Stigmata
The Freeman
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2003
- Messages
- 15,904
- Reaction score
- 371
So, Shamrock came on Xfire and demanded I write him a poem for his English class, that specifically had to deal with Nintendo. I spent a good two hours on it, I think, and it turned out pretty well.
It's meant to be a funny poem, and I can't think of a good title for it, so I'm titling it simply. I hope you all enjoy the work that Shamrock will take credit for in school.
[edit: word choice + grammar]
"Nintendo"
Nintendo
Light of my screen, love of my thumbs
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Mario, in thine majestic cap and royal blue coveralls
With boots of robust jumping power and murderous stomping.
Driven by materialism, the desire to find one hundred coins
With which to exchange for a mushroom
Presumably laced with drugs.
Link, holder of the Triforce of courage, and purveyor of Hyrulian justice
Friend of a fairy whose annoying insistence nearly drove me to murder.
How I wish I had your sword and shield, so I may defend myself from harm.
How I wish I had your Ocarina, with its magical songs of teleportation
So I may fly to a place
Without that goddamn fairy.
Donkey Kong, stealer of princesses, thrower of barrels
Eater of my quarters at the arcade.
You have truly shown that my jumps are no match for your rolling cylinders of wood
And I respect your ability to destroy things for no reason.
But, hilarious translation error or not, you are not a donkey
So change your name already.
Samus Aran, famed figher of Metroids, antithesis to the Space Pirates
Your spacefaring adventures, and your power suit -
With its jetpacks, energy shields, and chargeable plasma blaster -
Made us all wish we could be you
Until we found out you were a girl.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But it's still kind of weird.
Pikachu, the product of an unholy union between a rat and an electric eel.
You have the cognitive abilities of a ball of rice
Yet you are still smarter than your master.
Your games have invaded my mind
Drained my batteries
Emptied my pockets
And robbed me of my childhood.
I hate you.
Nintendo
Considering my history with your franchises
I feel that I can, without hyperbole, truly fear the day I find a Wii
And its magical remote, a lightgun to the power of forty-two.
Everything you touch becomes my vice
Your children of software and hardware are my angels of entertainment.
And I must admit, it is all so addictive and enjoyable
Like a binary cocaine.
But it is not debilitating.
I swear I can stop any time I choose.
I just choose not to.
It's meant to be a funny poem, and I can't think of a good title for it, so I'm titling it simply. I hope you all enjoy the work that Shamrock will take credit for in school.
[edit: word choice + grammar]
"Nintendo"
Nintendo
Light of my screen, love of my thumbs
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Mario, in thine majestic cap and royal blue coveralls
With boots of robust jumping power and murderous stomping.
Driven by materialism, the desire to find one hundred coins
With which to exchange for a mushroom
Presumably laced with drugs.
Link, holder of the Triforce of courage, and purveyor of Hyrulian justice
Friend of a fairy whose annoying insistence nearly drove me to murder.
How I wish I had your sword and shield, so I may defend myself from harm.
How I wish I had your Ocarina, with its magical songs of teleportation
So I may fly to a place
Without that goddamn fairy.
Donkey Kong, stealer of princesses, thrower of barrels
Eater of my quarters at the arcade.
You have truly shown that my jumps are no match for your rolling cylinders of wood
And I respect your ability to destroy things for no reason.
But, hilarious translation error or not, you are not a donkey
So change your name already.
Samus Aran, famed figher of Metroids, antithesis to the Space Pirates
Your spacefaring adventures, and your power suit -
With its jetpacks, energy shields, and chargeable plasma blaster -
Made us all wish we could be you
Until we found out you were a girl.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But it's still kind of weird.
Pikachu, the product of an unholy union between a rat and an electric eel.
You have the cognitive abilities of a ball of rice
Yet you are still smarter than your master.
Your games have invaded my mind
Drained my batteries
Emptied my pockets
And robbed me of my childhood.
I hate you.
Nintendo
Considering my history with your franchises
I feel that I can, without hyperbole, truly fear the day I find a Wii
And its magical remote, a lightgun to the power of forty-two.
Everything you touch becomes my vice
Your children of software and hardware are my angels of entertainment.
And I must admit, it is all so addictive and enjoyable
Like a binary cocaine.
But it is not debilitating.
I swear I can stop any time I choose.
I just choose not to.
