Return of the Rap Battle

[Jintor]

We know that you've been waiting for a thread that's just like this,
to come back to The Lounge just to send you into bliss.
But before we start anew I may have here a little list,
Just a bunch of things to know that you really shouldn't miss.

Rule one: You speak here now, you talk only in rhyme.
It's a rule of mine you'll find sublime that makes for a fun time.
Rule two: Nah, I'm kidding, refer back to Rule One
That's it, we're done, let's have some fun, let's hit the ground and run.

One last thing here I forgot to mention, though,
Proper spelling and grammar will grab attention, yo.
It doesn't take much effort, it's not too hard to grasp
And if you don't do it correctly I'mma kick your lily ass.

So come on all you regulars, come on all you noobies,
Join us in this rap battle and show us all your fury
It's an old idea but fun idea that should really shine anew
So come out here and join us all; I'm talking down to you.

 

[Darkside55]

Check it out now
Check it out now, yo
Check it out now
Check it out now, yo

Yo it's like Jintor's been scanning my brain
'cause he knew 'Seid's been waiting for a chance to bring pain
with this forked tongue of mine spitting fire and flame
to see if just like last time if I'll still remain

The cream of the crop, the lyrical trendsetter
straight to the top, nobody out there better
putting down words that bring fame and cheddar
slicing you up as if my name was Shredder

I'm calling out all rappers, gonna give you some time
'cause Darkside's moving and he won't be online
until at least Monday--or Tuesday--so I expect your freestylin' to be honed
'cause if it ain't when I get back, yo y'all suckas is boned.

 

[G(ordon)-man]

g-g-g-g-g-gangsta boy in da hausssss

**** this thread i dont need it to be the king
lightweights **** off when i come in
women throwin themselves against me
******s take guns out and start stalkin
but i dont care
coz im the king

 

[Barnz]

Yo, this is da badass Gangsta Stern from da city
Cumin' to yor whita town, blowin' yor haus
Hide yor babies, coz crazy Canadian's cumin' to yor place
Nothin' can stop him, pigs gonna get wasted tonight

He's da gangsta' with the skin of Jackson, 'n eyes of Jeeesus
He got da shades, he got da van (and lucky underwear)
Runnin' over pigs, bangin' yor hood
Naw who's da king of yor black heart?

 

[Pi Mu Rho]

You know, if I banned you all now, it would be an act of mercy.

 

[Sheepo]

Pi comes in here with all his threats of removal
He's a pretty cool guy, I checked him out on google
But I think that if he gave rappin just one try
He would prove to be the coolest guy

So I challenge him now, the stakes are unthinkable
A challenge for his moderatorship, which we all thought unsinkable
I expect he'll rhyme me out, once, twice, and again
Or at the very least, he'll give me a three week ban.

Check it.

 

[Mellish]

Yo, mellish is finally here.
He vomits in his mouth everytime he drinks beer.
But pi don't come in here threatning me.
I'll kick your ass like Jet Li.
Or I'll beat you up and pull your hair.
But wait you don't have any there!

Word.

 

[Laivasse]

You know, if I banned you all now, it would be an act of mercy.

You talk about mercy? We boilin like Surtsey
No need to give you a curtsey when you bein all shirty

With a name like Pi-Rho, think you'd put away yo biro
You jus' a enemy of smiles, bro, don't see you rappin' wi' styles yo

But if dis Pi-Rho won't bring tha heat, up to me Laivasse to bring tha beat
Old skool style that sings the street, this 'Asse wakes yours to move your feet
I see these lyrical chumps who think they're in my elite, they rubberdinghy rhymes can't touch my fleet
My rappin' be a tour de force replete with finesse that blinds yuh and keeps it neat

Haters go back to where your from before you're blown to bits by my verbal bombs
I'm rappin' large with much aplomb, you think you can step up but yo YOU DOING IT WRONG
SO here, pretenders, hey I'm ringin' a gong, 'Seid, Sheepo and Pi-Rho watch I'm throwin' it long,
And you other dreamers, can you finish strong, to be the one in the Endzone goin' OMNOMNOM?

 

[Sheepo]

You talk about mercy? We boilin like Surtsey
No need to give you a curtsey when you bein all shirty

With a name like Pi-Rho, think you'd put away yo biro
You jus' a enemy of smiles, bro, don't see you rappin' wi' styles yo

But if dis Pi-Rho won't bring tha heat, up to me Laivasse to bring tha beat
Old skool style that sings the street, this 'Asse wakes yours to move your feet
I see these lyrical chumps who think they're in my elite, they rubberdinghy rhymes can't touch my fleet
My rappin' be a tour de force replete with finesse that blinds yuh and keeps it neat

Haters go back to where your from before you're blown to bits by my verbal bombs
I'm rappin' large with much aplomb, you think you can step up but yo YOU DOING IT WRONG
SO here, pretenders, hey I'm ringin' a gong, 'Seid, Sheepo and Pi-Rho watch I'm throwin' it long,
And you other dreamers, can you finish strong, to be the one in the Endzone goin' OMNOMNOM?

Now that was uncalled for, can't we play this nice
People call me Mr. Freeze, 'cause I'll put you on ice
Don't say shit about no victory or no food
You bringin all dat shit to the wrong dude

I'll deflect your bomb (I'm quite partial to airblast,
But I use backburner too) and then I'll BURN YO ASS
Now I know you is shiverin, all stutterin and scared
But the damage you done, dat shit can be rapaired

Just join up wit my crew, you know you want to
We got all da beats, not l337, just ELITE
You disciples of da man, da one wit da plan, deliverin gospels wit the beat, risin up to our feet
Reachin for my preachin keep your speech in rhythm
Find the way of the sheep, cause you crackers put me to sleep

 

[lefty]

Roses are red
violets are blue
pop a cap in yo ass

 

[Laivasse]

Now that was uncalled for, can't we play this nice
People call me Mr. Freeze, 'cause I'll put you on ice
Don't say shit about no victory or no food
You bringin all dat shit to the wrong dude

I'll deflect your bomb (I'm quite partial to airblast,
But I use backburner too) and then I'll BURN YO ASS
Now I know you is shiverin, all stutterin and scared
But the damage you done, dat shit can be rapaired

Just join up wit my crew, you know you want to
We got all da beats, not l337, just ELITE
You disciples of da man, da one wit da plan, deliverin gospels wit the beat, risin up to our feet
Reachin for my preachin keep your speech in rhythm
Find the way of the sheep, cause you crackers put me to sleep

If you wanted Mr. Nice Guy shoulda said so first,
Cuz now I'm on the warpath and I'm ready to burst,
I'll chew you up and then I'll slake my thirst
With your liquidised homeys, better know you're cursed

You sizzlin a little but my groove is viral,
My rockets come down on you in a spiral,
I'm overhealed, bitch, aint got no rival,
Aint it time to think about your survival?

This 'Asse will put you back down on yours
Yo blood gonna be the soup du jour
As I rhyme rings round you and you beg for no more
Your feelin's aint gonna be the only thing sore.

So unlucky, son, better stow your popgun,
My little friend here gonna leave you stunned
By the time you realise you should have run
Only thing that'll save you be a lock from the Mun'!

 

[No Limit]

I'm white
tryin to rap wouldn't be rite
so I'm gonna keep quiet, aight?

 

[Sheepo]

Yo

Well that's some pretty cute stuff kid
Fillin rhymes full of fluff like you did
But I think you don't understand the situation
My rhyme scheme was planned for infiltration
Your quick wit is packin up for terrified migration
'Cause you drop em while you got em but don't got em for much longer
And I stock em in style to be ready to pop em and make me stronger
Now if you aint tired yet
Completely under fire yet
Expect your response to be admired yet
I'll get you back, I'm ready and set
Make the bet

 

[Bad^Hat]

What's up all you ladies from the 'net of Half-Life
Gonna bring it to you one time like your face to my spife
Y'all bitches think you bitchin' like your lyrics is a-blitzin'
But I'ma put you in your rightful place; bitch get back in that kitchen

Now Jintor be passin' down a challenge to the masses
But these suckers rhyme like they drownin' in molasses
Darkside thinks his rhymes is quicker than Sonic
But when I lay it down he's gon' need a sports tonic

Gordon an' Barnzy bring the illness like herpes
Best keep your day jobs, y'all're better off pourin' slurpees
And Sheepo be sheepish and Mellish do embellish
Gonna grind up Laivasse to use in my relish

Now y'all know it, I'm dark like Mephistopheles
Time to hang up my coat, cuz I'm fresh outta apostrophes

 

[Shakermaker]

You guys made me wanna watch Eli Porter again.

 

[Sheepo]

Wait, who think you are?
A black* hole made a star
This is the thread for earnin reputations
Nobody shows up with undeserved dignation

Perhaps I am too polite in considering your feelings
Now I'll show I'm right, aint no time for healing
You're playin on expert and I'm the tank
You got level 1 weapons, better call the blood bank

*Racism

 

[Tyguy]

So if you Cover the bodies of your women
Everybody is grinning
Because black is so slimming
Though it’s not great for swimming
But it gives you an erection
With the increased sexual tension
What with the UV protection
That is second to none
You’ll find it all in the Koran
Just next to the bit that justifies guns
And says that it’s a sin
To take it up the bum
Even if it’s fun
Even with permission from your mum

let's be honest, we're past the point of making stuff up

-tim minchin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaLF8UGr0hQ&feature=channel_page

 

[Laivasse]

Yo yo yo, check dis shit aaaaaaight, GO

I bet you thought you'd hit the jackpot,
Well that's cos you're a homofagbutt

Your rappin' can't put me away
Cuz you're clearly just a gay

You're only popular with dyslexics
With whom you like to have anal sex

I'm sorry if my skillz upset you all,
go back to flirting with transexuals

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Hey man don't be copyin' others,
That shit's not cool you feel me my brothers?
Now that was an interesting thing I read
But it's not your material, so get out of here ya dick'ed.

I think I'd rather have a fork as a moderator,
Rather than this self-appointed dictator.
His name is Pi Muh Ro,
Ain't that right, Sheepo?

 

[Laivasse]

Like some cheese with your whine...? You've failed to define
Who you've got a beef with, though your post's below mine

Niggass who don't got the smarts to

Are sure to end up getting smoked...
Maybe you think this is some kind of joke?
This sleepin' dog don't like to be poked.

I don't be copyin' nuttin', all my shit is copyright
Yet you come sprayin bullets like a chimp in firefight
why not step up and clarify, you were talking to Tyguy
If you want to avoid a personal My Lai.

By the way, it's not spelt 'Pi Muh Ro'
It might sound the same, a dawg should type it proper though
There's no H in the 'Mu', it goes in the 'Rho'
When you talkin' Pi-Rho, just remember H-to-O

 

[G(ordon)-man]

yoyoyo
niggaz all rappin
wifes all yappin
clubs bangin
my enemas hangin
havin time with homies
rich stayin in tha Rome's
my car filled with bullets
havin bitches slapped with mallets
yo if ya need some good time
get a bitch suckin your good rhyme
homies dun now world is changin
everybody gettin stopped and charged
gettin a good thing today
getting it stealed yesterday
yo to mi niggaz
have a good leggazy
tha name is gordon-man
and imma savin my fellow men

 

[Jintor]

My god, G-Man, you suck at grammar,
Don't want to have to see you stammer,
it's painful to behold, it's making me feel cold
or maybe I'm just old, or you're just crap, I'm told
You can't spell well, your rhyme is whack,
The way you lay down lyrics gives us all a heart attack!
Capitals are missing here and I could use another beer,
Just to deal with all the fear,that you'll rhyme again real near.
Can't you make your rap directed at the thread I've resurrected
Or must the rhyme selected be the one no-one's collected?

 

[Barnz]

155-Kangaroo, where da hell is mah Wang-roo?
Can't go to a damn store, then wher shud redneck go to?
Pickd da phone, called momma
Witch said I suck Wongs, 'n Roses

Went back to work, where I do Robos
This is like Bush's mahangases
To the top, suckin' big boy's woofs
Where I'm goin' hot, 'n chargin' mah lasers

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Like some cheese with your whine...? You've failed to define
Who you've got a beef with, though your post's below mine

Niggass who don't got the smarts to quote
Are sure to end up getting smoked...
Maybe you think this is some kind of joke?
This sleepin' dog don't like to be poked.

I don't be copyin' nuttin', all my shit is copyright
Yet you come sprayin bullets like a chimp in firefight
why not step up and clarify, you were talking to Tyguy
If you want to avoid a personal My Lai.

By the way, it's not spelt 'Pi Muh Ro'
It might sound the same, a dawg should type it proper though
There's no H in the 'Mu', it goes in the 'Rho'
When you talkin' Pi-Rho, just remember H-to-O

I wasn't talkin to you, man
I was replyin' to Tyguy, understand??
You posted just before my terrible lyrics
Just cool off brother, don't go into hysterics.

Maybe I can't spell Pi's name
But it's alright, he's a terrible shame.
He's the Enemy of Fun,
Someone we should all shun.

I had to turn that quote tag
So my rhymes wouldn't sag.
Like Slim Shady's ball sack
I hear it's out of whack.

 

[Sheepo]

Hey man don't be copyin' others,
That shit's not cool you feel me my brothers?
Now that was an interesting thing I read
But it's not your material, so get out of here ya dick'ed.

I think I'd rather have a fork as a moderator,
Rather than this self-appointed dictator.
His name is Pi Muh Ro,
Ain't that right, Sheepo?

Yes that is correct
Spelled right? Not direct
He lives off hl2.net's despair
Not great, but certainly fair
If only I could let him see the light
The joy of droppin rhymes in the middle of the night
Happiness and pie are not mutually exclusive
The diagnosis of grouchiness, in no way conclusive
So join us in this battle, a lyrical death rattle
We'll show you what you missin, when all you do is dissin

Now I'm not gonna say Laivasse at the end of the line
I don't know how it's pronounced, so I can't make it rhyme
Rude to a fault, mindlessly arrogant
Mouth full of salt, brain full of lint

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Come join us Pi Mu Rho
Join our little rapping gang here, yo.
HL2.net is big enough for the likes of both of us,
So join us, join us, hop aboard the rhyming bus!

Well Laivasse needs to be less uptight,
Come on and relax here, alright?
We're here to rhyme and get ready
For Darkside to show up and we can be steady

 

[kupocake]

Yo' Yo' it's kupo-k out here to play
cruising in chrome from the town of the gay
I'll rip up the place so don't get in my way
just sit right down I have something to say

But the look on yo' faces it just ain't friendly
I wonder if you've even ever noticed me
I guess I spent to much time in Mythology
of the Half-Life style as you'll plainly see.

So I logon on and stroll to the favourite place,
But these G-Man theories put a frown on my face.
And another noob, with his Advisor Breen
Gonna post my rebuttal better keep it clean.

And that my friends is why I'm here right now
to say why I'm shaky, why I had a cow.
And now I feel I must go and end this shite,
With my poor complexion, I'm just too damned white.

 

[Sheepo]

Yo mayne, haters broke da forums cause dey scared of how I do
So lame that I'm gonna have to stick my ass up their shoe
But don't think that this momentary distraction
Is gonna save yall from all my verbal infractions

 

[Jintor]

Sheepo's not the repo man so fearing him ain't cool,
By claiming hacks been maimin' racks of servers like a tool,
He says it's cos of him that brute-force passwords come to pass
But truth be told 'bout anyone could kick his lily arse.

 

[Sheepo]

Jintor tries his best at this and suppose that's kinda cute
He's mesmerized by all the lines that he has been seein me shoot
I never claimed to save the day, that was Munro our bold leader
And Jintor gets a bit whiny when Munro is busy and forgets to feed her

 

[Kula Meenur]

I go to steam chat to see whats down here
Confusion of passwords cast angst and fear
The ones who explain are all warped in the head
And those that are nice offer to play Left for Dead

"But whats this" i do say as i cast my hand to
I cannot see through this shame i've lead foo'
I spam a small smiley over again
To profess the love of the men i know when
They cast an invite to the games of the never
with the likes of Jintor, Ren and even Que-ever

Alas, dear reader, i've been booted from chat
KA has gone and put things all back
As they should be fair reader, as they should i do say
I've done my crime, paid my dues done this day

But now my fair souls the Brick comes about
with his mind set askew and his hands full of clout
"To boot is to suffer" he says with a smile
His zealous mind working meanwhile
He finds the ban button with grace and with ease
To find or impress a man he can please
But for this impression, another must suffer
So Koola was banned just like another

I've been banned from the chat
Like i'm some kind of scat
Not even brother Pi can tame this mad cat
I do understand why these motives come true
Whilst being content with Team Fortress 2
I really don't think i can say "I Love You"
To the group of fine gents who provide me with laughter
Cos after all is all i'm...



OH GODDAMIT **** YOU ALL I'M HEADING TO THE BEACH

 

[Sheepo]

Jintor tries his best at this and suppose that's kinda cute
He's mesmerized by all the lines that he has been seein me shoot
I never claimed to save the day, that was Munro our bold leader
And Jintor gets a bit whiny when Munro is busy and forgets to feed her

I didn't want Jintor
To have to fall in more
Rhytmic destruction
Than I had constructed

 

[Dekstar]

This mother****in' forum's been down more than my girlfriend!
It's not an incident so I'm not gonna pretend
not to know what the ****'s going on,
but if you ask I won't pretend nothing ever went wrong

See this guy started hackin' these accounts from '03
using brute forcing programs to get the ones that were easy,
but with every 5 failed attempts we'd get his I.P.
So now Munro will just send his shit to the authorities.

So you may be thinking "this is a ****in' incident"
but dude you must know that that shit isn't relevant
so I decided to use something a little more elegant
So now this date shall be known as the 'haccident'

 

[Jintor]

I didn't want Jintor
To have to fall in more
Rhytmic destruction
Than I had constructed

Hey hey, my man, you just don't understand
I didn't say you solved the hacking plan with just a ban
I said, you said, you caused it, something you did say yourself
Read twice next time what's here writ, you stinkin' dainty little elf.

 

[Sheepo]

It seems you're hungry for a philosophical argument
The topic of which would be cause and effect
I played my part, but it wasn't at all direct
You can't blame a man for livin his life
If him bein a bad ass causes a forum strife
I await your response, my logic is legitimate
But yo' rhymes man, I hear that they're full of shit

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Hey guys, I hope I didn't miss too much
I logged on after work and saw a bunch
Of this crazy shit that apparently went down
That some freak was tryin' to make our forum drown

Hackin' our site, trying to to fight
With their 'h4x0r's, they're just being little whores
I'll tell you who it wasn't, CancerOfYourSoul doesn't
Know how to hack, I got my buddy's back.

Now don't you go making wild accusations
On about who might have the patience
To go on about wrecking the site
I'm about to turn into a rotweiler dog and bite.

Cancer had nothing to do with this, see?
I've known him since last year and his skills with a PC
Leave a little to be desired
You all best leave his reputation unmired.

 

[Sheepo]

I don't think any one thinks he actucally did anything
Most all of those accusations were made half-joking

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Yeah well brother Cornelius,
I was just wanting to make things clear of BS
He's my friend and I don't let them take heat
Cancer isn't a bad guy just leave him alone and he'll be elite.

 

[Kula Meenur]

Yeah well brother Cornelius,
I was just wanting to make things clear of BS
He's my friend and I don't let them take heat
Cancer isn't a bad guy just leave him alone and he'll be elite.

Why take the time to make a rhyme?
Can't even see that yours are sublime?
Step back from the mike, you're a fool not to see
Wrapping shitty words won't make you an MC
Your rapping on the forums is not the best,
But battlin' with Koola will put hairs on your chest

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Why take the time to make a rhyme?
Can't even see that yours are sublime?
Step back from the mike, you're a fool not to see
Wrapping shitty words won't make you an MC
Your rapping on the forums is not the best,
But battlin' with Koola will put hairs on your chest

I see you doubt my expertise
In my rhymes that I conjure with untold ease
I only want to be left in peace
To make my own rhymes for my own release.