JEESE That's expensive!!! D:

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Why would you want to buy a terrible game series for £110? It's not even worth £1.
 
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**** YEAH STREET SHARKS

Also lol "jeese"
 
AHA-Lambda said:
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Because there's no way that someone calling GoW bad could be anything but a troll, right?

The first God of War was an exercise in repetition. It was absolute dog meat. The game broke my heart because by the time I got past the desert, I realized that I was just hitting square over and over until I needed to perform what amounts to one-handed DDR to execute CRAZY ACTION SCENE. The game tries to through some bullshit 'puzzles' at you to try and break up the monotony, but ultimately all it succeeds in doing is making you wonder "Why the fuck am I doing this, again?"

GoW II simply builds on the first with more mythological fanwankery, the exact same mechanics, shitty environment puzzles, and more MASH MASH MASH with the occasional PRESS TRIANGLE THEN CIRCLE TO WIN to dazzle you into believing you're actually playing a game of merit, because cool-looking, gory deaths are going on onscreen. (Gory death scenes judged to be "cool-looking" by an expert panel of 14-year-olds who convinced their mothers to buy this game for them or they'd hate them forever) You're given these visually masturbatory sequences to trick you into believing that what you're doing is anything more than bashing yourself in the dick with the controller.

GoW made me fucking hate action games until God Hand came along. In God of War I saw the death of a genre, an utterly lamentable, no-skill hack-n-slasher that can easily be completed with OCD-like button pressing. It is truly sad that this game is so heavily praised by damn near everyone under the sun, because it really speaks for what gaming has become: an exercise in monotony with some flash and flare thrown in your face to mesmerize you and hold your interest through ten hours of the exact same shit over and over and over. GoW seemed like the death knell to a once beautiful genre, except it was being praised like Sony had descended from Olympus, covered your shaft in gold, and sucked you off.

What's also lamentable is that around the same time GoW came out, Rygar received a sequel after fifteen years and nobody gave a shit. A sequel that was goddamned beautiful, but nobody gave a shit because MASH MASH MASH SQUARE TRIANGLE CIRCLE I JUST RIPPED OUT A CYCLOPS' EYE OMG THIS GAME R SO GUD.






Also, Lame-O: Jabberjaw's family reunion.
 
Go **** yourself Darkside. Seriously, the **** are you talking about.

You rip, a cyclops, eye out... It's eye. You ****ing rip, IT'S EYE OUT SON!! HOW CAN YOU NOT ****ING LOVE THAT SHIT?
You also tear off the medusa head, you rip and tear mother ****ers up! RIP AND TEAR! You whip giant horse statues to drag a ****ing Island, you stab Zeus, you ****ing kill the God of war Ares. Kill him. Dead. You time travel, and mess up some serious shit.
God Hand? In God of war, Kratos got DOG HANDS! SHIT YEAH!

Go play a lame ass arcade game or something. Leave God of war to the cool kidz.
 
Psh, I spent more on a PVC model of my waifu.
 
Darkside55 said:
GOD DILEMMA!!
Click to expand...

God Hand and God of War aren't even the same type of game. Beating up enemies is the only real similarity. Not sure why you're even bothering to compare them. Regardless, I enjoy both games for what they are. Last time I checked, Video Games were classified as a form of entertainment, and for me and many others, God of War fulfills that role sublimely. Your aggression shouldn't be focused at the game, but at the reviewers who panned God Hand because they got their asses handed to them and gave up. Had God Hand been award the scores it rightly deserves, it most likely would have sold far better than it did and established itself among the greats.
 
^God Hand and God of War are both action games. This is why Darkside was comparing them. Or so I presume.
 
the cow says moo said:
^God Hand and God of War are both action games. This is why Darkside was comparing them. Or so I presume.
Click to expand...

"Action" is an extremely vague description. God Hand is more of a straight out brawler while god of war has a lot of different gameplay elements.. As I mentioned, aside from beating the snot out of enemies, as with many games, the similarities end there.
 
Rizzo said:
Go **** yourself Darkside. Seriously, the **** are you talking about.

You rip, a cyclops, eye out... It's eye. You ****ing rip, IT'S EYE OUT SON!! HOW CAN YOU NOT ****ING LOVE THAT SHIT?

Go play a lame ass arcade game or something
Click to expand...
Ok, I will go play an arcade game that lets me fuck up cyclopses. (Cyclopsii?)

2w6f09h.png


Also if I remember right you kill medusae too.

Sedako said:
God Hand and God of War aren't even the same type of game.

Beating up enemies is the only real similarity. Not sure why you're even bothering to compare them.

Last time I checked, Video Games were classified as a form of entertainment, and for me and many others, God of War fulfills that role sublimely.
Click to expand...
I wasn't comparing them. I said GoW made me hate the genre until God Hand came along. That's not a comparison, that's really just an aside. I played GoW and it made me hate an entire genre. And as Cow pointed out, they're both in the same genre. "Action" games are just beat 'em ups with weapons.

If I would directly compare GoW to anything, it'd be Rygar. They've got the same setting and everything. Yet Rygar managed to not be bollocks.

Also, the "video games are meant to be entertainment" argument is something I honestly detest. That they're meant to entertain you is obvious: they're called GAMES. However, this does not mean that everything that one might find entertainment in is a good video game. It simply speaks of the person enjoying said game. I'm sure there is someone out there that thinks Superman 64 is entertaining. There's no accounting for taste; even if GoW 'fulfilled its role' it is undoubtedly a shitty video game with a boringly thin story, lame RAAAAAAARGH I'M SO HARDCORE I KILL GODS BLAAAARGH protagonist, simple mechanics, repetitive gameplay, hamfisted puzzles, over-the-top gore meant to appeal to a MATURE GAMES FOR MATURE GAMERS LIKE MYSELF crowd, a gimmicky use of QTE that's been so lauded by reviewers and the masses alike that QTE is actually attributed to God of War when that shit's been around since Dragon's Lair.

GoW is also to blame for shit we've gotten like Rise of the Argonauts and Dante's Inferno. Its baffling (or perhaps not so baffling, given the demographic) success has shown developers of action games that all they need to succeed in sales is some button mashing and a QTE every now and then. Production values, story, and innovation be damned; this shit's like God of War! Hey everybody, you like God of War, don't you? Well get hyped because these games are JUST LIKE THAT!

GoW is a piece of shit that has not only managed to clog its own toiletbowl but has spread down the pipes into the river, growing and spreading like a perverse form of living excrement, sowing its fecal seeds into the resevoir of the action subgenre, where games devour its gooey brown mechanics willingly, shoveling it into open and salivating mouths, which is then passed on to gamers. Gamers who fail to realize what they're playing is shit, and eagerly gobble up helping after helping that developers churn out while they masturbate to their feces-gotten profits.

Sedako said:
god of war has a lot of different gameplay elements
Click to expand...
El

oh

el
 
The power of .... i'm not doing this :p
 
Darkside55 said:
Because there's no way that someone calling GoW bad could be anything but a troll, right?

The first God of War was an exercise in repetition. It was absolute dog meat. The game broke my heart because by the time I got past the desert, I realized that I was just hitting square over and over until I needed to perform what amounts to one-handed DDR to execute CRAZY ACTION SCENE. The game tries to through some bullshit 'puzzles' at you to try and break up the monotony, but ultimately all it succeeds in doing is making you wonder "Why the fuck am I doing this, again?"

GoW II simply builds on the first with more mythological fanwankery, the exact same mechanics, shitty environment puzzles, and more MASH MASH MASH with the occasional PRESS TRIANGLE THEN CIRCLE TO WIN to dazzle you into believing you're actually playing a game of merit, because cool-looking, gory deaths are going on onscreen. (Gory death scenes judged to be "cool-looking" by an expert panel of 14-year-olds who convinced their mothers to buy this game for them or they'd hate them forever) You're given these visually masturbatory sequences to trick you into believing that what you're doing is anything more than bashing yourself in the dick with the controller.

GoW made me fucking hate action games until God Hand came along. In God of War I saw the death of a genre, an utterly lamentable, no-skill hack-n-slasher that can easily be completed with OCD-like button pressing. It is truly sad that this game is so heavily praised by damn near everyone under the sun, because it really speaks for what gaming has become: an exercise in monotony with some flash and flare thrown in your face to mesmerize you and hold your interest through ten hours of the exact same shit over and over and over. GoW seemed like the death knell to a once beautiful genre, except it was being praised like Sony had descended from Olympus, covered your shaft in gold, and sucked you off.

What's also lamentable is that around the same time GoW came out, Rygar received a sequel after fifteen years and nobody gave a shit. A sequel that was goddamned beautiful, but nobody gave a shit because MASH MASH MASH SQUARE TRIANGLE CIRCLE I JUST RIPPED OUT A CYCLOPS' EYE OMG THIS GAME R SO GUD.
Click to expand...
Agreed here.

As someone who grew up playing all those ancient brawlers like Double Dragon and onwards, I thought GoW was dull as hell.

It's the same with Call of Duty - dull, dull, dull, dull, dull. If you're still excited for that series then you're probably 14 and/or retarded.
 
I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry...
 
StardogChampion said:
Agreed here.

As someone who grew up playing all those ancient brawlers like Double Dragon and onwards, I thought GoW was dull as hell.

It's the same with Call of Duty - dull, dull, dull, dull, dull. If you're still excited for that series then you're probably 14 and/or retarded.
Click to expand...

Is excited the same as enjoying?

Because as overhyped as CoD games are, I still usually find them to be an enjoyable one-playthrough game.

And I'm not 14 nor am I retarded, I'm in fact in the upper 2 percentiles of my population in terms of not-being retardeded!
 
ITT: Lambda complains about three games costing the price of one in Australia.
 
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