got to tell you, your letter is very nicely worded and expressed, and you're very brave to actually go about doing anything at all about the problem (something I probably wouldn't have the guts to do in your situation). So, basically, I guess, don't give up, and things will get better for you in the future; just stick through it and don't let yourself get too depressed.

btw, if anybody has anything to say against anything I wrote here, please say it; I really wouldn't want to be giving out bad advice.

 

[Skammich]

very well composed letter, although i would suggest some paragraphs if you intend to give it to him (minor note)

the overall situation discribed there sounds pretty serious, you're approach toward it is heart-felt, and im sure will be noticed.

depending on how long the problems have been occuring might help you make the decision, if it's been several months with not visible improvements, then you may want to research some marriage counseling for your parents, or atleast buy a book.

someone that posted earlier made a good point, if it's problems between your parents, then don't blame yourself, i have never encountered a situation that was actually caused by the children, and not the parents themselves. So your best bet would be to get them together and figure out what's wrong.