The Chuck Norris joke thread

[Codcommando]

No good forum is complete without a Chuck Norris joke forum.post your favorites.Here are mine

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE *drum roll*

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

 

[Shamrock]

No more Chuck Norris jokes..

It was funny the first 1,000,000,000th time. Now, its just completely old and annoying.

 

[JNightshade]

Yeah, for the love of god, drop it.

 

[rosseh]

My favorite:

One day in 1973 when Chuck Norris wanted to launch his carreer, Chuck Norris got owned by Bruce Lee in 'Way of the Dragon'. There were no more jokes.

 

[halflifeguy]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity........twice
Chuck Norris can win Connect Four in only three moves
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, just another fist
Chuck Norris' favortie cereal is Kellogs "Pebbles and Gravel"
The Great Wall of China was built to keep Chuck Norris out......it failed miserably

 

[bam23]

Walker: Texas Ranger is an anagram for Karate Wrangler Sex.

 

[JNightshade]

Ok, fine...

Chuck Norris' beard converts CO2 to O2. The trees are full of shit.

 

[bvasgm]

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep...he waits.

and

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

 

[bryanf445]

No more Chuck Norris jokes..

It was funny the first 1,000,000,000th time. Now, its just completely old and annoying.

nah i disagree, there are always new ones i have never seen

 

[Shamrock]

nah i disagree, there are always new ones i have never seen

That is true. The idea though of Chuck Norris as the subject for every joke is getting annoying.

 

[The Mullinator]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he simply glares at them until they give up the information he wants.

Chuck Norris once cloned himself for the purpose of having a duel. Both Chucks connected at the feet by a round house kick and fused together creating a super Chuck. However since Chuck Norris was already perfect, super Chuck was no different from regular Chuck.

 

[Flyingdebris]

There is no such thing as man made nuclear bombs. It is a ruse by the scientific community to cover up the fact that ever since 1944, Chuck has been smashing two pieces of uranium 238 together with such force as to initate fission. After the explosions that he causes, he walks out amongst the destruction and absorbs the radiation, death, and suffering for nourishment.

 

[Uriel]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he simply glares at them until they give up the information he wants.

How can You get Tired of these?

 

[satch919]

What started this Chuck Norris crap anyways? It's not even funny anymore. :x

 

[xcellerate]

Dodge ball or the conan o'brian show.

 

[Uriel]

Sitting on your thumb and twisting or trying to bite your own ear.

 

[Nat Turner]

What started this Chuck Norris crap anyways? It's not even funny anymore. :x

The somethingawful forums did.

 

[Llama]

I didn't know that, I thought they'd been around since the dawn of the internet

 

[Skaadi]

Dodge ball or the conan o'brian show.

F**kin Chuck Norris...

 

[Steven]

Chuck Norris is so fat the only thing stoping him from going to Jenny Craig is the door.

 

[haggis-cream]

For a dose of real Chuck Norris humour, check out "Lone Wolf Maquade", solid gold.

 

[Dalamari]

No good forum is complete without a Chuck Norris joke forum

That's like saying that no forum is complete without a "Yo' Mamma" Joke thread, they aren't funny anymore

But Chuck Norris is still Aweshens

 

[Flyingdebris]

if you go into a dark room with a mirror and say Chuck Norris 3x. He will Fly out of your mirror on his motorcycle and grant you 3 wishes. However all wishes seem to be composed entirely of roundhousing so hard that your bones liquify

 

[The Mullinator]

When god said "Let there be light!". It was Chuck Norris who replied with "Say please".

 

[Beerdude26]

if you go into a dark room with a mirror and say Chuck Norris 3x. He will Fly out of your mirror on his motorcycle and grant you 3 wishes. However all wishes seem to be composed entirely of roundhousing so hard that your bones liquify

Holy crap I'm trying this :O

 

[Bait]

Chuck Norris can spell his name using only vowels and the number 9.

 

[rae]

When Chuck Norris lands in water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck.

When Chuck Norris was born the birthing-nurse said: "Oh my gosh it's Chuck Norris!" and by this time she was the third woman he'd slept with.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

 

[xombine]

No more Chuck Norris jokes..

It was funny the first 1,000,000,000th time. Now, its just completely old and annoying.

qft

it needs to stop

 

[GhostBoi]

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated.

Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor, but Chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling.

And the best:
There are two kinds of people in this world: People who are Chuck Norris, and people who are going to die.

 

[JNightshade]

Pssh. I can write my name in only vowels and the number 9! See:

OUEI9YA IE99OAY.

It's not phonetic, but who cares!

 

[Jack_Karverboy]

Chuck norris wipes his ass with a cactus. Says it get all the poop out of those little crevasses.

 

[Kamikazie]

Chuck Norris says this fad should DIE!

you listen to Chuck, NOW!

 

[Anthraxxx]

There are three genders in the world- Male, Female, and Chuck Norris

 

[Fliko]

There are only 2 kinds of people in this world; Chuck Norris, and dead people.

 

[madog]

Gman killed Chuck Norris and he actually stayed dead.

 

[Moto]

Chuck Norris is so badass that when he goes into water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.