I've probably asked this before but

BabyHeadCrab

BabyHeadCrab

The Freeman
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Wouldn't it be neat to reach a level of wealth where you could just use people to redundantly fulfill tasks that have always been fulfilled more efficiently by inanimate objects? I want a guy holding my light bulbs, a bunch of small people holding hands to roll over me as a blanket before I go to sleep on my bed consisting of strong-ab'd people in a bridge position.

I want to come home an hang my coat and hat on a lanky guy who smiles at me and jauntily winks as I leave my trench coat and fedora on his extended lanky arms. I want a bunch of contortionist chicks to take the shape of an actual moving car and spider-walk me to work where I'll sit in a chair made out of a pudgy guy just laying belly-up on a desk consisting of mixed ethnicity orphans who occasionally say things like "please sir, I want some more" but otherwise just kind of are stacked up like jenga blocks.

If I ever get like Warren Buffet or Saudi oil baron rich I'm doing this. I'll post pics here.
 
You don't need to Warren Buffet wealthy for that. The lightbulb guy would only cost minimum wage. Plenty of desperate people looking for any kind of job now.
 
Krynn72 said:
You don't need to Warren Buffet wealthy for that. The lightbulb guy would only cost minimum wage. Plenty of desperate people looking for any kind of job now.
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Also, if you have a spare bedroom, you can get yourself a homeless person.
 
>get rich
>get a huge house with a huge freezer
>hire a butler
>make butler follow you inside the freezer
>run away, and close the door
 
BHC said:
Wouldn't it be neat to reach a level of wealth where you could just use people to redundantly fulfill tasks that have always been fulfilled more efficiently by inanimate objects? I want a guy holding my light bulbs, a bunch of small people holding hands to roll over me as a blanket before I go to sleep on my bed consisting of strong-ab'd people in a bridge position.

I want to come home an hang my coat and hat on a lanky guy who smiles at me and jauntily winks as I leave my trench coat and fedora on his extended lanky arms. I want a bunch of contortionist chicks to take the shape of an actual moving car and spider-walk me to work where I'll sit in a chair made out of a pudgy guy just laying belly-up on a desk consisting of mixed ethnicity orphans who occasionally say things like "please sir, I want some more" but otherwise just kind of are stacked up like jenga blocks.

If I ever get like Warren Buffet or Saudi oil baron rich I'm doing this. I'll post pics here.
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You.....want furniture made out of people? I......think I'll back away slowly.

If I have alot of money, the first thing I'll do is build my very own Brothel. Well............actually he first thing I'll do is get the most powerful home computer I can buy, *THEN* I'll build my very own brothel!
 
T-6000 said:
You.....want furniture made out of people? I......think I'll back away slowly.
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20100724233816capture.png
 
Go to India. They hire swarms of people to do the most mundane things.... tons of people and the gap between rich and poor is ridiculous.
 
Nice apartment/condo
FiOS
Porsche 911 - love the "bug eyes" and the curvy design.
Bed with a nice mattress and soft sheets
Pretty lady to have intercourse with

I don't care about the specific amount of money I would want. I guess anything that will allow me not to worry about bills, insurances, school tuitions, food and general living and health upkeep. Just some nice steady monthly income, but will still allow me to actually get some work done of my own. I think I would just eventually get bored to death if I no longer had to worry about having a job. I mean, look at celebrities, all that money and still they eventually find a way to become mentally corrupted.

Healthy wealth.
 
Wanted Bob said:
A bed made of people would be very uncomfortable.
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That's sort of the point, it's kind of the cost of fashion and savvy, brother.

Cancer said:
Nice apartment/condo
FiOS
Porsche 911 - love the "bug eyes" and the curvy design.
Bed with a nice mattress and soft sheets
Pretty lady to have intercourse with

I don't care about the specific amount of money I would want. I guess anything that will allow me not to worry about bills, insurances, school tuitions, food and general living and health upkeep. Just some nice steady monthly income, but will still allow me to actually get some work done of my own. I think I would just eventually get bored to death if I no longer had to worry about having a job. I mean, look at celebrities, all that money and still they eventually find a way to become mentally corrupted.

Healthy wealth.
Click to expand...

This is a thread about exploiting needy people into performing functions of common household and lifestyle assisting objects, not a thread about sports cars and gross sex. gross.

I don't know. I have a Sadist kick and I think it might be hilarious for at least a week, Raz. Kind of a turn on, too.

The absolute epitome of power tripping and exploitation of social status.
 
Krynn72 said:
You don't need to Warren Buffet wealthy for that. The lightbulb guy would only cost minimum wage. Plenty of desperate people looking for any kind of job now.
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^ Pretty much this.

I'm one of these desperate people. When can I start working? I'll gladly hold your lightbulbs all day long for minimum wage. :P

Sounds like easier work than jerking off.
 
I think I'd have my servants make me a LEGO yard, house, boat, train, airplane, and mega city. It would be more Epic than watching the world die from space which would be my last feat
 
Meh, I'd rather have furniture that doesn't kill me because I let one loose on the suite.

Barnz said:
>get rich
>get a huge house with a huge freezer
>hire a butler
>make butler follow you inside the freezer
>run away, and close the door
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Man I hope I'm not the only one who got this. :(
 
I'll tell you what I'd do if I were Warren Buffet rich. I'd have my own house built. Nothing too fancy, not like a mansion or anything. Maybe four or five bedrooms, a nice big kitchen, pimpin' living room, a badass office in one of the bedrooms, a big pool, that sort of shit.

But where the extremely-rich part comes in is anti-insect protection. I'd have every edge of every room lined with metal bars welded together at 90-degrees. That way there is absolutely no gap between floor and ceiling, for instance. No way for spiders and shit to get through. Everything would be sealed up tight like that. Out in my big-ass backyard I'd have bug zappers every 20 feet around the perimeter, and I'd have my landscapers clean them out every day. On the outside corners of my house I'd have some bug killer sprayed regularly. My home would be absolutely insect-free. If I ever see even one insect inside my house, I'd bug-bomb the entire surrounding area with airplanes. Of course, if that goes against any laws and shit, I'd pay off the Mayor and whoever else would need to be paid off.

Then I'd start up a chain of gaming centers. I'm talking custom-built buildings, taking up more than a full city block with four stories of gaming heaven.

-First floor would be a massive arcade. I'm talking, hundreds of the classic games set up along with whatever new ones I can find. Then there would be a small section for air hockey, billiards, Foosball, that digital golf shit, and a handful of bowling alleys.

-Second floor is for conventional, modern gaming with huge TVs and every game console in existence hooked up to them, and high-end gaming PCs hooked up for LAN gaming.

-On the third floor, Laser Tag. Not any gay-ass laser tag, but a whole battlefield with multiple story fake buildings and shit that you can go into. It's all be re-arrangeable too, so every month there'd be a different battlefield. I'd have a whole new system developed so you don't have to wear a huge vest, but you just strap on like arm-guards and shin-guards that have sensors on them, and wear some badass space-marine helmets and shit.

-Fourth floor there would be dozens of tables set up for miniature wargaming, card games, etc. Warhammer (and 40K), Flames of War, Warmachine, etc. Shit, why not get some Pen & Paper RPG gaming going on up there too?

There would be local and national tournaments, prizes and everything. Console and PC clans going head to head, Laser-Tag teams, table-top wargaming campaigns with teams of players fighting battles against one another in a meta-game with a full campaign map.

And thats not all. Outside there'd be some fast ****ing go-karts, mini-golf, some x-games type shit for skaters and bikers, outdoor concert hall for some jams. Shit yeah.

After that, I'd learn how to fly airplanes because, **** man, I'm rich, I should know how to fly an airplane.
 
LOL at the bugs. I've thought of that exact same thing... making my home bug proof by sealing it up completely tight from the outside, with only open windows or doors allowing them in.
 
Raziaar said:
LOL at the bugs. I've thought of that exact same thing... making my home bug proof by sealing it up completely tight from the outside, with only open windows or doors allowing them in.
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Nah man, they won't get through my windows. I'll have custom window screens built. They'd be removable in order to replace them, or so I could throw shit out my windows, but the window frame will have a system in place that vacuum seals the screen in place, leaving no gap whatsoever between it and the wall. Screens will be periodically checked for any holes or gaps through which a bug could get through. The door would be the only way something could get in.
 
Krynn72 said:
Nah man, they won't get through my windows. I'll have custom window screens built. They'd be removable in order to replace them, or so I could throw shit out my windows, but the window frame will have a system in place that vacuum seals the screen in place, leaving no gap whatsoever between it and the wall. Screens will be periodically checked for any holes or gaps through which a bug could get through. The door would be the only way something could get in.
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I have to say, I hate bugs too. They're really bad in the South. I found a f**king centipede in my closet the other day in my laundry. I smashed the little f**ker to death for intruding.

Also, anytime I do yard work around here, I almost always have to pull off ticks in the shower when I'm done. Don't even get me started on gnats and mosquitoes.

Death to all insects!
 
Ever since I played baseball in the minor league I have vowed that if I was ever presented the opportunity to press one button that killed every insect in the planet, I would do so without hesitation. **** the ecosystem. **** all the animals that need them to survive. **** insects. I'd do it in a heartbeat.
 
Krynn72 said:
Ever since I played baseball in the minor league I have vowed that if I was ever presented the opportunity to press one button that killed every insect in the planet, I would do so without hesitation. **** the ecosystem. **** all the animals that need them to survive. **** insects. I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Click to expand...
The only exception are honey bees. No artificial substitute would do. They are the only useful insects in the whole world if my immediate memory serves correctly.
 
They are the only useful insects in the whole world if my immediate memory serves correctly.
Click to expand...

Earthworms!
earthworm activity aerates and mixes the soil, and is constructive to mineralization and nutrient uptake by vegetation. Certain species of earthworm come to the surface and graze on the higher concentrations of organic matter present there, mixing it with the mineral soil. Because a high level of organic matter mixing is associated with soil fertility, an abundance of earthworms is beneficial to the organic gardener.

In fact as long ago as 1881 Charles Darwin wrote: It may be doubted whether there are many other animals which have played so important a part in the history of the world, as have these lowly organized creatures.
Click to expand...

The major benefits of earthworm activities to soil fertility can be summarized as:

Biological

Chemical

Physical

I'm not going to post all of that information, ****ers, but you can know that the information is there, should you ever lead an existence so dull as to become fascinated by earthworms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthworms


In closing, here is a picture of worms doing some freaky shit.

800px-Mating_earthworms.jpg
 
VirusType2 said:
Earthworms!


The major benefits of earthworm activities to soil fertility can be summarized as:

Biological

Chemical

Physical

I'm not going to post all of that information, ****ers, but you can know that the information is there, should you ever lead an existence so dull as to become fascinated by earthworms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthworms
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Well, ok. We can spare them too. They don't bother me much anyways as they mostly stay in the ground. Besides they also don't invade my goddamn underwear drawer like centipedes and ants do sometimes.
 
Krynn72 said:
<bug protection>
Click to expand...
Probably a stupid question, but have you ever tried those bug barrier things that you spray around the windows and doors? We used that when we moved in here (as well as one of those robocan things that sprays pyrethrum or whatever) and haven't seen any bugs for months. Of course your mileage may vary, and we haven't gotten to summer yet which will be the true test.
 
Bad^Hat said:
Probably a stupid question, but have you ever tried those bug barrier things that you spray around the windows and doors? We used that when we moved in here (as well as one of those robocan things that sprays pyrethrum or whatever) and haven't seen any bugs for months. Of course your mileage may vary, and we haven't gotten to summer yet which will be the true test.
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That's because over where you live, bugs are the size of your fist and they don't fit in any holes. Or isn't NZ an island like Australia where mad scientists come to dump their evil creations?
 
KineticAesthetic said:
Oldddddd

****ing search before you repost, you moron
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GO **** YOURSELF ****ING SHITBAG PIECE OF CUSTOM FONT BUTTHOLE ****** LABIA ****

I MADE THREADSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I AM A ****ING SPINSTER--WHO THE **** ARE YOU? I'LL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE YOU ARE SOME LACE CURTAIN GIRLY MAN EUROPEAN THROW AWAY SPOILED PRATTY SHITFACE POOPSTACHE. YOUR MOM SOLD POPSICLES AND YOUR DAD RUNS A HUMAN TRAFFICKING BUSINESS SO HE CAN PURCHASE CHILDREN TO PUT INTO LARGE, ALL CERAMIC COLOURED MODERN-ART-STYLE BLENDERS AND RECEIVE GOVERNMENT PAYMENTS TO EAT THE SLIMY BITS BY DIPPING CRISPS DEEP INTO THEIR BEAUTIFULLY LIQUEFIED REMAINS. **** YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So anyways, back to people as furniture. There's nothing more that I'd like than a Japanese French Mexican door stop or a pint-sized Irishman holding up a fresh pair of socks every morning that he hand washed himself in a tidy little shire-type town "somewhere outside of Dublin, ye".

Human sock holders are pretty much exclusive to members of the Carlisle Group such as myself, so keep it to us .netters, k?
 
PvtRyan said:
That's because over where you live, bugs are the size of your fist and they don't fit in any holes. Or isn't NZ an island like Australia where mad scientists come to dump their evil creations?
Click to expand...
Meh, that's mostly a myth, worst thing we have to worry about around here are whitetails. They have worse stuff up north where KA is, but not by too much. Surprised we haven't had more nasties imported from Aus, really (thanks for the possums though, jerks).
 
Does New Zealand have internet access?

Better yet, where the **** is Old Zealand?
 
**** a huge house.

A 2000sqft house (medium-'semi big') house. On 1 acre.

DECKED OUT- the inside nicest trim and furnishings, etc. Best tile, carpet, lighting, fans, paint, furniture, etc etc.

Outside the acre fully landscaped, maintained with an appropriately sized pool (well landscaped with nice design maybe a little waterfall)

Pay half a million to the county on taxes on the property so you never have to worry about it again in your life. Same for utilities. You never know what will happen to your own money, so no matter what you will always have that home free and clear, and you'll just need to worry about feeding and clothing yourself.

If you have a lot left (like a crazy amount of wealth) then set up a family trust to escape gift taxes for those you love. Lawyer up especially if you had hit the lottery or something. Avoid publicity or charities will be at your throat. Invest wisely and look into mineral futures. Build a hedge against inflation and taxation. Stay normal and don't change.

That's the best plan.
 
RakuraiTenjin said:
**** a huge house featuring a TON OF PEOPLE-OBJECTS DOING THINGS REGULAR OBJECTS USUALLY DO, GODDAMN **** YEAH.

A 2000sqft house (medium-'semi big') house WITH WALLS MADE OF SOUTH AFRICAN SPRINTERS. On 1 acre OF PALESTINIAN SETTLEMENT.

DECKED OUT WITH PEOPLE DOING SHIT THAT NORMALLY OBJECTS WOULD, BECAUSE THEY BECOME OBJECTS WHEN I PAY THEM TO- the inside nicest trim and furnishings, etc almost exclusively pandering in human-based furniture >>!!crafted through the most thorough breeding processes known to blue blood and royalty, pioneered through years of eugenic research!!.<< Best tiles of Pakistani immigrants, carpet made of interlinked and hugging Hmong people, lighting held up by super-glued Ethiopians (pure bred, all natural, stainless), fans powered by a bicycle being fiercely peddled by a sweaty Mexican , paint[ings] of my favorite human cup holders (Iranians, Turkish, Kurds, [Armenians; only when properly introduced to inny belly button technology] and so forth), furniture isn't really that fun unless human beings are the primary building material, real quality shit LIKE I'M TALKING SHITCOCKASSDILDO, guys), etc etc.

Outside the acre fully landscaped, each blade of grass hand picked by Sri Lankan hand maids wearing ****ing hot bikinis with pictures of lawn mowers on them, to demonstrate the actual appropriate use of modern machinery, utility and common sense and how much it ****ing sucks when you can rely on human slave labor, maintained with an appropriately sized pool with water consisting of densely packed Bangladeshis (well landscaped with nice design maybe a little waterfall of soupy Tibetans falling off a cliff, laboriously re-scaling it and proceeding to link hands and plunge like lemmings once again... and againandagain). BY THE WAY THE CLIFF ITSELF IS MADE OF AMERICAN INDIANS IN A FOOTBALL HUDDLE STANCE.

Pay half a million to the county on taxes using a currency that is simply Englishmen painted with PURE CRUDE OIL TATTOOED DEEPLY INTO THEIR INFECTED SKIN on the property so you never have to worry about it BECAUSE YOU LOVE PEOPLE SERVING YOU IN NEEDLESS WAYS, again in your life will rule if you do this, seriously. Same for utilities, human utilities means you can just have them **** and make babies and never have to get more again and pay money, but it doesn't matter because you're already RICH AS ALL ****. You never know what will happen to your own money, so no matter what you will always have that home free and clear OF ANY ETHICS OR SENSE OF HUMAN JUSTICE, and you'll just need to worry about being fed by automatons that consist of babies from various gulf-states.

If you have a lot left (like a crazy amount of wealth) then set up a family trust to escape gift taxes for those you love, using pens that are SIMPLY KOREANS WITH THEIR TONGUES DIPPED IN CRUDE OIL. Lawyer up especially if you had hit the lottery or something. Avoid publicity or charities will be at your throat BUT THE LAW IS USELESS IN LIEU OF BEING SERVED AND THE SATISFACTION YOU WILL DERIVE FROM IT. Invest wisely INTO HUMAN FURNITURE and look into mineral futures 2012 SNAKE GODS AND SHIT BRO, ILLUMINATI, SON. Build a hedge against inflation and taxation A LITERAL ONE MADE OF YORKSHIRE PUPPIES AND LITTLE CUBAN BOYS LIKE ELIAN. Stay normal and don't EVER STOP HARVESTING HUMAN BEINGS.

Owning, overworking and enslaving the planet [is] the best plan.
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Holy shit, I like the way you think mane.

<RJMC> said:
and them they all plot to kill you and take your money

what would I get?

womas,of all races,all sizes,all shapes
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How will they kill me? Their guns are shot-glass sized Vietnamese sex workers equipped with sling-shots. I ensured this when I hired [READ: ENSLAVED] them. Property can't just, like, rebel and shit.
 
If I were rich, I'd never get anything that requires personnel to maintain/use. I think it would be kind of awkward to have personnel and I quite like my privacy.
 
Place looks like a peninsular shit hole for smelly ****s. Can't you just get people to lay in the water and form a land mass? How's your migrant labor scene?

PvtRyan said:
If I were rich, I'd never get anything that requires personnel to maintain/use. I think it would be kind of awkward to have personnel and I quite like my privacy.
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Who said anything about persons, personnel, people? I'm talking about organic lifestyle assistants here. I would never relate to a people or whatever.




...I'm a demon
 
So, uh... I'm guessing you're going to sew their eyes and mouths shut?

How are you going to keep those organic furniture "alive"? That could cost you a fortune in maintenance fees. Hmm, if you're interested, I hear that our military has developed a patch with micro-needles that feeds you through your skin. It also takes care of any waste that those organics might give off, since we aren't giving them anything solid, their stomachs would just wither away anyhow. Of course, we might have to paralyze them with chems, since they might run off and tell law enforcement agencies about your.... lifestyle. Actually, maybe we could, you know, remove the bones of your organic blankets, for extra comfort.

Yeah, I could do that. I'll do it when you're sleeping so you don't have to see me or my crew. Hows $15,000 a month sound (+costs)?
 
Then let us have a toast for our new 115-page contract.
 
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