Need Some Advice

[Warped]

My best friend moved away with the majority of his family to Tennessee. Basically his sister stayed up north here. His dad has a business whom he works for and whatnot, but his younger brother just got married and moved out and my friend has no friends, no support group and such. As of recently he was checked into a Psychiatric Center because of a breakdown and I have no idea how to approach him now. I think with him not truly finishing school, leaving so hurriedly down south and leaving dozens of friends behind it finally hit him hard.

Can someone please advise me on what to do, say, or how to react. I was never in the situation before and I don't want to make him any worse by saying the wrong thing.

 

[AKIRA]

Give him a while and then approach him with a simple "hey how are you holding up man"? or something along those lines.

 

[Warped]

I did that last time and within that time is when he had the meltdown. I appreciate it but I'm afraid I may have made him feel worse. He also got rid of Facebook and I think hes in the hospital for another day, so do you think I should just text him something like, "have you ever played Dragon Quest??" and keep it simple

also i swear to god he played Dragon Quest when we were little

 

[CptStern]

kick him in the mangina and tell him to stop being a pussy?

 

[AKIRA]

I did that last time and within that time is when he had the meltdown. I appreciate it but I'm afraid I may have made him feel worse. He also got rid of Facebook and I think hes in the hospital for another day, so do you think I should just text him something like, "have you ever played Dragon Quest??" and keep it simple

also i swear to god he played Dragon Quest when we were little

You could but if you text him something like that he may get offended and think your making light of the situation he's in.

Either way I think you should give it a few days/couple weeks before making any contact with him.

 

[Warped]

yeah I think I'll give it a few days, wake up one day and just call him.

 

[flamingdts]

To be absolutely frank, I think you should consult his doctor and family. Nobody here is qualified professionally nor in proper terms with your friend to offer any proper advice.

Though I will say keeping in touch with him as much as you can is the most important.

 

[<RJMC>]

alcohol and prostitutes

 

[Warped]

I just sent him a birthday gift too, Settlers of Catan which is a really fun board game from what I hear and he is really good at board games

 

[dfc05]

Sounds very similar to one of my friends who moved to California for med school. He got depressed and ended up seeing a shrink. I'm guessing the shrink was affiliated with the med school he was attending and therefore was a decent enough doctor. Anyhow, I sent him cookies and hot cocoa and stuff in the mail. I think he appreciated that. I can't say I'm good at all with keeping up with old friends, but last I heard, now he's back home and taking a year off from school. Seems to be doing ok.

Anyhow, just make sure your friend has people there to watch out for him. One of the things my friend's doctor recommended was to move in with roommates (he'd been living alone). I think that helped him a lot.

 

[Sulkdodds]

Try and strike a balance between showing your concern and giving him his space. It's a difficult act, - letting him know you're there for him without being overbearing or suffocating - but it's one that friends are well, equipped to do because they can temper their most earnest attention with small talk and jokes. Talking to him about ordinary things (e.g. videogames) proves that his life need not revolve completely around his problems, and while he will have to deal with them, he needn't be defined by them. Similarly, keep a sense of humour. It's easy to laugh in the company of old friends and anyone who can't laugh is ****ed anyway.

Obviously a lot of this depends on the kind of person you're dealing with. You know the guy, so think about how he reacts to things. But I can't imagine anyone being too averse to a phone call from their old best friend who wants to shoot the shit with a warm and ready smile in his voice.

MIGHT BE TOTALLY WRONG DISCLAIMER

 

[Warped]

yeah I just hope my other friends we grew up can merge back together. the dbags i once thought were cruel have changed and started building families of their own which means they started settling down and we may not not be able to help my friend in need much longer. i personally would love for him to move back to my town where all his friends are and it was just like it used to be. i even have a house we could rent for cheap, plus hes Irish/English so drinking would be easily fun with plenty of parties and guests over all the time. i may hint that to him, he can always come back home where he really belongs

 

[Bad^Hat]

Try and strike a balance between showing your concern and giving him his space. It's a difficult act, - letting him know you're there for him without being overbearing or suffocating - but it's one that friends are well, equipped to do because they can temper their most earnest attention with small talk and jokes. Talking to him about ordinary things (e.g. videogames) proves that his life need not revolve completely around his problems, and while he will have to deal with them, he needn't be defined by them. Similarly, keep a sense of humour. It's easy to laugh in the company of old friends and anyone who can't laugh is ****ed anyway.

Obviously a lot of this depends on the kind of person you're dealing with. You know the guy, so think about how he reacts to things. But I can't imagine anyone being too averse to a phone call from their old best friend who wants to shoot the shit with a warm and ready smile in his voice.

MIGHT BE TOTALLY WRONG DISCLAIMER

Pretty spot on.

Mostly you just want to come across like you're still his friend (not to imply you aren't ). Don't treat him like he's made of porcelain, basically. I mean, be receptive if he's trying to open up to you, be sensitive if it's obvious he's hurting, but don't just fawn over him awkwardly like you're afraid to talk to him like a person. Even at their most fragile, people just want to be treated like they're normal.

 

[Warped]

so yeah things just got a whole lot worse. or at least i misunderstood how bad things are. he basically stopped eating for a long time and now weighs 20lbs less and all ready this kid was bone thin. I hope the doctors can help him because this is completely out of my hands and it makes sense now that he hasn't returned anyones calls or texts in the past week or so

 

[63]

How old is this kid?

 

[Warped]

27 years old, hes not a kid

 

[Emporius]

Can someone please advise me on what to do

Basically his sister stayed up north here.

:cheese:

In all seriousness most of the replies have been good. Hit him up on skype or summat so you're face to face and let him vent.

 

[Warped]

:cheese:

In all seriousness most of the replies have been good. Hit him up on skype or summat so you're face to face and let him vent.

He severed all his ties with the online world. only way to reach him is by phone and the last week I got no response. I had no idea of his condition until today when I found out he wasn't eating and is in the hospital. I think tomorrow I will ask around for his brothers # so I can get more info out of him

 

[Raziaar]

When I left Alaska, I basically found it impossible to reach back out and connect with any new people, making new friends. Didn't stay in Iowa very long, and well, Texas is Texas. I wasn't in a school, so it made it extra difficult. Basically became a hermit.

I think it's more difficult to people who aren't used to moving around, than it is to military brats and such who basically get used to it after a while, for better or worse.