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Michael (Awkwardus Maximus, Animal Kingdom, Phylum Awkwardum), is indigenous to indoor areas and can be largely found before a TV, viewing films (not movies, films), which serves as its only learning ritual in stimulating the brain from the day it hatches from its egg. Its species descended from the cross-mating between rabbits and pelicans. Its DNA is 79% related to that of a Banana Slug. Although its awkwardness has stunted its growth in the food chain, it has used evolution to its advantage by adapting so that its inability to hold still makes it hard for predators to attack it. Nearly hunted into extinction by its rival species, Derekus Leetus, it has recently made a recovery due to the efforts of environmental activists and a massive decrease in condescending awkward jokes.
DIET Michael feeds primarily on plastic spoons, first gnawing them into splinters to make sure its prey is dead, then consuming it piece by piece. When spoon supplies are low, it may turn to shredded bits of lunchmeat, or, on the ocassion that Derekus Leetus disapears to the watering hole, attempting to steal Derekus Leetus' Wheat Thins.
MATING HABITS When selecting a mate, it attempts to win over stronger females that will only try to eat it, then retreats back to the water hole where its wounds are licked clean by Joshus Leetus, a sub-species of Fasianus Emo-us. Then, it simply returns to the mating grounds to once again be nearly eaten by the dominant females.
Featured many times on the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and various Tampon commercials, Michael is an endangered race whose meat has recently become a delicacy in Canada, Guatemala, and North Dakota. Environmentalists are urging for a ban on the awkward jokes and the lack of French Films that is slowly poisoning its environment, and perhaps someday Awkwardus Maximus will once again flourish.
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DIET Michael feeds primarily on plastic spoons, first gnawing them into splinters to make sure its prey is dead, then consuming it piece by piece. When spoon supplies are low, it may turn to shredded bits of lunchmeat, or, on the ocassion that Derekus Leetus disapears to the watering hole, attempting to steal Derekus Leetus' Wheat Thins.
MATING HABITS When selecting a mate, it attempts to win over stronger females that will only try to eat it, then retreats back to the water hole where its wounds are licked clean by Joshus Leetus, a sub-species of Fasianus Emo-us. Then, it simply returns to the mating grounds to once again be nearly eaten by the dominant females.
Featured many times on the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and various Tampon commercials, Michael is an endangered race whose meat has recently become a delicacy in Canada, Guatemala, and North Dakota. Environmentalists are urging for a ban on the awkward jokes and the lack of French Films that is slowly poisoning its environment, and perhaps someday Awkwardus Maximus will once again flourish.
Article Discussion Edit this page History
