re: depressed as hell. Looking for suggestions.

[unozero]

grow up Shem.

 

[Sheepo]

Is **** buddies really considered a scumbaggy term? I never really thought of it as such. I can see the argument for his other language but not this one. **** buddies are just two buddies having friendly ****s.

Yeah, was kinda just talking about how uno generally sounded. ****buddy isn't really a bad thing at all

No it sounds pretty bad. I mean seriously, **** buddy? Like someone you could have sex with whenever you wanted but they're not good enough to be your girlfriend. I find it a very scumbag thing to say and the fact that he asked what was wrong with it makes it even worse.

Except you're assuming the woman wants a relationship and so forth and the man is just using her. People like to have sex, it's pretty natural. People don't always want to fall in love, or what have you, for various possible reasons. It makes sense that two people who are physically attracted but not interested in dating should want to become ****buddies, as crude a label as that may be.

 

[MFL]

I don't wanna be most girls buddies, however, I wouldn't mind ****ing those self-same women. There is a happy medium between ultra-honor and sleaze-bucket.

 

[Mogi67]

lol

we'll see who's laughing when i punch a hole through your body lmao

 

[Shem]

What if they only want to ****/don't want anything more from you? Do you really not know how this works?

Then that's their choice I guess. It's just personal preference. I'd prefer to be loving the person I'm having sex with, just seems like it'd be more satisfying. And apparently I don't, maybe you could explain it further for me.

While I agree it is not the most eloquent term to use, just because you only have sex with this person doesn't mean they "aren't good enough" to be a girlfriend/boyfriend. Sometimes there are other personal aspects that hold one or both parties from making a further commitment.

True. But the way he was talking made it seem otherwise. I guess it's more his attitude rather than the term that matters.

grow up Shem.

You first.

Except you're assuming the woman wants a relationship and so forth and the man is just using her. People like to have sex, it's pretty natural. People don't always want to fall in love, or what have you, for various possible reasons. It makes sense that two people who are physically attracted but not interested in dating should want to become ****buddies, as crude a label as that may be.

Yeah I get that. Sex is wonderful, there's no argument there. But the crudeness of that term is what started it all. Perhaps a better choice of words should've been used. What's the other one, friends with benefits? That sounds more appropriate. "**** buddy" on the other hand sounds degrading and I don't know where he gets off using that to describe women he has sex with.

And I swear if I type that phrase one more time my head is going to explode.

 

[kineaesth]

No it sounds pretty bad. I mean seriously, **** buddy? Like someone you could have sex with whenever you wanted but they're not good enough to be your girlfriend. I find it a very scumbag thing to say and the fact that he asked what was wrong with it makes it even worse.

This could be considered a sexist argument, you are assuming that the male party in this arrangement has all the power and that the female has no idea what to do.

Adults like to have sex, sometimes a relationship can just be a purely practical and sexual one. Needs fulfilled, etc

 

[Shem]

This could be considered a sexist argument, you are assuming that the male party in this arrangement has all the power and that the female has no idea what to do.

Good job putting words in my mouth. I don't know how you could consider the argument sexist considering my intention from the beginning was to point out unozero's sexist attitude and argue against it. So that doesn't make much sense. And you're assuming that I'm assuming the "male has all the power" and the "female has no idea what to do," which is wrong. That's not what I'm trying to say at all. You should look back at my previous posts because I'm tired of reiterating my stance on the issue. It feels like I'm repeating myself with every post and repetition is boring to me.

Adults like to have sex, sometimes a relationship can just be a purely practical and sexual one. Needs fulfilled, etc

Yes, you're possibly the tenth person to bring that up. I'm not sure where I said sex was bad but if you can find a specific quote I'd like to see it. And if some people can accept a relation being a "purely practical and sexual one" then that's their own choice. I just can't get into that. Personal preference and such. Maybe it's because I've never had sex before and I'm not used to the idea of how powerful it can be that people will do anything to have it. Perhaps when I grow older and I've done it I'll change my mind. But for now I stand by what I said.

And it feels uncomfortable revealing my virginity to an internet forum but then again I can always click the X button and never come back. So that relieves some of the awkwardness.

 

[Bad^Hat]

It's more awkward that you're talking with authority about something you have no experience with and then saying you're just speaking from "personal preference." Actually, that's not how you're coming off at all, and FYI I got the exact same impression as kine. Not that I'm trying to debase you for being a virgin, since it's not really a big deal, but as long as we're talking about attitudes then yours totally whiffs of (for lack of a more appropriate phrase) putting pussy on a pedestal. :v

 

[Stylo]

Nothing wrong with two consenting individuals of legal age getting jiggy with it. If they both know what they're getting, so be it. Love, while a wonderful and fulfilling emotional concept, is not everything to everyone.

 

[Shem]

So I know this thread died and the forum is pretty much dead but I wanted to restate what I had written because there are still people left that could read it and I feel I could do a better job this time. **** buddy doesn't bother me as much anymore but I'd prefer to use a different term for the sake of my argument sounding more serious but I realize now it was just being used in an informal kind of way and wasn't actually intended to be insulting or degrading. The real issue at hand was always whether or not sex alone can be used as a way of getting over depression. I still haven't had sex so stop reading if you choose to because my argument is just going to be based off of assumption and personal stories from other people alone, people who are in high school who really have no idea what a real relationship is but have still had sex nonetheless and understand its effects.

Anyways yes from what I've gathered sex is a way of coping with depression, but so is music, video games, drugs, etc. But eventually like what BHC was illustrating in the OP the mind gets tired of these forms of entertainment after a while and the body doesn't have much else to do but sleep. People use video games and music and sex as a way of escaping the reality that they are in but the problem itself doesn't ever really get fixed, it just kind of stays in your mind as you struggle to push it further and further away. You can masturbate or have sex with people as many times as you like but don't expect that all of your problems are going to go away if you simply distract yourself long enough from them. I gather sex feels like the best thing in the world while you're experiencing it, just like masturbation, but the moment it ends and the body doesn't want it anymore, someone who is depressed would just feel empty and awful inside because the method they were using to keep themselves happy or distracted isn't available for them and then that cold reality sets in so then they hastily bounce to other methods as they wait and the problem never gets fixed. It just feels like it would be an endless cycle and the problems would still be lingering in the background and the depression would continue. So just don't rely on sex to keep you happy because it sounds like it would be easy to get addicted to it and addiction of any kind can make depression worse if something stops you from accessing that source of addiction.

Also I feel like sex with someone you actually cared about or loved would be much more beneficial to someone who is depressed than simply a sex partner. Like BHC was saying he's tired of meaningless sex and that's pretty much what sex would be like in that sort of situation. Two sexual partners would only be interested in the sex and they're not obligated to talk to each other about their problems because that's going a step further towards a real relationship. I just feel this wouldn't be emotionally fulfilling for someone who is going through shit and needs that sort of emotional help. People who are depressed have a much easier time getting through it if they have a partner who not only has sex with them but also is there to listen to their problems and show concern after the mind and body become tired of having sex. This is just how humans are: we need to feel loved and accepted because it makes us feel important, it makes us feel like our lives are meaningful because someone cares enough to be there for us. However, I understand that maintaining a relationship is difficult and when it ends it makes you feel really bad but on the other hand having sex just to have it is risky because there's a chance one partner could end up becoming attached to the other while the other doesn't reciprocate the same amount of love and then people get hurt so I feel sex in general is always going to be a risk, especially for depressed people. So I mean you have a few options. You can spare yourself the difficulties and pain a relationship may bring by having sex with someone you don't love, but this means the emotional satisfaction is gone, which humans, especially depressed people, generally would want to keep. You can have sex with someone you love but with the understanding that they can leave you and you will feel much worse than you did before because that source of happiness and security and support is now gone. Or you can simply sacrifice the wonderful pleasure that is sex as a way of not getting too attached but still have a meaningful relationship with somebody. I don't know which one's the best, it ultimately does come down to personal preference. I mean of course there are more options to choose from but all of them have risks so it's pretty much up to the individual and the situation. I just feel someone with depression would ultimately benefit more from a real and emotional kind of relationship because it's the greatest feeling in the world knowing someone out there is not only attracted to you but is also willing to listen to your stories and troubles and you being able to do the same for them.

 

[Stylo]

Speaking from completely anecdotal personal experience with depression, someone could love you with every single essence of their being and you could still be depressed as hell. It's a sickness. It cripples your emotions, so most people at the lowest points of depression likely wouldn't respond to receiving love and care in the same way they would normally (assuming they normally would, of course, individuals have varying feelings about and responses to "love").

If I had to describe what it was like for me, I only really appreciated the people who stuck by me with their love and care once I was out of the black hole because I could look back on it in hindsight with a much clearer mind and say "Well, hell, those people did right by me despite everything," whilst at the time, I basically found it hard to feel anything. It's like, I was aware that they were investing their time and emotion in an attempt to help and I knew that appreciating it was the normal, sensible, logical response in my mind, but it was difficult to process it all.

So, yeah, you're right about coping mechanisms being temporary. All temporary. It's true, you can drink, but when you sober up, you're still depressed. You can have sex but once you're done, you're still depressed. If you're lucky, these things distract you just barely long enough to shift the long, tunnelling emptiness a bit further from the front of your mind.

But, in terms of depression at least, I'd probably argue that sex with or without love and care would probably yield little difference. It would feel meaningless after a while anyway and whether you were doing it with someone who loved you or not, in a relationship with you or not, it'd still be the same kind of coping mechanism. To someone not in that situation, perhaps using it as a coping mechanism for something else or, like, just in general, your points are probably wholly applicable to myriad situations.

Anyway, end of the day, don't feel bad, man. Sh*t's always complicated.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

What... the hell... happened here? Updates soon, but just catching up. Looks like this thread got cocked up pretty severely, haha.