Spiders and you Unrated

[nofreeman]

Well about half an hour ago was laying bed watching Familyguy, i look to my left and there it was the beast of all spiders crawling up beside my pillow, i f***king alomost dies because of the size of it, i spaze out for 5mins looking at it and swearing my F***king mouth off. i should of killed it then and then!!!!! it took off down the side of my bed,im freaking out, i pull my bed apart and grab my guitar hero guitar and start wacking the shit out of it!!! i can't stand spiders! once i see one in my room i get paranoid that they are crawling up my legs and ohhh hate to think about it hahaaa, lol i had to share my expriance with you guys! since its 3am here

well lets here about your stories with spiders!!!

 

[Raziaar]

Don't worry about lone spiders.




Worry about the three dozen spider sacs that are attached to the bottom and nestled in the corners of your bed.

 

[Sliver]

Try watching something else besides Family Guy.

 

[mortiz-Redux]

A spider ate my family once, true story.

 

[Rizzo]

You should have let it bite you.

You might get powers.

 

[Sulkdodds]

My family ate a spider, so it all evens out

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

I got turned into a spider once. I'm fine, now.

 

[Seppo]

These lands are littered with much fouler beasts than mere spiders.

 

[Eejit]

In before clockspider?


I don't like spiders particularly but they don't really freak me out either. My girlfriend is terrified of them though - when she was young her grandmother killed a spider in front of her and millions of babies came pouring out. Scarred for life.

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Worst kind of spider? Ceiling-spiders. Why? Because A: They are of course, at all times planning to jump onto your face/hair, and B: In order to kill them, you have to put your face really close to them. Now, I do firmly believe that all spiders are deeply trained in the art of guerilla warfare, because whenever I see two spiders together, I leave the room and return with the biggest book I could find quickly, and when I return, I look to where the spiders were, and what do I see?

...one. Spider. My palms begin to sweat voloumosly, my heart races and in my mind I see before me what has happened: It's an ambush!

I become a warrior. My sword is the copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, nine hundred non-recyclable pages of spider-squashing smashing-power, but the spiders have me out-flanked! I'm up against an enemy so brilliant, so devious and so deadly it boggles the mind, I'm Schwarzenegger in Predator, Ripley in Aliens, or those stupid kids in Blair Witch. I scan the area around the first spider, slowly moving out in concentric rings around the first location of the spiders. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, no- AHA! SPIDER! Devious bastard, it's in the corner! It knows that's where my book has the least access due to the corner of the wall, clever girl! But the deviousness of the plan ends not here, oh no! For I know that when I leave, the spider will drop down... behind the clock in the corner. In its dark recesses it will grow large, amass an army of spider children, and mount up a war against me, a master race of spiders, driving me out of my own home! It must not be! I am a ninja, I am a samurai, I am sleek, efficient and deadly, and not at all an idiot screaming at the top of my lungs trying to hit a spider with a book with my eyes closed. I slide the book up the corner and finally make contact with the ceiling. I squeeze the book all over, so as to completely destroy it. I slowly remove the book and see the mess that used to be the ****ing filth! I raise my arms in victory and shout out in joy:
"The spider is dead, the spider is dead, the spider is WHERE THE **** DID THE OTHER ONE GO?!"

 

[Warbie]

I once ate battered spiders in Spain. There wasn't much to tase other than the batter, but when I looked in a mirror and opened my mouth there were what looked like little legs all over my tongue and teeth :/

 

[Sulkdodds]

"The spider is dead, the spider is dead, the spider is WHERE THE **** DID THE OTHER ONE GO?!"

Ironically, the humane method of spider-catching - that is, the use of a cup and paper - is also the easiest and least strenuous. You can always get a cup into a corner, for example.

 

[Rizzo]

Spider catching devise.
sissies.

Edit: OOH IM A ANTLION!

 

[Laivasse]

I don't mind spiders, and will go out of my way to avoid killing them, but at the same time I'm not completely at ease with them. It's 50/50 whether at any given time I'll have the guts to pick one up in my hands (ok, make that 30/70 against), and even then I'll probably squeal like a fruitbag and drop it when I feel it running around on my palm.

They are smart as shit, compared to some other crawlies. One time, I spotted a medium sized one crawling up my wardrobe. This was one of those times where my nerves weren't so steady that I could make a hand-cage for it, so I looked around for something I could make it crawl onto, with the aim of then shaking it out the window. Turns out the closest thing to hand was my camera, in its case. So I walk over with the camera held out in front of me, like a sacrificial offering to the spidergod, but the instant I make contact with it the ****er LEAPS back off the wardrobe towards me, and onto the floor.

So it takes me about 5 seconds to stop thinking about my lucky escape; trying to dismiss mental images of a spider landing on my face, biting my nose off, laying eggs in my eyes and then escaping into my ear canal. I recover and then locate him on the floor again: he's standing still, waiting to make his next move in this tense game of chess. I offer him the camera again, and this time when it touches it, the spider creases up all its legs and folds into a little spider-nut. My reaction: "damn, I killed it- oi, HANG ON A MINUTE!!!" Cheeky little bastard couldn't possibly have been hurt, so it was doing the classic arachnid death-act. That was the first time I'd ever seen it. Naturally, I was incensed at this ungentlemanly fighting style, so when I slid it's faking carcass onto a bit of paper then chucked it out a window, I added a little contemptuous flourish.

They do have the capability to freak me out though. Another time, I foolishly ignored an indistinct bit of dust or hair in my jeans when I was rushing to put them on to answer the door. Upon sitting down afterwards, I started to feel a tickling on my left thigh. I barely had time to think about what this might signify before the tickle travelled down to the hem of my trouser-leg, where a huge mother****ing spider emerged, ran down my bare foot onto the carpet, and scuttled off under my computer desk.

****ing. Grim.

Ironically, the humane method of spider-catching - that is, the use of a cup and paper - is also the easiest and least strenuous. You can always get a cup into a corner, for example.

I heard that house spiders die quickly out of doors, so maybe it's not so humane after all (if that's where you're dumping them) D:

 

[Kamikazie]

My run in with a brown recluse.

 

[cleverendeavouR]

I'd literally cry if a spider was on me. No lie.

 

[Warbie]

You big girl

What about a tiny money spiders? They're kind of cute the way they run around and try and abseil off your fingers.

 

[Ren.182]

Spiders really really creep me out D: I can deal with smaller ones usually fine, just pick them up and put them outside, but anything bigger than say my thumbnail (lol thats not even that big) and I wont be able to touch it.

Even then though I'll try not to kill it. I'll always grab a glass before a book, but if it wont comply with me and get int he damn glass it'd have to die. But then I feel bad, not it's fault I'm scared of it... they should be so damn creepy and ninja-like >_>

 

[Raziaar]

Tiny spiders are the ones you have most to worry about.

Though some larger ones will **** you up pretty good too!

 

[Minister]

For some reason I have an oar in my room. Works wonderfully as a weapon against spiders. I can keep at a safe distance and still be able to chop them in half!

 

[<RJMC>]

spiders are very easy to kill

and sure I will get a infraction for this so CUTE SPIDER!

Spoiler

 

[CyberPitz]

One day I was watching Dragon Ball Z at about 10:00 one night. Laying there on the ground, shirt off...just watching. I see a blur out of the corner of my eyes....a fkn Brown Recluse fell from the ceiling on to my chest. It looked at me, I looked at it....We were both scared shitless. His plan of an ambush failed...we both needed an escape. The second he twitched, adrenaline kicked in and I smacked that thing across the room and I take off. I'm running through the house at 50 MPH. I refuse to sleep in that room for a week.

 

[PJ]

RJMC's spider is actually not scary and is actually really cool. it is just huddled up and looks at an angle with four eyes

 

[MJ12]

i f***king alomost dies because of the size of it, i spaze out for 5mins looking at it and swearing my F***king mouth off. i should of killed it then and then!!!!!

well lets here about your stories with spiders!!!

do not worry and no, you are strength and prominence!!

you can do this not in fear!! i will tell you my expraince too with spider to when it was that i was dealing with a very large spider that was feirce and large. I just smashed in him an he was dead. You to do it quick fast!!!

 

[Baserape>]

When you make eye contact with a spider running across the floor why do they always stop dead? Even with no head, or body movement they can tell when you are eye balling them!

/shivers

 

[Dynasty]

Worst kind of spider? Ceiling-spiders. Why? Because A: They are of course, at all times planning to jump onto your face/hair, and B: In order to kill them, you have to put your face really close to them. Now, I do firmly believe that all spiders are deeply trained in the art of guerilla warfare, because whenever I see two spiders together, I leave the room and return with the biggest book I could find quickly, and when I return, I look to where the spiders were, and what do I see?

...one. Spider. My palms begin to sweat voloumosly, my heart races and in my mind I see before me what has happened: It's an ambush!

I become a warrior. My sword is the copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, nine hundred non-recyclable pages of spider-squashing smashing-power, but the spiders have me out-flanked! I'm up against an enemy so brilliant, so devious and so deadly it boggles the mind, I'm Schwarzenegger in Predator, Ripley in Aliens, or those stupid kids in Blair Witch. I scan the area around the first spider, slowly moving out in concentric rings around the first location of the spiders. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, no- AHA! SPIDER! Devious bastard, it's in the corner! It knows that's where my book has the least access due to the corner of the wall, clever girl! But the deviousness of the plan ends not here, oh no! For I know that when I leave, the spider will drop down... behind the clock in the corner. In its dark recesses it will grow large, amass an army of spider children, and mount up a war against me, a master race of spiders, driving me out of my own home! It must not be! I am a ninja, I am a samurai, I am sleek, efficient and deadly, and not at all an idiot screaming at the top of my lungs trying to hit a spider with a book with my eyes closed. I slide the book up the corner and finally make contact with the ceiling. I squeeze the book all over, so as to completely destroy it. I slowly remove the book and see the mess that used to be the ****ing filth! I raise my arms in victory and shout out in joy:
"The spider is dead, the spider is dead, the spider is WHERE THE **** DID THE OTHER ONE GO?!"

Thats the best thing ive read in ages. You sound like my mum.

Personally spiders dont scare me at all. Even the big furry bastards. In South Africa you get a spider called, laughably, a Baboon Spider, on account of how much hair its covered in. Now the last one I saw/had had a leg span longer than my fingers, if I spread my hand over it it was just...bigger.

Lovably though, it wasnt at all vicious, and I used to carry it around under my hat when we go camping. Sounds insane and unlikely, but its true. Id show you if I could be arsed to fish around for some old photos and scan them.

Poisonous ones? Black Widow's? Mmm..yes and no. Like any animal that can kill you, its probably more scared of you than you are of it, so wont attack you unless you get too close for its comfort, or unless its just curious and you freak out causing it to do the only thing it knows to do; bite.


My favourite encounter though had to be when my cousin, 4 years older than me so he was like...23 at the time or something, came around to ours for the weekend. We were watching American Pie if I remember right, in the dark, so the only light came from the flickering TV. Suddenly, and in his defence it was the biggest ive ever seen, a house spider runs half way across the living room floor and stops...probably due to the unbelievably high pitched screams coming from my cousin as his feet shot off the ground and he curled up into what can only be described as the fetal position.
A glass and a tissue later, and my new furry friend was outside on the grass. Probably in the house again 5 minutes after I closed the door and left him to his cold fate.

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Thats the best thing ive read in ages. You sound like my mum.

Arachnophobia is a genuine disorder! I dislike all insects* in general, but Spiders are easily the worst. Insects make me go "eeew, ugly thing with lots of legs", Spiders... well, I'm not sure exactly what a panic attack feels like, but I can't imagine it's much worse than the way I feel when I discover a Spider of any proportions larger than a finger nail.

*Yes- I know, Spiders are not insects, but in a war they would side with the insects.

 

[Mellish]

I cannot stand spiders. Especially daddy long legs. Thinking about them just makes me shiver.

LOOK AT MEEEEE

 

[dfc05]

^Ewwwwww.

I once had a large-ish spider in my dorm room crawling around the walls and stuff. I'm pretty squeamish with spiders (they run fast and can jump on you...) so I unsuccessfully tried throwing things at it, and eventually gave up and ignored it.

About a week later, I saw baby spiders running around. I killed some of them, but luckily was moving out of that room in a few days anyways so I didn't have to deal with it anymore.

I think the only bugs I've "saved" were a cricket and a cockroach. I only let the cockroach out because it was sitting in my sink and I didn't want roach guts squirting on my dishes.

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Mellish- You ****!

 

[Sulkdodds]

You big girl

What about a tiny money spiders? They're kind of cute the way they run around and try and abseil off your fingers.

Warbie gets a spider hanging on each finger and then whirls them around like claws. That is his fighting style.

 

[Warped]

spiders are so damn easy to kill. but i welcome them in my room for they take care of much uglier bugs that i don't care to see. if the spiders outnumber the bugs, then i'll start killing more of them. also after a while you get immune to their venom

 

[PJ]

Spoiler

this is something i would not like to see in the corner of my room (not spoiler - just a creepy picture. if you do not like more than 2 spiders together at any one time, this pic is not for you)

 

[kineaesth]

Spiders, eh.

This morning, I had a wonderful experience with a weta.

I walked out to the kitchen, and stepped on it. Immediately I withdrew my foot and uttered a manly yell of surprise. Enraged by it's crushing, it leapt, landing on my other leg. Nearly overbalancing, the thought of falling over and having it crawl up my leg into my boxers crossed my mind, and I performed an elaborate maneuver that would have made a highland dancer proud, knee-striking it off my leg. It scuttled away, around the kitchen floor, pursued by my cat.

Thanks babe.

Wetas are ****ing sinister, and I think it's the legs. The strange alien articulation of their limbs makes them so unpredictable and worrying when they move. I have many more weta stories, but now is not the time, perhaps.

 

[FireStarter]

I hate spiders. HATE HATE HATE HATE them.

Once, I was in my room playing Guitar Hero, when all of a sudden a spider crawled out from behind my TV. I thought it was a fly at first so I was all "Psh, gtfo noob fly".
Then I finished the song and went to flick it off. THE DAMN THING JUMPED FROM THE TV ONTO MY SHIRT. I freaked right the hell out and took off the shirt. I dashed out of the room, and came back with a dustpan.

I was gonna say pistol, but that wouldn't be believeable. :]

I turned the shirt rightside out and the spider was gone. I went back to playing Guitar Hero, and right when I went to pick up the guitar I noticed something small, freaky, and fuzzy on the Red button. I screamed like a girl and smashed the hell out of it.

THE HELL OUT OF IT.

I did not sleep that night. :[

 

[Kadayi]

Years ago when I was at Art college, I returned home for the weekend at the time the house was vacant as my parents were working away for 6 months. I went into the bathroom, and noticed in the bath that there was a half eaten wolf spider near by the plug hole. Also in the bath was an upturned washing up bowl. I gingerly lifted it up and found about 10 other wolf spiders standing around another circle clearly having reached a conclusion as to who was next up for a the chop, as the poor bastards couldn't get out of the bath. Much as I don't like the buggers, I can't quite bring myself to kill them, so I fetched a glass and bit of card and spent a good half an hour carefully trapping each of them and tossing them out the window.

 

[nofreeman]

Yeah id hate to live in iraq!!!

 

[Cornerstone]

The spiders from Thief (series), Penumbra Overture and Dark Messiah of Might and Magic will always haunt me. Worse I'm great with spiders, so never play those games!

 

[Calhoun]

Spoiler

this is something i would not like to see in the corner of my room (not spoiler - just a creepy picture. if you do not like more than 2 spiders together at any one time, this pic is not for you)

**** you.

Warning goes before the ****ing spoiler. The spider looks huge as **** and like it needs to get off the ****ing roof, and like it doesn't need to be seen by me. ****.

 

[Warped]

I remember this time when I was like 9 or 10...I went on vacation and just got in the water when i saw a Water spider underneath the docks near the boats. this thing was like 4-5 inches across and I saw it jump into the water and it came after me. I never wanted to go back into the water. Also whats worse than spiders??? seaweed you get caught in while swimming in really deep water....that shits the scariest