Surviving a zombie outbreak

[taviow]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNzXey1RQ7g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWwaf8PYLxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTa5D9WboAM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZnldjbiMb0

Very useful because well... we never know when it might happen.

 

[theotherguy]

In a real zombie outbreak, this guy would be the first to die.

 

[Cpt Tenacious]

In a real zombie outbreak, this guy would be the first to die.

On what factual information can you base your theory on?

 

[theotherguy]

On what factual information can you base your theory on?

The fact that he believes a microwave would be a valid explosive device.

Along with the fact that he makes constant references to video games.

Let me make this clear, the only thing this guy is likely to survive is a 24-hour stint of doing nothing but playing Resident Evil.

 

[Omnomnick]

'...but you can't get that in Britain...'

Last time I checked, you couldn't buy any firearms legally in Britain... :hmph:

 

[nurizeko]

'...but you can't get that in Britain...'

Last time I checked, you couldn't buy any firearms legally in Britain... :hmph:

What the law says and whats the reality are two different things.


*cleans his AK*

Distinct things.




Edit: also he sounds like a noob, he doesn't know shit.

 

[Cpt Tenacious]

The fact that he believes a microwave would be a valid explosive device.

Along with the fact that he makes constant references to video games.

Let me make this clear, the only thing this guy is likely to survive is a 24-hour stint of doing nothing but playing Resident Evil.

Very true.

 

[Raziaar]

Wait a second, wait a second.

Why is he saying with the gun and the boots that "It's gonna hurt".

Zombies don't feel pain! At least, not in the way you think they do!

First person who posts a HL2 zombie on fire scream dies.



AND WTF. A TORCH? It's a flashlight!

 

[Cpt Tenacious]

Wait a second, wait a second.

Why is he saying with the gun and the boots that "It's gonna hurt".

Zombies don't feel pain! At least, not in the way you think they do!

First person who posts a HL2 zombie on fire scream dies.



AND WTF. A TORCH? It's a flashlight!

I think that's what they call them in Britzerland.

 

[Raziaar]

This is a torch.

Flashlights are not torches. Flashlights are not electric torches. If you had an electric torch, it would be a club with a flammable liquid and wires used to ignite the flammable liquid with a battery for power. It wouldn't work very well. It'd be quite pointless. Use a match instead.

 

[Mellish]

Wait, is this guy being serious?

 

[Cpt Tenacious]

This is a torch.

Flashlights are not torches. Flashlights are not electric torches. If you had an electric torch, it would be a club with a flammable liquid and wires used to ignite the flammable liquid with a battery for power.

But that's what they call them...

 

[Raziaar]

But that's what they call them...

Yeah well... they call french fries "chips", they call chips "crisps", they called cookies "biscuits".

They're crazy! They've got island madness!

 

[Cpt Tenacious]

Yeah well... they call french fries "chips", they call chips "crisps", they called cookies "biscuits".

They're crazy! They've got island madness!

Freakin' weirdos is what they are.

 

[nurizeko]

This is a torch.

Flashlights are not torches. Flashlights are not electric torches. If you had an electric torch, it would be a club with a flammable liquid and wires used to ignite the flammable liquid with a battery for power. It wouldn't work very well. It'd be quite pointless. Use a match instead.

We call the Torches, you silly illiterate yank you. :imu:

Yeah well... they call french fries "chips", they call chips "crisps", they called cookies "biscuits".

They're crazy! They've got island madness!

Evil supervillian madness, we would have conquered the world to if it wasn't for you damn liberty lovin' unable to spell proper english kids to!.

 

[Omnomnick]

Yeah well... they call french fries "chips", they call chips "crisps", they called cookies "biscuits".

They're crazy! They've got island madness!

We have cookies, their just a different type of biscuit is all. And we invented the damn language you speak, please use it appopriately.

Oh, and you might wana leave the 'John' for a few minutes...
I mean come on 'John', you have a shit on a person?

Or are you one of those Americans who likes to take a shit in a 'Can', a can is something you drink from. D:

1-1?

 

[alehm]

And we invented the damn language you speak, please use it appopriately.

Yeah, good job on that one.
:rolling:
http://www.mapping.com/englishhard.html

 

[Sheepo]

Another good way to carry gear is one of these: a bag.

 

[Druckles]

In before Darkseid.

 

[Sheepo]

I thought he was gonna tell me that the pistol has infinite ammo. Then I remembered the RE pistol didn't have infinite ammo.

 

[Darkside55]

In before Darkseid.

This guy's dead.

I'm always of a split mind when I see people talking about zombie outbreaks, because on the heavier hand I'm always ready to hate, ready to point out flaws. I always know that I'm going to end up saying, "This guy's dead." Yet there's a little part of me that's hopefully optimistic when I hit the play button on a zombie survival video, or open a zombie survival book, or read posts in a zombie survival thread, because I'm always hoping someone might say something that actually leads to their survival. Something that puts a little faith in me that, when the zombie outbreak comes, there will be survivors, and maybe one day we'll turn the tide.

But everyone's always just so god damned dead.

Breaks my heart.





Breaks my heart.

 

[Druckles]

If there were actually a zombie apocalypse, I'd go up to the first one and ask for a bite.

 

[Darkside55]

To which he'd reply, "What do I look like, a restaurant?"

BA DUM KSSH

 

[Sudano]

Kinda cool I guess, but i'm not going to spend any more time than the three minutes I spent watching one. Something new I guess.

 

[taviow]

Darkside looks like a pro at that sort of thing.

Can he survive The Outbreak?

 

[Jintor]

This guy's dead.

I'm always of a split mind when I see people talking about zombie outbreaks, because on the heavier hand I'm always ready to hate, ready to point out flaws. I always know that I'm going to end up saying, "This guy's dead." Yet there's a little part of me that's hopefully optimistic when I hit the play button on a zombie survival video, or open a zombie survival book, or read posts in a zombie survival thread, because I'm always hoping someone might say something that actually leads to their survival. Something that puts a little faith in me that, when the zombie outbreak comes, there will be survivors, and maybe one day we'll turn the tide.

But everyone's always just so god damned dead.

Breaks my heart.





Breaks my heart.

I am begging you.

Good sir.

Teach me your ways.

 

[Darkside55]

Can he survive The Outbreak?

The problem with this is that it's not based off straight survival. You start doing everything right, but then it throws some tenuous circumstances, circumstances that can be avoided in a real life situation. Fun exercise, though.

Teach me your ways.

I'll start off with the number one principle to surviving a zombie outbreak:

Look out for only yourself.

I'll tell you when I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, when the Resident Evil guy was dead:

"If it's someone you love, do it. I would. If my other half was in trouble I would not hesitate, I would jump before I could think. But I know that I wouldn't get hurt, that I wouldn't get infected."

These are the sentiments and the confidence of a fool. When the outbreak comes there can be no love, there can be no loyalty to anyone but yourself. You must, unequivocally, be ready to abandon your friends, your loved ones, your family. You have to be able to put a bullet in your own mother's head, to look your significant other in his or her teary eyes when you leave them to die, to bear with hearing the agonized screams of your best friend since childhood when you barricade the door with him or her outside because s/he was too slow. You must be able to do this. You can never think, "I CAN SAVE THEM!" You can't. If your other half is in trouble, you might as well spare them the pain of being devoured and turned by killing them yourself, else leave them to their death. You can never believe you are a superman, that somehow you'll be able to rush to the defense of your loved ones, fight off a horde of zombies and both of you escape unscathed.

Perhaps you think it cruel. Perhaps you think it'd be better to try and die than to sacrifice the people you care about. Let me tell you this: there is nothing crueler than being turned. It takes everything you cared about in that person and perverts them into a soulless, cannibalistic monster; an unthinking shell of a human fueled only by hunger. I'd rather kill the people I love while they still are the people I love. And should I ever be forced to leave someone to die at the hands of the undead...I can't stop to feel sorry about it. I can't have a second thought. Because there's no way that me, you, or Resident Evil guy is going to be able to rush in and save a person who's doomed. Trying will only lead to failure, and when you fail in a zombie outbreak, well that makes two new undead instead of just one. That makes one less human in the world. Every person lost decreases the survival of a living human race.

So rule one, the rule that comes first, before anything else, the rule that everything else is built on:

Look out for only yourself.

The second rule of surviving a zombie invasion:

Spare your trust.

I won't be so fatalistic as to say, "trust no one," because trust in a situation like this can be beneficial. There are times when you need to be able to trust someone, when you need to be able to take even a little comfort in knowing you can trust your companions when you assign them a task, or when the situation calls for improvisation. But you need to know how much to trust someone, and you need to be aware of how they might react to a situation and plan accordingly. You need to know the distinction between having someone you can trust to take watch while you sleep and not bring trouble to your door, and someone you can trust with your very life if you're in a dire situation.

In The Outbreak, one of your companions loses his nerve and jeopardizes the entire group. You need to choose your companions well, and even then keep watch on them. I'm not an advocate of having a lot of companions in the first place--a point I'll get to some other time--but especially in this case, if I saw one of the people I was with fidgeting and acting nervous, like he was about to snap and make a rash decision, I'm flooring him. I tell you truly I wouldn't spare a bullet, because even though he's still human he's going to make a move that will put everyone else at risk. You cannot travel with people like that. You can't trust that kind of person. You leave them behind or you put a bullet in their head, plain and simple. You can't trust them when they say they'll "be cool," that they're alright, that they won't make a mistake. If the foundation's cracking don't stay in the house, understand?

So, make sure you're with people you trust, and know exactly how much you trust those people. Don't sugar coat it. Don't let feelings cloud your judgement. Don't be optimistic, don't even be realistic. You should think, "Worst case scenario, how far can I trust this person?" and that's what you go by.

So, those two rules are what I'm going to say in this post, because everything's based off that. That's your mentality before you can even think about things like, "Where am I going to go? What am I going to eat? What can I use as a weapon/where can I procure weapons? Who do I contact? Who do I take with me? What are my short term/long term plans for survival?" When the outbreak hits your mind must instantly switch to these two mindsets: "Look out for myself, spare my trust." You go from there.

Much as I'd love to disseminate more knowledge I do hate when posts get a little too long in the tooth, even by my standards. So for now just program those two things in your head. Zombie outbreak --> look out for myself, spare my trust.

 

[taviow]

Man, you will suck at L4D

But seriously, if a zombie outbreak ever happened, I'd rather kill myself than trying to survive. Meh.

 

[Druckles]

Make a vid, Darky. I wanna see your cold stone tower on YouTube!

 

[Tyguy]

killing people who are not infected is also a good way to make sure you are safe.

 

[Druckles]

Killing yourself keeps you uninfected. Getting yourself infected keeps you alive.

 

[Darkside55]

Druckles why you gotta make me kill you one of these days, man? Also my tower is infinitely defensible and while I'd love to show it off I can't post a video of it, because during the outbreak people would flock their seeking shelter, and I wouldn't want my moat to end up filled with bodies stacked so high it becomes useless.

I'd rather kill myself than trying to survive.

You are a coward and a traitor to the human race.

killing people who are not infected is also a good way to make sure you are safe.

100% true. No, seriously. There will be times when you need to kill someone who isn't infected to ensure your own survival; and hey, that's how it goes. If someone is an obstacle to your safety, or if they're jeopardizing you in some way, you put a bullet in their head.

In that Outbreak game, the first choice you're given is whether you let Seth kill that wounded man. The CORRECT answer, despite what the game says, is an emphatic yes. You take no chances that the guy might not be infected, or that he might get up and miraculously save your life in the nick of time when zombies break in. You shoot anyone you even suspect of being infected.

Let's say you come across a defended position where someone has holed up. They've got food, supplies, maybe even weapons and ammo, or a useful vehicle. Maybe they have computers or a radio. Maybe all they've got is their position and some bottled water. But they aren't sharing, and no amount of talk is going to sway them. You need those supplies; this is not an instance where you can leave it alone and go look for another place for shelter, hope that you might stumble onto food/water/necessities elsewhere.

Bullet. In. Head.

Rule #1 in effect. See why it's so important? I don't give a damn if they're not infected.

The ironic thing is it runs contrary to having a sizeable human population in the end. Because "looking out for yourself" comes first, you need to be able to kill people who are also out there trying to survive if you come across a situation where their survival impedes your survival. Kind of sad, isn't it?

 

[Rizzo]

I whould just carry a katana and rid the world of zombies and be done with it. Then you, and all the other selfish basterds who kill your fellow man for cans of food can come out of your hiding, and gaze upon me as i stand on a mountain of freshly slain zombies.

 

[Eejit]

Druckles why you gotta make me kill you one of these days, man? Also my tower is infinitely defensible and while I'd love to show it off I can't post a video of it, because during the outbreak people would flock their seeking shelter, and I wouldn't want my moat to end up filled with bodies stacked so high it becomes useless.

Surely if the tower is infinitely defensible that wouldn't matter/couldn't happen?

 

[Jintor]

I whould just carry a katana and rid the world of zombies and be done with it. Then you, and all the other selfish basterds who kill your fellow man for cans of food can come out of your hiding, and gaze upon me as i stand on a mountain of freshly slain zombies.

You. die. Instantly.

 

[Darkside55]

I whould just carry a katana

The words of a dead man.

When will people realize the katana is a useless weapon against zombies? One of my two best friends, a person I call my brother, is an experienced martial artist trained in wu shu, shotokan, and many other disciplines. He is a sword connoisseur and collector, with a very impressive collection of blades that were actually designed to be used in combat, not just glorified showpieces. He has tremendous upper body strength; during the summer months he trains Olympic hopefuls on the rings. And yet I even tell him that it is a fool move to carry bladed weapons around in a zombie fight.

People just don't get it, man. Even myself, I own a broadsword, a gim, and my own personal sword which nothing more than a 10lb. rectangular block of metal that has been hammered and given a crude handle so that the sides and top are flat, shearing edges, like a giant cleaver; these are swords I have at hand. If zombies came to my door, you think I'm going to go for any of those? F*ck no.

I'm going for the greatest and most beautiful weapon on the face of the earth. The only melee weapon worth a good god damn in a zombie invasion. This is my baby, and I love it dearly.

F*cking blades. Useless when compared to a weapon that will never bend, will never break, will never dent, will never rust. A weapon that is light enough that it can be swung without fatigue, a weapon that has no bladed edge so you can grip the haft at a higher point for closer combat, and at a lower point for range. A weapon that can be wielded in the same manner as a katana, but you can also use it as a short staff or an escrima stick. A weapon that cracks HEADS, breaks bones, incapacitates. Blades are shit against zombies.

Hail the almighty cold steel bat. It is the ONLY weapon--and I don't just mean melee weapon, I mean the ONLY weapon, period, even against firearms--that will do you right in the long run when the zombie outbreak happens. If you want to "stand on a mountain of zombies," you use THIS beautiful, divine piece of work.

Surely if the tower is infinitely defensible that wouldn't matter/couldn't happen?

The tower itself is infinitely defensible. The moat has a finite limit to the number of bodies it can hold. I'd rather not gaze upon a full moat. It's still useful, but not as aesthetically pleasing.

 

[taviow]

You are a coward and a traitor to the human race.

Hey, one less zombie in the world if I kill myself because well, I suck at survival, so I'd be infected in no time.
Meh, I guess I could at least try.

 

[Druckles]

Druckles why you gotta make me kill you one of these days, man?

Not if I kill you first.

people would flock their seeking shelter.

Said the man complaining about their/they're

You are a coward and a traitor to the human race.

Bullet. In. Head.

Rule #1 in effect. See why it's so important? I don't give a damn if they're not infected.

It goes against everything it is to be human. You effectively become a zombie. If you don't have your morals and ethics, you might as well be infected.

(Shit, too much feckin' Janeway and her stupid morals)

When will people realize the katana is a useless weapon against zombies? One of my two best friends, a person I call my brother, is an experienced martial artist trained in wu shu, shotokan, and many other disciplines. He is a sword connoisseur and collector, with a very impressive collection of blades that were actually designed to be used in combat, not just glorified showpieces. He has tremendous upper body strength; during the summer months he trains Olympic hopefuls on the rings. And yet I even tell him that it is a fool move to carry bladed weapons around in a zombie fight.

I was watching a short animated movie about an attractive looking girl in skimpy clothes fighting zombies with a samuri sword. My girlfriend at the time said something to the effect of "Wtf, is she f*cking stupid? It's a sword. Against zombies."

There were times when I loved her so much.

The tower itself is infinitely defensible. The moat has a finite limit to the number of bodies it can hold. I'd rather not gaze upon a full moat. It's still useful, but not as aesthetically pleasing.

Shit, mang, you never told me you had a moat

 

[Darkside55]

Said the man complaining about their/they're

D:

What have I done? I've made a there/their/they're mistake. Oh God. Don't look at me, I'm hideous! I'm only good for stopping zombies; I CAN'T SPEEL

It goes against everything it is to be human. You effectively become a zombie. If you don't have your morals and ethics, you might as well be infected.

The difference is that when it's over, your morals return and you can try and atone for what you'd done in the name of survival by rebuilding civilization. In a time where you do what you must to survive, you can't be hindered by morality. All you can do in the end is try to cope with what you did in those dark times.

A zombie no longer has the mental faculties to feel remorse, and they never will.

I was watching a short animated movie about an attractive looking girl in skimpy clothes fighting zombies with a samuri sword. My girlfriend at the time said something to the effect of "Wtf, is she f*cking stupid? It's a sword. Against zombies."

There were times when I loved her so much.

Good survival instincts. When the zombie invasion goes down you should look her up again, if only to prolong your life.

And yeah, I've got a moat. It's past the bridge over lava, and before the Field of Spikes.

 

[Druckles]

D:

What have I done? I've made a there/their/they're mistake. Oh God. Don't look at me, I'm hideous! I'm only good for stopping zombies; I CAN'T SPEEL

I was referring to your pointing out the "They're"/"Their" in the Nihilanth thread

The difference is that when it's over, your morals return and you can try and atone for what you'd done in the name of survival by rebuilding civilization. In a time where you do what you must to survive, you can't be hindered by morality. All you can do in the end is try to cope with what you did in those dark times.

A zombie no longer has the mental faculties to feel remorse, and they never will.

I'm just counting on the fact I'll never have to make the decision. I'll take far too long to think about it.

Good survival instincts. When the zombie invasion goes down you should look her up again, if only to prolong your life.

What happened to the don't trust anyone and don't care about anyone?

And yeah, I've got a moat. It's past the bridge over lava, and before the Field of Spikes.

I never got passed the bridge, there was a six headed dog there.