15357
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- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
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- 15,209
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Hello, Helplife2.net. It's me again.
Recently I've got notification that I've passed the entrance examinations and interviews for my university's ROTC. I'll train for around 2 years then serve my military conscription of 3 years as a commissioned officer. It's what I've always wanted to do, and one of my lifelong dreams and current goal is to be a tank commander. The downside of this is that I won't get too far up the ladder if I want to go career, since the Academy guys hog all the good jobs and higher ranks.
But my parents are not happy at all about this. They don't want me to do this. I've had several long talks with them, but each time I've failed to convince them that this path is an OK one.
They worry that:
1. I won't be able to handle the stress of being a platoon commander. My mother is a schoolteacher and she compares the conscripts with teenagers who want to mess with the people in charge, and worries that the people under my command will screw me over since I'm so trusting and whatnot.:upstare:
2. It's dangerous. People get killed in accidents and non-accidents, most recently the barracks that got shot up a month ago. And since I'll be a cheap, easily-replaceable officer, I'll probably be sent in or near the front where such accidents/deaths are more frequent.
3. I have to graduate on time. I found this weird, but my parents believe that the time right before graduation is the best opportunity to scan for prospective jobs, and that I should stay in school for more than 4 years for more opportunities.
4. I'm not fit to be an officer. My social skills aren't that good. But one of the reasons I'm trying to do ROTC is to try and fix myself up. Which they think won't happen.
So, I'm being forced to take the test for prospective Army interpreters. I don't much care for being an interpreter - while the job is cushy compared with others, I don't won't a cushy job. I don't want to be softened up any further. I want to learn to be able to lead and command, to actually be able to have the confidence with interacting with other people that I've never had. I want to stop being such a nerd and a weak bitch. And thats what they'll teach me for 2 years.
Not to mention the fact that an interpreter job would get me in the army before October, and I want to play BF3 when it comes out.
Most of all, I want a new chance. I'll be meeting a whole new set of people, people that are not my major. I've messed up in my social interactions with them (probably because most of them are female and the other set have already gone away to serve in the military), and I want a chance to actually get more than a half-dozen friends in the same school. I have, through trial, error, and retrospection, found out what the hell was wrong with me, and I want to try again.
I know that my parents have a point. But this is my lifelong dream, and I'm not even talking about career. I'm talking about a 3 year stint in the Army which I would have had to do anyway - but choosing between an officer and an enlisted man, I'd choose officer.
Anyway, the main problem right now is that I'm being forced to take a test which on passing will ruin my chances of becoming an officer because you have to go if you pass. I don't want to do this. But I promised my parents that I would, and the guilt is stressing me out. I thought about messing up the test on purpose, but I can't lie, certainly not to my parents; it's the way I was raised.
I have no idea what to do. My parents keep guilting me into not going ROTC ("You're breaking our hearts", etc. etc.), because they can't convince me. Problem is that I can't stand that. But I can't simply give up my dream without even trying. I don't even have any life goals other than that. I can take the interpreter test, but I might actually get accepted and thus ruin my chances. I could deliberately mess up my exam, but the guilt would be huge - my parents would pay a somewhat substantial sum of money to take the test - a waste. And it won't solve the problem.
What do I do? Chances are I'll have to figure this out by myself, but I don't see an exit here. My parents, or my dreams. I don't want to have to choose one.
Oh, and on another note, I went to the doctor because I was feeling ill, and my hair was starting to fall out. He said that nothing was wrong with me physically, and referred me to a psychiatrist, who thought that my stress was at health-threatening levels, and also a slight chance that I may have developed personality disorders. Avoidant and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (not OCD, btw - it just means that I've too rigid moral stances and a obsession with schedules and stuff like that.). So, I suppose it's kinda serious.
I don't really expect you guys to give me any answers, btw.
It just feels good to have all this shit out of my chest.
Recently I've got notification that I've passed the entrance examinations and interviews for my university's ROTC. I'll train for around 2 years then serve my military conscription of 3 years as a commissioned officer. It's what I've always wanted to do, and one of my lifelong dreams and current goal is to be a tank commander. The downside of this is that I won't get too far up the ladder if I want to go career, since the Academy guys hog all the good jobs and higher ranks.
But my parents are not happy at all about this. They don't want me to do this. I've had several long talks with them, but each time I've failed to convince them that this path is an OK one.
They worry that:
1. I won't be able to handle the stress of being a platoon commander. My mother is a schoolteacher and she compares the conscripts with teenagers who want to mess with the people in charge, and worries that the people under my command will screw me over since I'm so trusting and whatnot.:upstare:
2. It's dangerous. People get killed in accidents and non-accidents, most recently the barracks that got shot up a month ago. And since I'll be a cheap, easily-replaceable officer, I'll probably be sent in or near the front where such accidents/deaths are more frequent.
3. I have to graduate on time. I found this weird, but my parents believe that the time right before graduation is the best opportunity to scan for prospective jobs, and that I should stay in school for more than 4 years for more opportunities.
4. I'm not fit to be an officer. My social skills aren't that good. But one of the reasons I'm trying to do ROTC is to try and fix myself up. Which they think won't happen.
So, I'm being forced to take the test for prospective Army interpreters. I don't much care for being an interpreter - while the job is cushy compared with others, I don't won't a cushy job. I don't want to be softened up any further. I want to learn to be able to lead and command, to actually be able to have the confidence with interacting with other people that I've never had. I want to stop being such a nerd and a weak bitch. And thats what they'll teach me for 2 years.
Not to mention the fact that an interpreter job would get me in the army before October, and I want to play BF3 when it comes out.
Most of all, I want a new chance. I'll be meeting a whole new set of people, people that are not my major. I've messed up in my social interactions with them (probably because most of them are female and the other set have already gone away to serve in the military), and I want a chance to actually get more than a half-dozen friends in the same school. I have, through trial, error, and retrospection, found out what the hell was wrong with me, and I want to try again.
I know that my parents have a point. But this is my lifelong dream, and I'm not even talking about career. I'm talking about a 3 year stint in the Army which I would have had to do anyway - but choosing between an officer and an enlisted man, I'd choose officer.
Anyway, the main problem right now is that I'm being forced to take a test which on passing will ruin my chances of becoming an officer because you have to go if you pass. I don't want to do this. But I promised my parents that I would, and the guilt is stressing me out. I thought about messing up the test on purpose, but I can't lie, certainly not to my parents; it's the way I was raised.
I have no idea what to do. My parents keep guilting me into not going ROTC ("You're breaking our hearts", etc. etc.), because they can't convince me. Problem is that I can't stand that. But I can't simply give up my dream without even trying. I don't even have any life goals other than that. I can take the interpreter test, but I might actually get accepted and thus ruin my chances. I could deliberately mess up my exam, but the guilt would be huge - my parents would pay a somewhat substantial sum of money to take the test - a waste. And it won't solve the problem.
What do I do? Chances are I'll have to figure this out by myself, but I don't see an exit here. My parents, or my dreams. I don't want to have to choose one.
Oh, and on another note, I went to the doctor because I was feeling ill, and my hair was starting to fall out. He said that nothing was wrong with me physically, and referred me to a psychiatrist, who thought that my stress was at health-threatening levels, and also a slight chance that I may have developed personality disorders. Avoidant and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (not OCD, btw - it just means that I've too rigid moral stances and a obsession with schedules and stuff like that.). So, I suppose it's kinda serious.
I don't really expect you guys to give me any answers, btw.
It just feels good to have all this shit out of my chest.
