Obama Inauguration Speech Generator

[The Monkey]

My fellow Americans, today is a murdering day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "honky", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually ****.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces black and ugly challenges like never before. Our economy is wet. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for heroes. Our healthcare system is soulless. If your ass is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a prostitute. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a America dick. But shitting together we can right this ship, and set a course for Alaska.

Finally, I must thank my foolish family, my redneck campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank white trash for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of kicking the American people. Without your stinky efforts, none of this would have been possible.

http://www.atom.com/spotlights/inauguration_speech_generator/

 

[DEATHMASTER]

My fellow Americans, today is a funny day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "police", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually rape.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces stupid and ignorant challenges like never before. Our economy is bushy. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for peoples. Our healthcare system is smelly. If your armpit is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a lawyer. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a robot pencil. But ****ing together we can right this ship, and set a course for iraq.

Finally, I must thank my stupid family, my stupid campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank bush supporters for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of shitting the American people. Without your light efforts, none of this would have been possible.

great

 

[CyberPitz]

My fellow Americans, today is a Big day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "House", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually Kick.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces Cute and Ugly challenges like never before. Our economy is Red. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for Blimps. Our healthcare system is Great. If your Toe is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Doctor. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Plastic Cup. But Running together we can right this ship, and set a course for Hawaii.

Finally, I must thank my Smelly family, my Smooth campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Christian for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of Fisting the American people. Without your Rough efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Nibwoddle]

My fellow Americans, today is a enormous day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "grasshopper", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually fly.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces ridiculous and explosive challenges like never before. Our economy is amazing. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for dogs. Our healthcare system is powerful. If your arm is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a scientologist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a box logo. But smashing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Uluru.

Finally, I must thank my stupid family, my terrible campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank George Lucas for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of taking the American people. Without your epic efforts, none of this would have been possible.

Holy crap this is awesome.

 

[Sheepo]

My fellow Americans, today is a delicious day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "chicken", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually penetrate.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces majestic and ridiculous challenges like never before. Our economy is hopeless. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for oxen. Our healthcare system is similar. If your tongue is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a rapist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a zombie rock. But shitting together we can right this ship, and set a course for the very depths of Hell.

Finally, I must thank my silly family, my retarded campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank the homeless for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of slapping the American people. Without your spectacular efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Jintor]

My fellow Americans, today is a delicious day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "chicken", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually playing.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces disappointing and huge challenges like never before. Our economy is ugly. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for cows. Our healthcare system is uncompromising. If your finger is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a executioner. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a table sun. But dancing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Auckland.

Finally, I must thank my flipping family, my Hungarian campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Sikhs for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of planting the American people. Without your punishing efforts, none of this would have been possible.

/edit Jesus sheepo, you thought of 'delicious' and 'chicken' at the same time I did.

 

[nipples]

My fellow Americans, today is a tight day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "belly", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually smell.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces fuzzy and cute challenges like never before. Our economy is black. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for mailmen. Our healthcare system is tough. If your pancreas is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Prostitute. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a unicorn rainbow. But snorting together we can right this ship, and set a course for Hell.

Finally, I must thank my hot family, my flat campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank the KKK for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of punching the American people. Without your large efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Sheepo]

Yeah, that just freaked me the hell out. I thought you were trying to copy me.

Spoiler

I thought of it first, dick

Edit: To Jintor

 

[highlander]

hahaha.

 

[Deadpan]

My fellow Americans, today is a Slippery day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "Philistine", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually caress.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces Hiddly and Diddly challenges like never before. Our economy is Doodly. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for sparrows. Our healthcare system is smarmy. If your anus circle is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a hooker. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a frog boob. But ripping together we can right this ship, and set a course for Golden Gate.

Finally, I must thank my poopy family, my funny campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank ******s for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of hugging the American people. Without your peaceful efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Krynn72]

Repossessed by Ravenholm Auctioneers.

 

[Saturos]

My fellow Americans, today is a dorky day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "peanut", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually masturbate.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces black and greasy challenges like never before. Our economy is hilarious. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for hobos. Our healthcare system is sleazy. If your vagina is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a plumber. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a rubber turd. But farting together we can right this ship, and set a course for Zimbabwe.

Finally, I must thank my homely family, my wrinkled campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank homosexuals for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of teabagging the American people. Without your lame efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[TheCake Is A Lie]

My fellow Americans, today is a Hot day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "Australia", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually Run.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces Blue and Clear challenges like never before. Our economy is Fuzzy. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for Shirts. Our healthcare system is Wavy. If your Toe is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Mechanic. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a TV Hair. But Jumping together we can right this ship, and set a course for Melbourne.

Finally, I must thank my Spiky family, my Soft campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank You for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of Cutting the American people. Without your Orange efforts, none of this would have been possible.

I didn't really know what I was doing.:|

 

[MJ12]

Mine is far superior, first random attempt-

My fellow Americans, today is a Fast day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "Cat", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually Ran.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces homosexual and homosexual challenges like never before. Our economy is fast. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for Cats. Our healthcare system is homosexual. If your Hand is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Stone Mason. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Bar Bar. But running together we can right this ship, and set a course for town.

Finally, I must thank my homosexual family, my fast campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank homosexuals for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of running the American people. Without your homosexual efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Remus]

My fellow Americans, today is a rusty day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "fruit cake", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually walking.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces deranged and colorful challenges like never before. Our economy is happy. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for fleas. Our healthcare system is corny. If your finger is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a undertaker. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a paper scissors. But fornicating together we can right this ship, and set a course for whore house.

Finally, I must thank my lunatic family, my heavy campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank NOD for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of singing the American people. Without your tall efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Nibwoddle]

My fellow Americans, today is a Obama day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "Obama", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually Obama.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces Obama and Obama challenges like never before. Our economy is Obama. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for Obama. Our healthcare system is Obama. If your Obama is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Obama. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Obama Obama. But Obama together we can right this ship, and set a course for Obama.

Finally, I must thank my Obama family, my Obama campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Obama for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of Obama the American people. Without your Obama efforts, none of this would have been possible.

I could not stop laughing for about 5 minutes after reading this. Don't ask why.

 

[Sulkdodds]

Oddly enough, I got

Shema Yamerica
Obama Eloheinu
Obama Echad.

 

[Sulkdodds]

That post was one of the more subtle examples of my raging anti-semitism.

 

[Krynn72]

I could not stop laughing for about 5 minutes after reading this. Don't ask why.

Repossessed by Ravenholm Auctioneers.

 

[Remus]

Bum Guy's Acceptance Speech for the Lead Self-Possessed Scientologist Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have made daddy promise that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other closeted homosexual nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your lackluster applause makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was a God on Earth, I just had to take a Xanax and obsess about how unaesthetic my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda wrinkly

You know, there are so many blood-sucking Napoleon Complex-suffering studio execs< to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the glorified prostitutes of the Academy, who looked deep within their lint-encrusted navels before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Charleton Heston, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the People Under the Stairs, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

 

[ThunderDawg]

hahaa

 

[G(ordon)-man]

Full of dirty words, but worth reading!

Spoiler

My fellow Americans, today is a imma gay day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "shit", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually **** off.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces damn harder and obama rape challenges like never before. Our economy is ****er. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for bitch. Our healthcare system is dickweed. If your dick is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a rapist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a rape rape. But effing together we can right this ship, and set a course for ****ville.

Finally, I must thank my **** family, my **** campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Son o' Ho for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of ****ing the American people. Without your yuu efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Seppo]

Full of dirty words, but worth reading!

Spoiler

My fellow Americans, today is a imma gay day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "shit", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually **** off.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces damn harder and obama rape challenges like never before. Our economy is ****er. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for bitch. Our healthcare system is dickweed. If your dick is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a rapist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a rape rape. But effing together we can right this ship, and set a course for ****ville.

Finally, I must thank my **** family, my **** campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Son o' Ho for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of ****ing the American people. Without your yuu efforts, none of this would have been possible.

I'm now convinced that G(ordon)-man is just a gimmick account that belongs to one of the regular members of hl2.net

 

[G(ordon)-man]

I belong to the internet.

 

[ríomhaire]

My fellow Americans, today is a oppressive day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "cop", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually enslave.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces cruel and hopeless challenges like never before. Our economy is dead. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for headcrabs. Our healthcare system is zombified. If your claw is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a rogue physicist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a antlion bullsquid. But killing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Ravenholm.

Finally, I must thank my desolate family, my desicrated campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank the Combine for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of laughing the American people. Without your hot efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Barnz]

My fellow Americans, today is a Captain Stern day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "Stern-ish", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually Normal Stern.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces Big Stern and Small Stern challenges like never before. Our economy is Save a Stern. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for Don't do it Stern. Our healthcare system is Cop vs Stern. If your Stern is my hero is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Sternism. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Stern's Car Stern's Bed. But Stern together we can right this ship, and set a course for Sternland.

Finally, I must thank my Sternbul family, my New Stern campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Stern's daughters for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of Stern the American people. Without your Sternology efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Seppo]

Haha ok this one's REALLY hilarious, and I personally laughed my ass off while making this. Trust me, if you're now using a public computer to browse hl2.net and there are people around, don't read this, because it will make you laugh out loud. This is hilarious!!

Spoiler

My fellow Americans, today is a stupid day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "stupid", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually stupid.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces stupid and stupid challenges like never before. Our economy is stupid. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for stupid. Our healthcare system is stupid. If your stupid is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a stupid. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a stuipd stupodi. But stuuipdsi together we can right this ship, and set a course for stsidpoudsa?.

Finally, I must thank my sagutaspji family, my sfakji?asaf campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank lkfsaioaf for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww the American people. Without your wwwwwwwwwwwwwww efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[G(ordon)-man]

If your stupid is sick

LMAO

 

[Mech Man]

My fellow Americans, today is a Slippery day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "dickface", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually Bone.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces aging and dick-wiggling challenges like never before. Our economy is fartish. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for spelunking. Our healthcare system is fat. If your face-cock is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a HECU marine . And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Douche-bag Moon man. But smelling together we can right this ship, and set a course for /b/.

Finally, I must thank my mega family, my ass-faced campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Colonel Sanders for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of licking the American people. Without your small efforts, none of this would have been possible.

Edit : crap , some of you doods already used some of mine.

 

[Mellish]

My fellow Americans, today is a funny day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "penis", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually jump.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces shit and stinky challenges like never before. Our economy is crazy. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for penis's. Our healthcare system is gay. If your ass is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a gayman. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a car penis. But ****ing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Penisland.

Finally, I must thank my weird family, my hilarious campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Ku Klux Klan for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of shiting the American people. Without your weird efforts, none of this would have been possible.

I lol'd at my own.

 

[Dan]

It disturbs me that many of you can't differentiate nouns, verbs, and adjectives.

 

[nofreeman]

omg lol

My fellow Americans, today is a Legless day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "Skip", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually smoke.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces Sore and Big challenges like never before. Our economy is Hairy. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for The brown cats are running. Our healthcare system is Shaved. If your Arm Pit is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a High Class Hooker. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Sellotape Disk. But laughing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Bed.

Finally, I must thank my Gayless family, my Bum campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Goths for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of Sexing the American people. Without your **** efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Kula Meenur]

My fellow Americans, today is a black day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "Hillary", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually spin.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces hot and wet challenges like never before. Our economy is giddy. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for meth. Our healthcare system is tough. If your penis is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Nigga. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a sugar Disc Jockey. But slammin together we can right this ship, and set a course for New York. NEW YORK, MAKE SOME NOIZE!.

Finally, I must thank my silver family, my slammin campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank crowd for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of jumpin the American people. Without your gold efforts, none of this would have been possible.

5char




edit:

It disturbs me that many of you can't differentiate nouns, verbs, and adjectives.

Also this. Verb = doing word. Adjective = describing word. Noun = name.

 

[G(ordon)-man]

Me speek no english.

You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "Hillary"

LMAO

 

[StardogChampion]

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces unbelieveable and cantankerous challenges like never before. Our economy is boobilicous. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for trees. Our healthcare system is shite. If your arm is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a receptionist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a monkey watch. But pairing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Edinburgh.

 

[bbson john]

My fellow Americans, today is a hot day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "cock", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually ****.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake ? America faces nice and sucking challenges like never before. Our economy is beautiful. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for bitches. Our healthcare system is lovely. If your butthole is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a porn star. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a shit dildo. But eating together we can right this ship, and set a course for bed.

Finally, I must thank my extraordinary family, my kicking campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank assholes for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of loving the American people. Without your cool efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Evidence]

My fellow Americans, today is a incest day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "pedobear", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually raep.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces communist and fascist challenges like never before. Our economy is capitalist. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for ******s. Our healthcare system is greedy. If your pingas is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a prostitute. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a 4chan vibrator. But raeping together we can right this ship, and set a course for your home.

Finally, I must thank my shit-colored family, my girly campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank homosexuals for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of vibrating the American people. Without your **** that I wanna see some fists pumpin' efforts, none of this would have been possible.

Another one :farmer:

Spoiler

My fellow Americans, today is a getting your ass kicked day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "co-worker Jimm", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually feel in our pockets.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces easiest and pussiest challenges like never before. Our economy is in downfall. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for prostitution. Our healthcare system is raeping us. If your pingas is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a prostitute. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a 13-year-old girl. But raeping and buttsecksing together we can right this ship, and set a course for your home.

Finally, I must thank my shit-colored family, my self-****ing campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank homosexuals for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of brainwashing the American people. Without your shrinking-pingas efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[Xevrex]

My fellow Americans, today is a laughable day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "retard", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually collect once we're all homeless.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces redundant and preventable challenges like never before. Our economy is ****ed. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for pornography and video games. Our healthcare system is being protested by retarded conservative gun-toters. If your hope for Episode 3 is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Gabe Newell. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Nintendo's image with hardcore gamers. But praying together we can right this ship, and set a course for Heaven.

Finally, I must thank my clueless family, my brainwashed campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank John McCain's horrible campaign for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of butt****ing the American people. Without your nonexistant efforts, none of this would have been possible.

 

[13LACKBISHOP]

Best so far

My fellow Americans, today is a banana milkshake day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "burnt matchstick", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually germinate.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces pussycat and trombone challenges like never before. Our economy is smiling budda. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for wet pencil. Our healthcare system is chickin soup. If your smoking dragon is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call Keano reeves. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a puffer fish tinky winky. But cooking together we can right this ship, and set a course for Holland.

Finally, I must thank my cuboardy family, my pinky winky smiling budda campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank samual L jackson for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of blowing the American people. Without your sticky efforts, none of this would have been possible.

THIS IS AWESOME

 

[Ennui]

My fellow Americans, today is a stanky day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "ho", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually flash.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces perky and immense challenges like never before. Our economy is visceral. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for semen-swillers. Our healthcare system is floozy. If your elbow is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Systems Analyst. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a rock stove. But smoking together we can right this ship, and set a course for Red Square.

Finally, I must thank my lovely family, my brash campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank neckbeards for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of flopping the American people. Without your wishy-washy efforts, none of this would have been possible.