Jehovah witness attack!

[hool10]

My entire neighborhood is under attack by tons, I mean tons of Jehovah witnesses! I already said, "no thanks" to one group but upon opening my door and looking around they're all over my neighborhood. It looks like Halloween with Jehovah witnesses in the end of January! I never seen this many of them at one time, they appeared out of thin air! It's like a mass alien invasion! What should I do?

 

[OCybrManO]

Call everyone in your neighborhood and get them all to join you in a massive satanic ritual. That ought to do it. I think they would get the hint.

 

[Flyingdebris]

i hide and make no noise

 

[Hectic Glenn]

3rd option, i want to see you suffer a slow painful death

JESUS DIED BECAUSE HE LOVED US SO MUCH!

 

[Kamikazie]

yell at the bastards, and dont fall for the little children, they are all SATAN!

 

[Ennui]

Put up a "Solicitors will be fired upon" sign in your yard.

Then wait in the window with a paintball gun and a video camera. Film them seeing the sign, so they can't sue you for shooting them with the paintball gun, and then you'll also have footage of you shooting Jehovah's Witnesses that will make you an internet celebrity.

 

[Shodan]

Just be completly insane, I always do it.

Internet fads are great for scaring people off, chase them screaming "WE HAVE YOU POST" or "HABEEB IT!"

 

[15357]

call the military/police and say that you are under attack by communists.

 

[Ennui]

ROFL
or you could pull out the famous

"YUO NOT ALLOWED TO TALK!!"

 

[Shodan]

"Hello, what service do you require?"

"Army please"

"What? thats not a service"

"Can't you just send some people with guns then?"

"Don't call unless you have an actual emergancy"

True Story

 

[hool10]

Hmm seems like they are leaving. And damn they better not use my driveway as a turn-around! Whole bunch of them are done with this part of the neighborhood and are going further in. This topic is so funny. :smoking:

 

[15357]

"Hello, what service do you require?"

"Army please"

"What? thats not a service"

"Can't you just send some people with guns then?"

"Don't call unless you have an actual emergancy"

True Story

lol. We have a military hotline here. (113)

 

[Jangle]

lol. We have a military hotline here. (113)

In what situation could you possibly need to call an army?

 

[15357]

In what situation could you possibly need to call an army?

#1 You see an N.Korean Submarine

#2 You see people grouped together with red flags

#3 You see soldiers advancing towards a city/border

#4 You see a guy yelling "communism is great, lol!"

#5 You think that that guy over there/your sister/your teacher is a spy.

ect.

 

[Solaris]

#1 You see an N.Korean Submarine

#2 You see people grouped together with red flags

#3 You see soldiers advancing towards a city/border

#4 You see a guy yelling "communism is great, lol!"

#5 You think that that guy over there/your sister/your teacher is a spy.

ect.

#6 You see someone display original thought.

 

[Beerdude26]

Just give them these folders:
http://www.normalbobsmith.com/satanssalvation/satanssalvation.html

 

[Icarusintel]

Hmm seems like they are leaving. And damn they better not use my driveway as a turn-around! Whole bunch of them are done with this part of the neighborhood and are going further in. This topic is so funny. :smoking:

You got lucky this time - don;t forgot, all Jehovah's Witnesses are cannibals - true fact

 

[ailevation]

Upside down cross on your frontyard. They'll stay away =).

 

[JNightshade]

When they arive, say "Hey, that's not right! I told the guy I wanted you to be dressed as nurses!"

They'll never come back.

 

[Uriel]

Call in the Mormons

:sniper:

 

[Skaadi]

I'm so happy, I only get JW's at my house about once every 4 months or so, and thats just to drop off magazines as there is one JW in my family (there used to be two but I lost faith in any religion a while ago). I pity all of you who get them on a regular basis.

I feel sorry for one of my friends though, her dad invited either a JW or a mormon (I forget which) inside their house so he could pray with them, and he isnt a member of either religion.:|

 

[The Monkey]

Have a huge sex ritual in front of them, while yelling, "I'm greater than Jesus".

 

[Flyingdebris]

note, telling them you will read their pamphlet in the vain hope that they'll leave you alone will not work. They will only come back later to annoy you again.

However next time you encounter a JW, try and ask them why they believe jesus ascended into the kingdom of heaven in 1914. I shit you not, they believe that.

 

[Sulkdodds]

Why didn't you shoot them with paintball guns?

Seriously, I have seen the evil and the rage that boils behind the placid eyes of every single one of those people. I have seen it myself, up close, in-yer-face. And it is not a pretty sight.

 

[short recoil]

Strip off, paint yourself red all over and stick horns on and then run at them as fast as you can with your cock out.
That'll see them off.

 

[DeusExMachina]

Strip off, paint yourself red all over and stick horns on and then run at them as fast as you can with your cock out.
That'll see them off.

That'll probably alert the police too...

 

[short recoil]

That'll probably alert the police too...

Good, then they'll see the JW are causing a nuisance.

 

[Voodoo_Chile]

Call in the Mormons

:sniper:

Actually I really wonder what happens if a JW calls to a Mormon house-hold(or vice versa). Do they get into an infinate loop of trying to convert one another till the end of time?

Plus do they have running Street battles when they both meet one another attempting to convert the same neighbourhood? Or partake in Drive-By Prayer recitals.

 

[Solaris]

Actually I really wonder what happens if a JW calls to a Mormon house-hold(or vice versa). Do they get into an infinate loop of trying to convert one another till the end of time?

Plus do they have running Street battles when they both meet one another attempting to convert the same neighbourhood? Or partake in Drive-By Prayer recitals.

Roflmao

 

[Edcrab]

JWs haunt me... poor fools.

Try a "no visitors except by prior arrangement" sign- one of my neighbours, honest to god, had that up on his door even though he was an instrusive Witness himself...

I'd be tempted to put up a "No thanks, I'm a Protestant" sign somewhere...

 

[Solaris]

I always wanted to put up a

"Keep guns Legal" Sign to deter Bugulars.

 

[Lou]

My entire neighborhood is under attack by tons, I mean tons of Jehovah witnesses! I already said, "no thanks" to one group but upon opening my door and looking around they're all over my neighborhood. It looks like Halloween with Jehovah witnesses in the end of January! I never seen this many of them at one time, they appeared out of thin air! It's like a mass alien invasion! What should I do?

The next time Jehovah's witnesses harass you, do this: open the door fully nacked and, if possible, having an erection. They will never knock on your door again. They will even tell their Jehovah's witness friends not to knock on your door again. Do it, it works.

 

[kirovman]

Just rant at them about a lot of religious things until they feel uncomfortable and leave. Even if they don't leave, you've got a ready-made arguement on your hands, which could get heated. Enjoy!

 

[Beerdude26]

The next time Jehovah's witnesses harass you, do this: open the door fully nacked and, if possible, having an erection. They will never knock on your door again. They will even tell their Jehovah's witness friends not to knock on your door again. Do it, it works.

Lol open the door while you're banging your girlfriend/wife

If the JW are old they'll probably have a heart attack

 

[gick]

I wouldnt recommend telling them that you're a Satanist. I tried it once and ended up getting leaflets, letters and pamphlets from them every day for months.

 

[DeusExMachina]

I wouldnt recommend telling them that you're a Satanist. I tried it once and ended up getting leaflets, letters and pamphlets from them every day for months.

Couldn't that be considered harassment?

Couldn't a JW even talking to you be harassment as they're trying to convert you?

 

[JNightshade]

When Jehova's Witnesses and Mormons collide, you end up with West Side Story, only with more prayer and less sinful dancing.

 

[RakuraiTenjin]

Just tell them you've already been saved and they'll stop coming.

 

[Flyingdebris]

you know, i bet all the stuff people do to scare JWs away is causing an infinite cause and effect loop

Think about it. If you are a JW, you must see thousands of people doing creepy shit trying to annoy you or drive you off. This of course would cause you to step up your efforts of trying to save and reform the wicked. This of course causes people to do more drastic things to scare off JWs which leads to an endless loop of one upmanship.

 

[LiquidToast]

My favorite way to get rid of them is to answer my door naked and invite them in.