Darkside55
The Freeman
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2009
- Messages
- 12,083
- Reaction score
- 93
Except fatass kids.
They've finally done it, those fat little porkers, wolfing down truckbeds of junk food and spurring overly-concerned, yet equally fat parents to action. The media's craze about the nation's "Obesity Epidemic," has caused a backlash against Big Food, prompting them to release healthy alternatives and rethink marketing strategies. It should have been a good thing: get people to focus on healthier foods, moderate fast food intake, yet keep customers coming into restaurants. A win-win situation, right?
Not for The Grimace.
He was the first in what will be a long list of McDonaldland casualties, cut down by marketing geniuses in 2007. And they don't plan to stop there: everyone's getting cut at the end of the year, save for Ronald McDonald, mercifully spared the axe by agreeing to sell out to paranoid hype, becoming a role model that tells kids to eat fruit instead of fries and exercise after meals. I want to rail at him for being a sellout, but I can't say I blame him. What choice does he have, as the last survivor of a classic marketing campaign?
Not since Captain Crook's two decade-spanning caper against McDonaldland will the deathtoll be so high. And this time Big Mac and his police force will be powerless to stop it, because the execution order is coming down from higher up. They already cut down Ronald's jolly, milkshake-loving retarded friend; soon they'll strip Mayor McCheese of his power and begin a massive Frykid genocide. They'll roast poor Birdie, chop her into bits and separate her: some parts to be made into healthy "Chicken Selects," the rest of the meat to be ground up in a blender and deepfried for McNuggets. Captain Crook'll be given a burial at sea. They'll finally catch the Hamburglar, and they'll see him hung, but for all the wrong reasons. Not because he so loved those fatty, cholesterol-saturated burgers that they drove him to a life of crime, but because he was a negative stereotype--negative because of the food he ate, not because he was a criminal.
McDonaldland will never recover from this. McDonald's will set fire to the very Hamburger Patch at the heart of the city. I can only hope that a few denizens like Mac Moon, laying low since the eighties, will escape.
There's no accompanying news article with this one, folks, no links to the Associated Press. They're keeping it quiet because they don't want you to know. But it's happening. Miccy D's is sweeping it all under the rug quietly, to phase it out. There'll come a day when no one even remembers McDonaldland.
But I'll remember. I'll remember The Grimace.
They've finally done it, those fat little porkers, wolfing down truckbeds of junk food and spurring overly-concerned, yet equally fat parents to action. The media's craze about the nation's "Obesity Epidemic," has caused a backlash against Big Food, prompting them to release healthy alternatives and rethink marketing strategies. It should have been a good thing: get people to focus on healthier foods, moderate fast food intake, yet keep customers coming into restaurants. A win-win situation, right?
Not for The Grimace.
He was the first in what will be a long list of McDonaldland casualties, cut down by marketing geniuses in 2007. And they don't plan to stop there: everyone's getting cut at the end of the year, save for Ronald McDonald, mercifully spared the axe by agreeing to sell out to paranoid hype, becoming a role model that tells kids to eat fruit instead of fries and exercise after meals. I want to rail at him for being a sellout, but I can't say I blame him. What choice does he have, as the last survivor of a classic marketing campaign?
Not since Captain Crook's two decade-spanning caper against McDonaldland will the deathtoll be so high. And this time Big Mac and his police force will be powerless to stop it, because the execution order is coming down from higher up. They already cut down Ronald's jolly, milkshake-loving retarded friend; soon they'll strip Mayor McCheese of his power and begin a massive Frykid genocide. They'll roast poor Birdie, chop her into bits and separate her: some parts to be made into healthy "Chicken Selects," the rest of the meat to be ground up in a blender and deepfried for McNuggets. Captain Crook'll be given a burial at sea. They'll finally catch the Hamburglar, and they'll see him hung, but for all the wrong reasons. Not because he so loved those fatty, cholesterol-saturated burgers that they drove him to a life of crime, but because he was a negative stereotype--negative because of the food he ate, not because he was a criminal.
McDonaldland will never recover from this. McDonald's will set fire to the very Hamburger Patch at the heart of the city. I can only hope that a few denizens like Mac Moon, laying low since the eighties, will escape.
There's no accompanying news article with this one, folks, no links to the Associated Press. They're keeping it quiet because they don't want you to know. But it's happening. Miccy D's is sweeping it all under the rug quietly, to phase it out. There'll come a day when no one even remembers McDonaldland.
But I'll remember. I'll remember The Grimace.
