Subject: Shephard

I would really love it, if Valve would make an Exp.pack for HL2 with this same story.
 
Well, personally, I dont think that this would work as a game, but that in no way makes the fic bad.
 
Yeah Spartacus is right, my fic wouldn't work as a game.

Had to rewrite the chapter again cause I got a new computer...and my old one was taken away -_-. New chapter should be here soon.
 
keep up the good work deus, you know it is possible that a game of opfor could be made with what you have written so far, but with a one way style of conversation. that would be kick ass.

cant wait for your next installment!
 
sorry, now it might take even longer to get here with a bunch of school stuff going on >_<. I've had lots of projects and such and haven't been able to get the new chapter in. I will try to get a new one on today.
 
I write now a similar fanfic about Adrian it´s from 7 hour war. But it´s only in Czech language :( my english is bad...
But your story Deus is great ! I look foward to your next chapter!
 
Now I find your masterpiece at this site - but name of autor is Neohunter. I think you have some free-loader!
 
lol, I am Neohunter. No worries.

New chapter will come before weekend ends I promise >_</
 
DeusExMachinia said:
lol, I am Neohunter. No worries.

New chapter will come before weekend ends I promise >_</
Oh, sorry ... NeoMachinia :D
 
Holy crap I updated.


Chapter 6: Semper Fi
The osprey. It all started on that damn osprey. Adrian and the squad he belonged to were assigned a new mission by their CO. Their mission: Black Mesa. Objectives? Hell, none of them knew. Adrian sure didn’t. He knew something was wrong from the start, something didn’t feel right at all. His teammates reassured him.
“I’m gonna be pissed if this is another search and rescue mission,” said Palmer. Adrian glanced over at him and grinned.
“I’m gonna be pissed when I have to search and rescue your ass,” said Jackson. They both laughed, unaware of the real troubles that plagued Black Mesa. Jackson pulled out a photo of his wife and newborn baby. He hadn’t a chance to see his new daughter yet because of his commitment to the Marines, but he couldn’t wait to get back home and embrace her in his arms for the first time.
“You got a beautiful daughter there Jackson,” said Adrian. Jackson chuckled, nodding.
“Yep, my pride and joy. Can’t wait to see her when I get back home. You got a family, Shephard?” Adrian stared at nothing for a moment, trying to remember his family. His father and mother died when he was sixteen. A drunk driver had hit their car and killed them on impact.
“None of my own. My mom and dad died about six years ago.”
“Oh, sorry to hear that man.” Shephard shrugged.
“Don’t worry about it.” It became quiet in the osprey, except for the loud noises its engines made as it zoomed towards its destination. Jackson and Palmer began cracking jokes again. The squad leader turned around to face them.
“Alright soldier, quiet down. Now, when we get to the LZ, I want everyone to—”
BOOM. The osprey next to them exploded.
“Shit!” Palmer yelled. Something hit their osprey and they began to go down.
“Everyone hold on!” As the osprey began to descend into oblivion, Adrian suddenly remembered the saying of the Marines.
Semper Fi. Always Faithful.

Adrian’s eyes flashed open and he sat upright. He was in the Resistance HQ, not Black Mesa. The door opened and a tall black man accompanied by a young woman and Jane stepped inside.
“Hello Mr. Shephard. My name is Eli Vance, this is my daughter, Alyx, and you of course already know Jane.” Adrian nodded and stepped out of bed.
“Hello there.”
“I was wondering if you could explain exactly how you got here?” Adrian rubbed his face and sighed.
“I…I really don’t know. All I do know is everything began at Black Mesa and then it ended at Black Mesa.” Eli scratched his chin.
“You were one of the Marines, am I correct?” Adrian’s eyes widened.
“Yes…how did you know?”
“Well besides your nostalgic uniform, I was at Black Mesa when it happened. You and your men were sent to kill me.” Adrian raised his eyebrow.
“What? We were…we were sent to kill you? I didn’t know anything about it,” he said. This time Eli raised an eyebrow.
“You didn’t know?”
“Just when we had arrived, some…aliens…began attacking our ospreys and mine was shot down before I could receive my orders. I was trying to survive at Black Mesa, not kill anyone. My own government sent people to kill me and the rest of us. I didn’t understand what was going on.” The young girl, Alyx, looked like she wasn’t buying it. Eli scratched his chin again.
“I’m afraid things are even worse than Black Mesa Mr. Shephard. Things have gone much, much worse…”
Eli took Adrian around the base as he explained to him what happened to Earth in Adrian’s absence. Shortly after Black Mesa, portal storms transported Xen creatures to the planet and along the way, the Combine came. They took the planet in a seven-hour war. The old man Adrian had seen was a Dr. Breen, former head of Black Mesa. He surrendered mankind to the Combine and in return, they made him a kind of ambassador and leader of the Transhuman forces on Earth. People like Eli have been fighting him ever since. He turned toward the young soldier.
“We’ve been fighting a losing battle Shephard. We need help. What I’m trying to get to you is…we need you. Your experience and wisdom would be invaluable to our cause. My people need proper training. Guerilla tactics aren’t working it anymore. I want you to train the resistance and lead them against the Combine. Will you help us?” Adrian stared into Eli’s eyes and saw the despair he had. While he had been gone, the very thing he fought against in Black Mesa was oppressing his race. The human race was going to be wiped out if no one stepped in and stopped the Combine. If there was ever one thing Adrian was so sure of in his life, this was it.
“I will help you Eli. Whatever you need me to do, name it.” He had a purpose again. Eli smiled and put his hand on Adrian’s shoulder.
“I appreciate it Shephard. I really do.”
“Semper Fi.”
 
Yeh very good work Deus.
It was certainly worth the one month wait, even if it didnt really build on much.

Your writing style and use of grammar are to be commended, many fanfic writers dont have your talent nor attention to detail.

This is a great story with much potential, i trust you'll lead it in the right direction.
 
Oh yeah, I'm pumping out new chapters like a freakin...chapter pumper on a Sunday.


Chapter 7: Romeo Echo Sierra Charlie Uniform Echo
“Center mass, aim for center mass. Your not always going to get a headshot, the target is too small. But, the torso is a big enough target. 3-5 bullets should take care of most Combine metrocops and soldiers. Now, aim.” Adrian stood to the left of the line of resistance members as they aimed on the target reticules. It’d been about a month since Adrian had gotten here and already, the Resistance was shaping up into a decent fighting force. He taught them how to use their weapons, how to move in squads, assault and defensive maneuvers, and even some melee combat with their hands, knives, or whatever else they could find. While they weren’t exactly ready for an all out assault against the Combine, they could definitely dish out good damage to them.
They opened fire on the targets in front of them. The bullets tore through the cardboard easily as each Resistance member hit them dead on. Adrian nodded, stepping toward them.
“Good job. You guys shouldn’t have too much trouble against the Combine.” The five of them grinned. Jane, Victor, Trent, Sal, and ‘Odysseus’, as he called himself, were the best in the Resistance and the best he had trained so far. Adrian had to give them extra training for their operation tonight. Eli hadn’t given much details besides that they were going to extract a prisoner. Jane joined Adrian’s side as the rest of them cleaned their weapons or continued shooting the targets.
“Do you think things will go smoothly on this operation?” she asked as she stared at her husband, Victor, while he polished his MP7.
“That’s what I’m predicting. The five of you are fine soldiers. Of course, I haven’t been able to teach you much. This is just stuff I learned at training. Hopefully, we’ll find someone else with prior military experience.”
“Looks like our prayers have been answered,” said a voice behind them. Eli walked next to Adrian and leaned against the wall.
“Barney figure out where he’s being held?” asked Jane. Eli nodded.
“The Combine have a small outpost on the waterways, a canal station. A Colonel Odessa Cubbage is being held prisoner there.”
“Cubbage? Why I’ll be damned…”
“You know him?” asked Eli. Adrian nodded, grinning.
“Of course. Cubbage was one of the finest Colonel’s in the British military. He even served in the SAS a few years. This man can do a much better job than I could ever do in shaping up the Resistance. How many soldiers are stationed at the canal station?”
“Barney assumes at least 20 soldiers guarding the canal station. He assumes Combine Elite are guarding Cubbage,” said Eli. Jane’s eyes went wide.
“Elite soldiers? And we have to go up against them?”
“What’s so different about Elite soldiers?” asked Adrian.
“They’re the extreme division of the Combine army. They receive the most advanced training from the Combine and kill with amazing skill. Barney heard most of the Elite soldiers were former soldiers in a military,” said Eli. Was that what Breen had had in store for him all those weeks ago? Eli looked over at Adrian and saw his confused face. “Maybe we should post-pone the operation,” he said. Adrian shook his head.
“No. Cubbage is top priority. We’re gonna need him. How long until we’re scheduled to leave?” he asked. Eli looked at his watch.
“You’ve got two hours.”

Adrian went to his bed shortly after their conversation and tried to sleep for a little while before they were to head out. His dreams turned to nightmares.

Palmer and Louis were still alive. Adrian had been thankful in finding them. He didn’t know if he could go live through all of this by himself. He’d already lost 6 or 7 other soldiers in the process of getting this far. Adrian made sure to get their dog tags. They would never be forgotten, no matter who tried to stop him.
“What do you see Louis?” asked Adrian. Louis took the binoculars from his eyes.
“There’s a downed black hawk chopper down there. A squad of Black Ops are around the crash zone, sir,” said Louis. Adrian nodded.
“Alright, Palmer, how many shots you got in the sniper rifle?” Palmer checked the clip and then jacked it back in. Then, he searched his ammo pouches.
“Two clips, ten bullets.” Adrian nodded once more and loaded a fresh clip into his M4.
“Louis, throw two ‘nades down there. Palmer, pick off any that try to get away. I’ll handle any that decide to come up here. You got it? Ok, get ready…”
Hello
Adrian sat upright and looked around the room. Standing next to his bed was a Vortigaunt.
“Sorry to disturb you, the Shephard. The Eli Vance had requested that I bring the Shephard outside for the operation at hand,” said the alien. Adrian stood up and attached his PCV to himself.
“Thanks…”
“You are quite welcome. After what you did for us, it’s the least we could do.” Adrian shook his head.
“I already told you guys, I’m no hero. I killed your kind. And please, for the last time, stop calling me ‘the Shephard’.” The Vortigaunt shook his head.
“We are grateful towards the Shephard.” Adrian sighed and exited the living quarters. Trent and Sal were waiting for the elevator and saw Adrian approach them.
“Hey Shephard, who gets to use the sniper rifle?”
“How many shots you got in the sniper rifle?” Adrian asked almost in an automatic way. They looked at him strangely.
“…What?” asked Trent. Adrian shook his head and rubbed his temples.
“Sorry. Sal’s taking the rifle for this mission Trent,” said Adrian. Trent pouted. Adrian rolled his eyes. “This is real Trent. This isn’t shooting targets outside. The last thing you should be worried about right now is using a goddamn sniper rifle. Now, get on the elevator so we can go and rescue Cubbage.” They boarded the elevator and closed the doors as it began to lift up. Adrian closed his eyes for a moment, trying to recollect the month that had passed by. For a split second, he saw the blue suited man with his piercing green eyes and emotionless grin in the darkness. He opened his eyes quickly and blinked a few times.
Keeping tabs on me I see.
 
yeh nice chapter there deus

i cant help but add a bit of constructive criticism, just for the sake of any future chapters that pop up.

You writing style and dialogue is great, but little is added to encourage the reader to think about the particular environments that the characters are in during their adventures.

small additions in terms of environmental description can go a long way into imersing the reader deeply into the story. One of the reason's why the Harry Potter books are so successful (and large) is because of the huge amount of attention to detail that Rowling puts into the novels.

For example, in the scene where the rebels are finishing up their target practice some indication into where they are would have been great

Here is a little excerpt that i constructed to blend with the target practice scene

"The sound of the blaring rifles was deafening as it echoed throughout the length of the target range - constructed from a expansive and poorly lit storeroom which constantly reminded shepard of the painfully similar warehouses he encountered throughout black mesa, areas his buddies and comrades were slain in by a enemy far more powerful than anything they had encountered in previous missions. Shepard winced as the agonising memories washed over his consciousness again, as they did every time he was in this dank, windowless place. The single, fluorescent light flickered. He took a deep breath, shook it off and continued his lesson."

I hope i've been somewhat of a help to you deus, keep the story coming!
 
damn deus, i want to read this story i really do, but u update so little, and cover not much at all in each chapter that im going to have to cut my losses and move on.
 
bboymatty said:
damn deus, i want to read this story i really do, but u update so little, and cover not much at all in each chapter that im going to have to cut my losses and move on.

anyone whos still in here is now on his own. Repeat, Forge-
 
No offense but your story sucks. You might as well call it Half-Life 2 with Adrain Sheperd instead of Gordon Freeman. I suggest trying some new things. Maybe making a city up or trying some new things. One or the other. You ahve potential you just need a little push.
 
Story's on hold guys, sorry, working on another project at the moment.

Joe: ...Its nothing like Gordon Freeman's adventure. At all. So your mistaken. Yes, its not my best work and I can do better (which I will definetly do when I write the next chapter), but its most definetly not just a rehash of HL2.

bboy: Aw I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you enjoyed what you could and offered good criticism. Your right about the short chapters, I didn't try hard enough.

Subject: Shephard is now on indefinite hiatus.
 
I'm soryy Deus Ex if I offended you or hurt your feeling, truthfully I hadn't read the fan fiction rules until after I posted that reply. I guess I was a little harsher than I should have been. It's just what I'm used to. My apologies.
 
lol I didn't take offense or anything, its fine, I apperciate it. How can I get better if people don't critique my work? I was just saying my story wasn't just a rehash of Hl2 thats all.
 
Hey DeusExMachinia, its real mess on this page. Now we have new enemies, those damn Anti Adrian Shepard guys. So you are Adrian fan isnt? Me too. Whats to be done? Mayby we must have some Adrian rocks sigs or avatrs. Are you going in? And why you have this poor Gordon avatar?
- Polaris over and out.
 
Brilliant. i love the story, keep it up. good to see that it isnt just me who thinks that Adrian Shephard rules.
 
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