The Complete Military History of France

Tr0n · Apr 29, 2005

I found this politically funny..

The complete military history of france.(Link)

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Just one of many...

Ames · Apr 29, 2005

Extremely old. Like over a year old.

Tr0n · Apr 29, 2005

Shens said:
Extremely old. Like over a year old.

Well...it's new to me so I don't give a damn.

Datrix · Apr 29, 2005

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

Edit:
This one is even more funny:

Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

Ames · Apr 29, 2005

Please note that Albino Blacksheep has the updated version.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html

Gannon_12 · Apr 29, 2005

That's Hilarious

jondy · Apr 29, 2005

I'm going to go out of my way to say 'old', 'cause that's what people did when I posted my 'end of the world' thing

gh0st · Apr 29, 2005

In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

Feath · Apr 29, 2005

Hmm, does this really belong in the politics forum?

Then again, we don't really have a "pointless Francophobia" forum.

EDIT: - "World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song."

Shurely shome mishtake?

Tr0n · Apr 29, 2005

Feath said:
Hmm, does this really belong in the politics forum?

Then again, we don't really have a "pointless Francophobia" forum.

EDIT: - "World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song."

Shurely shome mishtake?

Politcal humor...so yes it does.

If it doesn't...oh well.

/me shrugs

Feath · Apr 29, 2005

Tr0n said:
Politcal humor...so yes it does.

If it doesn't...oh well.

* Tr0n shrugs

Sorry, I'm just bitter that everything seems to get in the political forum and the entire UK General Election just gets one thread.

GiaOmerta · Apr 30, 2005

"...France is conquered by of all things, an Italian."

This Land is Roman! *stomps*

Razor · Apr 30, 2005

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." - Bullshit

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. - Bullshit

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. - Bullshit.

I presume it was written by a biased American with no liking of France.

France saved the English colonists in America, who were moaning about taxes even though they had taxes 50times lower then the UK mainland taxes.

The French and English empires fight the Germanic empire in World War 1, America arrives just intime to clear up.

The French and English empires fight Germany and Italy in World War 2, America arrives half way through and claims sole victory.

Or should we look at American victories, has America ever won a war on their own without anyone elses help? Vietnam? no, American Revolution? no...

kmack · Apr 30, 2005

Napolean was a French Citizen, I dont think any american Citizen has come close to such military power.

Eg. · Apr 30, 2005

lets see, any american president. just because we dont go on european conquests doesnt mean we cant. technically clinton was the most powerful leader of his time, because he could turn entire contients into ash. every american president has that power, and they are all citizens

Eg. · Apr 30, 2005

GiaOmerta said:
This Land is Roman! *stomps*

nice total war quote

kmack · Apr 30, 2005

Eg. said:
lets see, any american president. just because we dont go on european conquests doesnt mean we cant. technically clinton was the most powerful leader of his time, because he could turn entire contients into ash. every american president has that power, and they are all citizens

but napolean DID it.

as i said, no american citizen has equalled those military accomplishments.

kirovman · Apr 30, 2005

Eg. said:
technically clinton was the most powerful leader of his time, because he could turn entire contients into ash.

He had the Midas touch (kind of) then? :E

Eg. · Apr 30, 2005

well i mean with all these nukes we have just lying around, we could wigh a push of a button. sry if i didnt get ur sarcasm kirvo, its to early in the morning

The Monkey · Apr 30, 2005

So could China, Russia, Britain and France.

Eg. · Apr 30, 2005

britain and france dont have that many nukes. nether does china, but i will admit the will probably have the balls to do it if they could. russia on the other hand is crippled, it may launch nukes, but about 70% would not launch, hit, make it to space. most of their nuke subs are rusting hulks on beaches.

kirovman · Apr 30, 2005

Eg. said:
well i mean with all these nukes we have just lying around, we could wigh a push of a button. sry if i didnt get ur sarcasm kirvo, its to early in the morning

Hehe, sorry, I just wanted you to clarify that's all.

Thanks.

Gannon_12 · Apr 30, 2005

[/QUOTE]Or should we look at American victories, has America ever won a war on their own without anyone elses help? Vietnam? no, American Revolution? no...[/QUOTE]

Barbary pirate wars, War of 1812, Mexican-American war, Spanish American war, Bolo war. Wars the U.S. won without any foreign help

Foxtrot · Apr 30, 2005

Gannon_12 said:
Or should we look at American victories, has America ever won a war on their own without anyone elses help? Vietnam? no, American Revolution? no...

Gulf War, the Coalition was just for fun.

SenorDingDong · Apr 30, 2005

America did not win the war of 1812. Your objective was to capture Canada. You failed at that objective. Just because you won the last battle agaisnt the British does not mean you won the war. In reality no one won this war. An agreement was made to end the war and that was it.

gh0st · Apr 30, 2005

kmack said:
Napolean was a French Citizen, I dont think any american Citizen has come close to such military power.

napolean was a french citizen. he wasent french though, he was a corsican, leading to the third rule of french warfare: france only 'wins' when their army isnt commanded by a frenchman.

havent you people ever watched the patriot

the french dont show up til the end, mel gibson proves it.

SenorDingDong · Apr 30, 2005

gh0st said:
napolean was a french citizen. he wasent french though, he was a corsican, leading to the third rule of french warfare: france only 'wins' when their army isnt commanded by a frenchman.

havent you people ever watched the patriot the french dont show up til the end, mel gibson proves it.

oh man that was a horrible movie, and extremely histrocially innaccurate.

gh0st · Apr 30, 2005

SenorDingDong said:
oh man that was a horrible movie, and extremely histrocially innaccurate.

but its MEL GIBSON.

Tr0n · Apr 30, 2005

Mel Gibson sucks tho. :|

gh0st · Apr 30, 2005

Tr0n said:
Mel Gibson sucks tho. :|

You suck. ;(

Yay for France

kmack · Apr 30, 2005

gh0st said:
napolean was a french citizen. he wasent french though, he was a corsican, leading to the third rule of french warfare: france only 'wins' when their army isnt commanded by a frenchman.

i just said he was a french citizen, doesnt change the fact that a french citizen was more militarily successful and powerful than any american citizen.

gh0st said:
havent you people ever watched the patriot the french dont show up til the end, mel gibson proves it.

worst....movie.....ever.

kirovman · Apr 30, 2005

kmack said:
i just said he was a french citizen, doesnt change the fact that a french citizen was more militarily successful and powerful than any american citizen.

Thank god for Arthur Wellesley then. Him and Nelson gave him a good kicking.

Colonel Sanders · May 2, 2005

kmack said:
Napolean was a French Citizen, I dont think any american Citizen has come close to such military power.

Yay! Lets glorify a man who threw western Europe into nearly twelve years of Warfare and still had his arse handed to him!

You know who had even greater military power than Napoleon? Hitler! Lets put him on a pedistal next! YAY! :dozey:

kmack · May 2, 2005

Colonel Sanders said:
Yay! Lets glorify a man who threw western Europe into nearly twelve years of Warfare and still had his arse handed to him!

You know who had even greater military power than Napoleon? Hitler! Lets put him on a pedistal next! YAY! :dozey:

you are missing the whole point of the argument. i was simply bringing up a french citizen who command france to a great victory to counter the post bashing the military prowess of the french.

napolean and hitler is a pretty shitty comparison btw.

Mr-Fusion · May 2, 2005

My uncle who is a French teacher told me that in Churchills famous speech "we will fight them on the beaches" ...contains only one French word and that word is "surrender". Every other word is old english. I'm not French bashing, i'm just stating a fact!

Mechagodzilla · May 2, 2005

Lol stupid frogs should go eat their frog legs and be cannibals?
Hitler killed the french peoples hahaha, but who really had a big military defeat was teh wussy jewish! Amerca had to save them, lol in ur faces!!! American is stronger than teh jewishes because of the factual:

-America kills hitler.
-Moses RUNS AWAy from the pharoh (amercan wasn't invented for 500 years since then, so did not kick pharoiah's asses until The Mummy Returns.)
-Moses get's lost in the desert becuz he is OLD. then he is given directions by BUSH.
-Other.

= USA got item!!!

Proof link: http://webutil1.free.fr/fond/mario_party2.jpg red white & blue!

gh0st · May 2, 2005

kmack said:
you are missing the whole point of the argument. i was simply bringing up a french citizen who command france to a great victory to counter the post bashing the military prowess of the french.

You mean he commanded france to a crushing defeat. new age selective history.

staticprimer · May 2, 2005

gh0st said:
You mean he commanded france to a crushing defeat. new age selective history.

There is nothing selective about saying Napoleon lead France to great victories, it is simply a fact. And the reason he was originally defeated is because he pushed too far... a direct result of his many victories.

gh0st · May 2, 2005

staticprimer said:
There is nothing selective about saying Napoleon lead France to great victories, it is simply a fact. And the reason he was originally defeated is because he pushed too far... a direct result of his many victories.

no, its deceptive to say someone led a country to great victories when they were annihilated. not to mention that majority of the people fighting under him werent french.

Tr0n · May 2, 2005

It doesn't matter...you can win lots of victories, but still lose a war.

He lost..it's that simple.

The Complete Military History of France

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