Today Avoidist Vents

[Avoidist]

Hoo boy.

Some of you may know me, to be honest I'm not that noticeable. That is one of many problems I have.

I'm 22 years old, and I guarantee most people on this board have lived more than me. My life has almost become completely defined by my education, and what's worse is that's what I've always thought I wanted. For clarity, I have been studying Physics at Uni since the start of 2007. I have a "degree", but found out in studying the last year of that 3 year degree that another year was required for it to be worth the paper it's printed on. This year is called Honours, and it is a soul crushing experience by its very nature.

I've only just realised how much I actually hate what I'm learning, and it's taken me at least 5 years to realise it. The reason for that is that the possibility of failure has only truly now been put before me. That's not to say that the previous 3 years were easy, but they were always achievable even with my chronic procrastination. Thanks to having to do a major research project, that procrastination has finally caught up with me just as I was told it would.

This project has been a constant drain and a constant pain on my mind. Throughout my life I have always been faced with a dilemma: for the most part, my brain actively hates doing mental work. I think it has something to do with my brain actively needing to change itself to do physics, to store this behemoth load of information inside and actively make sense of it. In order to keep myself from going mad, I turn to this website, I turn to television and I turn to video games. However I haven't been able to actually enjoy these things, since I know that the time I waste doing these things is less time I get to spend solving physics problems. Video games in particular are bloody awful because I have always associated them as my anti-homework. The internet in general was the cure since the supply of "information" seems to trick my brain into thinking it's actually doing something useful. The net result of all this is the next few months will be the worst hell I have ever faced as I try to get everything done on time.

In regards to my social life, I am grateful for what I have. I essentially have 2 sets of friends, those who I know from Uni, and a group I have only recently met up with from my youth. They're both great groups of people, but the problem I find is that I am still the socially awkward kid I have always been. The problem I find with social interaction is that I've never really learned it, everyone else somehow just gets it. And this is even among physicists. I can't hold a conversation. Period. This post is about the most deep and meaningful discussion I've ever had with anyone, and you can't really call it a conversation. I would love to have the confidence and tact everyone else seems to instinctively possess in order to truly become part of a social circle rather than throwing in the odd witty comment from afar.

And yet through all of this, I know there are people who have it worse. Much, much worse. They have worse family lives, they work their asses off for practically nothing, and have to worry about everything I don't in my little bubble of academia. But you've had relationships, you've broken bones, you've travelled overseas, you've had hangovers, you've been to rock concerts, and where you can you've had a great time. I can't help feeling I've been missing out.

 

[15357]

You sound a helluva lot like me, in regards to social life and the "bubble of academia". Of course, I've yet to hate my major, but I've been disillusioned with university life and education in general, and in the back of my mind, I always wonder if I wussed out and made the wrong choice. Also, I suck at social interaction. I used to be so good at it during high school, and ever since I entered uni, I don't seem to be able to go and talk to people, much less have meaningful relationships.


I mean, I can't help you. Just saying you aren't alone and all that.

Life sucks. Material wealth and comfort is nothing if you aren't happy. And in the end, we all die anyway.

 

[CptStern]

the secret to social interaction is to get people to talk about themselves. people love talking about themselves and they'll even say you're a "good listener" for listening to them talk about themselves. easy conversation starter

Also, I suck at social interaction

no offense but this is not surprising

 

[Avoidist]

I mean, I can't help you. Just saying you aren't alone and all that.

Glad to hear I'm not alone

Though with you having the possibility of doing military service, I get the feeling you might be in a bit of a worse boat than I am.

the secret to social interaction is to get people to talk about themselves. people love talking about themselves and they'll even say you're a "good listener" for listening to them talk about themselves. easy conversation starter

That's pretty much my strategy. It works o.k. with people who like to talk, but there'll be dead silence if I can't think of something to talk about and they don't continue. It's also a bit of a pain when you're the only person in a group not talking and it's easy to notice.

Plus it'll land you in more 'friend zones' with women than you care to imagine.

 

[Lobster]

Don't worry so much about what you think other people enjoy, or what makes them feel fulfilled. Everyone is different and getting a hangover isnt gonna change your life.

Whatever happens, just don't end up as one of those people who sit near total strangers or in internet chat channels, drunk off their face, telling people how shitty their life has been since the "accident" or how many pills they are on.. or how the millitary was so hard for you.

 

[CptStern]

That's pretty much my strategy. It works o.k. with people who like to talk, but there'll be dead silence if I can't think of something to talk about and they don't continue. It's also a bit of a pain when you're the only person in a group not talking and it's easy to notice.

try to find some commonality between you and the person you're talkign with. asking questions could lead to further snippets of conversations. dont ask question that are a dead end

Plus it'll land you in more 'friend zones' with women than you care to imagine.

so long as you make your intwentions known you shouldnt be friend-zoned. even if you have no interest in a particular woman it's ok to flirt with them just so that they know you're not friend zone material ..plus they're bound to have good looking friends

 

[Avoidist]

try to find some commonality between you and the person you're talkign with. asking questions could lead to further snippets of conversations. dont ask question that are a dead end

The questions that leave the converation meaningful are hard for me to find without a good deal of thought, something that takes too long for a good conversation. Going meta if you will, if this were a conversation, even with the time this has taken to type I still haven't found a good question that would go here. That's probably the key skill I lack.

 

[CptStern]

it all depends on the person. by try using the situation you're currently in to your to jumpstart the coversation and if there's dead air then more than likely the person isnt all that interested in havign a conversation. part of the art of conversation is knowing when to move on

 

[StarBob]

All you have to do to be social is relate to things in a believable way. Being a good story teller makes even the lamest story worth listening to. It takes practice. I used to suck at it - but over the course of my college career I became good enough to hold attention and be memerable. You know what people say ... it's not about what you say - it's how you say it.

Another thing I do is to express the random things that pop into my head. If I'm sitting in silence I might just chime in with "Ya know... I bet if you were deaf... you'd never know if someone was yawning or screaming." It gets people thinking and when people think they remember. Then you're automatically associated with something entertaining and people are happy to have thought of you. I'd suggest only doing it with people you know though... since if you just start saying random things in public (without being a comedian on stage) people might wonder.

As for your academic dilemma, that situation can always be tough. Some people just say "**** it" and basically start over if they realize they're doing something they don't like. Others don't have that opportunity. I personally got lucky that I found out I didn't like my major soon enough to change it without losing too much time. I still had some classes that ultimately brought down my GPA, but it wasn't a terrible situation compared to me staying where I was and doing terribly. The fact of the matter is, if you truly enjoy what you're doing, you will excel at it. Regardless of difficulty you will do what it takes to be successful.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

So you hate physics? I'm glad I just sucked at it from the start, I am too lazy to do that type of shit for a goddamn career. I went into Business Technology and the classes are pretty decent and the exams and homeworks are doable without brain raping. I just had the first exam today and it was so ****ing easy.

 

[Avoidist]

Outright hatred was probably the wrong word to use. Sick to death is probably a bit more apt. Fortunately, if and when I finish this honours course I should have the qualifications required to do something other than just research projects, which is something I have always been pretty terrible at. Exams tend to be fairly easy, at least for me anyway, so long as I can manage to cram a few days beforehand.

Good to hear the exam was easy for you. From the course name I'm guessing Business Technology is one of those relatively ill-defined courses that has a strange overlap between management, engineering and IT?

 

[DEATHMASTER]

IS and Management. I suggest trying for a graduate program that's unrelated. I believe Physics can get you into many programs.

 

[Avoidist]

At a graduate level I would imagine that the courses I've been doing are so targeted at physics that it might make a transfer as it were a bit difficult. It's definitely something I should look into all the same.

My current plan is to take a break from University next year once this is all over (our academic year finishes in november). Hopefully then I can play some video games without the nagging drive to exit and do more work.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

At least for my school, some requirements are just as general as "Any BA/BS degree from a four year school (specific stuff/experience recommended)." Definitely look into your options.

 

[Dynasty]

Its hard to indicate if youve 'Lived your life more than others' for me. Last time I counted, I had visited about 20 individual countries for varying lengths of time, Ive done white water rafting down the Zambezi, ive bungee jumped at Victoria Falls, Ive visited orphinages in Uganda, Ive climbed Ayers Rock, Ive learnt Arabic, does that mean Ive lived MORE than someone else? All that is just a list. Have I experienced mutual love for example? No. There are more important things in life that define it.

I think you have the same issue I did with social interaction; I spent more time wondering what people thought of what I had to say, rather than actually saying something.

''What will they think of me if I say that?''

You just have to push that aside. It makes you who you are. If they dont agree with that, move on to people who do.

But yeah, it does seem hard to be 'that guy' you see in movies where people just flood to him as he's so popular. People want to be around him etc.

This is kind of a hard one, because if you believe you have no hope of being good at social interaction, the only person that can turn that around is you.

If you create alot of awkward silences, make something funny out of it. Point out the awkwardness with something like ''Well this is great ALMOST talking to each other/you'', I dunno, anything kind of qwerky that doesnt make you come across as a dick. Stuff like that generates another conversation, and thats all its about, keeping the flow. Moving naturally from one convo topic to the next.

Being cocky and funny helps too. If you can get people laughing, they will always remember you for that emotion, so will want to be around you more.

I dont know what kind of person you are though. Im assuming you're not along the lines of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory???