Javert
Tank
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2003
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Written by Vegeta897 at www.hl2central.net forums. This is a little
Something I wrote in my spare time...
The Half-Life 2 Procedure By: Vegeta897
Section A-Travel
1. Buy a $300,000 car.
2. Drive to Best-Buy in your new car, accompanied by 4 armed body guards.
3. Drive right into the store and park in the adjacent aisle to HL2.
Section B-Pre-Buying Rituals
1. Give Valve, Sierra, and Havok $5,000,000 each.
2. Walk (with your body guards) to the end of the HL2 aisle.
3. Praise the Lord
4. Crawl on your knees bowing every 2 feet, up to the blessed HL2 box.
5. Kill your body gaurds with a machette.
6. If anyone comes with-in a 30 foot radius of you or the box, slay them said machette. (Do notclean between kills)
7. Smell the box, study the box, greet the box, BE the box.
8. Extend the radius to 50 feet.
9. Touch the box, but try not to faint. (If you do, go back to step 7, Section B.)
10. Grab it, hold it, caress it.
Section C-Buying and leaving
1. Take it to the clerk. Pay him $300. Do not take change.
2. Do not take the receipt, you won't need it.
3. Hop back into your car, and drive home as fast as you can, ignoring any and all traffic laws. (Your copy of HL2 should be implanted into your bladder, sealed by a diamond case)
Section D-Game Installation
1. Go to your computer.
2. Taste the box, and savor the sweet flavor.
3. Open the box, and smell the inside, but DO NOT touch!
4. Slowly pull out the manual. Every inch you must watch the entire 25 minute HL2 preview.
5. Memorize the manual and write it on an 8.5x11 piece of paper in english and dutch. Eat it.
6. Now would be a good time to admire the box art. Draw it with atleast 14 different medias.
7. Look into the box, and locate the CD case.
8.Wash your hands, wear gloves, and clasp your hand onto the CD case.
9. Taste the box. (If you've lost the flavor)
10. Watch the HL2 trailer again.
11. Slowly pull it out, and watch the trailer every centimeter. (12.32763932 times)
12. Get someone to read these instructions to you. (You went blind) (Oh yes you did!)
13. Wait until you have your vision back, and study the case art. Draw it with 15 different medias.
14. Lock your door, and open the case.
15. Take a moment to admire it's glow.
16. Buy the most expencive CD drive money can buy.
E. Installation
1. Put the first CD in the drive.
2. Go through the install wizard. Read every word, including the liscence agreement. Write a couple essays on it.
3. Install it to a secret directory. (I.E. C:\Don't look here\Half-Life 2)
4. When it asks for CD 2, go to step 1, section E, but with CD 2.
5. Same with CD 3.
6 Realise that you got the wrong game, and go back to step 1, section A. (And get the right game!)
7. An autorun should open.
Section F-Setup
1. Select "Play" from the autorun menu.
2. The game will open up, various company logos will appear.
3.Set all the options to what you want, but don't go crazy.
Section G-PLAY!!!
1. PLAY!!!
2. Don't take any brakes or do anything else.
3. When you are done, it would be a good time to die.
-END-
Something I wrote in my spare time...
The Half-Life 2 Procedure By: Vegeta897
Section A-Travel
1. Buy a $300,000 car.
2. Drive to Best-Buy in your new car, accompanied by 4 armed body guards.
3. Drive right into the store and park in the adjacent aisle to HL2.
Section B-Pre-Buying Rituals
1. Give Valve, Sierra, and Havok $5,000,000 each.
2. Walk (with your body guards) to the end of the HL2 aisle.
3. Praise the Lord
4. Crawl on your knees bowing every 2 feet, up to the blessed HL2 box.
5. Kill your body gaurds with a machette.
6. If anyone comes with-in a 30 foot radius of you or the box, slay them said machette. (Do notclean between kills)
7. Smell the box, study the box, greet the box, BE the box.
8. Extend the radius to 50 feet.
9. Touch the box, but try not to faint. (If you do, go back to step 7, Section B.)
10. Grab it, hold it, caress it.
Section C-Buying and leaving
1. Take it to the clerk. Pay him $300. Do not take change.
2. Do not take the receipt, you won't need it.
3. Hop back into your car, and drive home as fast as you can, ignoring any and all traffic laws. (Your copy of HL2 should be implanted into your bladder, sealed by a diamond case)
Section D-Game Installation
1. Go to your computer.
2. Taste the box, and savor the sweet flavor.
3. Open the box, and smell the inside, but DO NOT touch!
4. Slowly pull out the manual. Every inch you must watch the entire 25 minute HL2 preview.
5. Memorize the manual and write it on an 8.5x11 piece of paper in english and dutch. Eat it.
6. Now would be a good time to admire the box art. Draw it with atleast 14 different medias.
7. Look into the box, and locate the CD case.
8.Wash your hands, wear gloves, and clasp your hand onto the CD case.
9. Taste the box. (If you've lost the flavor)
10. Watch the HL2 trailer again.
11. Slowly pull it out, and watch the trailer every centimeter. (12.32763932 times)
12. Get someone to read these instructions to you. (You went blind) (Oh yes you did!)
13. Wait until you have your vision back, and study the case art. Draw it with 15 different medias.
14. Lock your door, and open the case.
15. Take a moment to admire it's glow.
16. Buy the most expencive CD drive money can buy.
E. Installation
1. Put the first CD in the drive.
2. Go through the install wizard. Read every word, including the liscence agreement. Write a couple essays on it.
3. Install it to a secret directory. (I.E. C:\Don't look here\Half-Life 2)
4. When it asks for CD 2, go to step 1, section E, but with CD 2.
5. Same with CD 3.
6 Realise that you got the wrong game, and go back to step 1, section A. (And get the right game!)
7. An autorun should open.
Section F-Setup
1. Select "Play" from the autorun menu.
2. The game will open up, various company logos will appear.
3.Set all the options to what you want, but don't go crazy.
Section G-PLAY!!!
1. PLAY!!!
2. Don't take any brakes or do anything else.
3. When you are done, it would be a good time to die.
-END-
