The Mullinator
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- May 24, 2003
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I'm bored and got this in my e-mail, it made me laugh so here you go:
WHEN MICROSOFT STARTS BUILDING CARS
1. The stereo system will only be able to listen to Microsoft FM and play Microsoft cassettes.
2. Oil, gas, and temperature gauges replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
3. To turn on the air conditioner, you will have to shut down the car for two minutes and restart it.
4. Occasionally, your car will stop and fail to restart, and you'll have to reinstall the engine to get it going again.
5. When you call the service department, they will tell you it's not their fault and blame it on the company that made the tires.
6. Before the airbag deploys, it will ask "are you sure?"
7. To make right turns, you will have to upgrade to Microsoft SteeringWheel 2.0.
8. Apple will make a car that's faster, more reliable, and easier to drive, but it will only run on five percent of the roads.
9. If you can't afford to buy a new car, you can just borrow one from a friend and copy it.
10. If you are involved in a crash, you will have no idea why.
WHEN AOL STARTS BUILDING CARS
1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."
WHEN MICROSOFT STARTS BUILDING CARS
1. The stereo system will only be able to listen to Microsoft FM and play Microsoft cassettes.
2. Oil, gas, and temperature gauges replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
3. To turn on the air conditioner, you will have to shut down the car for two minutes and restart it.
4. Occasionally, your car will stop and fail to restart, and you'll have to reinstall the engine to get it going again.
5. When you call the service department, they will tell you it's not their fault and blame it on the company that made the tires.
6. Before the airbag deploys, it will ask "are you sure?"
7. To make right turns, you will have to upgrade to Microsoft SteeringWheel 2.0.
8. Apple will make a car that's faster, more reliable, and easier to drive, but it will only run on five percent of the roads.
9. If you can't afford to buy a new car, you can just borrow one from a friend and copy it.
10. If you are involved in a crash, you will have no idea why.
WHEN AOL STARTS BUILDING CARS
1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."
