IRC Quotes

[CptStern]

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.



Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...



<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy ****.
<DeadMansHand> i ****ing hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im ****ing going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you ****. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) ([email protected])
<PeteRepeat> ****ing ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that ****er buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh ****.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was



<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a ****en impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally





http://www.bash.org/?top

 

[Druckles]

*rofls*

Aaah good old bash!

 

[The Brick]

<FL|Work> feck, forgot to pay my stupid tax
<Pi|Mu|Rho> you get taxed on stupid? That's going to be one hefty bill.
<marek> he could fund 3 new hospitals all by himself

 

[DreamThrall]

Stern those quotes are older than you are... but I did get a laugh rereading them :cheers:

EDIT: My favorite:

<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE **** UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS

 

[Ennui]

* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
being an asshole -
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

 

[Druckles]

Stern those quotes are older than you are... but I did get a laugh rereading them :cheers:

Says you . That one's as old as the ark!

 

[CptStern]

<-Roach-> Ah you see I wouldn't always trust Wikipedia as it is edited by people.
<Bewildebeast> I hear Brittanica is edited by manatees.




<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

 

[Cormeh]

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

Oh god, I just giggled rather loudly. Everyone's looking at me.

 

[CptStern]

ya me too, guy in same office as me looked up from his desk

 

[99.vikram]

ya me too, guy in same office as me looked up from his desk

Wait...do you guys work in REAL cubicles, like in Dilbert..? (I'm still in college, ha ha!)

 

[CptStern]

Wait...do you guys work in REAL cubicles, like in Dilbert..? (I'm still in college, ha ha!)

no, I dont ..it's a closed room with two desks ..the room is about 20' by 10' ..we have cubicles but I moved up to an office 3 years ago

 

[Raziaar]

Do you have one of those little name plates on your desk?

 

[Pulse]

<ndruo> i'm usig my onscreen keyboard
<ndruo> i's very triksies
<ndruo> he ltters re vry mall
<NeroMan> Translation: The letters are very small.
<ndruo> this will enhance my FPS skills
<SuperJoe> What's the translation for that?
<NeroMan> Translation: This will enhance my sexual ability.
<ndruo> i hte you.
<ndruo> GOD
<NeroMan> Translation: I love you, GENERAL ZOD
<ndruo> iffclt is this
<ndruo>
<NeroMan> Translation: This is difficult to the point I am saddened
<SuperJoe> General Zod is pretty cool, I'll admit.
<ndruo> 8=======D translte this
<NeroMan> Translation: "My penis is small enough that I can make a life size depiction of it using IRC text."



<XaSer> what's the word for NOT independent? unindependent?
<travly> yeah
<XaSer> thanks!
<travly> no problem, really =)



<Rachessa> By viewing porn, you're giving pages hits which lets them pay the models a little more. Those girls might not have much and you're helping them support themselves when they might not have anyone to turn to, allowing them to get by.
<Rachessa> In a sense, every time you whack off, you're actually saving lives.



<vee> I went to buy the 7th harry potter at midnight
<vee> I was the first in line
<vee> the first thing I did when I got it was i opened it to the last page
<vee> Then I screamed out SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!
<vee> Everyone freaked out
<eric> That's mean!
<vee> It took them a few minutes to figure out I said the ending of the 6th book


Gotta love bash

 

[CptStern]

no, just half empty coffee cups/coke cans and a pile of cds/paper ..oh and pics of my kids

 

[Raziaar]

no, just half empty coffee cups/coke cans and a pile of cds/paper ..oh and pics of my kids

Sounds like a messy desk.

At least you have some empty cans and cups to even it out a little. OH BURN!





Sorry, that was completely in good humor.

Damn I watch that 70's show too much.

 

[CptStern]

Sounds like a messy desk.

At least you have some empty cans and cups to even it out a little. OH BURN!





Sorry, that was completely in good humor.

Damn I watch that 70's show too much.

that's ok, if not for the fact you put in the word "burn" I wouldnt have noticed your joke :E

 

[Qonfused]

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.

Nice.

 

[jerkasaur]

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.

 

[Baal]

Sounds like a messy desk.

At least you have some empty cans and cups to even it out a little. OH BURN!

Sorry, that was completely in good humor.

Damn I watch that 70's show too much.

Here's my cubicle

http://users.eastlink.ca/~garrymullins/sleepy.jpg

Make fun of that!

 

[Raziaar]

Well, other than the fact that there is a troll under it, it looks fine.

 

[Baal]

That hurts

 

[Raziaar]

Awww

 

[CyberPitz]

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

 

[Krynn72]

hahahahahaha, this thread is awesome. I lold so many times already.

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

 

[Raziaar]

See, in that situation I'd of given a fake password, and then I'd be the one laughing.

 

[Krynn72]

Ive tried to do that in steam chat, but everyone either knows the joke already or posts something obviously fake. hl2.net is too smart for that joke to work.

<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back ****er"

<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can ****?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^

 

[Seppo]

<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back ****er"

that's my all time favourite quote. damn hilarious

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

This thread ****ing rocks.

<manmanandboyboy> date syllabus check
<d00fus> dinner, movie, then snuggling
<munbty> carnival, cotton candy, and then moonlight stroll
<soccy_pants> drugs, rape, 2 hour police chase

 

[Murray_H]

<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
<Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen

 

[Darkside55]

<EmperorDarkside> Sup, Noir? What's new?
<Noirgrim> I sold my kids for cheese.

<[Darkside]Devilfish> Cafeteria food's really terrible here, so I have to blow off campus to get a decent meal.
<EmperorDarkside> You have to blow somebody for food? That's terrible!
<[Darkside]Devilfish> We usually go to Banana Joe's.
<EmperorDarkside> Oh my god! His name is 'Banana Joe?!'
<[Darkside]Devilfish> Banana Joe's is a restaurant. -_-
<EmperorDarkside> Somebody better report this to the dean!

<wgjared> We need ninjas.
<EmperorDarkside> We ain't got ninjas. We've got a drunk furry, a pervert, a pedo, a bald guy, a techno wizard, an aspiring wrestler, a guy who sets things on fire, a mute, a gay man, a drunk genius, and a guy who has 5 years CS. These are the forces we can mobilize RIGHT NOW.

<EmperorDarkside> Well I found some, but they're all from the Dash series, and there's only a dozen or so. I hope that's not all of them. Like, in the world.
<Crazyninja> It's weird you can be so high-minded sometimes, but then you ponder about the implications of a world with only twelve Megaman porn comics.

<EmperorDarkside> You can't live in a batcave. Too much methane. If you--oh wait you mean vagina, not an actual batcave.
<Lun4tic> Here comes the clue train, last stop ---------------> you.

<wgjared> Hi guys!
<EmperorDarkside> Fuck you.
<SoulTaker> SHUT UP PACKET
<Lun4tic> Asshole.
<wgjared> :*(

<SoulTaker> I am enjoying today
<SoulTaker> got a new game and it's also a day of rememberance.
<Gorndt> What game?
<SoulTaker> Not a game you would be interested in and a game you would just mock me for owning.
<Lun4tic> Asstag 3D

Fun with a programmable IRC bot:

<Icy> ros, icy
<Icy>
<Weet> Icy likes little boys
<Ros> Icy likes little boys penis.
<Lun4tic> HAHAHAAH
<Icy> NO
<Weet> HAHAHAHA
<Ros> Icy loves men hard? Icy looooves the mansex?

<EmperorDarkside> Ros, wang.
<Ros> Wang. What is wang?
<[Darkside]Putte> ...
<EmperorDarkside> What? I'm teaching him something important. This is IRC, penis comes up a lot.
<Ros> Penis comes up a child. When I came home late.

 

[lun4tic]

<SUSPECT> actually i wanna go down on a girl right now and lick her pussy all over and then her ass too
<SUSPECT> and give her a thoroguh rim job before i pop it in her ass
<Lun4tic> You're very profane
<SUSPECT> is there something wrong with profanity Lun4tic?
<SUSPECT> haven't u ever wanted ot give a girl a rimjob?

<GreenKata> Cause I don't care what she thinks.
<Gorndt> That's why you're lonely, Ben.

 

[TCfromBN]

This thread... is... epic.