The Customer Is Not Always Right

Note the wide wheels; it's an off-road, all-terrain, 4x4-1x1 train.
 
Dude this train is so awesome it can go over anything. Rocks don't mean shit to this train.

it was smoke
 
Is that particular train on diesel, or old fashioned coal?

Or is it by any chance powered by the souls of the damned?
 
In fact (this is a simplified explanation) there are a great many people chained within a resevoir of burning brimstone, constantly supplied with new victims by a gigantic 'fireman', who, with his shovel, stoops, bends and rises in the hellish half-light, his eyes glinting like hot coals in the sulphurous fumes, his unceasing labour like that of a malevolent God and his sooty aspect like very like a Devil. Before him, and above the furnace, the blood of lunatics is channeled through an array of pipes (somewhat like a church organ); within these pipes, oweing to the combustion of the bodies of the damned, the blood vapourises. The pressurised steam travels along the pipes and through a system of valves. Finally it drives a mighty piston, which drives the thrashing wheels, and these give the train its forward motion.

So yeah, mostly hate.
 
Education AND fun all in one! I love Sulkdodds!
 
I would take Sulkdodds for a ride aboard this nightmare train, across the twisted rails of splintered bone, greased with the fatty oils squeezed from the skins of its victims. We would ride across the expanse, the train fouling the air with the black ash of burned bodies spewing from its chimney.

But the train would break down within a few meters, because of love.
 
Pretty weak train.

You should see Thomas the mother****ing TrainGuy. He has a REAL goddamn face. He looks at danger and calls it an adventure. He's Thomas the mother****ing TrainGuy, he isn't afraid of ANYTHING.
 
Sheep said:
And A Bike is riding along the tracks.
Click to expand...

Why did you have to bring him up? Now I'm sad.



He was the greatest bike ever.
 
I made myself sad as I posted it, so I figured I would force my misery on to you.
 
Customer: ?Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!?

Cashier: ?Sir, I already told you? we don?t have ANY hammers back here that aren?t already stocked on the shelves.?

Customer: ?LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU?RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING OUT YOUR STOCKS! GET ME THIS HAMMER!?

(At this point, I come to the front of the store, overhearing what?s going on; note that I?m the manager.)

Me: ?Is there a problem??

Customer: ?Yes sir! Your employee here is not doing what I tell her to!?

Me: ?Well, you need to calm down and understand that we don?t have what you?re looking for. So maybe you should go back to shelves and check??

Customer: ?F**K THAT!!! IT?S NOT THERE, OKAY?! YOU NEED TO F**KING GET ME WHAT I ASK FOR!?

Me: ?That?s it. Get out of my store.?

Customer: ?What? NO!?

Me: ?Sir, get out, or I have to take you out.?

Customer: ?Then do it!?

(I go around the counter and approach the customer. I yank him by his collar & drag him to the door.)

Me: ?Now, then? you wanna apologize and maybe come back in??

Customer: ?No! I just want my hammer! God, what is this madness?!?

Me: *puts the customer down*

Customer: *confused* ?? What is it??

(I turn back to the cashier, who nods in approval. I then turn back to face the customer.)

Me: ?Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAA!? *kicks customer out of store and slams door*
Click to expand...

I bet it's true.
 
February 10, 2009, and I'm laughing at a Sparta joke.

Time to kill myself.
 
(I overheard two cashiers talking about World of Warcraft while an older female customer and her husband approached them.)

Cashier #1: ?My guild went on a big raid last night but didn?t complete it.?

Cashier #2: ?You weren?t able to kill the boss??

Cashier #1: ?No, the boss was really tough to kill; we?re going to try again tomorrow.?

Customer: *to husband* ?We should call a manager?I can?t believe these kids are talking about killing their boss!?

Cashier #2: ?Oh no, ma?am, it?s a video game called World of Warcraft. You go on adventures to kill monsters, and the big ones are called ?bosses?.?

Customer: ?I don?t care about your ?World War? game. No wonder there is so much violence in this world - video games teaching kids to kill their bosses!?

Cashier #1: ?It?s not ?World War,? ma?am, it?s World of Warcraft, and it?s not teaching us violence??

Customer: ?I don?t care what it?s called. My husband fought in a real world war and he can tell you, violence is not a game! Right, Richard?

Customer?s husband: *distracted* ?Huh??

Customer: ?Forget it. C?mon, we?re never coming back to this place. One of these kids is bound to shoot the place up.?
Click to expand...

lol old ladies and their ignorantly stupid comments make me laugh.
 
Darkside55 said:
I would take Sulkdodds for a ride aboard this nightmare train, across the twisted rails of splintered bone, greased with the fatty oils squeezed from the skins of its victims. We would ride across the expanse, the train fouling the air with the black ash of burned bodies spewing from its chimney.

But the train would break down within a few meters, because of love.
Click to expand...
If a human being is a soft machine, a well-oiled chorus of blood-valve and nerve-ending - if consciousness and the whole living system that supports it can ultimately be reduced to a mere mechanism, and all its feelings cold stimuli and chemical reaction - if man is an engine, built on rational rules, ensuring his own survival as if he were an automaton, ticking over like a clock in perfect symmetry, complex but flawless, then love...is a mechanical failure.
 
Oh god. Shit. World of Warcraft isn't about killing your boss?

oh****oh****oh****oh****oh****
 
^ **** you I was about to post that.

My god this is hilarious.

EDIT: Damn it you guys!
 
I have successfully RandomWebsiteHasRuinedDarkseid'sLife.

*chalks one up*
 
Customer: “Excuse me, but I can’t seem to find the stairs to your second floor.”

Me: “Ah, well ma’am, that’s probably because we don’t have a second floor.”

Customer: “Yes you do, I’ve shopped here for 5 years. I’ve been to your second floor several times. If you look at this store from the outside, you can see that it’s big enough to house a second floor.”

Me: “But there are no windows to show the second floor. No ma’am, we have that high ceiling instead. We never had a second floor.

Customer: “YES YOU DO! Now stop screwing around with me and tell me where it is!”

Manager: *overhearing this conversation* “Ma’am, I’ve worked here since our store opened 10 years ago. We’ve NEVER had a second floor.”

Customer: “You’re lying! Tell me where the stairs are or I’m going to report your behavior to your corporate offices!”
Click to expand...
Lol, clever...
 
(In my store, it?s store policy to check credit cards for signatures; if they?re not signed, we must see ID.)

Me: ?May I see your card, please??

Customer: ?Why??

Me: ?Your card is not signed sir, and I have to check IDs if there?s no signature.?

Customer: ?I know it?s not signed, and it?s not going to be signed.?

Me: ?That?s fine, sir - I just have to check your ID then.?

Customer: ?Here.? *shows ID*

Me: ?Okay, thank you - sign the machine please.?

Customer: ?How do you know that?s me in the ID? He has glasses on and I don?t.?

Me: ?Sir, it looks like you.?

Customer: ?But I don?t have glasses on.?

Me: ?Okay then - I?m sorry, but this isn?t valid proof of ID. I can?t take it, which means you can?t use this card.?

Customer: ?Oh, well - it?s me, I was just trying to help you out.?

Me: ?I?m sorry sir, but you have convinced me otherwise. I cannot take it.?

Customer: ?What? It?s me!?

Me: ?I know?it?s you. I was just trying to help you out.?
Click to expand...

Thats the kind of on-the-spot wit that I wish I had.
 
Weren't we just having a random discussion about Clark Kent yesterday in a thread about like how his glasses make him unrecognizeable or something?
 
FireStarter said:
Weren't we just having a random discussion about Clark Kent yesterday in a thread about like how his glasses make him unrecognizeable or something?
Click to expand...

Weren't you bringing up unrelated threads for absolutely no reason, just now?
 
Yeah, I was! How'd you know?

Customer: “You two ladies look like you can help me.”

Me: “Sure, what do you want to know?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a tree.”

Me: “Ok, the trees are in the back of the store under the ‘Seasonal’ sign.”

Customer: “No, no. Let me finish. I want a tree; it’s circular, but it’s a tree, and it’s a circle, but it’s only a half-circle, but it’s a tree. Oh! And you hang it on your window, and it’s a tree, and a circle.”

Me & Coworker: “…”

Customer: “IT’S A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW, BUT IT’S ONLY A HALF-CIRCLE, BUT IT’S A CIRCULAR TREE!!

Me: “Uh…a wreath?”

Customer: “NO, NO, WHAT THE F***?! IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A HALF-CIRCLE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?!”

Me: “No…sorry, sir.”

Customer: “Well, is there someone else in here that can help me?”

Coworker: “There are other people here, but with that description I doubt anyone will be able to help you.”

Customer: “OH, WHAT THE F***?!”

(Customer storms off, but a moment later comes back.)

Customer: “Oh, by the way, do you sell Jello here?”

Me: “Um, no. We’re a craft store, not a grocery store.”

Customer: “Well, people use Jello for crafts.”

Me: “Uh, sorry.”

Customer: “SERIOUSLY! THEY HIRE F***ING IDIOTS HERE!” *storms off…again*
Click to expand...
 
Most of them sound like trolls.
edit
Like this one, sounds like something id do just to play around
(I was working at the concessions stand taking someone’s order, when a man walks up and cuts in line.)

Customer: “Hey, why does this theater look so run down?”

Me: “Uh…well, it is kind of old, but as you can see from the sign we are renovating.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I get a popcorn then? Is it fresh?”

Me: “Sir, you just cut in line. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in line if you want service.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

(He pauses, but doesn’t move from his place beside me at the counter. I finish my transaction and clear up the line, and he’s still standing there.)

Customer: “So…what’s up with those corn dogs?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Those corn dogs. What’s wrong with them?”

Me: *looking around, utterly confused* “Uh…the hot dogs? I don’t see anything wrong with them.”

Customer: “No, the corn dogs! They look awfully…green, don’t they?”

Me: *following his eyes* “Sir…I think you’re talking about the pickles.”

Customer: “Oh…that’s what they are? Could have fooled me.”

Me: “…”
Click to expand...
 
Worth bumping for this:

(An elderly woman well into her 70s comes through the check-out line with a single bottle of wine. I start to scan the bottle through.)

Customer: “Wait! Aren’t you going to check my ID?”

Me: “Er, no, ma’am, I don’t think it’s really necessary…”

Customer: “Well, that’s no good! You should check all ID if you’re selling alcohol.”

Me: “Well, okay. May I see your ID, please?”

(She hands over an ID card that is obviously fake.)

Me: “…ma’am, this card says you’re seventeen.”

Customer: “Oh, dear! You’ve caught me! I’m much too young to be buying this! It’s a good thing you were checking IDs. I’d better just go now! *skips out the door*
Click to expand...

EDIT: And this -

(I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)

Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”

Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”

Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*

Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*
Click to expand...
 
I had a guy flip out yesterday (i work in a major department store in the electronics dept)

I was working on cleaning the register area so it would be easier for people to shop and for the associates to work. I look up and this guy at the counter and he slaps a torn up piece of paper.

He said "I WANT THIS" like a big dumb oaf.

I told him "For this price I'll need to see the entire store ad to verify the sales date"

The he blows up and says, "WHY DO I NEED THE WHOLE AD?!!?!? IT SAYS THE PRICE RIGHT THERE!!!" as he points to this crappy $20 mp3 player that was purple shit color

And I continue to tell him, "Sir our policy is that we need to have the entire sales ad for that week or we won't accept this"

Associate next to me butts in and says, "Sir you need to bring us the whole ad"

Customer: "OK! I'LL BE BACK WITH THE WHOLE AD BUT IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THAT I'LL BE MAD!!"

then he stormed off and about 15 mins later he came back and was very calm.

Also another time I had a guy almost swing a shovel at me because I asked to see his receipt when he was trying to leave the building in a hurry. I could have sworn it was the same guy in both situations...which is why I carry a knife on me at all times. Customers go berserk over the stupidest things
 
Warped said:
I had a guy flip out yesterday (i work in a major department store in the electronics dept)

I was working on cleaning the register area so it would be easier for people to shop and for the associates to work. I look up and this guy at the counter and he slaps a torn up piece of paper.

He said "I WANT THIS" like a big dumb oaf.

I told him "For this price I'll need to see the entire store ad to verify the sales date"

The he blows up and says, "WHY DO I NEED THE WHOLE AD?!!?!? IT SAYS THE PRICE RIGHT THERE!!!" as he points to this crappy $20 mp3 player that was purple shit color

And I continue to tell him, "Sir our policy is that we need to have the entire sales ad for that week or we won't accept this"

Associate next to me butts in and says, "Sir you need to bring us the whole ad"

Customer: "OK! I'LL BE BACK WITH THE WHOLE AD BUT IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THAT I'LL BE MAD!!"

then he stormed off and about 15 mins later he came back and was very calm.

Also another time I had a guy almost swing a shovel at me because I asked to see his receipt when he was trying to leave the building in a hurry. I could have sworn it was the same guy in both situations...which is why I carry a knife on me at all times. Customers go berserk over the stupidest things
Click to expand...

Hmm... I have deduced from this story that you do not work at Wal-Mart.

Because only old people check for receipts at Wal-Mart.


Also at Sulk's first story... crazy old person trying to recapture their youth. What a sad story. They probably work at Wal-Mart.
 
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