The joke thread!

[Tollbooth Willie]

One time I was walking down the street and this guy got shot in a drive by.

 

[Stigmata]

I love you, Willeh.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Why are you laughing, I'm being serious.

 

[15357]

 

[CyberPitz]

I fail to see the funny.

 

[Core407]

Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!

One night, after a long evening of drinking. Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home he spotted a nun walking down the road. After looking at her twice he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her. Some people passing by spotted this and called the police. As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "I thought you'd be tougher than that, Batman."

Two condoms walking past a gay bar.

One turns to the other and says "Wanna go get shit faced?"

 

[CyberPitz]

Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!

One night, after a long evening of drinking. Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home he spotted a nun walking down the road. After looking at her twice he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her. Some people passing by spotted this and called the police. As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "I thought you'd be tougher than that, Batman."

Two condoms walking past a gay bar.

One turns to the other and says "Wanna go get shit faced?"

They all gave me laughs!

 

[Stigmata]

Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!

One night, after a long evening of drinking. Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home he spotted a nun walking down the road. After looking at her twice he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her. Some people passing by spotted this and called the police. As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "I thought you'd be tougher than that, Batman."

Two condoms walking past a gay bar.

One turns to the other and says "Wanna go get shit faced?"

I lol'd IRL at the second one.

 

[Bob_Marley]

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because he was dead.

Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because he was dead.

Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because he thought it was a game!

 

[Core407]

A man walks into a bar with a monkey he had just bought at the pet store. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs over to the pool table and ate the cue-ball.
The bartender says "Your monkey just ate the cue-ball!!! GET OUT NOW!!" so the man picks up the monkey and leaves.
Two months later the same man comes back with the monkey on a leash. The monkey jumps off his shoulder and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his ass, pulls it out then eats it.
The bartender says " Did your monkey just shove a peanut up his ass then eat it?"
The man says "Yeah ever since the cue-ball incident he checks everything for size"

 

[Krynn72]

A black man, white man, and Hispanic man all walk into a bar at the same time. The black guy rubs his forehead, the white guy keeps walking, and the Hispanic guy says "hmm, guess we should watch where we are walking. That hurt."