There's a Bear Outside

Sulkdodds

Sulkdodds

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Two people on our street reported that they saw a bear this morning. We have no guns and only a small (if boisterous) cat for protection, and at some point we are going to have to leave the front door to take the rubbish out. Please post bear-fighting strategies and/or general advice.
 
Awe...we spend an entire weekend 2 weeks ago trying to find and kill a bear at my friends ranch up north. And didn't see anything. You're lucky.
 
Challenge it, roar more loudly while beating your furry chest and it shall back down and leave your territory.

For inspiration watch some BRIAN BLESSED!!
 
I had a few close encounters with a moose when we lived in Alaska.

Way more terrifying than a bear. Once in my backyard, and once at night on my street while walking back from a friend's house.

You never know when those ****ers are going to charge and tear your shit up with their horns or feet. At least bears would probably try and avoid me.

The bear thing is scarier though in the sense that a moose won't eat you... a bear will.
 
Just stay together in a group, and if you see the bear put your arms up and start talking really loud. If you stick together the bear can't discern seperate people and thinks you're way bigger. Bingo, it won't want to tango if it thinks it'll lose.

I don't know what bears are in the UK, but if it's not a black bear then you won't get attacked unless you invade its territory. Whether your yard is its territory remains to be seen.
 
Crack it open and play some TF2.
 
put your finger in the bears butt, it'll calm down
 
Send this guy after him.

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Run away!

In a zig zag pattern!

While screaching loudly and trying to make yourself appear smaller and undesirable.
 
As one who has trained for years to fight a bear, let me tell you, don't do it.
 
What kind of bear is it?
 
Depends on what type of bear it is. The most obvious strategies for any bear would be to stay a fair distance away from it, and try not to make any noticeable or sudden movements that would cause it to focus on you.

If the tips above don't work, play dead if it decides to engage you, but don't try to run away from it, as it will most likely follow.
 
I don't see what the problem is. You said you have a cat. Thats all you need to defend yourself from a bear.

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Raziaar said:
I had a few close encounters with a moose when we lived in Alaska.

Way more terrifying than a bear. Once in my backyard, and once at night on my street while walking back from a friend's house.

You never know when those ****ers are going to charge and tear your shit up with their horns or feet.
Click to expand...

Not only that, but even if you shoot them in the head with an arrow, that only pisses them off more.

1260238458912.gif
 
LMao that cat is totally badass. But the bear grabbed the bag of goodies and escaped after all.
 
Krynn72 said:
Not only that, but even if you shoot them in the head with an arrow, that only pisses them off more.

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Click to expand...
Maybe it's because I once watched Princess Mononoke while high, but this is about twelve times more terrifying than a bear.
 
No-one suggested leaving the bins where they are?
 
I've seen a bunch of moose in the wild on hikes out west (Wyoming mostly) and never been scared of them. Closest was about 20 feet away, and it ran away when it saw us.

I've also seen bears in the wild, but from a car (literally 3 feet from my car door) and let me tell you I was thankful for that metal between me and it. A moose might **** you up if it decides to charge you, but a bear can kill you in a dozen ways with minimal effort if doing so strikes its fancy.

Best way to fight a bear is to play dead and hope it isn't hungry or too bored. I've heard stories of people dropping 6 .45 rounds into a bear from close range and still getting killed by it.

What the hell is a bear doing in suburban England though? I only worry about them when hiking or camping and even then they're super rare, and that's in serious wilderness (which I hear there isn't really much of in the UK anymore).
 
First of all find your youngest sibling (if you are the youngest find the smallest sibling) and cover him/her from head to toe in jam. He/she shall be the bait. When the bear detects your jam coated family member he will surely charge in for the kill (or possibly charge in for the licking him/her for quite a long time). When this happens have him/her sprint into the nearest halting site. Have him/her dart in/out through the caravans and cover the site in his/her scent. The bear will no longer be able to track him/her. When he/she makes his/her escape the bear will be left in a confused state for the travellers to deal with.
 
I should have mentioned I'm actually on holiday in America, so the bear stuff kind of makes a bit more sense. I wish there were bears in England. The cat has been trying to get outside all day, presumably so that it can challenge the bear to single combat. Apparently it's a baby bear, and it's also a baby cat, so maybe they're well matched.
 
Sulkdodds said:
I should have mentioned I'm actually on holiday in America, so the bear stuff kind of makes a bit more sense. I wish there were bears in England. The cat has been trying to get outside all day, presumably so that it can challenge the bear to single combat. Apparently it's a baby bear, and it's also a baby cat, so maybe they're well matched.
Click to expand...

Well in that case it's most likely a black bear, and they will definitely attack a single stranger if it strikes their fancy. I'd go ahead and just carry a noisemaking device around (like a vuvuzala(sp?)), make sure you have at least one other person, and wear a jacket you can pull out away from yourself to make yourself look bigger.

If it is a black bear, and by no means does this apply to browns or grizzlies, DO NOT PLAY DEAD AND DO NOT CLIMB TREES. The bear will just take this as a sign that you are a SNACK. Do not back away, stand your ground and look big and make lots of noise. Black bears are pussies so long as you can act tough. If it is a grizzly or brown bear (which are the size of large cows), then by all means PLAY DEAD. They don't give a shit how big you look, they're bigger, and they only attack over territory, A black bear will attack so it can eat you.
 
That ad makes no sense! ITS A BEAR IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE WILD AND VICIOUS! It's nature, bitch!
 
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