The Jehovah's Witnesses

[Sulkdodds]

So after talking with them for a while, and dropping enormous hints that I never wanted to have anything to do with them again, they asked me their name. Naturally I didn't want to give them my real name...I'm Tom, I told them.

Almost two months later, they were back.

My brother answered the door. "Is there a Tom here?" "No...no there isn't." This time I made it painfully clear that I didn't want to join their cult. They seemed very nice old people, these two geriatric recruiters - though they had some weird ideas. "I'm sure it's a great community and you have a very nice time," I said, "but I'm afraid-"

The nice old man pointed his finger at me, narrowing his eyes slightly. Uncharacteristic. "Don't patronise me," he said. "I've been in the world long enough - don't patronise me."

And then, right then, with perfect clarity, I saw the hate festering within him. As if a veil had been lifted, I could see the workings of his mind: don't you dare talk to me like that, you little shit. I've been in this world sixty years. You little ****er." This kind of stopped my in my tracks.

"And your name isn't Tom? You shouldn't lie. Don't lie to me, son." Oh christ. I glimpsed it again - the deep well of anger inside him. Not so much religious fervour but the cold malice of an ordinary bastard. I told him about www.thebricktestament.com . "You can't make a comic of the bible," he almost spits. My god, there it is again - I can see the rage boiling within his very soul!

I guess the moral is...don't trust Jehovah's witnesses. They seem friendly but inside they're burning.

 

[Ren.182]

We always lock the gate when they're around...

They know nobody wants to join them, but they still come round!

 

[Icarusintel]

i'd watch out for stray bullets, my friend.. i heard they keep grudges for a long time... just watch your back is all i'm saying, and if you see a red dot on your shirt then hide

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

Haha, you put that beautifully my friend. :cheers:




But yeah... they are slightly creapy...

 

[DEATH eVADER]

Are you sure it wasn't a dark cult in the guise of the witnesses?

 

[xLostx]

jehovah's are ****ing retards, some bible thumpers came to my door the other day going on about god and whats going on in new orleans and where the world is going. they asked what I thought i'd be doing in the future, i said working lol. my woman and her sister got approached by some jehovahs while walking around town and for some reason they actually gave them their real phone # and sure enough some guy named Elder Mckay or some shit called for them, not a smart move on her part i must say lol

 

[Solaris]

Hey, one gave me a jehovas witness magazine and said how I could use it in school like an encyclopedia, ye whatever mate.

I think their nice people, but I don't belive what they what do.

 

[xLostx]

I think their nice people, but I don't belive what they what do.

It's funny cuz that makes no sense lol

 

[CrazyHarij]

Come out, and live in a religious community in a beautiful place out in the country.

 

[Solaris]

Ye hard to put it nicely.

Theve got nice intentions but their derranged.

 

[CptStern]

So after talking with them for a while, and dropping enormous hints that I never wanted to have anything to do with them again, they asked me their name. Naturally I didn't want to give them my real name...I'm Tom, I told them.

Almost two months later, they were back.

My brother answered the door. "Is there a Tom here?" "No...no there isn't." This time I made it painfully clear that I didn't want to join their cult. They seemed very nice old people, these two geriatric recruiters - though they had some weird ideas. "I'm sure it's a great community and you have a very nice time," I said, "but I'm afraid-"

The nice old man pointed his finger at me, narrowing his eyes slightly. Uncharacteristic. "Don't patronise me," he said. "I've been in the world long enough - don't patronise me."

And then, right then, with perfect clarity, I saw the hate festering within him. As if a veil had been lifted, I could see the workings of his mind: don't you dare talk to me like that, you little shit. I've been in this world sixty years. You little ****er." This kind of stopped my in my tracks.

"And your name isn't Tom? You shouldn't lie. Don't lie to me, son." Oh christ. I glimpsed it again - the deep well of anger inside him. Not so much religious fervour but the cold malice of an ordinary bastard. I told him about www.thebricktestament.com . "You can't make a comic of the bible," he almost spits. My god, there it is again - I can see the rage boiling within his very soul!

I guess the moral is...don't trust Jehovah's witnesses. They seem friendly but inside they're burning.

simple solution to get them off your back

"I'm jewish and I'm gay ..my lover and I are getting married next week, we have to wait cuz he's undergoing a blood transfusion tommorrow"




btw I've run into someone like that ..I called them ignorant (in a nice way) and one of the 2 recruiters started shouting "ignorant?!!! you're ignorant!! you believe in your monkey evolution" ..I was too stunned to make a snappy come back

 

[Sulkdodds]

lol

If they ever come back, I'm going to attempt to recruit them into the Cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

 

[CptStern]

......can I join? :O

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

"With irritating bastards like you arround who really gives a damn whether I go to heaven or hell?"


That might get rid of them....

How about:

"I believe in evolution because I dont think god would be cruel enough to create something as annoying as you!"



I'll keep thinkin.

 

[DEATH eVADER]

lol

If they ever come back, I'm going to attempt to recruit them into the Cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

And he shalt shake thou hand with thee noodly appendage

 

[Sulkdodds]

......can I join?

Sure you can!

A rather odd sample quote from those crazy old men:

Now you look at Islam...it's not a very tolerant religion. I mean, they're really warlike, their prophet, Mohammad or whatever, he fought in wars didn't he? And they cut people's hands off.

Sodom and Gomorrah, anyone?

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

Yeah, ignorant is the word lol....


My brother is Christian and knows the Bible quite well. He argued with one of them for ages until they actually gave up!!!!


Muhaha.

 

[CptStern]

how about ..

"I like stories"

then pick your nose and eat it ...helps if you drool a bit and say things like

"will you be my friend?"

"I have a new bike, it has 4 wheels and is shiny red, it comes with a really cool hockey helmet, which I have to wear all the time due to my ..."episodes""



or just say as soon as they say "Hello we're from the Jehovah's .."

"...this thing on my neck is getting bigger"

 

[Axyon]

So after talking with them for a while, and dropping enormous hints that I never wanted to have anything to do with them again, they asked me their name. Naturally I didn't want to give them my real name...I'm Tom, I told them.

Almost two months later, they were back.

My brother answered the door. "Is there a Tom here?" "No...no there isn't." This time I made it painfully clear that I didn't want to join their cult. They seemed very nice old people, these two geriatric recruiters - though they had some weird ideas. "I'm sure it's a great community and you have a very nice time," I said, "but I'm afraid-"

The nice old man pointed his finger at me, narrowing his eyes slightly. Uncharacteristic. "Don't patronise me," he said. "I've been in the world long enough - don't patronise me."

And then, right then, with perfect clarity, I saw the hate festering within him. As if a veil had been lifted, I could see the workings of his mind: don't you dare talk to me like that, you little shit. I've been in this world sixty years. You little ****er." This kind of stopped my in my tracks.

"And your name isn't Tom? You shouldn't lie. Don't lie to me, son." Oh christ. I glimpsed it again - the deep well of anger inside him. Not so much religious fervour but the cold malice of an ordinary bastard. I told him about www.thebricktestament.com . "You can't make a comic of the bible," he almost spits. My god, there it is again - I can see the rage boiling within his very soul!

I guess the moral is...don't trust Jehovah's witnesses. They seem friendly but inside they're burning.

Wow, I would have totally exploded at him after he started having a go at me. The bloody cheek of starting an argument after they intrude theirselves on your time and property.

 

[CptStern]

Sure you can!

that site is freakin hilarious

"But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage."

 

[Cole]

Why can't they come to my house?
I'll sell them a "How about a nice cup of STFU" T-shirt, or try to anyway.

 

[Pi Mu Rho]

The best thing to do is to answer the door holding a knife, wearing a heavy-duty apron, and being liberally coated in goat entrails. Also ensure that any pentagrams and big dribbly candles that you may have are fully visible.
Open the door and smile slowly.
I guarantee that they won't be back.

 

[Vigilante]

You shoulda whipped out your dick and started to jerk off in front of him. He'd have had a heart attack.

"Oh JESUS! PLEASE SAVE ME!"

 

[DEATH eVADER]

The best thing to do is to answer the door holding a knife, wearing a heavy-duty apron, and being liberally coated in goat entrails. Also ensure that any pentagrams and big dribbly candles that you may have are fully visible.
Open the door and smile slowly.
I guarantee that they won't be back.

Just have a trail of red paint towards your front door, they may hesitate to open up to find whats inside

 

[kirovman]

I just stood at the window with a big grin on my face waving at them. I then retreated to my study to sit down. They stood at the door for 10 minutes waiting for me to answer, gave up and left. Yeah, maybe I'm being rude, but I feel that they're being rude too so we can call it even at that. I don't care if they think I'm an evil person because of it.

If I ever had to speak to one, I'd say "Look, I'm not going to join your religion, I have a personality cult around myself, and if I gave it up, there'd be millions heartbroken worldwide and without a god. Could you live with that on your conscience? Now get out of my house before I administer the smackdown on you"

 

[baron insig]

simple solution to get them off your back

"I'm jewish and I'm gay ..my lover and I are getting married next week, we have to wait cuz he's undergoing a blood transfusion tommorrow"

I Love that!! thats so gd

 

[KoreBolteR]

these people get right on my nerves, hang around the streets all the time on area corners pestering people, trying to convert them. surely its harrassment.

people hate religion.. get over it.

 

[AzzMan]

Id pee on their shoes......

 

[Evo]

I would just grab a can of beer, shake it vigorously (sp?) and spray it in their direction, then drink :cheers:

 

[Asknoone]

The last they came to my door was on Christmas day. I was having Christmas dinner with the family, and the door bell rang. Went to see who it was....couple of Jehovah witnesses. Told em I'd be right back, whipped upstairs, got a handful of pennies, went back down, put the pennies into their hands, said merry christmas and closed the door.

 

[Raziaar]

Even my religious family avoided them over the years in the past.

 

[Pulse]

Religion is a laugh riot.

 

[KoreBolteR]

my dad threw a bucket of water over some once

 

[Insano]

My dad first told them nicely to leave. Then, after they refused, he slammed the door in their face while they tried to enter.

 

[kirovman]

My dad first told them nicely to leave. Then, after they refused, he slammed the door in their face while they tried to enter.

Refused to leave? Should have called the police.

If their religious views were right, god would have given them greater powers than door-to-door salesmanship.

 

[Vigilante]

Refused to leave? Should have called the police.

If their religious views were right, god would have given them greater powers than door-to-door salesmanship.

Hhaha


QFT

 

[ssiilleenntt]

Here was a interesting story.

Two JW's aproach my door. Now my first instinct is to get my gun lol. But instead i took it easy on them i got by Pit bull and my black lab. (Very Friendly if they know you, but your screwed if they don't). They ring the door bell (which immediatly sets the two dogs off) i awnser and immediatly say i am not interested. (there is thier first warning to get the F*** out). But instead they decide to convince me that i am wrong about everything and that i am doomed for hell. This pissed me off, I told them that i have two dogs that would like to meet them,(2nd warning). I guess they didn't take me seriously. They STEPPED into my house to "Pray" with them rofl. (3rd warning/Last straw) I said i warned you, and let the 2 dogs hurase them (barking at them in front of them) Then one of the guys decides to KICK my dog. OMFG OMFG i went crazy!!!! I pushed my dog out of the way and slugged that damn JW. (These were to men appeared to be in there 20's) The other one jumped on me and of course like a good dog my black lab starting biting the mess out of them, rofl.. To make a long story short the JW's called the cops on me (I am best frend with the Sherrif by the way) and what d you know the sherrif arrives (happened to be training a new cop) which made me feel better. Well to summarize it i had the opportunity to charge them with breaking and entering (since they came in without permission) but i thought (I already kicked his ass and my dog kicked the others one soo.. ) I decide not to, and just to leave them without ther dignity.. Now i did give them 3 Warnings so i don't feel bad, and i am sure my dogs had fun so, i don't think any JW will visit me anymore..

Sorry for such a long story i had to tell you guys..

 

[xLostx]

Juddsøn says:
will you become a jehova witness with me
Tracy says:
nope
Juddsøn says:
plz
Tracy says:
y
Juddsøn says:
so we can spread the word together
Juddsøn says:
then we can spread your legs

 

[CptStern]

Here was a interesting story.

Two JW's aproach my door. Now my first instinct is to get my gun lol. But instead i took it easy on them i got by Pit bull and my black lab. (Very Friendly if they know you, but your screwed if they don't). They ring the door bell (which immediatly sets the two dogs off) i awnser and immediatly say i am not interested. (there is thier first warning to get the F*** out). But instead they decide to convince me that i am wrong about everything and that i am doomed for hell. This pissed me off, I told them that i have two dogs that would like to meet them,(2nd warning). I guess they didn't take me seriously. They STEPPED into my house to "Pray" with them rofl. (3rd warning/Last straw) I said i warned you, and let the 2 dogs hurase them (barking at them in front of them) Then one of the guys decides to KICK my dog. OMFG OMFG i went crazy!!!! I pushed my dog out of the way and slugged that damn JW. (These were to men appeared to be in there 20's) The other one jumped on me and of course like a good dog my black lab starting biting the mess out of them, rofl.. To make a long story short the JW's called the cops on me (I am best frend with the Sherrif by the way) and what d you know the sherrif arrives (happened to be training a new cop) which made me feel better. Well to summarize it i had the opportunity to charge them with breaking and entering (since they came in without permission) but i thought (I already kicked his ass and my dog kicked the others one soo.. ) I decide not to, and just to leave them without ther dignity.. Now i did give them 3 Warnings so i don't feel bad, and i am sure my dogs had fun so, i don't think any JW will visit me anymore..

Sorry for such a long story i had to tell you guys..

you did everything wrong ...wtf your dogs are not weapons ..he was defending himself out of fear ....some people shouldnt own dogs

 

[xLostx]

Here was a interesting story.

ahahhaa that owns, nice