Things to go back in time and punch yourself in the teeth for (or punch yourself now)

Tollbooth Willie

Tollbooth Willie

The Freeman
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
17,556
Reaction score
830
I once pissed on my bed as a child thinking I wouldn't have to go to bed if I didn't have a bed to sleep in.










I did have to go to bed, actually.










My mattress smelled like apple juice and piss for a week. If I could go back in time I'd punch my 5 year old self in the mouth.







DISCUSS YOUR DARKEST HOURS
 
When I was about five, maybe six I had a "girlfriend". She was on the toilet, and I had to go. She said I had to wait, so I just pissed in the corner. I whould kick myself in the face for that.

I was also pretty whiney 7-12 years old. Whould want to kick my ass and tell me too man up.
 
Going into the toilet with that strange man at the football. He told me to go in one cubicle and he went into the other cubicle and then told me to look through the hole to see the snake.

Well i saw the snake. I was only about 5 or 6 years old.

Jesus Christ i would go back in time and and inject thalydamide into his mothers womb when he was less then a foetus so he would be born a freakish thing with stumpy hands growing from the shoulder etc.
 
i burnt the tip of my penis with a blow dryer when i was young. that shit gets hot.
 
I was at my birthday party...I was turning 5 or 6.

I was having a "Mad Scientist" party. He set up this thing where there was a battery connected to a rocket, and I would put the wires together once the countdown hit 0 to make the rocket fly.

10....9.....8.....7.....6...*puts wires together*

Flew over the fence and into the forest.

D:
 
dabomb29 said:
I was at my birthday party...I was turning 5 or 6.

I was having a "Mad Scientist" party. He set up this thing where there was a battery connected to a rocket, and I would put the wires together once the countdown hit 0 to make the rocket fly.

10....9.....8.....7.....6...*puts wires together*

Flew over the fence and into the forest.

D:
Click to expand...

that's such a strange birthday theme but i like rockets so hell ya
 
My incident is pee related as well. When I was four or five I peed in my bed. I didn't want my parents to know about it so I put my synthetic pajamas on the gas heater in my room. They took about 2 minutes to light up. So I kinda casually walked to my parents bedroom, woke my dad up, and told him my peejays were on fire. He saved the day but he burned his hands in the process. I deserve multiple punches for that.
 
Shakermaker said:
My incident is pee related as well. When I was four or five I peed in my bed. I didn't want my parents to know about it so I put my synthetic pajamas on the gas heater in my room. They took about 2 minutes to light up. So I kinda casually walked to my parents bedroom, woke my dad up, and told him my peejays were on fire. He saved the day but he burned his hands in the process. I deserve multiple punches for that.
Click to expand...

lol'd, that's awesome
 
Me and my cousin once filled up a toy chest with water, carried it to his bedroom and tipped it over because we wanted a swimming pool in his room. Water ran through the ceiling and everything xD

Deserve a punch for that.
 
my friend and i were at the pyro stage of our lives and there happens to be a forest in my back yard. we found a tree that had fallen over and made a command center type fort, it was pretty cool. we started burning shit like the rebels we were and then my friend decided to make a fireplace. half hour later we are in the house playing the game "Driver" and my dad walks into the room...."You boys been lighting fires?"

I walk into the kitchen to look out of the windows and it's like ****ing daylight. the next day i went out there to see the damage...it was like a soccer field in size.
 
i'd go back the day i was born and uppercut my baby self back into the womb. never should have happened, my mom should have listened to my grandmother and gotten an abortion. :frown:


We like pie and pie likes us!!!
 
I would go back and punch myself every day to make me tough.
 
For me, it'd have to be the time this kid talked me into throwing rocks off this huge cliff thing. There was a main road right below us and we're just ****ing tossing rocks (big ones). Someone could have been in a wreck or even worse, one of us could have fallen to our death.

So stupid.

What an ass beating I got after that.
 
In 4th grade I put a sticky not on my OWN back that said "Kick me". I'm not sure why, but I think I was trying to be funny. The goddamn teacher went through the whole day comparing the handwriting of each person in the class to the sticky note. I didn't wanna fess up because I was a little pussy, and I thought I would get in some deep shit. And the end of the day, it turned out to be me, and the day was saved.
 
1) I accidentally took a shit while taking a bath when i was a little kid. Embarrassing as **** infront of my parents.

2) Vomited in a public swimming pool. I was actually quite far away from it, but for some reason my brain told me "DO EET IN ZE POOL, IN ZE POOL YOU FOOL" so i sprinted and projectiled my inner vomits straight into the pool. My mom then raged on me and we gtfo of there.

3) Pulled out my dick in kindergarden infront of all the girls....wait, that was awesome, id do that any time. If i was still in kindergarden that is...
 
Ravioli said:
3) Pulled out my dick in kindergarden infront of all the girls....wait, that was awesome, id do that any time. If i was still in kindergarden that is...
Click to expand...

First I was like :D but then I :hmph:'d
 
Tyguy said:
my friend and i were at the pyro stage of our lives and there happens to be a forest in my back yard. we found a tree that had fallen over and made a command center type fort, it was pretty cool. we started burning shit like the rebels we were and then my friend decided to make a fireplace. half hour later we are in the house playing the game "Driver" and my dad walks into the room...."You boys been lighting fires?"

I walk into the kitchen to look out of the windows and it's like ****ing daylight. the next day i went out there to see the damage...it was like a soccer field in size.
Click to expand...

Smokey3.jpg


So yeah this one time I kept on flashing this one girl that was a friend of mine when I was like...6? I'm so glad I moved away when I was twelve, because I could never talk to her without thinking of that horrifying episode of prepuscent pervertery. I mean she was asking me to stop and I was like "no, lol" and...shit why am I telling the internet this?

Also, it's my earliest memory of having an erection. :naughty:
 
When I was 8 years old me and my friend got into an argument. And I beat him up. I would have gone back in time and said to my 8 year old self "stop being a dick"
 
3) Pulled out my dick in kindergarden infront of all the girls....wait, that was awesome, id do that any time. If i was still in kindergarden that is...
Click to expand...

DUDE.Dude.
 
Not banging the 2 hot chicks I went with to a party. Like an idiot, i got extremely high on numerous drugs and became useless. They were on my shoulders the entire night. Shoulda just banged the hell out of them. instead i regret that moment my entire life. not many can say that happened to them
 
When I was young my sister's mates were around and they told me to take my dick out so being the young arse I was, I did. My sister had a MASSIVE go at them lool.

I think I'd just go back and continuously punch myself on a regular basis for being a whiney little bitch when I was younger.
 
You mean she yelled at her friends right? Please, say that's what you meant.
 
Went to a week-long school trip and didn't shower. Somehow I didn't count on anyone noticing.

In my defence communal showers are scary. :(
 
Bad^Hat said:
Went to a week-long school trip and didn't shower. Somehow I didn't count on anyone noticing.

In my defence communal showers are scary. :(
Click to expand...

I actually did the same thing for a four-day long biology camp.

We filled the niche of "Camp Smelly Kid"
 
I once touched a girl back in Kindergarten. The type of touching that would get me arrested and incarcerated for 3 years were I to do it now.


I dunno what I was thinking. I guess I didn't know between right and wrong.
 
15357 said:
I once touched a girl back in Kindergarten. The type of touching that would get me arrested and incarcerated for 3 years were I to do it now.


I dunno what I was thinking. I guess I didn't know between right and wrong.
Click to expand...

lol holy shit post of the year so far!
 
Warped said:
Not banging the 2 hot chicks I went with to a party. Like an idiot, i got extremely high on numerous drugs and became useless. They were on my shoulders the entire night. Shoulda just banged the hell out of them. instead i regret that moment my entire life. not many can say that happened to them
Click to expand...

Yeah there are very few of us who can say we've gone to a party once and not ended banging hot chicks :LOL:
 
Maybe peeing my pants in the second grade? Dunno, the urge was extremely strong and my teacher didn't let me go to the bathroom.
 
You could've gotten that teacher fired for sure.
 
don't be afraid to go over there and bang her...she wants you


yeah....i screwed that up.....sue me
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

bbson john
Hi everyone. I am new to this forum!
Replies
11
Views
6K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
MFL
Fascinating look at the ongoing psychological evolution of flat hieirarchies.
Replies
2
Views
2K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
B
Community Interviews: Tony Newton, co-creator of Redemption
Replies
0
Views
5K
Barnz
B
-smash-
Valve and The Road to GDC 2015
Replies
10
Views
44K
Engineer123
E
KiplingsCat
HelpValve2.net: I can't go to the dentist
2
Replies
43
Views
9K
morgs
morgs
Back
Top