My Ass.

Dux

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Haha! Who remembers this old gem?

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system, which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.

We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical

people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS.

Last week my secretary said to me, "I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before." I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS.

As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS." It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, "Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS."


Getting MYASS Started

Getting MYASS going is easy! With an intuitive interface setup is simple, and should only take a few minutes for anyone, even if you have no previous experience with MYASS or any other piece of software.

Initially Inputting into MYASS

The thought of putting something into a system as complex as MYASS can seem devastating to start with. Don't be fooled though, getting into MYASS is easy, and fun (once you get comfortable and start to explore).

Pre-existing handlers allow you to begin quickly and easily, accessing and inputting into MYASS almost immediately. MYASS is fully customizable, and can be modified easily to reflect foreign character sets, or allow for personal profiles, users and group privileges. As well, MYASS has the all the administrative backdoor functions and features that integrators and developers love to use.

Fail safes inside the MYASS Kernel monitors data frequently to insure the proper distribution of every bit and byte inside MYASS, which requires proper traffic within the storage capacity of MYASS and your hardware capacity. This allows load balancing for managing and allocating system resources efficiently in case of power surges, lock-ups, or occasionally brown outs that can exist in unstable circumstances. This makes it easy to access and to be quickly removed from the system if necessary.

Primary Output

Once loaded up with data the G-string code is applied which confines MYASS, and triggers a query that collects all the important bits of information in the system. Then MYASS creates long but compact logs that automatically backup inside the system. Once the capacity of the system has reached its limits MYASS is safeguarded by beginning to notifying users of a possible random I/O malfunction. Logs can be exported from MYASS in succession, partial, complete, or discrete loads, never altering the original kernel.

Hardware Requirements

Although there are no minimum system requirements to run MYASS, it thrives in any environment that supports multifunction devices, and multi-port adapters. MYASS is platform independent, and has a small memory footprint, while taking up only a small portion of the perimeter of a hard disk. What is hard to believe is that MYASS has so much in store for you, and MYASS can take in more than you would ever think could go in there.
 
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