Something I'm working on

[Solaris]

Over the last couple of years I've found myself doing more and more writing, largely for the local student newspaper, however I've recently started a mini-novel on my experiences at University.

I'm doing it more for practice than anything else, I realise the quality of writing isn't that great and even though I've been rewriting a lot of it, there's still the occasional mistake there and that.

I've got 10,000 words written so far and am re-writing each 'chapter' to make it flow a little better and then uploading them to here: http://dannyinbelfast.blogspot.com/

My friends have naturally said quite positive things about it, please don't be too harsh in you're own critiques but anything constructive is more than welcome.

 

[Yorick]

I've just read the first chapter and I'm definitely enjoying it. I'll likely be reading the second in a few moments (as well as more if you keep this thread going so I remember to check it).

I am not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for, but here are some things I picked up on, as far as grammar and such goes. I know you're still at work on this, so don't take any of this as a harsh judgement.

Spoiler

Chapter 1

Paragraph 1. "To get my key to my room I had to join a queue in the common area with hundreds of other first year students with parents and bags in toe."

bags in toe should be "bags in tow"

Paragraph 3. "No doubt there had been many such people, yet the building itself undamaged yet without shine made such thoughts seem impossible."

This just reads a bit awkwardly to me. I think perhaps, "No doubt there had been many such people yet the building itself, undamaged though without shine, made such thoughts seem impossible."

Paragraph 5. I’d been told to arrive the next day but knew I could a day earlier I wished, a chance I eagerly seized with the desire to start my life at university becoming unbearable from my quiet bedroom back home. "

Should read, "But knew I could a day earlier if I wished"

Paragraph 7 "On my way out of campus I found the halls were situated in quite an affluent area of Belfast with lots of tree’s and expensive houses in the surrounding area" -

Trees should have no apostrophe.

The only other things that I picked up on are uses of repetition, simply because every English teacher I've ever had has drilled it into my head that repeating words / phrases should only ever be intentional. So this next part is simply personal preference, not actual error.

Spoiler

Paragraph 2. "Upon" is used twice.

Paragraphs 7-10 use the word "back" five times in four paragraphs in response to traveling.

Paragraph 10 has two sentences with "through the window".

Paragraph 11 has "on my own" repeated twice, and again in 12.

 

[Solaris]

Thanks massively for the feedback and kind words Yorick, I'll be sure to make the changes suggested.