Limericks!

[Brian Damage]

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, called Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nan took it.

There once was a man from Darjeerling,
Who boarded a bus bound for Ealing.
A sign on the door,
Said, "No spitting on floor",
So he got up and spat on the ceiling.

A man at the football in Sydney,
Had trouble controlling his kidney.
Couldn't get to the dunny,
His bladder felt funny,
So he pissed in his pocket, now, didn't he?:E

I love limericks. Post yours to pass the time...

 

[ray_MAN]

There once was a man named Bert,
he got sauce on his shirt.
He got out the soap,
and started to moap.
Now he had no hope.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't so fuzzy, was he?

 

[Brian Damage]

Okaaaaay, I suppose. Fuzzy Wuzzy ain't a limerick, though. And mope doesn't rhyme with shirt and Bert.

Me anal. Sorry.

Seeya.:E

 

[ray_MAN]

Does it have to?
dunny doesn't rhyme with kidney.
I know Fuzzy Wuzzy isn't a limerick but it rox0rz.

 

[Brian Damage]

Dunny isn't supposed to rhyme with kidney. Limericks go:

Dada dada dah dah dada dah(1)
Dada dada dah dah dada dah(1)
Dah dah dada dah(2)
Dah dah dada dah(2)
Dada dada dah dah dada dah(1)

S'posed to, anyway. *Sniff*. I'm so pedantic...;(

Seeya.:E

FUZZY RULZ!

 

[ray_MAN]

Oh ok sorry. I just wanted to use your poem as a guidline.

 

[Brian Damage]

No problem. How about: "And ended up covered in dirt."?

Seeya:E.

EDIT: Or something... Feeling real hurt?

 

[Saltpeter]

Parental Advisory, Explicit lyrics...

//

There once was a lady named Lill
Who tried Dynamite for a thrill
They found her vagina
In north Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

There was a young slurry named Maurie
Who fancied a root in a quarry
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
So the bastard backed in with a lorry.

There once was a man from Madras
Whose balls were made out of brass.
When they jangled together,
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot from his ass.

There once was a priest they called Roy,
who hadn't had much fun or joy.
Till one day at the mass,
the altar boy gave him a pass,
that said, "Meet me in confession with your toy."

 

[Brian Damage]

LOL!

A dirty, dirty mind.:E

Might get censored by the mods.:cheese:

Thanks. Seeya.

 

[chu]

A man who thought he was a genius,
Couldn't tell a light bulb from his penis.
When his old light bulb blew,
And he screwed in the new,
He was changed from a Mars to a Venus!

They accused an old lecher of Sodom
That he f*cked 'em and promptly forgot 'em.
"Though I may forget faces"
He told the straight-laces,
"I always remember a bottom."

A young Southern belle named Blossom
Had a c*nt that was truly quite awesome.
It could crack pecans with ease,
Or grind corn, if you please,
But was famous for skinning O'possum.

 

[ray_MAN]

Originally posted by Saltpeter
Parental Advisory, Explicit lyrics...

//

There once was a lady named Lill
Who tried Dynamite for a thrill
They found her vagina
In north Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

There was a young slurry named Maurie
Who fancied a root in a quarry
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
So the bastard backed in with a lorry.

There once was a man from Madras
Whose balls were made out of brass.
When they jangled together,
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot from his ass.

There once was a priest they called Roy,
who hadn't had much fun or joy.
Till one day at the mass,
the altar boy gave him a pass,
that said, "Meet me in confession with your toy."

You nasty, nasty man. But, the Madras one is funny but old.

WARNING EXPLICIT CONTENT!

There once was a man from Badu,
who fell asleep in his canoe.
He though of Mick,
and played with his d*ck,
And woke up with a handful of goo.:naughty: :naughty:

My friend made that one up.

 

[ray_MAN]

Originally posted by chu

A young Southern belle named Blossom
Had a c*nt that was truly quite awesome.
It could crack pecans with ease,
Or grind corn, if you please,
But was famous for skinning O'possum.

AWESOME! That was so funny.:cheers: :cheese: :thumbs:

 

[Sulkdodds]

Hmm. Rude.

I once met a man stuffed with pies
Who had the most mad staring eyes.
He ranted and raved
Then left with a wave
Screaming disturbing cries.

I met an old man on the street
Who had the misfortune to meet
A middle-aged man
So bitter and mad
Shouting "STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY YOU *Beep*.

Based on true stories.

 

[Brian Damage]

I'm in the army now,
I tried to milk a cow.
The cow let off,
So I set off,
I'm in the Air force now.

I'd say that was a semi-limerick. Right pattern, but possibly deficient on syllables.:E

 

[Sulkdodds]

yeah, not quite enough sylables.