Acepilotf14
Sucked so much dick for this title
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2006
- Messages
- 13,016
- Reaction score
- 48
JOKES!
Here, I shall post randoam jokes. If you want more, I found these on . Its an awesome site.LOL
Every so often, I will post one or two. Be sure to go and read these jokes! LAWL! (Not my site, jsut sharing!! LOL!!!)
Blonde Joke! AND A GOOD ONE!!
A blonde a brunette and a red head all die and when you die you need to pass a test to go to heaven. God tells you 100 jokes (1 joke per step in a staircase) and if you laugh at one of them you have to start over again at the bottom of the steps. The brunette goes 10 steps and laughs, the red head goes 7 steps and laughs, and the blonde goes 99 steps and laughs.
Why did the blonde make it so far without laughing?
She just got the first joke!!
Hmm.. Well, this one is kinda broing at the start, BUT KEEP READING IT!!!
You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace
I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me...and as we start the summer time we all could use a little calm.
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished....and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Tequila, the Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how friggin good I feel....
You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace
I feel you guys are in need of inner peace. Not really, But heres another..
If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
Pursue at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (surprise!).
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose two geese, so one moose, two meese? Doesn't it seem crazy, that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
Wow long.. And im sure msot of us HAVE Mastered the english language! HAH! WE ARE ALL CRAZY!!!
Here, I shall post randoam jokes. If you want more, I found these on . Its an awesome site.LOL
Every so often, I will post one or two. Be sure to go and read these jokes! LAWL! (Not my site, jsut sharing!! LOL!!!)
Blonde Joke! AND A GOOD ONE!!
A blonde a brunette and a red head all die and when you die you need to pass a test to go to heaven. God tells you 100 jokes (1 joke per step in a staircase) and if you laugh at one of them you have to start over again at the bottom of the steps. The brunette goes 10 steps and laughs, the red head goes 7 steps and laughs, and the blonde goes 99 steps and laughs.
Why did the blonde make it so far without laughing?
She just got the first joke!!
Hmm.. Well, this one is kinda broing at the start, BUT KEEP READING IT!!!
You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace
I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me...and as we start the summer time we all could use a little calm.
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished....and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Tequila, the Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how friggin good I feel....
You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace
I feel you guys are in need of inner peace. Not really, But heres another..
If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
Pursue at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (surprise!).
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose two geese, so one moose, two meese? Doesn't it seem crazy, that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
Wow long.. And im sure msot of us HAVE Mastered the english language! HAH! WE ARE ALL CRAZY!!!
