So I had cyber sex

Mr.Reak

Mr.Reak

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Well, I mean it’s only natural that you are going to try something weird while you spend most of your time sitting in front the computer. What didn’t I try yet? Well, until recently I never had cyber sex. Now I had experienced it, and it was… well, bit confusing.

I asked one of my online buds to help me out, he gave me some links and shit. Hey, it was so god damn troublesome to find someone with interesting nickname. Well, I found some girl (yeah) with … not a penis, but name “SexyGirl002”. Well she is sexy, so that’s cool, because everything you read on internet is truth, right? Here is log (I changed my nickname to MrReak, so you would understand better):


SexyGirl002: Im so horny!
MrReak: Eh, well, me too, I guess.
SexyGirl002: Im wearing sexy black thong and nthing else
MrReak: You do? What brand?
SexyGirl002: victoria secret
MrReak: Oh that shit is expensive; it’s even more expensive in San Francisco.
SexyGirl002: Im starting to rub my tits… oh I want u so bad
MrReak: Well that’s interesting, you have no idea how I look.
SexyGirl002: Its cyver sex, I assumed u are sexy beast
MrReak: I am not a furry.
SexyGirl002: what?
MrReak: Nothing. Anyway, okay, I am super sexy, almost like Brad Pitt.
SexyGirl002: omfg, this is so hot, Im taking my thong off
MrReak: Isn’t it a bit fast? I mean we just got to know each other minute ago, and you already getting naked. But than again, you were almost naked when I came here.
SexyGirl002: Im starting to play with my pussy. oh it feels so great.
MrReak: Wait until I get naked.
SexyGirl002: Oh its so big, you cock is huge
MrReak: I am not naked yet, god damn, it takes time you know. This damn belt it killing me, I can’t get it off.
SexyGirl002: wtf are you talking about?
MrReak: I am talking about my belt, it won’t come off.
SexyGirl002: ofmg, here, I took it off.
MrReak: Okay, thank you. Now I am naked.
SexyGirl002: omg, it’s so big, put it in, faster!
MrReak: Well, I though 7 inches was average.
SexyGirl002: …
MrReak: Oh yeah right, I am like Brad Pitt. Yeah baby, it’s ****ing huge, and all natural.
MrReak: Come to think of it, I still get a lot of e-mails offering penis enlargement.
MrReak: I am so tired of them, I even tried to block them, but they still get through somehow.
SexyGirl002: Oh Im rubbing my tits and my pussy.. Im so hornny, I want you! **** ME!
MrReak: Well okay, let’s do it.
SexyGirl002: ah, baby, **** me, **** me hard! Oh yeah… ah.
MrReak: Hey, I didn’t even do anything yet. In fact, I have no idea what to do.
SexyGirl002: omfg newb just type how u are ****ing me
MrReak: Oh, it’s like role-playing?
SexyGirl002: yeah, whatever. Just **** me.
MrReak: But how the heck should I get any pleasure from it?
SexyGirl002: omfg, u teh stupid, u just read what I type
MrReak: Oh that’s it? I thought there would be web cam or something, and you would dance naked there.
MrReak: Cyber sex sucks
SexyGirl002: OMFG, u SUCK.. omfg fag, Im not even a girl. ROFL, ******!!! PWNED
MrReak: Eh… that was unexpected.



So there you go, I almost had sex with some guy on internet. I guess there is some lesson behind all of this, but I can’t really find it, so just make your own conclusion.
 
Hah...

He sure likes rubbing his nippies... and saying 'omfg'... wonder what that's like... I didn't think God even had those parts!
 
complete with 1337 speak from the guy pretending to be a chick... who... calls ... you a fag... hmm... makes lots of sense. but eh well funny! :D
 
thats why i dont use any instant messengers

i used to always get chicks asking me to cyber.....
 
Just tell them you're 45 when they yell 'asl' at you... which actually isn't just a lazy way of saying asshole... anyway, that seems to work.
 
SexyGirl002: omfg, this is so hot, Im taking my thong off

Here's the first clue, usually girls don't swear. Not even on the net.
 
Pendragon said:
LMAO! That's why I'm never going to try something like that. With luck I'll eventually get to try the real thing, but I'm never going to resort to that. Depressed from that whole thing with your friend recently?
Click to expand...

Me? Heh, no I am not depressed, plus real thing is not a problem for me. But hey, you know what they say, you need to experiment sometimes. I get bored easily while surfing internet, and there is so much time you can spend downloading porn. I guess cyber sex and telephone sex (which I never tired) are the same thing, I have no idea how you can get any pleasure from both.

Haha, I need to masturbate on that thing? I mean if it was webcam, then maybe, but come on :)
 
lolololololololol!! :LOL:

u know whats the funniest? that Mr. Reak was so "mehh" through the whole situation.. i mean come on.. its not everyday a guy admits 7 inches was average.. :LOL:

MrReak: I am not naked yet, god damn, it takes time you know. This damn belt it killing me, I can’t get it off.
SexyGirl002: wtf are you talking about?
MrReak: I am talking about my belt, it won’t come off.
SexyGirl002: ofmg, here, I took it off.
MrReak: Okay, thank you. Now I am naked.
SexyGirl002: omg, it’s so big, put it in, faster!
MrReak: Well, I though 7 inches was average.
Click to expand...

pure classic.. :LOL:

u go Mr. Reak!!! :thumbs:

lol
 
Can you imagine! You really have to masturbate!

Yes, it seems strange and pointless. So that is why Dungeons&Dragons players invented it - they have a very good immagination.
 
That ending seems fake to me :\

Oh well, I loled the whole way through anyway.
 
wow...I'd go get tested if I were you. your dong could be infected with some virii.
 
chu said:
wow...I'd go get tested if I were you. your dong could be infected with some virii.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I just ran Nortan Antivirus through my penis and found out that I have virus called AIDS in there. I am going bold…
 
I was laughing the whole time on the bottom half off that. rofl.
 
interweb meat pole cowboy, that's your name from now on.
 
/me loves the part about the Role Playing!
 
i'm sure u'd find someone on yahoo. Its quite irritating when girls message u asking to cyber. For 1, its something somebody who really cant get any does, and 2, if a girls doing it she's probably not getting any either meaning she probably aint no spring chicken which is why she's ...trying to... spring chickens....
 
Mr.Reak said:
So there you go, I almost had sex with some guy on internet. I guess there is some lesson behind all of this, but I can’t really find it, so just make your own conclusion.
Click to expand...

Why does it sound like cybersex is a common thing? I mean come on, go get a girlfriend. :rolleyes:
 
chu said:
interweb meat pole cowboy, that's your name from now on.
Click to expand...

Man, this is cool, to have title like that. Always wanted to be cowboy, alas I am not white enough.


Blahblahblah, you must be a really smart guy, maybe as true playa, give me, a poor nerd, some tips on getting one?
 
there are some hilarious ones you can find on the internet (Never read MrReak's, his may be genuine ;) )
here's a quick one I found:
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cybersex. Then again, maybe he does...

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: | logged off |
Click to expand...
 
synth said:
there are some hilarious ones you can find on the internet (Never read MrReak's, his may be genuine ;) )
here's a quick one I found:
Click to expand...

Oh I remember that one, Jesus that's the best one out there.
 
yeah, there are three things - be yourself, be funny, and listen to them. And it doesn't hurt to try to talk to a girl once in a while. :)

Doing those things won't make you a pimp, but you won't be disappointed either. :smoking:
 
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Click to expand...

rofl, I don't know whats so funny, but its funny..
 
the one synth posted is pretty old and one of the first ones i saw.. :LOL:
 
blahblahblah said:
yeah, there are three things - be yourself, be funny, and listen to them. And it doesn't hurt to try to talk to a girl once in a while. :)

Doing those things won't make you a pimp, but you won't be disappointed either. :smoking:
Click to expand...

be yourself - applies to everyone, not only to the girls. If you expect to get serious with a girl, she will find out about your true self sooner or later (actually when you start living together, all shit comes up and you need a way to deal with it. How troublesome). Only idiots try to act different (i.e. cooler) in front of women.

be funny - the main point is not to cross a line between being funny and acting like jackass. If girl makes a joke, it doesn’t mean you need to laugh at it if it’s not funny. Don’t try to act like freaking moron all the time, it gets annoying very fast.

listen to them - simply bullshit. If I am not interested, I won’t listen to the crap she is talking about, and I will tell her that. Sooner or later she will catch that you just pretending to listen, that shit can bring a doom to your relationship.

All your tips only work if you want to get laid quickly. Probably will help in high school and college. If you want real relationship, that will transform into marriage someday, there are much more to it. MUCH more. I can’t even imagine what will happen to us once we get kids, ah I am so not ready for it.
 
/me was so waiting for someone to link to those Bloodninja cybers :)

I agree about the cyber, it's pretty impossible to get excitement out of it, but I have a couple of horny MSN friends who get off on it so I'll humour them now and then :p

Phone sex isn't the same, I've only done it a few times but it's alot more... arousing XD
 
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

lol makes me laugh :p

http://members.cox.net/daguilar1/funny.shtml loads of funny ones there
 
I saw the one synth posted yesterday on TechTV. Mr. Reak yours was the best so far. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
 
lol nice Reak.
I entered the cybersex-house-of-ridiculous many moons back, for the same reasons you did.
You just gotta love the internet.

http://members.cox.net/daguilar1/funny.shtml has some funny stuff indeed.

"Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch."

:LOL:
 
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